过年回答“霸道亲戚”必杀题 单身狗没娃党如何接招

眼瞅着要过年，除了钱包变瘪，还有一件更让人担心的事—答七大姑八大姨问：有对象了没?啥时候结婚?升职加薪了吗?啥时候要娃?总有一款适合你!小伙伴们你们准备好对付身边那些咄咄逼人的“霸道亲戚”了吗?

那些年让人憋到内伤的亲戚问题：

上联：考了几分什么工作能赚多少钱?

下联：谈恋爱没买房了吧准备结婚吗?

横批：可不小了。

【催婚篇】

Those of marriageable age who return home for the Chinese New Year reunion tend to hear the giant sucking sound of the institution of marriage, reminding them that to be single is shameful.

适婚年龄的人们回家过春节，总要听到催婚的各种唠叨，让他们觉得单身很没面子。

Young men are not immune from overbearing relatives, and many have resorted to paying young women to pretend they are their girlfriends just to get these meddlers off their backs.

年轻男性也躲不开这些“霸道亲戚”，甚至很多人花钱租个“女朋友”，堵住这些亲戚的嘴巴。

***“霸道亲戚”经常这样催婚，提前温习***

Isn't it time to consider settling down with someone?

男/女朋友也该考虑定下来啦!

I know someone who knows someone in your city who can fix you up with someone of your choice.

我有熟人认识你那里的人，应该可以给你介绍个符合条件的对象。

Why are you so picky?

怎么这么挑剔啊?

Once you are over a certain age, your value will plummet in the eyes of those looking for a spouse.

年纪一大，在对方眼里就更不值钱了。

Be realistic! Find someone, even if he does not meet all your requirements.

现实点儿!赶紧找个对象，降低降低要求。

***【恼火的父母】要“断交”***

While the advice may sound well meaning, some exasperated parents may issue an ultimatum:

除了“霸道亲戚”的“善意教诲”，一些“恼火的父母”还会给孩子发“最后通牒”：

Bring back a regular date or a fiance(e), or I'll disown you!

把对象带回家，不然跟你断绝关系!

【真相总是残酷的】

While most parents will discourage their children from dating while in college, they expect the youngsters to find an ideal partner a year or two after graduation. And many find it unsettling for them if you show up for the all-important Lunar New Year without even a date when you are approaching 30.

大多数家长不鼓励孩子在大学谈恋爱，但却希望他们毕业一两年就带回家个理想的儿媳妇或者女婿。如果孩子快30岁了，过年回家连个对象都没有，那这年都没法好好过了。

【帮父母走出“同辈压力”】

父母逼婚，其实很多来自“同辈压力”(peer pressure)，然后再用逼婚来传递给你。所以办法之一，就是把父母接来过年(move them in with you)。这样他们就会看到，你单身但是你快乐(you are happy with your status)，而且这里的朋友和邻居也不会对你的私事指指点点(do not stick their noses into your business)。

也可以和他们“坐下来谈谈”(sit-down talk)，讲讲你的切身感受。告诉他们，晚婚或者单身(late marriage or singlehood)也是不错的选择，周围的例子说来听听。向他们展示你的圈子和生活方式(expose them to your circle and lifestyle)。

【催娃篇】

So will getting married shut the busybodies up? Not quite.

那你以为结了婚就能让这些爱管闲事的人不再唠叨了吗?你想太多了。

"My mother keeps on asking me to have a baby," says a lady who married three months ago. "I'm sure it will be the subject of much discussion over the Spring Festival."

刚新婚三个月的一位女士告诉我，“我妈妈一直让我赶紧生娃。春节肯定绕不开这个话题了。”

(小编吐槽：有娃党你以为你就逃得过吗?对不起你又想多了。今年还要加一句：准备要二胎吗?)

***【委婉的爷奶们】用亲情***

You know I'm getting old. Can you satisfy my wish of seeing a great-grandchild before I breathe my last?

