第九季:第16集 霍德华夫妇的怀孕焦虑症(上)
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Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
《生活大爆炸》前情提要
Oh, look at all that chest hair. And overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.
看看你茂密的胸毛和小龅牙，完全就是沃罗威茨家族的一员呀
Son of a bitch, he bit me. Okay, I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
我勒个去，他咬了我，我还是去自己急诊室确认一下吧
Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
华仔，这只是你的臆想病犯了
When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf, that was my hypochondria.
我坐到静音键上，以为自己聋了，那才叫臆想病
We'll find another time to tell him I'm pregnant.
我们另找个时间告诉他我怀孕了吧
Morning. Morning. "We"
早，早，"我们"
What is thisI don't know. Maybe it says something on the back.
这是什么，我不知道，也许后面写了什么吧
"Continued on milk." If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast, it didn't work for my mom, and it won't work for you.
"后续提示，请看牛奶盒"，如果你是想骗我自己做早饭，我妈从前没成功，你也别想得逞
"Are." "We are..." "See spoons for more."
"是"，"我们是""预知后事，请看勺子"
What could it be?
会是什么呢
"We are Groot""We are the champions""We are family""I got all my sisters with me."
"我们是格鲁特"，"我们是冠军"，"我们是一家人"，"我永远同我的姐妹们在一起"
Are you seriousYeah. Are you surePretty positive.
你是说真的吗，是的，你确定吗，确定一定以及肯定（阳性）
That's a joke, because the pregnancy test says...
这是个双关语笑话，因为怀孕测试也是...
Oh, my God. This is incredible. We're gonna be parentsWe're gonna get to board planes first.
我的天啊，太棒了，我们要当爸爸妈妈了，以后我们可以优先上飞机了
Finally gonna get to see what's in that family bathroom at the mall.
终于可以看看商场的家庭卫生间长什么样子了
I know, it's crazy. I mean, how do you... prepare for something like thisI'm not even sure I've held a baby before.
我知道，这事太疯狂了，这种事情该如何准备呢，我都不确定自己以前抱过婴儿没有
Oh, it's okay, you'll figure it out.
没关系，你会慢慢学会的
But how's this all gonna work?Do we get a nanny?I mean, can we afford a nanny?
可还有其他的事呢，我们需要找保姆吗，我是说，我们请得起保姆吗
And if we can, we can't get a pretty one, 'cause it'll wreck our marriage.
就算请得起，也不能找漂亮的，否则我们的婚姻就会出现危机
We can't get an ugly one, 'cause it'll scare the kid.
但也不能找太丑的，否则会吓坏宝宝的
II don't know, Howie. Are we in a good school district?
我不知道，华仔，我们这里算是好学区吗
You're Catholic, I'm Jewish. What religion do we raise itAnd if it's a boy, do we get him circumcised?
你信天主教，我是犹太人，我们的孩子应该信什么教呢，如果生了男孩，应该让他行割礼吗
People say it's barbaric, but if we don't, it looks like a pig in a blanket.
有人说割礼是野蛮的行为，但如果不割，看起来又像面包裹腊肠
Calm down, it's gonna be okay.
冷静一下，一切都会好的
How's it gonna be okay?Look at me, I'm a mess. And that means this baby's gonna half a mess.
怎么可能会好，你看看我，我整个人一团糟，这就表示这孩子会是半团糟
And that's even before we screw it up with our cutrate moderately attractive nanny.
孩子早就输在起跑线上了，加上保姆廉价长相一般就更惨了
Hey, Raj, I read a couple guys in your department may have discovered a new planet in our solar system?
拉杰，我看新闻说你们学院的一群人好像在太阳系发现了新的行星
Oh, I heard about that.Why didn't you discover it?
我也听说了,怎么不是你发现的呢
Because instead of being in the telescope room, I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays.
因为我没有泡在望远镜室里，而是忙着给你们几个做节日手工果酱
Well, you be sure to let us know when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry.
当你凭借波森莓果酱赢得诺贝尔奖时，记得通知我们
Hello. Hey, bud. Ready to play when you are.
大家好，你好啊，你准备好就能开玩了
Yeah, um, in a minute. I actually need to tell you guys something.
先等一等，我有事要告诉你们
If it's "Thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December, congratulations, you're the first one.
如果是为了12月的手工果酱说谢谢，恭喜你，你是第一个这么做的人
What's going on?
出什么事了
I'm, uh...uh, gonna be a father.
那个，我...要当爸爸了
That's so amazing. WhatCongratulations. Oh, no.
太棒了，什么，恭喜你，太糟了
Why "Oh, no"?
