伍迪单口相声精选 第23期:在南方Down South

I went in my underwear shorts, and I have varicoseveins. I went as a roadmap.

我穿着短裤就去了，因为我有静脉曲张，我去的时候就用它作为路线图。

I figure, what the hell, it's Halloween, I'll go as a ghost.

我想，管它呢，反正是万圣节，我打扮成鬼的样子去好了。

I take a sheet off the bed and I throw it over my head, and I go to the party.

我从床上扯下床单，蒙在我头上就去参加舞会。

And you have to get the picture, I'm walking down the street in a deep southern town, I have awhite sheet over my head.

你们应该想象一下这样一幅图像：我走在南方腹地某个小镇的大街上，头上蒙着一张白床单。

And a car pulls up and three guys with white sheets say "Get in".

一辆小车靠过来停下，三个也是蒙着白单子的家伙对我说：“上车吧。”

So I figure there's guys going to the party, as ghosts, and I get into the car, and I see werenot going to the party, and I tell them.

于是我想这几个家伙也是去参加舞会的，扮成鬼样。我上了车，我发觉他们不是去参加舞会，我问他们这是去哪儿。

They say "Well, we have to go pick up the Grand Dragon".

他们说：“我们得去接一下‘大龙’【1】。”

All of a sudden it hits me, down south, white sheets, the Grand Dragon, I put two and twotogether.

突然间我想起来了，南方腹地、白色单子、大龙，我根据这些事实推断。

I figure there's a guy going to the party dressed as a dragon.

我推断出有个家伙要化妆成一条龙去参加舞会。

All of a sudden a big guy enters the car, and I'm sitting there between four clansmen, four big-armed men, and the door's locked, and I'm petrified, I'm trying to pass desperately, y'know,I'm saying "Y'all" and "Grits", y'know, I must have said "grits" fifty times, y'know.

突然一个彪形大汉也上了车，我就坐在四个党徒中间，四个肌肉发达的壮汉当中。他们锁上了车门，我立马吓呆了。我拼着命想逃脱，我说：“你们大家”还有“玉米糊”【2】，我一口气说了50个“玉米糊”。

They ask me a question, and I say "Oh, grits, grits".

他们问我一个问题，我就说：“噢，玉米糊，玉米糊。”

And next to me is the leader of the...you can tell he is the leader, 'cause he's the one wearingcontour sheets, y'know.

我旁边就坐着他们的党魁，你可以看出来他就是头头，因为只有他穿的是带有松紧收边的单子。

And they drive me to an empty field, and I gave myself away, 'cause they asked for donations,and everybody there gave cash.

他们开着车带我来到一片空旷地，是我自己把自己暴露了，因为他们在捐款，每个人都掏出了现金。

When it came to me, I said "I pledge fifty dollars".

只有问到我时，我说：“我认捐五十美元。”

They knew immediately. They took my hood off and threw a rope around my neck, and theydecided to hang me.

他们即刻识破了我。他们揭下我的头巾，在我脖子上套了根绳索，他们决定绞死我。

And suddenly my whole life passed before my eyes.

突然地，我整个一生在我眼前闪过。

I saw myself as a kid again, in Kansas, going to school, swimming at the swimming hole, andfishing, frying up a mess-o-catfish, going down to the general store, getting a piece of ginghamfor Emmy-Lou. And I realise it's not my life.

我又看见了小时候的自己，在堪萨斯，我去上学，去溪流中游泳，钓鱼，煎一大锅鲶鱼，上杂货店买东西，给艾米露买了块格子棉布。我意识到这并不是我的生活。

They're gonna hang me in two minutes, the wrong life is passing before my eyes.

他们两分钟后就要绞死我了，可我眼前闪现的却是别人的生活。

And I spoke to them, and I was really eloquent, I said "Fellas, this country can't survive,unless we love one another regardless of race, creed or colour".

我对他们说，我的话情真意切，我说：“伙计们，这个国家将会走向灭亡，除非我们能彼此关爱，不分种族、信仰、或肤色。”

And they were so moved by my words, not only did they cut me down and let me go, but thatnight, I sold them two thousand dollars worth of Israel Bonds.

他们被我的言语深深打动，他们不仅割断了绳索放走了我，那天晚上，我还卖给他们价值两千美元的以色列债券。