生活大爆炸第七季:第11集:要是没遇到谢尔顿(上)
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Advantage left-side competitor.
左边选手领先
Wow, you're really good at this.
哇，你游刃有余啊
Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity.
我重心极低
I'm like a pyramid.
就像个金字塔
How you doing over there?
你那儿怎么样了?
Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.
噢，我希望这只是扭伤
I cannot walk into that E.R. with another video game injury.
我不要又因为电子游戏伤，进那个急诊室了
Hey, Sheldon, you want to play next?
嘿，谢尔顿，你一会儿玩吗?
Oh, I would, but I'm on my way out.
哦，我想玩，但我要出门了
Where? Texas.
去哪儿?德克萨斯州
Right now? Why?
现在?为什么?
Is someone sick?
是不是有人病了?
Yes. My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
是的，我姐姐的子宫上长出了个孩子
Oh, she's pregnant? That's great. You're gone an uncle-Uncle Sheldon.
噢，她怀孕了?太棒了，你成舅舅了呢，谢尔顿舅舅
No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
不，我会变成库珀博士舅舅
How come you never said she was pregnant?
你怎么能从来不提她怀孕的事?
Well, I never told you about my brother's kidney stone.
额，我从没告诉你我哥哥的肾结石啊
You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?
你难道想知道关于我家庭成员生殖器的一切事宜吗?
Well, congrats, and it's nice you're gonna be there for your sister.
好吧，恭喜，很棒呢，你要在那儿照顾你姐姐
Yes. I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering from a horrible motorcycle accident. Lucky duck.
是的，我要填补她丈夫的空缺，他刚从一个严重的机动车事故中痊愈。幸运的家伙
Wow, so, how long will you be gone?
那你要去多久呢?
Well, she's due tomorrow.
嗯，明天她就生了
Although it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows?
她可是花了六年完成高中学习的，所以谁知道呢?
Can I give you a ride to the airport?
要我载你去机场吗?
Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to be an inconvenience.
噢不了，谢谢，我不想成为一个累赘
Chop-chop, Leonard. We leave in ten minutes.
快快快，莱纳德。我们十分钟后出发
All right, here's the deal.
好嘞，万事俱备
Sheldon is gone, so the tree decorating rules are out the window.
谢尔顿走了，所以圣诞树装饰条例全部废除
Yeah, which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament-spacing template.
是的，这意味着我们可以不用这个可笑的装饰间隔装置
And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign is holding strong at zero dollars.
而且我很开心地宣告它的kickstarter项目，筹集资金维持在零美元呢
Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch?
等等，这么说《星球大战》和《星际迷航》的角色可以装饰在同一根树枝上了?
I know, it's crazy.
我知道，这很疯狂
Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
欢迎来到雷电堡!
I've never done this before. It's kind of fun.
我还从没干过这个呢，很有意思呢
Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now, she'd have a heart attack.
是的，如果你妈现在看到她的受戒犹太小男孩，她会心脏病发
Good idea, I'll take a picture.
好主意，我来照张相
Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year, so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you... this.
亲爱的，今年我手头有点儿紧呢，所以圣诞节我打算给你……这个
I love it. Okay.
哦我喜欢。好
But it is what you got me last year.
但这也是你去年给我的
Yeah. And last night.
对，还有昨晚
Hello. Hi, Stuart. Oh, good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start.
嗨。嗨，斯图尔特。噢，不错，我很高兴你们没有等我就开始了
Although you said 7:00 and it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine.
虽然你们说了是7点，而且现在，现在是7点，但没关系
Oh, it's probably Sheldon.
噢，可能是谢尔顿呢
Hi, Sheldon. Everybody's here, say hi.
嗨，谢尔顿，大家都在呢，打个招呼吧
Hi, Hey, buddy. Hey. Howdy. Hi. Hello.
嗨，哥们你好，嘿，怎么样？嗨，你好
The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
我前脚刚走，你们就趁我不在办圣诞派对了?
Yeah, kind of.
额，算是吧
That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.
太贴心了，你们真是美国好朋友
Hey, how's your sister?
