双语·面纱 第三十六章

36

When Waddington left her Kitty thought over what he had so carelessly said. It hadn't been very pleasant to hear and she had had to make something of an effort not to show how much it touched her. It was bitter to think that all he said was true. She knew that Charlie was stupid and vain, hungry for flattery, and she remembered the complacency with which he had told her little stories to prove his cleverness. He was proud of a low cunning. How worthless must she be if she had given her heart so passionately to such a man because--because he had nice eyes and a good figure! She wished to despise him, because so long as she only hated him she knew that she was very near loving him. The way he had treated her should have opened her eyes. Walter had always held him in contempt. Oh, if she could only get him out of her mind altogether! And had his wife chaffed him about her obvious infatuation for him? Dorothy would have liked to make a friend of her, but that she found her second-rate. Kitty smiled a little: how indignant her mother would be to know that her daughter was considered that!

But at night she dreamt of him again. She felt his arms pressing her close and the hot passion of his kisses on her lips. What did it matter if he was fat and forty? She laughed with soft affection because he minded so much; she loved him all the more for his childlike vanity and she could be sorry for him and comfort him. When she awoke tears were streaming from her eyes.

She did not know why it seemed to her so tragic to cry in her sleep.

第三十六章

当威廷顿离开以后，凯蒂对他无心中说的那些话，想了又想。他的话让她听后很不舒服，她尽力装作若无其事的样子，显示出不为所动。但想想他说的句句是实话，也着实让她心里又苦又涩。她知道查理愚蠢而又虚荣，渴望人们对他奉承巴结。她现在还清晰地记得他自鸣得意地告诉她一些能证明他聪明的小段子，他对那些自以为聪明的小伎俩还很自豪。她曾经把自己的一颗真心动情地交到这样一个男人手中，只因为——因为他有一双好看的眼睛和优雅的外表，她多么不值呀！她希望自己鄙视他，因为只要她恨他，就说明自己还在爱着他，想想他是怎么对待她的，她真应该醒醒了。沃尔特也总是对他不屑一顾。噢，如果她能把他从她的思想里连根拔掉就好了！他的妻子是不是拿她对他的痴心迷恋来跟他打趣呢？多萝西好像喜欢跟她交朋友，但是内心却把她当成二流货色。凯蒂真是哭笑不得，如果她的母亲知道她的女儿被别人看成二流货色，她老人家该是多么生气呀！

然而，当天晚上她又梦见了他，她觉出他的双臂把她抱得紧紧的，热辣辣的吻印在她的唇上。他身体发福，人到四十又有什么关系？她心里充满柔情地笑着，因为他很介意他的年龄和体型。他孩子般的虚荣心反而让她更加爱他，同情他，安慰他。当她醒来的时候，发现自己泪如泉涌。

她不知道何种缘由，这梦境对她来说是悲剧性的，让她在睡梦中都在哭泣。