双语·面纱 第十一章
But one afternoon when she was walking home from Harrod's she chanced to meet Walter Fane in the Brompton Road, He stopped and talked to her. Then, casually, he asked her if she would take a turn with him in the Park. She had no particular wish to go home; it was not just then a very agreeable place. They strolled along, talking as they always talked, of casual things, and he asked her where she was going for the summer.
“Oh, we always bury ourselves in the country. You see, father is exhausted after the term's work and we just go to the quietest place we can find.”
Kitty spoke with her tongue in her cheek, for she knew quite well that her father had not nearly enough work to tire him and even if he had his convenience would never have been consulted in the choice of a holiday. But a quiet place was a cheap place.
“Don't you think those chairs look rather inviting?” said Walter suddenly.
She followed his eyes and saw two green chairs by themselves under a tree on the grass.
“Let us sit in them,” she said.
But when they were seated he seemed to grow strangely abstracted. He was an odd creature. She chattered on, however, gaily enough and wondered why he had asked her to walk with him in the Park. Perhaps he was going to confide in her his passion for the flat-footed nurse in Hong Kong. Suddenly he turned to her, interrupting her in the middle of a sentence, so that she could not but see that he had not been listening, and his face was chalk white.
“I want to say something to you.”
She looked at him quickly and she saw that his eyes were filled with a painful anxiety. His voice was strained, low and not quite steady. But before she could ask herself what this agitation meant he spoke again.
“I want to ask if you'll marry me.”
“You could knock me down with a feather,” she answered so surprised that she looked at him blankly.
“Didn't you know I was awfully in love with you?”
“You never showed it.”
“I'm very awkward and clumsy. I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't.”
Her heart began to beat a little more quickly. She had been proposed to often before, but gaily or sentimentally, and she had answered in the same fashion. No one had ever asked her to marry him in a manner which was so abrupt and yet strangely tragic.
“It's very kind of you,” she said, doubtfully.
“I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I wanted to ask you before, but I could never bring myself to it.”
“I'm not sure if that's very well put,” she chuckled.
She was glad to have an opportunity to laugh a little, for on that fine, sunny day the air about them seemed on a sudden heavy with foreboding. He frowned darkly.
“Oh, you know what I mean. I didn't want to lose hope. But now you're going away and in the autumn I have to go back to China.”
“I've never thought of you in that way,” she said helplessly.
He said nothing more. He looked down on the grass sullenly. He was a very odd creature. But now that he had told her she felt in some mysterious way that his love was something she had never met before. She was a little frightened, but she was elated also. His impassivity was vaguely impressive.
“You must give me time to think.”
Still he did not say anything. He did not stir. Did he mean to keep her there till she had decided? That was absurd. She must talk it over with her mother. She ought to have got up when she spoke, she had waited, thinking he would answer, and now, she did not know why, she found it difficult to make a movement. She did not look at him, but she was conscious of his appearance; she had never seen herself marrying a man so little taller than herself. When you sat close to him you saw how good his features were, and how cold his face. It was strange when you couldn't help being conscious of the devastating passion which was in his heart.
“I don't know you, I don't know you at all,” she said tremulously.
He gave her a look and she felt her eyes drawn to his. They had a tenderness which she had never seen in them before, but there was something beseeching in them, like a dog's that has been whipped, which slightly exasperated her.
“I think I improve on acquaintance,” he said.
“Of course you're shy, aren't you?”
It was certainly the oddest proposal she had ever had. And even now it seemed to her that they were saying to one another the last things you would have expected on such an occasion. She was not in the least in love with him. She did not know why she hesitated to refuse him at once.
“I'm awfully stupid,” he said, “I want to tell you that I love you more than anything in the world, but I find it so awfully difficult to say.”