你干嘛说太糟了
Because this changes everything. What about comic book night?
因为所有的事都要改变了，咱们以后的漫画之夜怎么办
Uh, what about playing games togetherWhat about our trips to Disneyland?
我们还能愉快地一起打游戏吗，我们还能一起去迪斯尼乐园吗
How can we do those things with a child around?
以后有了孩子，我们还怎么做这些事呀
Relax, there's room for two babies in this group.
别紧张，我们大家可以忍受两个小宝宝
Oh, dear Lord...Penny's pregnant, too?
我勒个去，佩妮也怀孕了吗
You're the other baby.
另一个宝宝就是你
Oh, really?Okay, well, would a baby have to shave once every 11 days?
真的吗，有哪个宝宝每隔11天就需要刮一次胡子啊
Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers because one of them was broken?
有哪个成年人会拒绝吃他的全麦饼干仅仅因为其中一块破掉了吗
I guess we'll call this a draw.
这局我们俩平手
So, I'm glad you guys are here. There's something I want to share with you. Howie and I are going to...
我很高兴你们俩都在这里，有件事我要告诉你们，华仔和我要...
Leonard says you're pregnant. What?
莱纳德说你怀孕了，什么
"Don't say anything. Act surprised when she tells you."
不要说出来，她告诉你时要装成很惊讶的样子"
All right, how you want to do thisI'm pregnant.
好吧，你想我们怎么演，我怀孕了
Oh, my God, I can't believe it! This is so exciting!
我的天，我真不敢相信，太激动人心了
Yeah, it's all real exciting. Areare you not happy about this?
是呀，是挺让人激动的，你，你不开心吗
I am. Ofof course I am. I'm...I'm sure it's just the hormones.
开心呀，我当然开心，可能只是荷尔蒙作祟吧
But it's weird. Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years, and I was all excited to tell him
但还是很奇怪，华仔这么多年来一直想要小孩，我本来很开心地告诉他
because I thought he'd be thrilled, but then he started to flip out and now this feels like a bad idea and I'm gonna get fat.
以为他会激动到疯掉，结果他慌成一团，搞得我现在觉得这不是好事，而且我还会变胖
No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat. You're gonna be beautiful and glowing and and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
不，不，别这样，你不会变胖，你只会越来越美，焕发母性的光辉，变成最性感最可爱的孕妈宝贝
Easy for you to say, skinny bitch. Sorry, hormones.
你说起来倒容易，你个瘦皮猴，抱歉，都是荷尔蒙作祟
Oh, that's all right. All I heard was "skinny."
没关系，我只听到了"瘦"这个字
I wouldn't make too much out of Howard not reacting the way you expected him to.
虽然霍华德的表现和你想象的不一样，但我觉得你不用担心
Yeah, I'm sure it was just the initial shock of it all.
没错，他只是一开始有点被吓到了
You're probably right. After we talked about it, he started to calm down.
你们说得对，我们好好谈过之后，他开始平静下来了
I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.
我就不该养孩子，我自己都不爱吃蔬菜
Buddy, II think you might be overreacting.
老兄，你可能反应过度了
And then there's this nose. I mean, what if he looks like me?Or worse...what if she looks like me?
还有我这个鼻子，如果他长得像我怎么办，更糟糕的是...如果女儿长得像我怎么办
Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change.
更别提对我们这个社交圈子的影响了，所有一切都会随之改变
Howard won't be able to come over as much.
霍华德不能像以前那样频繁地过来了
Well, he could bring the baby here.
他也可以把孩子带来呀
Oh, but then we'd have to babyproof the apartment. You know, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom.
但那样的话，我们就得给公寓装上婴儿保护了，我姐姐的厕所里就有那么一个马桶锁
I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.
我拥有双博士学位，都只能憋屈尿洗手池里
Oh, my God, and do you have any idea how expensive having a kid is?
天啊，你们知不知道，养一个孩子有多费钱啊
I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
有人写过，在洛杉矶养一个孩子到念完大学，费用超过一百万美元
A million dollarsGod, it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.
一百万美元不行了，感觉我蛋蛋相攻，蛋疼不已
That's it I got to start earning more money right now.
好的，我懂了，我要现在就开始多赚钱
I know you could ask Bernadette for a raise in your allowance.
我知道了，你可以跟伯纳黛特申请，让她多给你点零花钱
This isn't a joke. I wasn't joking. It'll be fine.
这不是玩笑，我没开玩笑，船到桥头自然直
People have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
天天都有人生孩子你会想到办法的
Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
就是，别这样，你也知道，这是大好的消息
You're right, it is, I'm just...A little overwhelmed right now.
