听力课堂TED音频栏目主要包括TED演讲的音频MP3及中英双语文稿，供各位英语爱好者学习使用。本文主要内容为演讲MP3+双语文稿:与火共舞后，我摆脱了悲伤，希望你会喜欢！
【演讲者及介绍】Danielle Torley
Danielle Torley是一名业务发展和提案管理专业人士，兼职为火表演者和流动艺术家。
【演讲主题】与火共舞后，我摆脱了悲伤
I stepped out of grief—by dancing with fire
【中英文字幕】
翻译者Lilian Chiu校对者Helen Chang
When I was six years old, our house caught fire, and my mother died. It was a cold February night in Michigan. Our chimney had recently been fixed, so we had a warm fire going in the fireplace. My younger sister and I were sitting next to our dog and coloring with a brand-new box of colored pencils, when Mom said it was time for bed. We'd planned to go up north that night for a weekend of snowmobiling and sledding, but it was already dark and snowing outside, so we decided to leave the next morning instead. We went upstairs, brushed our teeth, climbed into bed, my sister's room right next to the stairs, and mine at the far end of the hallway. Our parents tucked us in and kissed us good night then left the door open just a crack, and the hallway light on, as it always was. In the middle of the night, I woke up sweating, confused because I couldn't see that hallway light. I started shouting for my parents until finally, I heard words that I'll never forget: "Dave, it's a fire!"
我六岁时，我们的房子失火了，我的母亲因此丧命。那是密西根一个寒冷的二月夜晚。我们的烟囱才刚修过，所以我们在壁炉中点了温暖的炉火。我和妹妹坐在狗旁边，正在用一盒全新的彩色铅笔画画，那时，母亲说该上床了。我们本来打算在那晚北上，用乘雪橇玩雪车来过周末，但天色已暗，且外面在下雪，所以我们决定改成隔天早上再出发。我们上楼、刷牙、爬上床，我妹妹的房间就在楼梯旁边，我的房间则远在走廊的底端。我们的父母哄我们入睡，亲吻我们，道了晚安，接着把门带上，留下一道门缝，没有关走廊的灯，向来都是如此。在半夜时，我满身大汗地醒来，我很困惑，因为我看不见走廊的灯。我开始大叫爸妈，直到我终于听见了我永生难忘的一句话：「戴夫，失火了！」
We later found out that our fire from earlier had burned through an unrepaired crack in the chimney, causing the fireplace doors to explode and fire to just pour into the living room. I remember my mom running down to my sister's room, frantically searching for her and finally finding her on the floor. I crawled after her on my hands and knees, trying not to breathe in the smoke. I remember standing next to my sister's room, trying to turn on that hallway light, but it was already on; I just couldn't see it because the smoke was so thick. I remember feeling the heat of the fire on my skin and hearing the sound of it as it climbed up the stairs.
我们后来才知道，是我们先前的炉火从烟囱没有修好的裂缝中延烧出来，导致壁炉的门爆炸，火苗立刻灌入客厅中，我记得我母亲冲到我妹妹的房间，疯狂地找她，终于在地板上找到她。我用双手和双膝跟在她身后爬行，试图不要吸入烟雾。我还记得我站在我妹妹的房间旁边，试图打开走廊的灯，但灯其实已经开了；只是因为烟雾太浓，我看不见。我记得我的皮肤能感受到大火的热度，且能听见火势爬上楼梯向上延烧的声音。
My dad ran down to my bedroom window as an escape route, but it was February, and it was frozen shut. Eventually, he broke the window and pried it open, his arms and hands covered in glass and cuts. He lifted my sister and me onto an awning under the window and told us to shout for help. Not seeing my mom, he considered going back into the fire to find her, but after looking at my sister and me huddled together on that roof and knowing that neither of them may make it out, he stayed with us, calling her name through the window instead.
