那些无法抗拒的名篇19: Gone With the Wind 飘(节选)
19 飘
She sat down，the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered face. She looked into the eyes she knew so well—and knew so little—listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first meant nothing. This was the first time he had ever talked to her in this manner, as one human being to another, talked as other people talked, without flippancy, mockery or riddles.
她坐下来，刺眼的灯光打在她那苍白困惑的脸上。她望着他的眼睛，熟悉但却读不懂，她听着他平静地说着一些起初让她听不懂的话。这是他第一次用这种方式和她谈话，就像旁人一样的谈话，没有了尖刻，没有了嘲弄，也没有了晦涩费解的话。
"Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can love a woman? Loved you for years before I finally got you? During the war I’d go away and try to forget you, but I couldn’t and I always had to come back. After the war I risked arrest, just to come back and find you. I cared so much I believe I would have killed Frank Kennedy if he hadn't died when he did. I loved you but I couldn't let you know it. You' re so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip."
“你有没有想过，我是怀着一个男人对一个女人的爱所能达到的最高境界在爱你，爱了那么多年才拥有你。在战争期间，我曾想要离开，忘了你，但我做不到，只好常常回来。战争结束后，我冒着被捕的危险跑回来，只是为了看看你。我非常嫉恨弗兰克·肯尼迪，要不是他后来死了，我想我很可能已经把他杀了。我爱你，但又不能让你知道。思嘉，你对那些爱你的人总是那么残酷。你得到了他们的爱，却把它像鞭子一样举在他们头上。”
Out of it all only the fact that he loved her meant anything. At the faint echo of passion in his voice, pleasure and excitement crept back into her. She sat, hardly breathing, listening, waiting.
然而所有的这些话，只有他爱她这一点对她是有意义的。她从他的话语中隐隐约约嗅到了一丝热情，这让她既开心又兴奋。她坐在那里，倾听着，等待着，几乎不能呼吸了。
"I knew you didn't love me when 1 married you. I knew about Ashley, you see. But, fool that I was, I thought I could make you care. Laugh, if you like, but I wanted to take care of you, to pet you, to give you everything you wanted. I wanted to marry you and protect you and give you a free rein in anything that would make you happy.—just as I did Bonnie. You' d had such a struggle, Scarlett. No one knew better than I what you'd gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you. I wanted you to play, like a child—for you were a child, a brave, frightened, bull-headed child. I think you are still a child. No one but a child could be so headstrong and so insensitive." His voice was calm and tired but there was something in the quality of it that raised a ghost of memory in Scarlett.
“在我们结婚的时候我就知道你并不爱我。我知道艾希礼的事，这点你也明白。但我那时很傻，满以为能让你爱上我。你就笑吧，但那时，如果你愿意，我是真想照顾你，宠爱你的，给你任何你想要的东西。我想跟你结婚，保护你，让你可以随心所欲地做事……就像我对邦妮那样。思嘉，你确实经历了一段艰难的日子，我比谁都清楚。所以，我要你好好休息一下，让我为你奋斗。我要你去玩，像个孩子似的—何况你本来就是个孩子，一个勇敢、时常担惊受怕、刚强的孩子。我想你至今仍然是个孩子，因为只有孩子才会这般任性，这么迟钝。”他的声音疲惫而平静，但其中有些东西却勾起了思嘉模模糊糊的回忆。
She had heard a voice like this once before and at some other crisis of her life. Where had it been? The voice of a man facing himself and his world without feeling, without flinching，without hope.
她觉得这种声音好像在哪里听过，是在她面临某个危机的时候。是哪里呢?这是一个男子面对自己，面对世界，毫无感情，没有畏缩，没有希望的声音。
Why—why—it had been Ashley in the wintry, windswept orchard at Tara, talking of life and shadow shows with a tired calmness that had more finality in its timbre than any desperate bitterness could have revealed. Even as Ashley's voice then had turned her cold with dread of things he could not understand, so now Rhett's voice made her heart sink. His voice, his manner, more than the content of his words, disturbed her, made her realize that her pleasurable excitement of a few moments ago had been untimely. Something was wrong, badly wrong.