嘿，你姐姐怎么样了?
She went into labour an hour ago.
一小时前就开始阵痛了
That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital?
太好了，那你现在在医院咯?
No, she chose to have a home birth... because she wants to live in the Stone Ageand a cave wasn't available.
没，她选在家里生...因为她想活在石器时代，可这里没有洞穴
You know, many people believe that home births are better, because
其实，很多人认为在家分娩更好，因为
the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
家里的环境温暖舒适，还有家人的悉心照料
And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.
然后家里的地板变成羊水滑梯
Shelly, come on! Your sister's fully dilated and she wants a nice family picture before there's blood everywhere!
谢仔，快来!你姐姐子宫已经完全张开了，她想在鲜血四溅之前来一张温馨的全家福!
Oh, boy. I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T-shirt.
哦，天呐，真不该在今天穿这件拉风的机器人T恤
If you were having Sheldon's baby would you really want him in the room?
如果你怀了谢尔顿的孩子，你真希望他在产房里围观?
Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby, I'll give you ten dollars.
那啥，如果他们真能共处一室造人，我给你10美元
Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life if you guys want to watch it later.
嗨，我带了电影《美好人生》过来，待会一起看啊
Oh, I love that movie. I've never seen it. Me neither.
哦，我超爱那部，从没看过，我也是
It's great. It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself...
电影可棒了，那是在圣诞节，吉米·斯图尔特万念俱灰，打算跳桥自杀，结束自己的生命...
Don't need to see it. Living it.
不必看了，正经历着
But then he gets to see what the world would be like if he'd never been born.
后来他有幸目睹如果自己未曾出生，世界又会如何
Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like?
那你们设身处地想过吗?
Not being born?
如果自己没有来到这个世界?
What do you think?
你认为呢?
What do you think?
你认为呢?
What do you think?
你认为呢?
You make jokes about Sheldon, but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in this room right now.
你们拿谢尔顿开玩笑，但要不是他，我想此时我们就不会像现在这样坐在一起
Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.
讲真的?正是因为谢尔顿不在，我才愿意在这屋里待着
It's true. None of you would know me.
真的啊，不然你们不会认识我
You wouldn't know Bernadette.
也不会与伯纳黛特相识
You wouldn't be dating Penny. You don't know that I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up.
你没机会和佩妮拍拖，才不是呢，我常年去芝士蛋糕店吃饭，可能就泡上她了
Oh, you weren't joking.
哦，你没在开玩笑啊
No. Okay, sweetie, let me tell you exactly how that would have gone down.
当然。好吧，甜心，让我来告诉你那样故事会如何发展
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.
我决定了，我要约她出去
I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples.
我的乳头要喷出巧克力牛奶
Sorry, I thought we're saying things that are never gonna happen.
抱歉，我还以为我们在讨论绝不会发生的事情呢
Maybe this time he's going to do it.
也许这次他真的会迈出这步
Hope you're thirsty, here it comes. Watch me.
口渴了吧，给你挤奶喝。看着吧
Hey, you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes?
嗨，你们希望现在就点还是再等会?
I, uh, ah, um, I... A few minutes it is.
我，呃，唔，我...那就再等会儿
You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
你没约她出去，倒是出了不少声
You guys are making me nervous.
你们这些混蛋让我很忐忑
Fine, then go talk to her on your own. I will.
好吧，你自己找她说话。我就去
Excuse me. Yeah? Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard.
不好意思。什么事?你好，唔，我是那个莱纳德
Really? You don't sound so sure.
真的吗?你好像不太确定
No, I am he.
不，我就是他
Uh, any-anyway, um, there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. Um...
呃，不过，唔，有些事很久以前，就想问你了，唔...
What's that? Eh, uh, well, I was wondering... if you're not too busy... um, uh, if,
什么事? 呃，就是，我想知道，如果你有空的话，唔，如果...
if you'd be interested in...telling me where the restroom is?
如果你会告诉我洗手间在哪?
I think you're too late.
恐怕来不及了
Come on, I would not have peed my pants.