我父亲想要打开我卧室的窗户来逃脱，但那时是二月，窗户被冰冻到打不开。最后，他打破窗户才将它打开，他的手臂和双手都是碎玻璃和割伤。他把我妹妹和我送到窗户下的雨篷上，叫我们大声呼救。因为没看见我母亲，他考虑要冲回火场去找她，但看着我和我妹妹在屋顶上蜷缩成一团，且知道（一旦去找）很可能他们两人都逃不出来，所以他决定留下陪我们，只是透过窗户喊着她的名字。
After a few minutes, a man driving down the street saw the smoke and fire, drove onto our lawn, climbed onto the roof of his car and told us to jump into his arms. We'd never seen him before, and even though he saved our lives, we never saw him again. We were brought over to a neighbor's house while Dad continued to wait on the roof for my mom, reaching his arms and hands through the window and into the fire, calling her name over and over.
几分钟后，有名男子开车经过，看到了烟和大火，把车开到我们的草皮上，再爬到他的车顶，叫我们跳到他怀中。我们以前没见过他，虽然他救了我们的命，我们从此也没再见过他。我们被带到邻居家，我父亲仍然在屋顶上等我母亲，把他的手臂和手穿过窗户，伸到火中，不断叫喊她的名字。
He said later that when the fire department arrived, they carried him down the ladder just as a lower-level window shattered and burst into flames. It took the fire department longer to find my mom. She'd been on the floor of my bedroom the entire time, pinned down by a dresser that had fallen on her leg. We think she went back to look for our dog, but by the time the fire department reached them it was too late. She died on the way to the hospital.
后来，他说，当消防队抵达时，他们用梯子把他带下来，下面一层的窗户在那时粉碎，瞬间陷入火海。消防队花了更久才找到我母亲。她一直都倒在我房间的地板上，衣橱倒下来压住了她的腿。我们认为她是回去找我们的狗，但当消防队找到她和狗时，已经太迟了。她在被送医的过程中不治。
Dad was in critical condition, with smoke inhalation and burns and cuts over a third of his body. He spent nearly a month in the hospital, unable to attend Mom's funeral and undergoing multiple, excruciating skin graft surgeries. My sister and I stayed with a neighbor across the street, but we would sit in front of their living room window for hours, just staring at the remains of our burnt home. After a few days, it became evident that we would need to go and stay with some different family friends.
父亲的状况很危急，他吸入浓烟、有烧伤，且身体有三分之一都是割伤。他住院将近一个月，无法参加母亲的葬礼，还要撑过数次极痛苦的植皮手术。我和我妹妹待在对街的邻居家中，但我们会在他们家的客厅窗户前坐好几个小时，只是望着我们烧掉的房子。几天后，很显然我们得要离开，去和不同的亲友住。
The next few years were tough. As a single father of two young girls, Dad did his very best to provide for us as we all tried to grieve and recover. We began to move on in this new reality. Dad bought a new house down the street, without a fireplace, and eventually remarried. My sister and I excelled in school. I was a cheerleader, and she rode horses and played in the band. But nothing could stop the gut-wrenching nightmares that haunted me. I would dream of fire, of being trapped in fire with no escape. I remember, and even now I can feel, the sheer panic and the pressure in my chest. Or worse were the dreams where I was outside the fire watching it, trying to save the people inside. I'd wake up gasping for breath, tears running down my face and sobbing.
接下来的几年很辛苦。我父亲成了两个小女孩的单亲爸爸，他尽全力把我们养大，我们大家都在哀悼和恢复。我们开始在这新的现实中走下去。父亲在同条街买了新房子，这次没有壁炉，后来也再婚了。我和我妹妹在学校表现出色。我是啦啦队长，她骑马且在乐团中表演。但我摧心裂肝的恶梦始终挥之不去。我会梦到大火，梦到被困在火场，没有出路。我记得，就连现在我还可以感受到那纯粹的慌张和我胸口的压力。更糟糕的是梦见我在房子外面眼睁睁看着大火，试图拯救困在里面的人。我会上气不接下气地醒来，泪流满面，啜泣着。
When I was 15, a friend of mine and a very talented artist, painted two abstract portraits for me. One was done in black and white and depicted a scared girl cowering in the corner of a room, shadows surrounding her. The other was a bursting rainbow of color; the girl was in the center of the page, arms open and outstretched, clearly full of joy and happiness. He knew my past, and he knew that I was conflicted and confused, but he had also seen my potential and wanted to show me what he already saw. After a few years, I realized that these two portraits showed two completely different paths before me: a life of fear or the promise and potential for recovery. I had always been drawn to that brighter, more colorful painting, but I wasn't quite sure what it meant for me or how to transform my current mentality into that kind of joy and happiness. So outwardly, I moved on with life -- graduated high school, went to college -- while inwardly, I continued to bounce between the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, like a Ping-Pong ball between those two portraits.