为什么……为什么……是艾希礼，在塔拉农场寒风凛冽的果园里，用一种疲惫而平静的声音谈论人生和影子戏，那最后决判般的口气比绝望还让人痛苦。那时艾希礼的声音曾使她对一些无法理解的事物惧怕得不寒而栗，而现在瑞德的声音使她的心沉了下来。他的声音，他的态度，比他说话的内容更令她不安，让她明白她刚才那开心兴奋的心情是为时过早了。她觉得事情有些不妙，非常不妙。
What it was she did not know but she listened desperately, her eyes on his brown face, hoping to hear words that would dissipate her fears.
这到底是怎么回事，她还不清楚，只能绝望地听着，凝望着他黝黑的面孔，但愿能听到使这担忧最终消释的下文。
"It was so obvious that we were meant for each other. So obvious that I was the only man of your acquaintance who could love you after knowing you as you really are—hard and greedy and unscrupulous, like me. I loved you and I took the chance. I thought Ashley would fade out of your mind. But,"he shrugged, "I tried everything I knew and nothing worked. And I loved you so, Scarlett. If you had only let me, I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman. But I couldn’t let you know, for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me. And always—always there was Ashley. It drove me crazy. I couldn't sit across the table from you every night, knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place. And I couldn't hold you in my arms at night and know that—well, it doesn't matter now. I wonder, now, why it hurt. That's what drove me to BeIle.There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore. It soothed my vanity. You've never been very soothing, my dear."
“很明显，我们俩真可谓是天生的一对。我是唯一一个既了解你的底细还可以爱你的人。我知道你残酷、贪婪、无耻，这跟我一样。我爱你，所以决定冒这个险。我想艾希礼会从你心中慢慢消失的。但，”他耸了耸肩，“我用尽了所有我知道的办法，但都毫无结果，而我依然那么爱你，思嘉。如果我有这个机会，我就会像一个男人爱一个女人那样竭尽所能，亲切而温柔地爱着你。但我不能让你知道，因为你知道了便会轻看我，会用我的爱来对付我。而且，一直……艾希礼一直都在那里。这逼得我快发疯了。我不能每天晚上和你面对面坐着吃饭，因为知道你心里希望坐在我位置上的是艾希礼。同样，在晚上我也无法抱着你睡觉，因为我知道……算了，没什么意义了。现在我在想，为什么要自讨苦吃呢。这样一来，我就只好到贝尔那儿去了。在那里可以得到某种低贱的慰藉，因为总归是跟一个女人在一起，而她又那样死心塌地爱着我，尊敬我，把我当做一位高贵的绅士……尽管她只是个没有文化的妓女，可她大大满足了我的虚荣心。而你却从不会安慰人，亲爱的。”
"Oh, Rhett..." she began, miserable at the very mention of Belle's name, but he waved her to silence and went on.
“哦，瑞德……”思嘉一听到贝尔的名字就恼怒了，忍不住插嘴，但瑞德摆摆手制止了她，自己继续说。
"And then, that night when I carried you upstairs—I thought—I hoped—I hoped so much I was afraid to face you the next morning, for fear I'd been mistaken and you didn't love me. I was so afraid you' d laugh at me I went off and got drunk. And when I came back, I was shaking in my boots and if you had come even halfway to meet me, had given me some sign, I think I’d have kissed your feet. But you didn't."
“然后，那天晚上，我把你抱上楼的时候……我想……我希望……我多么希望，但我害怕第二天早晨不敢面对你，害怕其实只是我自己弄错了，你并不爱我。我十分担心你会笑话我，就跑到外面，喝醉了。我回来的时候，浑身都在颤抖，但那时如果你出来迎接一下，哪怕给我一点表示，我想我是会去吻你的脚的，但你没有。”
"Oh, but Rhett, I did want you then but you were so nasty! I did want you! I think—yes, that must have been when I first knew I cared about you. Ashley—I never was happy about Ashley after that, but you were so nasty that I—”
“哦，但是，瑞德，我那时确实是需要你的，但你却那么别扭!我真需要你!我想……是的，当我第一次知道自己爱你的时候，这就是自然而然的事啊。至于艾希礼—从那以后我就再也不在意、不牵挂他了。可你真的很别扭，所以我……”
"Oh, well," he said. "It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it doesn't matter now. I’m only telling you, so you won't ever wonder about it all. When you were sick and it was all my fault, I stood outside your door, hoping you’d call for me, but you didn't, and then I knew what a fool I’d been and that it was all over."