你说得对，我只是一时有些接受不了
Hey, you know what we should do?
知道我们该去干嘛吗
All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
全体去做输精管切除术，以免后患吗
Go out and celebrate. But not your worst idea.
一起出去庆祝，刚才不是你说过最差的主意
Hey, let's go do something to get your mind off this.
我们一起去放松放松心情吧
Yeah, yeah, we should go out. Where?
好啊，我们应该出去，去哪
Uh, I don't know, a barCan't drink.
不知道，酒吧，不能喝酒
We can, but all right. Are you hungryHow about that sushi place you love?
我们能喝，但好吧，你饿吗，要不要去你喜欢的那家寿司店
Doctor said I can't have sushi.
医生说我不能吃寿司
Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
好的，我们也可以哪都不去，我们可以就待在这，在浴缸里聊天
Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
医生说我不能泡浴缸
Maybe you should get a new doctor. What, he said you can't laugh either?
要不你还是换个医生吧，干嘛，他也说了你不能笑吗
I'd like to propose a toast to our friend, Howard his, um, his big heart, his beautiful soul...And his tight little pants that somehow did not make him sterile. Cheers.
让我们举杯敬我们的朋友，霍华德一个胸怀宽广，灵魂美丽，穿着勒蛋小紧裤也没有因此不育的男人，干杯
Well, look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money.
看这个发明这个小雨伞的人，估计是不用担心没钱了
He can have all the kids he wants. And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.
他想生几个孩子就生几个，还能挡掉头顶的一小部分区域的雨滴
If I'm gonna have any chance of raising this kid, I need to come up with a big idea to make some money.
如果我要养这个孩子，必须想出超级赚钱的点子
There's no reason you can't.
没理由不行啊
That's easy for you to say. You and Sheldon already came up with your superfluid helium model.
你说得倒容易，你和谢尔顿已经想出了超流氦模型
That's just research. We're never gonna make any money from it.
那只是研究，根本没机会用来赚钱
Forget helium. The real superfluid is the fruit punch in this mug.
去他的氦，这杯子里的旁趣酒才是真正的超流逼
Reminds me of my daddy's secret "Don't Tell Mama" juice. "
让我想起我爸的秘密，不许告诉妈妈"果汁
Uh, these are strong, you should slow down.
这酒挺烈的，你慢点喝
I'll just take one last sip.
那我再喝最后一口
Okay, how about this for an invention slightly... bigger cocktail umbrellas.
好吧，这个发明怎么样，稍微大一点的鸡尾酒小雨伞
How is that a new invention?
这算什么新发明
I don't know, all Apple does is change the size of things and we keep buying them.
我不知道，苹果公司也只是产品大小变换，我们不也买个不停吗
It's true. I like my giant iPad and my little iPad almost as much as my regularsized iPad.
真的，我对我的大iPad和我的小iPad的喜爱几乎等同于我对正常尺寸iPad的喜爱
This place is terrific. Whywhy have we never been here before?
这个地方太棒了，我们之前怎么没来过
The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff you.
跟其他好玩却不能做的事一样，因为你啊
That's some smart talk from a guy who can't even keep his face in focus.
挺伶牙俐齿，牙尖嘴利，就是脸上焦距老跑掉啊
Where's the bathroom?Uh, it's in the corner. Excuse me.
厕所在哪，在拐角处，失陪
Hey, how you doin'?
你们好呀
I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.
希望男女厕标识明显一点
Doesn't matter. He's headed for the kitchen anyway.
无所谓，反正他是往厨房方向走去了
Maybe that's an idea guidance systems for drunk people.
这个主意也许行，给醉酒人士的导向系统
They have that. It's called Uber.
早有了，叫优步叫车
In your supercooled helium experiments, did you create quantum vortices.Yeah. Why?
在你的过冷氦试验中创建过量子漩涡吗，有，怎么了
Well, if you made a guidance system, couldn't you use those vortices as a gyroscope?
如果你建立一个导向系统，是不是可以把漩涡当做螺旋仪使用
I've never thought about that. And since it's in a quantum state, it would maintain an infinite persistence.
我从来没想过，而且由于是在量子态下就能保持无限持续
Groundbreaking revelations, tropical drinks.
开创性启示，热带鸡尾酒
Tell me this isn't like the best episode of Sex and the City. You may have actually just come up with something.
这简直是最棒的一集《欲望都市》了，你真有可能想出了好点子
You think so?I really do.
你觉得是吗，真的
You guys, the bathroom here is amazing. There's people cooking in it.
大伙，这里的厕所太妙了，里面有人在做饭呢
