Stu: Call me.
Chuck: I need your help.
Stu: Hey, are we still friends?
Chuck: Cam is going to fall in love with and get married to the next guy she goes on a date with, right? I'm going to be that next guy. Yeah. You're a plastic surgeon. You're going to...change my face up. I don't care if you give me a beak. I'm going to look like a different guy. That way, when I meet her...Hi. My name's Ronald...I'm the new guy she falls in love with. Let's go. Right now. Don't look at me in that tone of voice. I'm talking the truth. Please?
Stu: Chuck...take a look around, man. I mean, I can give you tits. You want tits?
Chuck: So you're not going to help me.
Stu: Yes, but not by rearranging your face, man. Come here. Have a seat. There's got to be a better way, right? I mean, I know things are bad now, but things could be a lot worse, right? Listen, you could be like my cousin, man. He found out last week he's got an inoperable brain tumor.
Chuck: That's horrible.
Stu: Yeah. He's only got, like, one week left to live.
Chuck: That is...perfect. That's perfect. He's the perfect guy for her.
Chuck: Yeah. There's no harm, right? He gets laid. She falls in love. He's dead within a week. I swoop in, console her. Bing-bang-boom, everybody's happy.
Stu: Hey! Why don't you club her and have a wedding ceremony while she's knocked unconscious? That'd work! What the hell is wrong with you? You have to let her go.
Chuck: That's the one thing I can't do.
Hairdresser: Next time I'll bring my suit.
Chuck: Oh, no. Oh, no. That's not good. No. It's over. That has to be George. George. Hey, George! What's up, George?
Chuck: How you doing, George?
Hairdresser: I'm not George.
Chuck: You're going to stay away from Cam, all right? You're going to stay away from Cam, you hear me? You're George!
Hairdresser: I'm not George! Cam!
Cam: Charlie! What are you doing?
Chuck: I just met George. He's a real jerk. You shouldn't like him. I want to see you.
Cam: Stay away from me! Stay away from me! No!
Cam: What is wrong with you?
Chuck: I'm being bitten!
Kid: Does he have fish in his pants?
Chuck: Oh, those fuckers are vicious.
Cam: Yeah? Well, they don't like it when someone disturbs their environment.
Police: Time to go, buddy.
Chuck: I know I've been acting crazy, but there's a reasonable...
Cam: Let me guess, Charlie. You believe you're a lucky charm, and you're afraid I'm going to marry the next guy I date, so you've been smothering me and attacking my friends.
Chuck: What about George, okay? What about your date with George? Wednesday night? What big date with George?
Cam: George is my hairdresser!
Woman: Excuse me. I'm sorry. I was eavesdropping. Are you really Charlie Logan the lucky charm? Because... I was wondering...
Chuck: I can't. I'm sorry. Cam, listen. Cam...
Cam: No. Charlie, I just don't think we can do this anymore.
Chuck: Don't say it!
Cam: It's not working.
Chuck: Please, Cam. Please, just don't say it's over.
Cam: It's over.