为何不该以离婚为耻?

As a child of divorce, I grew up wanting a differentlife. I swore I would never have a family and putthem through that mess. I would do whatever it tookto stay with my spouse for my children.

我父母离婚了，所以我从小就渴望不一样的生活。我发誓：我决不会让我的家人经历这种困境。我会为了孩子尽可能的不离婚。

One day, when I was running errands with my kidsduring a particularly horrible rough patch with myhusband, I was deep in thought about how to fix oursituation. Then I saw mutual friends of ours, whowere going through a divorce, were in a gas station parking lot, trading off their kids. Their painwas palpable. After witnessing the way they looked at each other, I thought, that can never beus. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

有段时间我和丈夫特别不合，有一天我正和孩子跑腿买东西，当时的我还在认真思考该如何化解我们的困境。然后，我看到了我俩共同的朋友(他们正在办离婚手续)站在加油站停车场上，互相交换孩子。显而易见，他们是痛苦的。见证他们互看彼此的情景之后，我想，我和爱人永远都不会发生这种情况。我肯定无法忍受这种痛苦。

We dug in our heels for another six years. We tried and tried and ultimately failed to repair ourmarriage. My ex and I found being together more unbearable than trying to stay under one rooffor the kids.

我们又这样过了6年。不断地尝试之后，我们失败了，最终还是无法修补我们的婚姻。我和前夫都发现：我们在一起比我俩为了孩子而呆在同一屋檐下更令人难以忍受。

 

 

When we first talked about separating a year ago, the room felt heavy with guilt, regret andshame. If I am being honest, I still have lots of guilt, even a little regret. But I had to let go ofthe shame. I needed to stop taking other people's advice: "Try this counselor," "Take avacation together" or "We went through tough times, too. You'll get over it." It felt like a formof shaming. Maybe it wasn't ...

一年前，当我们第一次谈及分居之时，整个房间都充斥着内疚、后悔和羞耻。说实话，现在我还是很内疚，甚至有点后悔，但我已经不感到羞耻了。我不能再接受他人的建议："去看看这位顾问吧，""一起出去旅游吧"或是"我们也经历过困难时刻，你们能够克服的!"就好像这是一件很羞耻的事情。但或许这件事本不羞耻呢?

Through the process, I realized everyone's relationships were different. I haven't told anyoneevery single detail as to why my marriage was falling apart simply because I didn't want to. Andthat is OK. I don't owe that to anyone.

在这个过程中，我意识到每个人的感情情况都是不同的。我还未将我们婚姻失败的细节告诉其他人，只是因为我不想这么做。这没关系啊，我又不欠任何人离婚的理由。

As a writer, I have been very open about my divorce, although I initially didn't think I wouldbe this way. I figured I would only tell a handful of people and try to keep it quiet as best Icould because I was ashamed. I changed my mind one evening after walking through my ex'snew condo. While I was trying to get used to my new normal, I felt the need to reach out toother women who had been through the same things I was going through.

作为一名作家，我对于离婚一事十分开放，尽管我一开始并没有想到这一结局。我觉得我可能只会告诉一小部分人并尽可能的不让其他人知道，因为离婚令我蒙羞。某天晚上，走到前夫新公寓时，我改变了主意。在我试图适应新常态的时候，我觉得有必要接触那些和我有着类似经历的女性。