伍迪单口相声精选 第14期:布鲁克林Brooklyn

I never used to go to the beach, 'cause I comefrom Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island,which was an awful beach, though there wasrumours during the war, that enemysubmarines, German subs came into thebathing area at Coney Island, and they weredestroyed by the pollution.

我从来都没去过海滩，因为我来自布鲁克林区，我们只有科尼岛，那里的海滩很可怕，在战争时期有谣传说敌人的潜艇、德国人的潜艇到过科尼岛的浴场区，他们被污染物消灭了。

And the only time I bathed was with Mrs. Allen, I guess, my wife, the dread Mrs. Allen.

我想我唯一一次的海滩浴是和艾伦夫人一起，我太太、强悍的艾伦夫人。

Honeymooning, I was fabulous, you would have adored me.

我们在度蜜月，我非常棒，你们一定会喜欢我的。

I was on waterskis, stripped to the waist, skiing fast across the top of the surf, my hair back,I oiled my muscle.

我在滑水，上身赤裸，在水面上疾速地滑过。我的头发朝后扬起，我给肌肉抹了油。

It was really...holding on with one hand, waterskiing, very great, my wife was in the boat aheadof me, rowing frantically.

这真的很??用一只手抓着绳子滑水，非常棒。我太太在我前面的船上，玩着命地划水。

I got a very bad burn, really, I was thinking, when I was a kid, I was ashamed of having redhair, 'cause I lived in a tough section, I lived in a sub-basement walk-down, under street level,janitor-style.

我被严重晒伤，真的。我想起来在我小时候，我很为自己的红头发难为情，因为我住的地方着实不太平。我在地下室之下的没有升降设备的地方住过【1】，当然低于街面，就是看门人住的那种。

The janitor, that had the apartment during the depression, had some stocks, the marketcrashed, and he was wiped out, he tried to kill himself by jumping out the window and UP untostreet level.

看门人，大萧条期间的那幢公寓的看门人有些股票，股市崩盘后他变得一贫如洗，他想了结自己，从窗子里跳了出去，结果发现得往上爬才够得着街面。

I was the sensitive kid, poet.

我是个敏感的孩子，像个诗人。

There were tough kids in my class, there was a kid in my class named Floyd.

我班级里有几个很野的孩子，我班上有个名叫弗劳埃德小孩。

Floyd used to sit in the dumb row in school, y'know. Vegetable mentality, y'know.

弗劳埃德曾在学校的笨蛋专席上坐过，有头无脑。

I made friends with him years later when we got older, I removed a thorn from his paw.

过了几年稍大一点的时候，我们成了朋友，因为我帮他从他爪子里拔出过一根刺。

Once, I was on my way for my violin lesson when I was a kid, and I'm walking past the poolroom, and Floyd and all of his friends are out, y'know, they're swiping hubcaps, in Brooklyn,from moving cars, which is really amazing. And I walk past him, and he yells out to me, "Hey,Red!".

在我小时候，有一次在我去上小提琴课的路上，我走过台球房，弗劳埃德和他的朋友都在那儿，他们追着布鲁克林大街上移动的汽车，想偷车子的轮毂盖，这真的很有想法。我路过他的身边，他冲我喊道：“嘿，红毛!”

I was a cocky kid. Put down my violin. I go up to him.

我是个高傲的孩子。我放下小提琴，朝他走了过去。

I said "My name is not Red. If you want me, call me by my regular name, It's Master HeywoodAllen".

我说：“我的名字不叫‘红毛’。如果你想招呼我，就叫我正规的名字，我是‘海伍德·艾伦大师’【2】。”

I spent that winter in a wheelchair. A team of doctors laboured to remove a violin.

那年冬天我整个是在轮椅上度过的，一队医生忙活着从我身体里拔除小提琴。

Lucky it wasn't a cello. I'm not a fighter. I have bad reflexes, and I can't fight.

所幸的是那不是把大提琴。我不喜欢打架。我的反应很迟钝，所以我打不了架。

I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

我有一次被一辆瘪了胎的车子辗过，而且是两个人推着走的。

【1】“walk-down”，打趣“walk-up”，后者指的是没有电梯的建筑物。

【2】伍迪·艾伦在他十七岁的时候，的确曾改名叫“海伍德·艾伦”。