我老了……能在我老去前，满足我最后一个愿望，让我抱上重孙吗?

***【躲不开的春节亲友团】***

Your high-school buddy may visit you with a toddler in tow.

高中死党拖家带口来看你。

Your neighbors may greet you with a friendly "Are you home by yourself?"

邻居见你就问，“自己回来的啊?”

And someone with the virtue of frankness could simply blurt out: "You're not getting younger. You should consider marriage."

不懂得啥叫“人艰不拆”的猪队友：“你也老大不小了，该考虑结婚了。”

【应对“霸道亲戚”锦囊妙计】

***先发制人***

Call it "Do to others what they will do to you".

对付“霸道亲戚”，就要以其人之道还治其人之身。

Before your relative opens her mouth, you fire off a volley of questions:

亲戚张嘴前，先给他一串儿连珠炮：

Auntie, how are you? Has your daughter started dating?

伯母，过年好哇。闺女有对象了吗?

Have you bought a wedding apartment for your son?

给儿子买婚房了没?

Do they own a car now?

孩子有车了吧?

Did you make money from the stock market last year?

去年股市赚翻了没?

How much is your pension?

退休金又涨了吧?

How does your kid perform in school?

孙子学习成绩怎么样?

Hey, have you stopped going to the square dance?

咋，现在不去跳广场舞了?

You seem to be gaining weight.

看起来您更富态了呢。

Bye now, auntie.

再见啊伯母。

***拖延法***

Oh, I'm dating someone, but (s)he cannot be here because (s)he has to visit his or her parents.

哦，有对象了，但他/她要回自己家过年，所以过不来这边。

(Then will come the coercion to produce a photo as evidence.)

(然后亲戚们就要求看对象照片了)

***碰见带娃来的，花式夸娃转移视线***

1、Mike is very brainy，he always finishes top of the class.

Mike特别聪明，他总是全班第一。

2、He is a really fast learner.

他学东西特别快。

(有一种聪明叫做学习能力强，别人练上千百遍，但人家一学就会。(别人家的孩子ㄒoㄒ)

3、You don't have to worry about her，she's got a good head on her shoulders. 你不必为她担心，她很聪明的。

(肩膀上有个好脑袋瓜，意思是人很明智会思考，遇事能做出正确的判断。)

4、She is bright beyond her years.

这个女孩年龄不大却很聪明。

5、You are out of sight!

你真优秀!(除了表示不在视线范围之内，out of sight也可以用来形容特别棒，实在是牛得没边了。)

6、What a genius!/What an Einstein!

真是一个天才!

7、What a brain child!

真是一个神童!

8、You are really something.

你真了不起。

(something可不是在说别的神马东西，而是表示某个人或某件事太棒了，不一般)

9、You are enormously talented.

你真的才华横溢。

10、Both of them have a lot on the ball.

他们两个都很有才干。

【A weeklong bombast of questions and advice】

【“霸道亲戚”整个假期的各种提问和建议，总有一款适合你!】

1. Have you got married? 你结婚了吗?

Yes, I have. 结婚了。

Have you had your baby? 生孩子了吗

Yes, I have. 生了。

Call him/her here. 叫来看看。

The conversation ends with the performance of the child. 孩子表演。

2. Have you got married? 你结婚了吗?

Yes, I have. 结婚了。

Have you had your baby? 生孩子了吗?

No, I haven't. 没生。

Why haven't you had your baby?怎么还不生啊?

The conversation ends with admonition to have children. 教育告终。

3. Have you got married? 你结婚了吗

No, I have not. 没结婚。

Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend? 有对象吗?

Yes, I have. 有。

When will you get married? 什么时候结婚啊

The conversation ends with admonition to get married. 催婚告终。

4. Have you got married? 你结婚了吗?

No, I have not. 没结婚。

Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend? 有对象吗?

No, I haven't. 没有。

How about I introduce one to you? 我给你介绍一个啊。

The conversation ends with admonition to go for blind dating. 以要相亲告终。