Now that was odd too, for inexplicably enough it touched her; he wasn't really cold, of course, it was his manner that was unfortunate: she liked him at that moment better than she had ever liked him before. Doris was to be married in November. He would be on his way to China then and if she married him she would be with him. It wouldn't be very nice to be a bridesmaid at Doris's wedding. She would be glad to escape that. And then Doris as a married woman and herself single! Everyone knew how young Doris was and it would make her seem older. It would put her on the shelf. It wouldn't be a very good marriage for her, but it was a marriage, and the fact that she would live in China made it easier. She was afraid of her mother's bitter tongue. Why, all the girls who had come out with her were married long ago and most of them had children; she was tired of going to see them and gushing over their babies. Walter Fane offered her a new life. She turned to him with a smile which she well knew the effect of.
“If I were so rash as to say I'd marry you, when would you want to marry me?”
He gave a sudden gasp of delight, and his white cheeks flushed.
“Now. At once. As soon as possible. We'd go to Italy for our honeymoon. August and September.”
That would save her from spending the summer in a country vicarage, hired at five guineas a week, with her father and mother. In a flash she saw in her mind's eye the announcement in the Morning Post that, the bridegroom having to return to the East, the wedding would take place at once. She knew her mother well enough, she could be counted on to make a splash; for the moment at least Doris would be in the background and when Doris's much grander wedding took place she would be far away.
She stretched out her hand.
“I think I like you very much. You must give me time to get used to you.”
“Then it's yes?” he interrupted.
“I suppose so.”
然而，一天午后，她在从哈罗德家步行回家的途中，在布罗姆顿路上碰巧遇见了沃尔特。他停下脚步，跟她攀谈起来。随后，他像是很随意地问她是否愿意和他一起去公园走走。她也不是特别想回家，而且公园也确实是个让人惬意的地方，于是他们一边溜达，一边像以往一样聊着天。他问她夏天打算去哪儿度假。
“哦，我们一家总是去乡下待上一段时间，你知道，忙完一个周期的工作，我父亲会很累，我们只能去那些能找到的最安静的地方。”