我十五岁时，我有位朋友是个很有才华的艺术家，为我画了两幅抽象的画像。一幅是黑白的，画中是一名害怕的女孩，蜷缩在房间的角落，阴影围绕着她。另一幅则满是五颜六色；女孩在画面的中间，张开双臂，向外伸出，明显充满了喜悦和快乐。他知道我的过去，他知道我内心很冲突、困惑，但他也看见我的潜力，想让我知道他看见了什么。几年后，我了解到这两幅画像呈现出我的两条路，全然不同的两条路：恐惧的人生，或希望和恢复的潜能。那幅比较亮、比较彩色的画向来很能吸引我，但我不确定它对我的意有为何，或者我要如何转变目前的心态，找到那种喜悦和快乐。所以，外表上，我继续过我的人生——高中毕业，进入大学——但内在，我持续不断在最高的高点和最低的低点之间来回弹着，就像那两幅画之间的乒乓球。
In 2004, I went backpacking through Central America with a friend. We spent our first week on the island of Roatán, off the coast of Honduras. After a few days there, my friend and I realized that one of our new local friends was a fire dancer. Neither of us had ever seen fire dancing before, so one night, we decided to go see a show.
2004年，我去当背包客，和一名朋友前往中美洲。我们的第一周待在宏都拉斯外海的罗阿坦岛上，在那里待了几天后，我朋友和我发现，我们在当地新交到的朋友当中有一位火舞者。我们都从来没有见过火舞，所以，有一晚，我们决定去看表演。
We watched, mesmerized, as he and two friends lit these props on fire, threw them in the air and spun them around their bodies. Their moves were deliberate and controlled, yet still graceful and flowing to the music. I was completely entranced. The next day, he offered to teach us how to fire dance, or "spin" -- without fire, of course. He showed us the difference between a fire staff, which is a long piece of wood or aluminum with two Kevlar wicks, and fire poi, which are Kevlar wicks with chains and finger loops. After that first time spinning poi, I knew that this was a hobby that I wanted to continue learning in the hopes that maybe one day, I might be brave enough to try it with fire.
表演让我们深深着迷，他和两名朋友把道具点燃，把道具丢到空中，绕着他们的身体转动。他们的动作很慎重，控制精准，但仍然优雅且和音乐完美搭配。我完全入迷了。隔天，他提出可以教我们如何火舞，或「旋转」——当然，不用点火。他教我们道具的差别，火棍是长的木或铝棍，两头有火布，另外还有火链，是火布加上铁链和指环。在第一次舞动火链之后，我知道这是我想持续学习的嗜好，希望也许有一天，我能勇敢到真正尝试点火。
Now, I can guess what people might be thinking: How was I not terrified and running in the opposite direction? And honestly, I don't know. I think that perhaps being a cheerleader and doing gymnastics and piano while growing up, these activities were very structured and prescribed, whereas this type of flow art seemed like a form of meditation but with a focus on fire, this thing that scared me so deeply for my entire life.
我猜得到大家可能会怎么想：我为什么没有吓坏，转身跑掉？老实说，我不知道。我想，也许因为在成长过程中我当过啦啦队长，学体操、学钢琴，都是非常有结构且有规矩的活动，而这种流动的艺术就象是某种形式的冥想，只是焦点是在「火」，我一生中一直深深让我害怕的火。
After that first time practicing, my friend and I cobbled together our own sets of homemade poi using socks, shoelaces and tennis balls. We did not light shoelaces and socks on fire, we just used it for the practice part. But after returning home to Michigan, we decided to buy our own sets of actual fire poi. And after a few months, we decided that we were ready to light them on fire. We bundled up in cotton layers, got a fire extinguisher, wet a towel for safety, prepared our fuel, gave each other a very energetic pep talk and high five and lit those poi on fire.
