Letters Live丨英国版《见字如面》——安德鲁读信:泰德休斯给爱子的信(4)
So there it is. And the sense of itself, in that little being, at its core, is what it always was. But since that artificial secondary self took over the control of life around the age of eight, and relegated the real, vulnerable, supersensitive, suffering self back into its nursery, it has lacked training, this inner prisoner.
就是这样。而它自身的感觉，在那个小小的存在里，在它的核心，就是它一直以来的样子。但是自从这个人造的第二自我在八岁左右接管了生活的控制权，并把真实的、脆弱的、超敏感的、痛苦的自我送回它的育儿室以来，它缺乏训练，这是个困在内心深处的囚徒。
And so, wherever life takes it by surprise, and suddenly the artificial self of adaptations proves inadequate, and fails to ward off the invasion of raw experience, that inner self is thrown into the front line — unprepared, with all its childhood terrors round its ears.
因此，无论生活在什么地方出其不意，突然适应的人造自我被证明是不充分的，而且无法抵挡来自原始经验的入侵，那个内在的自我就会被抛到前线——毫无准备，儿时的种种恐惧萦绕在耳边。
And yet that’s the moment it wants. That’s where it comes alive — even if only to be overwhelmed and bewildered and hurt. And that’s where it calls up its own resources—not artificial aids, picked up outside, but real inner resources, real biological ability to cope, and to turn to account, and to enjoy.
然而，这正是它想要的时刻。这就是它苏醒的地方——即使只是不知所措、困惑和受伤。这就是它调用自己的资源的地方——不是从外部获得的人工辅助，而是真正的内在资源，真正的生物应对能力，来考虑，来享受。
That’s the paradox: the only time most people feel alive is when they’re suffering, when something overwhelms their ordinary, careful armour, and the naked child is flung out onto the world. That’s why the things that are worst to undergo are best to remember.
这就是矛盾之处：大多数人只有在遭受苦难时才发觉还活着，当某些事物压倒了他们平时小心翼翼的盔甲，将赤身裸体的孩子抛落到这个世界之时。这就是为什么最痛苦的经历会留下最深刻的记忆。
