偶像励志英语演讲 48:让父母为你骄傲(8)
And along with all my other exterior choices, I worked on, what actors call, my interioradjustment. I adjusted my natural temperament which tends to be slightly bossy, a littleopinionated, loud, a little loud full of pronouncements and high spirits, and I willfully cultivatedsoftness, agreeableness, a breezy, natural sort of sweetness, even shyness if you will, whichwas very, very, very effective on the boys. But the girls didn't buy it. They didn't like me; theysniffed it out, the acting. And they were probably right, but I was committed. This wasabsolutely not a cynical exercise; this was a vestigial survival courtship skill. I wasdeveloping. And I reached a point senior year, when my adjustment felt like me. I had actuallyconvinced myself that I was this person, pretty, talented, but not stuck-up. You know, a girlwho laughed a lot at every stupid thing every boy said and who lowered her eyes at the rightmoment and deferred, who learned to defer when the boys took over the conversation. Ireally remember this so clearly and I could tell it was working, I was much less annoying to theguys than I had been. They liked me better and I like that. That was conscious but it was atthe same time motivated and fully felt. This was real, real acting.
在我对外部事物不断做出选择的时候，我也致力于调整内部状态，这一点也是演员们经常提及的。我开始调整我的内在个性，改变原来的跋扈、固执、大声讲话、喜欢下命令、训斥和心高气傲的个性，逐渐培养自己轻柔、亲和、语音甜美自然甚至害羞的小女生气质。这一招，如果你愿意用的话，对男孩子很奏效。但是女孩却不买账，她们不喜欢我，对我的娇柔做作嗤之以鼻，说我是在演戏。也许她们是对的，但我觉得我应该这么做。这不是开玩笑，我是在练习已经退化了的情场生存技巧。随着时光的流逝，我不断改变自己。到了高三，我真的成了我想象中的那个女孩，我说服自己相信我就是那个漂亮、聪明、平易近人的女孩。她在男生讲各种蠢笑话时咯咯地笑，适时低下眼睛假装害羞;在男生高谈阔论的时候表现出顺从。这些事情仍记忆犹新，事实上，这个方法真的很有效。那些男生都因此更喜欢我，包括原来那些不喜欢我的，而我也乐得继续假装下去。这些都是有意识的假装，但是同时，我却被此激励鼓舞，并且感觉这确实是完全真实的表演。