在练习过第一次之后，我朋友和我一起手工制作我们的火链组，用的是袜子、鞋带，和网球。我们并没有把鞋带和袜子拿来点火，只是把它们拿来练习用。但在返回密西根之后，我们决定购买我们自己的火链组。几个月后，我们决定该是点火的时候了。我们将棉层扎在一起，拿来了一个灭火器，将毛巾弄湿以防万一，准备好燃料，精力充沛地跟彼此说一段鼓励士气的话，互相击掌，接着就把火链点燃。
It was terrifying. Half of my brain was freaking out and thinking, "OK, wait -- maybe we need to think about this. We should probably stop." The sound of the fire as it whooshed by my head was incredibly loud and brought me right back to my childhood. But it was also incredibly exhilarating. The other half of my brain, the creative half, was thinking, "I can't believe it! I'm a fire dancer."
那很可怕。我有半个脑子都吓坏了，想着：「好，等等——也许我们要三思而后行。我们应该罢手比较好。」当火从我头旁边扫过去时声音相当大，立马把我带回了童年的记忆。但同时也很让人振奋。我的另一半脑子，创意的那一半，在想：「我无法置信！我是火舞者。」
For anyone who spins, there's a level of adrenaline or that rush of fire dancing. But as someone whose life had been so greatly impacted by fire, I also felt an immense sense of empowerment at being able to control and manipulate fire.
任何旋转的人都会分泌肾上腺素，或者那火舞的奔涌感。但身为一个人生受到大火严重冲击的人，我也感到自己拥有强大的力量，能够控制、操纵火。
I made a conscious decision to step out of my grief. It was not easy. There's a Nirvana lyric that says "I miss the comfort of being sad," and that was exactly it. I was in control of my sadness. I knew what it would bring to me, and I knew what to expect, but I also knew deep down that eventually, I had to do that really hard work of trying to heal from my past.
我做了有意识的决定，要步出我的悲痛。那并不容易。超脱乐团有一句歌词是「我想念感到悲伤时的舒适」，就是这种感觉。我能控制我的悲伤。我知道它会带给我什么，我知道要期待什么，但我内心深处也知道，最终，我得非常努力疗愈，从我的过去走出来。
So I kept practicing. I took a plastic grocery bag, cut it into strips, tied it to the ends of those poi and used it to replicate the sound of the fire as it went past my head. And I kept lighting the poi on fire. At some point, something shifted. My perspective on fire dancing changed from something that I was apprehensive about to something that brought me a sort of peace.
所以我持续练习。我拿杂货店的塑料袋，裁成带状，绑在火键的末端，用它们来彷制火扫过我的头旁边时发出的声音。我持续将火键点燃。在某个时点，转变发生了。我对火舞的观点改变了，从我忧虑的东西，变成了带给我宁静的东西。
Without realizing it, I had initiated my own form of exposure therapy, an actual type of psychotherapy where you deliberately expose yourself to things that have caused you trauma or scare you. I'd exposed myself to fire in this very unique way and had transformed what it meant to me. My nightmares slowed down and now, years later, have stopped almost completely. I started fire dancing not just for myself but at events and performances. I started a fire troop with friends while living in Dubai, created beautiful art with my sister who became a photographer, taught children how to spin at birthday parties, performed onstage and at festivals and even taught my own children the basics of spinning.
不知不觉间，我展开了我自创式的暴露治疗法，它是种真的心理治疗法，刻意将你自己暴露在造成你创伤或让你恐惧的事物中。我用这种非常独特的方式将自己暴露在火中，转变了火对我的意义。我的恶梦缓解了，数年过去，现在我几乎不再做恶梦了。我开始不只为自己火舞，也去做活动、表演。住在杜拜时，我和朋友成立了一个火舞团，和我妹妹一起创作美丽的艺术，她后来成了摄影师，在生日派对上教导孩子如何做旋转，在节庆活动时在舞台上表演，最后还教我自己的孩子旋转的基础。
And that's not to say that I don't still have an apprehension to fire in general. I can practice a move a million times, but then when I try it with fire, I feel that familiar panic and tightening in my chest. I'm still apprehensive about living in a two-story house or having a fireplace. Every night before I go to sleep, I clear a path between my kids' bedroom doors, our bedroom door and all the exit doors, in case we need to leave quickly. And it's taken me a long time to get on board with the idea of closing bedroom doors at night to slow down a fire, because I'd always thought if I closed my kids' bedroom doors, I might not be able to hear them like my mom heard me.