拜托，我肯定不会尿裤子的
She nailed it. Sounds about right.
她说的没错， 听起来就是这样
But, you forget, I did ask you out in real life.
你别忘了，在现实生活中我真的约过你
Which couldn't have happened if you didn't live across the hall from her, which couldn't have happened without Sheldon.
如果你们没住对门也就不会发生，还不多亏了谢尔顿
Same goes with you guys.
你俩也一样
If Leonard wasn't with Penny, she never would have set you up.
如果莱纳德没和佩妮在一起，她也不会撮合你和伯纳黛特
Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would've been working at The Cheesecake Factory, and I still would've been working this beefcake factory.
这没关系，伯纳黛特还是会在芝士蛋糕店工作，我也依旧是宝刀未老的"鸡肉"美男
You would've been all over me. Well...
你肯定会将我扑倒。这个嘛...
Hey, Penny, can I take that table?
佩妮，我能接手那桌吗?
Sure, why? The one in the turtleneck is cute.
当然啦，为什么啊?那个高领男是我的菜
Open wide, here comes the happy train.
张大嘴嘴咯,开心小火车要进站啦
Mm-hmm, chug-a chug-a, yum, yum.
嗯，狂吃，狂吃，美味，美味啊
Oh. Hang on. You got a... you got a little something. Never mind.
噢。别动。你脸上...沾了点东西，还是算了吧
Oh, man, that is so us.
我的老天，我们还真是这样的
You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
说起来，也许你我没有在一起，但你肯定比现在过得糟
Why?Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would've ended up with.
凭什么?因为我清楚的很，你会和哪种男人共度余生
Hey, babe. Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
嘿，宝贝。嘿，没忘交房租吧?
Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.
比交了更赞，我用那些钱买了这些魔法豆呢
He may be an idiot, but at least he didn't pee himself.
他也许是个傻蛋，但至少他没尿自己一身啊
Oh, hold on. Aw, babe, I peed myself. Me, too.
莫急，嗷，宝贝，我尿裤子了。我也是啊
The end.
全剧终
Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay?
嗨，谢尔顿，一切都好吗?
No, it's not. I've seen things. Lady things.
不，一点都不好，我看到了些东西，女人身上的东西
Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
听我说，那不是它们本来的样子
Doesn't matter.
无所谓
This is no way to make new humans.
这不是在繁衍生息
People coming out of people.
人从人身体里出来
It's some kind of dirty magic show.
这明明是某种恶俗的魔术节目
Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get back in this room right now.
谢尔顿·李·库珀！你现在赶紧滚回这间房
Bring a mop.
带着拖把
Did you hear that?
你听到没?
A mop. I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.
拖把！我堂堂一个双博士学位的学者如今沦为我姐姐产道的清洁工
Hey, Sheldon sent us all an e-mail.
快看，谢尔顿给我们发了群邮件
"Happy holidays from Texas."
来自德克萨斯的节日祝福
And there's pictures. Aah! ! Don't open them. Do not open them.
还有图片呢，我去啊啊，别打开，千万别打开
Oh, come on. Childbirth is a natural, beautiful...
拜托。生产是一种自然的，美丽的...
Oh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
天哪，好像有人把一头牛锯成两半
My father's a gynecologist, I think I can handle it. And, now, I'm gay.
我老爸是个妇科医生，我觉得我能挺住，如此这般，好吧，我甘做基佬
You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would still live across from him.
真的，我在想如果没有谢尔顿，我们大多会是陌路人，但佩妮还是会住在他对面
And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean. We do?
这么一来莱纳德便出局了，接下来想必各位心知肚明。真的?
Hey, Sheldon. Hello.
是你呢，谢尔顿。你好
Doing laundry?
洗衣服呢?
Of course I'm doing laundry.
我当然在洗衣服
Saturday night is laundry night, and I'm in a laundry room, so... I believe your inference is justified.
星期六是洗衣之夜，并且我就在洗衣房里，所以...我确信你的推理很合理
Oh, my inference is justified.
噢，我的推理很合理
Sheldon, you are so funny.
谢尔顿，你太幽默了
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