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偶像励志英语演讲 82:做真正的自己(4)

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Then my career turned into-I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another levelof success. And I thought, "what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch," and thiswas a long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents-but anyway this was back,many years ago-and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear,that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a politicalstatement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that Iwas carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, "What's the worst thatcould happen? I can lost my career." I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after sixyears, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for three years. Ihad no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. And yet, I was getting letters from kids thatalmost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did. And I realised that I had apurpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was beingpunished...it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. Andthe people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn't want to pick itup. Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.

接着,我有了自己的喜剧,也很成功,并且是更大的成功。我又在想,要是人们发现我是同性恋,该怎么办?他们再也不会看我的节目了。这是很早以前的事情,你们可能不知道,这是我们的总统都还是白人的时候,那是多年前的事了。我一直都是带着羞耻和恐惧而活,我最终决定,我不能再这么活着了。我最终决定将这个秘密公之于众,要有创造性,同时也要将我真实的个性展示出来。不是为了政治,也不是为了其他原因,只是要把我从背负已久的沉重的枷锁中解脱出来。我只是想要诚实。我想不会有更惨的事情了。失去演艺事业。在我做了六年节目后,电台在没有告知我本人的情况下就停播了我的节目。我是在看了报纸后才知道的。家里的电话三年没有响过,没人想让我做节目,没人愿意接触我。后来我接到了想要自杀的孩子的来信,他们是因为我所做的事情而没有自杀。我才知道我活在世上是有目的的,不仅仅是因为我,不仅仅是因为我是名人,我好像是在被惩罚。那段时间很艰难,我很愤怒,也很难过。但接着有人找我做脱口秀节目。制作单位想要卖出节目,但大多数的电视台都不想要,大多数人都不想要买,因为他们认为没人想看我的节目。

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