不知不觉间，我展开了我自创式的暴露治疗法，它是种真的心理治疗法，刻意将你自己暴露在造成你创伤或让你恐惧的事物中。我用这种非常独特的方式将自己暴露在火中，转变了火对我的意义。我的恶梦缓解了，数年过去，现在我几乎不再做恶梦了。我开始不只为自己火舞，也去做活动、表演。住在杜拜时，我和朋友成立了一个火舞团，和我妹妹一起创作美丽的艺术，她后来成了摄影师，在生日派对上教导孩子如何做旋转，在节庆活动时在舞台上表演，最后还教我自己的孩子旋转的基础。
And that's not to say that I don't still have an apprehension to fire in general. I can practice a move a million times, but then when I try it with fire, I feel that familiar panic and tightening in my chest. I'm still apprehensive about living in a two-story house or having a fireplace. Every night before I go to sleep, I clear a path between my kids' bedroom doors, our bedroom door and all the exit doors, in case we need to leave quickly. And it's taken me a long time to get on board with the idea of closing bedroom doors at night to slow down a fire, because I'd always thought if I closed my kids' bedroom doors, I might not be able to hear them like my mom heard me.
并不是说我大体上就不再怕火了。一个动作，我可以练习一百万次，但当我点火再来做时，我的胸口仍然会感到熟悉的慌张和紧绷。我仍然会怕住在两层楼的房子里，也会怕有壁炉的房子。每晚，我睡觉前，我会确保孩子的卧室门、我们的卧室门，及所有出口之间是畅通的，以免我们需要快速离开。我花了很长的时间才能认同晚上把卧室房门关上可以减缓大火延烧的观念，因为我总是认为，如果关上孩子卧室的房门，我可能就无法像我母亲当初听见我叫喊一样听见他们。
And of course, this is my story. I can't say that I have the answer for someone with a different kind of trauma. If the situation had been reversed, and I'd lost a child in a fire, I'm not sure that fire dancing would be the answer, or if I'd even have the capacity to get near fire again. But what I can say from my own experience is that after experiencing a trauma or hardship, you have a choice between two paths. One path will lead you to a life of fear and cowering in the darkness, like that black-and-white painting I described earlier. You might move on with life, but at the same time, you're still clinging to that sadness that brings you comfort. The other path, stepping out of grief, will not change or undo anything. It will be hard. It will always be hard, with high mountains and deep, dark valleys. But this path looks forward and moves forward.
当然，这是我的故事。我无法说我的答案适用受到其他创伤的人。如果情况反过来，我在大火中失去了孩子，我不确定火舞还会是我的答案，也不确定我会有办法能再次靠近火。但根据我自己的经验，我能说，在经历了创伤或困境之后，你可以在两条路之间做选择。一条路会带你到恐惧且抖缩在黑暗中的人生，就像我先前提到的黑白画作。你可能可以继续过日子，但同时，你仍然会紧抓着那带给你安慰的悲伤。另一条路，走出悲痛，不会改变什么，发生的已经发生。这条路不好走。一直都不好走，有高山，有黑暗的深谷。但这条路是向前看、向前行。
When I learned to dance with fire, I learned to reconcile the traumatic part of my life with the totality of my life as it was still unfolding. Fire became more than just trauma but beauty and art as well, everything, all at once, just like life, flickering and smoldering and burning and dazzling, and somehow, in the middle of it, finding a way to dance ... me.
当我学会与火同舞时，我学会在我的人生仍然在持续展开的过程中，和我人生中创伤的那部分和平相处，火变成不只是创伤，也是美，也是艺术，这杂陈的五味，就像人生，摇曳不定、闷烧、燃烧、让人目眩，不知怎么的，在这过程中，就能找到起舞的方式……我。
Thank you.
谢谢。