“哦，好了，”瑞德说，“看来我们的看法是完全相反的，不是吗?不过现在已经不重要了。我只想告诉你，免得你胡思乱想。你生病的那次，我站在你的房门口，希望你可以叫我，但你没有，这倒完全是我的错了，我觉得自己真像个傻瓜，但还好，现在一切都结束了。”
He stopped and looked through her and beyond her, even as Ashley had often done, seeing something he could not see. And she could only stare speechless at his brooding face.
他停了停，眼神越过她，看着远方，就像艾希礼时常做的那样，仿佛远处有他看不见的东西。而她只是望着他那忧郁沉默的脸，默不作声。
"But then，there was Bonnie and I saw that everything wasn't over, after all. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, so willful, so brave and gay and full of high spirits, and I could pet her and spoil her—just as I wanted to pet you. But she wasn't like you—she loved me. It was a blessing that I could take the love you didn't want and give it to her... When she went, she took everything."
“不过，那时，邦妮还在，我觉得事情毕竟还是有希望的。我喜欢把邦妮当作你，好像你又成了那个没有受过战争和贫困折磨的小姑娘。她很像你，任性，勇敢，快乐，对什么都兴致盎然的样子，我宠爱她，娇惯她—就像我想宠你的那样。但她跟你有一点不同—她爱我，所以我满怀欣慰地把你不稀罕的爱都拿来给她……现在她走了，把我们的一切都带走了。”
Suddenly she was sorry for him，sorry with a completeness that wiped out her own grief and her fear of what his words might mean. It was the first time in her life she had been sorry for anyone without feeling contemptuous as well, because it was the first time she had ever approached understanding any other human being. And she could understand his shrewd caginess, so like her own, his obstinate pride that kept him from admitting his love for fear of a rebuff.
思嘉突然很难过，难过得连她自己的悲伤，和因不明白他这席话的用意而产生的恐惧全都忘了。这是她生平第一次为别人感到难过，而不是轻视这个人，因为这是她第一次尝试着去理解别人。她能够看懂他的精明狡诈，这和她自己很像，还有他那因为生怕碰壁而不肯承认自己的爱的一种顽固的自尊心。
"Ah, darling,"she said coming forward, hoping he would put out his arms and draw her to his knees. "Darling，I'm so sorry but I’II make it all up to you! We can be so happy, now that we know the truth and—Rhett—look at me, Rhett! There— there can be other babies—not like Bonnie but—”
“哦，亲爱的，”她边说边走向前去。此刻，她多么希望他能伸出双臂，把她拉过去抱在膝上。“亲爱的，真的对不起，我一定会加倍爱你的!我们会很幸福的，因为我们已经彼此了解，而且，瑞德……看着我，瑞德!我们一定还会有其他孩子的……不像邦妮，而是……
"Thank you, no,”said Rhett, as if he were refusing a piece of bread.
“不必了，谢谢。”瑞德说着，像是拒绝一片面包一般。
作者介绍:
玛格丽特·米切尔(1900-1949)出生于美国佐治亚州亚特兰大市的一个律师家庭。米切尔一生只发表了《飘》这一部长篇巨著。《飘》从1926年开始创作，历经十年终在1936年出版。该书在1937年获普利策奖;1938年拍成电影《乱世佳人》又获奥斯卡奖，电影和小说都成为经典作品，并传遍全球。 1949年8月11日，玛格丽特·米切尔死于车祸。
故事开始于美国南北关系非常紧张的1861年。原来任性的思嘉随着战事的吃紧经历着人生的转折。苦难的生活磨炼着思嘉，但也使她变得冷酷无情，不择手段。当她明白她的真爱就在她身边时，为时已晚。瑞德已经决定弃家出走，永远地离开她。而此刻，对于思嘉来说，生活中的一切光亮都消失了。她只有回到塔拉庄园这一条出路。她太累了，再也承受不了这些压力了。
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