And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate till I finish, so listen up.
When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.
Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.
commencement 由 commen 和 cement 构成，意思是“常见的水泥”。在人行道上你常看见水泥。人行道上有裂缝，你踩到了裂缝，撞伤了你妈妈的背。意思就是这样。但是我很荣幸应邀给你们做“常见的水泥”演讲。
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus—alumini—aluminum—alumis—you had to graduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.