双语散文：写给20多岁的你 该和这些幼稚行为说拜拜啦
1. Interrupting conversations.
打断谈话。
Remember being five, and when your parents were talking to other grownups you’d walk over mid-conversation, tug on their shirts and repeatedly call, “Mom/Dad?” Yeah — that was improper then — but you were five, so it was fathomable. Some people are incapable of comprehending the notion of waiting their turn to speak. When this happens, utilize the sarcastic old saying: “I apologize, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
记得5岁的时候，当父母跟其他大人谈话时，你会走过去扯着他们的衣角不断叫唤“妈妈/爸爸” 来打断谈话吗？尽管很不礼貌，但你才5岁嘛，情有可原。有些人就是等不及别人讲完再开口。遇到这种情况，可以略微暗讽一下：“不好意思，我话还没说完，影响到你了吗？”
2. Poor hygiene.
不讲卫生。
As kids we often abhorred the concept of cleanliness. We relished wearing the same grass-stained, smelly pants for as long as possible. The thought of bathing made us shiver in our Velcro strapped shoes. Now, it’s a different story. It’s remarkable how many folks out there seem to think that deodorant is optional. I mean, technically it is but it shouldn’t be. They need laws enforcing this. If the pungent aroma of your body odor is burning nostrils, and causing eyes to water, you should receive some type of ticket. Stink needs repercussions just as much as loitering does.
小孩子一般都不爱干净。就算一直穿着草迹斑斑臭不啦叽的裤子也无所谓。一听说要洗澡，我们可能会趿拉着球鞋磨蹭半天。现在又完全是另外一回事了。竟然有很多人用除臭剂代替洗澡——我觉得真是无法忍受。要是除臭剂混杂着体味都能熏得人眼睛睁不开，那这种人真该被罚款。臭不啦叽跟游手好闲一样令人讨厌。
3. Fighting.
打架斗殴。
With the massive rise of ignorant and disrespectful individuals populating the world — verbal spats and altercations are inevitable. Contrary to popular belief, screaming obscenities and puffing your chest out as friends hold you back, doesn’t reek of badass-ness. In fact, it looks rather foolish. If you consider the end result of a fight, is it ever good? Let’s consider the possible outcomes:
现如今无知不讲理的人越来越多，争执和打架也不可避免。其实，争执和强出头根本就吓不倒那些惹是生非的家伙，反倒显得你很幼稚。想想要是最后真动起手来，后果会好么？结果可能会是：
You win the fight. Receive some high fives. It ain’t UFC, so you won’t get a paycheck or anything. And now you’ve made an enemy (or enemies).
虽然挨了几巴掌，但你打赢了。可这又不是终极格斗冠军赛，就算你赢了也捞不到报酬或其他回报；相反，你却树了不少敌。
The cops come. You get arrested, which means fines, jail-time, etc.
警察把你拷了起来，然后罚款甚至蹲看守所等等。
You hit the other person in the wrong spot, accidentally doing significant and permanent damage. Now you’re screwed.
你一拳击中了对方要害，给人家造成了一辈子的伤害。这下你也完了。
The opponent hits you in the wrong spot, putting you on the receiving end of some serious damage. Now you’re screwed.
对方一拳击中了你的要害，你得一辈子面对这些永久性伤害。你还是完了。
You lose. Everyone witnessed you getting your ass kicked, and now you’re ashamed.
你打不过对方。所有人都眼睁睁看你被人家整得死去活来，你羞恨交加。
They pull out a weapon and stab or shoot you. While I’ve never been stabbed or shot, I hear it stings much worse than your ego would after simply walking away from a physical confrontation.
对方用武器（刀枪）对付你。虽然我没有被刀刺或枪击的经历，但我听说这会让你痛不欲生、死去活来。
打断谈话。
Remember being five, and when your parents were talking to other grownups you’d walk over mid-conversation, tug on their shirts and repeatedly call, “Mom/Dad?” Yeah — that was improper then — but you were five, so it was fathomable. Some people are incapable of comprehending the notion of waiting their turn to speak. When this happens, utilize the sarcastic old saying: “I apologize, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
记得5岁的时候，当父母跟其他大人谈话时，你会走过去扯着他们的衣角不断叫唤“妈妈/爸爸” 来打断谈话吗？尽管很不礼貌，但你才5岁嘛，情有可原。有些人就是等不及别人讲完再开口。遇到这种情况，可以略微暗讽一下：“不好意思，我话还没说完，影响到你了吗？”
2. Poor hygiene.
不讲卫生。
As kids we often abhorred the concept of cleanliness. We relished wearing the same grass-stained, smelly pants for as long as possible. The thought of bathing made us shiver in our Velcro strapped shoes. Now, it’s a different story. It’s remarkable how many folks out there seem to think that deodorant is optional. I mean, technically it is but it shouldn’t be. They need laws enforcing this. If the pungent aroma of your body odor is burning nostrils, and causing eyes to water, you should receive some type of ticket. Stink needs repercussions just as much as loitering does.
小孩子一般都不爱干净。就算一直穿着草迹斑斑臭不啦叽的裤子也无所谓。一听说要洗澡，我们可能会趿拉着球鞋磨蹭半天。现在又完全是另外一回事了。竟然有很多人用除臭剂代替洗澡——我觉得真是无法忍受。要是除臭剂混杂着体味都能熏得人眼睛睁不开，那这种人真该被罚款。臭不啦叽跟游手好闲一样令人讨厌。
3. Fighting.
打架斗殴。
With the massive rise of ignorant and disrespectful individuals populating the world — verbal spats and altercations are inevitable. Contrary to popular belief, screaming obscenities and puffing your chest out as friends hold you back, doesn’t reek of badass-ness. In fact, it looks rather foolish. If you consider the end result of a fight, is it ever good? Let’s consider the possible outcomes:
现如今无知不讲理的人越来越多，争执和打架也不可避免。其实，争执和强出头根本就吓不倒那些惹是生非的家伙，反倒显得你很幼稚。想想要是最后真动起手来，后果会好么？结果可能会是：
You win the fight. Receive some high fives. It ain’t UFC, so you won’t get a paycheck or anything. And now you’ve made an enemy (or enemies).
虽然挨了几巴掌，但你打赢了。可这又不是终极格斗冠军赛，就算你赢了也捞不到报酬或其他回报；相反，你却树了不少敌。
The cops come. You get arrested, which means fines, jail-time, etc.
警察把你拷了起来，然后罚款甚至蹲看守所等等。
You hit the other person in the wrong spot, accidentally doing significant and permanent damage. Now you’re screwed.
你一拳击中了对方要害，给人家造成了一辈子的伤害。这下你也完了。
The opponent hits you in the wrong spot, putting you on the receiving end of some serious damage. Now you’re screwed.
对方一拳击中了你的要害，你得一辈子面对这些永久性伤害。你还是完了。
You lose. Everyone witnessed you getting your ass kicked, and now you’re ashamed.
你打不过对方。所有人都眼睁睁看你被人家整得死去活来，你羞恨交加。
They pull out a weapon and stab or shoot you. While I’ve never been stabbed or shot, I hear it stings much worse than your ego would after simply walking away from a physical confrontation.
对方用武器（刀枪）对付你。虽然我没有被刀刺或枪击的经历，但我听说这会让你痛不欲生、死去活来。
