旅行的艺术:对旅行的期待-7

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在我们动身离开的前几天，我和M打算在岛上四处走走。我们租借了一辆小型越野车，开着它往北，到一处叫苏格兰的崎岖陡峭的山地，那是17世纪奥利佛·克伦威尔 [9] 流放英国天主教徒的地方。在巴巴多斯岛的最北端，我们参观了动物花洞（Animal Flower Cave），那是海浪冲击石崖，在崖表留下的许许多多的洞穴。洞穴里住满了巨大的海葵，在坑坑洼洼的石崖上铺蔓开来，当它们伸出触角时，看上去像是黄、绿色的花簇。

A few days before our departure, M and I decided to explore the island. We rented a Mini Moke and headed north, to an area of rugged hills called Scotland, to which Oliver Cromwell had exiled English Catholics in the seventeenth century. At Barbados's northernmost tip, we visited Animal Flower Cave, a series of caverns hollowed out of the rock-face by the pounding of the waves, in which giant sea anemones grew along the pitted walls and looked like yellow and green flowers when they opened their tendrils.

中午时分，我们开始往南，到达圣约翰的教区，在那里的一个林木葱茏的小山上，我们找到了一个餐馆，它位于一栋古老的殖民时期留下的建筑物的长廊内。餐馆的花园里长着炮弹树，还有开满花的非洲郁金香树，满树的花朵就像是倒悬的喇叭。从一页介绍词上我们获知这建筑和花园都是1745年安东尼·哈钦森爵士在此统治时建造的，造价显然非常高昂，耗费了10万磅食糖贸易之所得。沿着走廊，摆放着十张餐桌，正对着花园和大海。我和M在走廊的尽头找了一张桌子坐下，桌旁是开着叶子花的灌木丛。M点了一大份甜辣酱虾，我要了红酒海鱼片，里面放有洋葱和香草。我们谈论着殖民制度，还有在这里防晒霜（即便是最好的防晒霜）的不可思议的低效用。至于甜点，我们要了两份焦糖布丁。

At midday, we headed south towards the parish of St John and there, on a tree-covered hill, found a restaurant in one wing of an old colonial mansion. In the garden were a cannonball tree and an African tulip tree, the latter bearing flowers in the shape of upside-down trumpets. A leaflet informed us that the house and gardens had been built by the administrator Sir Anthony Hutchison in 1745, and had cost the apparently enormous trade of 100,000 pounds of sugar. Ten tables were set out along a gallery, with a view of the gardens and the sea. We took our place at the far end, beside an efflorescent bougainvillea bush. M ordered jumbo shrimp in sweet pepper sauce, I had a kingfish with onions and herbs in red wine. We talked about the colonial system and the curious ineffectiveness of even the most powerful sunblocks. For dessert, we ordered two crèmes caramel.

甜点上来了，M的那份较大，但看上去像是曾经掉在厨房地板上然后再捡起来那样不成形状；我的一份则较小，但精致成形。餐馆服务员一走开，M便起身把她的盘子和我的盘子对换了一下。“别偷走我的甜点，”我有些生气地说。“我还以为你想要大的一份，”她回答道，一点也不给我情面。“你是想拿好的那份！”“我并不是像你那样想的，我只是想对你好而已！别这样多疑好吗？”“得了，对我好，把我的一份给我就行了！”

When the crèmes arrived, M received a large, but messy portion which looked as if it had fallen over in the kitchen and I a tiny, but perfectly formed one. As soon as the waiter had stepped out of eyeshot, M reached over and swapped my plate for hers. 'Don't steal my dessert,' I said, incensed. 'I thought you wanted the bigger one,' she replied, no less affronted. 'You're just trying to get the better one.' 'I'm not, I'm trying to be nice to you. Stop being suspicious.' 'I will if you give me back my portion.'

就这一会儿，我和M都感到了难堪，因为在那孩子气的口角背后，我们都感觉到了彼此不合、相互不信任的恐惧。

In only a few moments, we had plunged into a shameful interlude where beneath infantile rounds of bickering there stirred mutual terrors of incompatibility and infidelity.