凯蒂虚情假意又略带自我解嘲地说道，因为她很清楚她父亲的工作量并不怎么满，不会累着的，甚至家里都不会为选择度假的地点而去征求他的意见，不过安静的地方往往就是便宜的地方。
“你不认为那些椅子在向我们发出邀请吗？”沃尔特突然说道。
她顺着他的目光看去，在不远处树下的草坪上有两把空着的椅子。
“那我们去坐会儿吧。”她说道。
但当他们坐下来以后，他似乎又变得高深莫测起来，真是个怪人。不过，她还是心情不错地一边聊着天，一边在心中揣摩他邀请她一起到公园散步的原因，也许他打算向她吐露他自己对远在香港的某个扁平足护士的爱情。突然，他转向了她，在她说到半截的时候打断了她，她虽然不知道他要说什么，但明白他没有在听她的话，而且他的脸变得刷白。
“有些话我想对你说。”
她很快地看了他一眼，发现他的眼睛里充满了痛苦的焦虑。他的声音变得紧张、低沉，还有点儿语无伦次。可是在她能够思考他的这种激动由来之前，他再一次开了口。
“我想问你是否愿意嫁给我。”
“你吓着我了。”她吃惊地回答说，茫然地望着他。
“你看不出来吗，我早就爱上了你？”
“你从来没有表露出来呀。”
“我笨嘴拙舌，总是发现词不达意。”
她的心跳开始加快，以前经常有人向她求婚，但不管这些人求婚时是兴高采烈，还是多愁善感，她总能用相同的方式回答，还从来没有人用这样一种突如其来、还带着某种奇怪的悲剧色彩的方式向她求婚。
“你真的太好了。”她迟疑不决地回答道。
“我第一次见到你，就爱上了你，我也早就想向你表白，但总也鼓不起勇气。”
“我不能确定这么做好不好。”她咯咯地笑了起来。
她很高兴能有机会笑上一小会儿了，因为在这个阳光灿烂的晴朗日子，周围的气氛似乎突然笼罩在浓重的不祥之兆中，他的眉头紧锁。
“哦，你知道我的意思，我不想放弃希望，但是现在你快要走了，而在秋天我也不得不回到中国去。”
“可我从来没有把你看作是追求者。”她无助地说道。
他不再说话了，低着头阴沉地看着草地。他确实是个怪人，不过现在他已经告诉她了一切，而且是以某种她觉得神秘的方式来表白，他的这种爱也是她以前从未碰到过的。她有点儿受到了惊吓，但同时也有些暗自得意，他的泰然自若还隐约留在她的印象中呢。
“你得给我时间让我考虑考虑。”
他依然一动不动，也没有说话，他该不会想让她就在这里做出决定吧？那也太荒唐了，她必须和母亲商量一下。说这话时她本该站起身来，但她还是坐在那儿，等着他的回答。现在她发现，不知道为什么很难再动一动身子了，她没有看他，但能够感觉到他表情的变化。她以前从来没有想到会嫁给一个个头只比自己高那么一点儿的男人。当你紧挨着他坐在一起的时候，能看到他外表俊朗，不苟言笑，当你意识到在他内心中有着摧枯拉朽般强烈的激情时，会觉得很奇怪。
“我不了解你，一点儿都不了解你。”她声音颤抖地说道。
他看着凯蒂，而凯蒂不知不觉也被他的目光所吸引，她以前在他的眼睛中从来没见到过这种温柔，但同时还有某种乞求的成分在里面，就像一条被鞭打的狗，而这一点又有点儿惹恼了她。
“我觉得已经跟你很熟了呢。”他说道。
“可你还是挺害羞的，不是吗？”
显然，这是她遇到过的最奇特的求婚了。尽管如此，在这样的场合下，对她来说他们彼此间的谈话无论如何也该打住了。她一点儿也不爱他，她不知道为什么不当场拒绝他，还显得犹犹豫豫。
“我真是个笨蛋。”他说，“我想告诉你，我对你的爱胜过世上的一切，但我又发现这很难说出口。”
另一件奇怪的事也发生了，那就是她莫名地有些感动，让人觉得难以理解。当然了，他并非真的冷漠，只是他的行事方式不幸给人造成了这种印象，在那一时刻，她对他的厌恶没有增加，反而更喜欢他了。再说，多瑞丝在十一月份结婚，那时他也要回中国去了，如果她嫁给他，当然要和他一起去中国，这样在多瑞丝的婚礼上她就不会当伴娘了，这一点还是不错的，因为她很高兴能够摆脱这些事情，而且要是多瑞丝嫁人了，她自己还单身，这让人情何以堪！大家都知道多瑞丝有多年轻，这就让她显得更老气横秋了。她竟然嫁不出去，虽然对她来说，嫁给沃尔特不是太理想的婚姻，但毕竟她出嫁了，而她婚后会住在中国，使得这桩婚事变得更加简单，她害怕她母亲的毒舌。唉，跟她一起长大的所有女孩都早已嫁人，大多数的人还有了孩子，她懒得去看她们，也厌倦她们没完没了地谈论自己的孩子。沃尔特会带给她新的生活，她微笑着向他转过身去，她深知这样做所产生的效果。
“如果我不顾后果地答应嫁给你，你想什么时候娶我？”
他突然惊喜地喘了口气，刚才煞白的脸现在涨得通红。
“现在，马上，越快越好，我们可以在八月份和九月份去意大利度蜜月。”
那样就省去她和父母去乡下牧师的小屋了，小屋的租金一周才五个几尼。一瞬间，在想象中她仿佛看见《晨报》上登出了布告：由于新郎要返回东方工作，婚礼即刻举办。她非常了解自己的母亲，她一定会让此事引起轰动，至少在那一刻，多瑞丝会作为陪衬，而当多瑞丝盛大的婚礼举办时，她已经远走高飞了。
她伸出了手。
“我觉得自己很喜欢你，但你要给我时间让我适应你。”
“那就是说，你答应啦？”他打断了她的话。
“我想是的。”