M极不友善地退回了我的甜点，只尝了两勺她的甜点，然后将盘子推到了桌子的一边。我们再也没有言语。付完账，我们便开车回酒店，车子引擎的声音掩盖了我们之间的强烈怨愤。我们不在时，酒店服务员整理了房间，床上换了干净的床单，矮柜上还摆放了花束，浴室里也放着新的大浴巾。我从浴室的毛巾架上掀了一条浴巾，走出房间坐在阳台上，狠狠地带上落地窗门。椰子树投下舒适的阴凉，在下午的微风里，它们交叉在一起的叶子不时地重新组合，变着样式。但是，虽有如此美景，我们却无快乐可言。几小时前的甜点之争，使我对任何实际的事物和任何美的景致都不能产生快感。舒适的浴巾、花朵和迷人的风景都变得与我无涉。我的情绪无法借助美好的外在事物而变得高昂起来；相反，如此完美的天气，还有晚上即将进行的海滩烧烤，让我觉得是一种羞辱。

M handed back my plate grimly, took a few spoons from hers and pushed the dessert to one side. We said nothing. We paid and drove back to the hotel, the sound of the engine disguising the intensity of our sulks. The room had been cleaned in our absence. The bed had fresh linen. There were flowers on the chest of drawers and new beach towels in the bathroom. I tore one from the pile and went to sit on the veranda, closing the French doors violently behind me. The coconut trees were throwing a gentle shade, the criss-cross patterns of their palms occasionally rearranging themselves in the afternoon breeze. But there was no pleasure for me in such beauty. I had enjoyed nothing aesthetic or material since the struggle over the crèmes caramel several hours before. It had become irrelevant that there were soft towels, flowers and attractive views. My mood refused to be lifted by any external prop; it even felt insulted by the perfection of the weather and the prospect of the beach-side barbecue scheduled for that evening.

那天下午，空气中搀杂着眼泪、防晒霜和空调冷气的味道，我们心境凄然；它提醒我们：人类情绪受制于一种僵硬和不宽容的逻辑，若我们想象眼前的美景可以带给我们快乐，而忽略这种逻辑，那我们就错了。无论是赏心悦目的事物，还是实实在在的东西，我们从中获取幸福的关键似乎取决于这样一个事实，那就是我们必须首先满足自己情感或心理上的一些更为重要的需求，诸如对理解、爱、宣泄和尊重的需求。我和M突然发现彼此承诺的恋情中充满了沟通障碍和怨愤，我们将不会，也不可能会安然享用华丽的热带花园和迷人的海滩木屋。

Our misery that afternoon, in which the smell of tears mixed with the scents of suncream and air-conditioning, was a reminder of the rigid, unforgiving logic to which human moods appear to be subject, a logic that we ignore at our peril when we encounter a picture of a beautiful land and imagine that happiness must naturally accompany such magnificence. Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love,expression and respect.We will not enjoy-we are not able to enjoy-sumptuous tropical gardens and attractive wooden beach huts when a relationship to which we are committed abruptly reveals itself to be suffused with incomprehension and resentment.

仅仅是一次发怒，居然让我们不再能够享受整个酒店的所有迷人之处。如果我们对这怒气的威力感到惊讶，那是因为我们曾经误解了影响我们情绪的关键因素。在家时，我们情绪低落，诅咒气候的恶劣，抱怨建筑物的丑陋，然而，到了热带岛屿上，在湛蓝天空下有着椰纤屋顶的小木屋里，一场争论过后我们明白的却是这样一个道理——天空的状态和我们所居住的建筑物的外表决不能凭它们自身的力量保证让我们畅享快乐，或倍感凄然。

If we are surprised by the power of one sulk to destroy the beneficial effects of an entire hotel, it is because we misunderstand what holds up our moods. We are sad at home and blame the weather and the ugliness of the buildings, but on the tropical island we learn (after an argument in a raffia bungalow under an azure sky) that the state of the skies and the appearance of our dwellings can never on their own underwrite our joy nor condemn us to misery.

我们所进行的一些巨大的工程，诸如酒店的建造和海湾的疏浚等，同我们的一些细微和基本、却能消解这些宏伟工程留给我们的印象的心理情结形成了反差。人类文明的一切优势，竟然在我们遭遇这一次小小的争吵之后如此迅速地荡然无存！这些心理情结之难以应付，正说明了一些古代哲人的朴素且具讽刺意味的智慧：他们主动抛却浮华和俗世纠缠，住进小泥屋，甚至木桶里，并坚持认为构成幸福的关键因素并非是物质的或审美的，而永远是心理上的。薄暮时分，在海滩烧烤的火光所映照不到的暗处，我和M言归于好，这时，丰盛的烧烤晚宴相对我们当时的幸福而言，已经太不重要了！这也许再真切不过地印证了上述古代哲人的睿智。

There is a contrast between the vast projects we set in motion, the construction of hotels and the dredging of bays, and the basic psychological knots that undermine them. How quickly the advantages of civilization are wiped out by a tantrum. The intractability of the mental knots points to the austere, wry wisdom of certain ancient philosophers who walked away from prosperity and sophistication and argued, from within a barrel or mud hut, that the key ingredients of happiness could not be material or aesthetic, but must always be stubbornly psychological-a lesson that never seemed truer than when M and I made up at nightfall, in the shadow of a beach-side barbecue whose luxury had become a humbling irrelevance.