双语·《西尔维娅·普拉斯诗集》 狱卒

The Jailor
狱卒

My night sweats grease his breakfast plate.
我的睡衣给他早餐的盘子抹上油。

The same placard of blue fog is wheeled into position
蓝色雾般的相同布告牌滚动到位

With the same trees and headstones.
缠绕着相同的树木和墓碑。

Is that all he can come up with,
他可以拿出的只是

The rattle of keys?
那串叮当响的钥匙？

I have been drugged and raped.
我被用了麻醉药，被强奸。

Seven hours knocked out of my right mind
我被击昏，神志不清七个小时

Into a black sack
被塞进一只黑色的麻袋

Where I relax, foetus or cat,
可以放松的地方，胎儿或是猫，

Lever of his wet dreams.
他多次梦遗的操纵杆。

Something is gone.
某样东西不见了。

My sleeping capsule, my red and blue zeppelin
我的安眠胶囊，红蓝相间似飞艇

Drops me from a terrible altitude.
从可怕的海拔将我抛下。

Carapace smashed,
外壳摔得粉碎，

I spread to the beaks of birds.
我飞散成众鸟之食。

O little gimlets—
唉，小小的螺丝锥——

What holes this papery day is already full of!
薄纸似的日子早已布满了空洞！

He has been burning me with cigarettes,
他一直用他的烟在烫我，

Pretending I am a negress with pink paws.
佯称我是黑女人长着粉色的手爪。

I am myself. That is not enough.
我是我自己。但这不够。

The fever trickles and stiffens in my hair.
高烧似水滴落，我的头发僵硬。

My ribs show. What have I eaten?
我露出肋骨。我吃了什么？

Lies and smiles.
各种谎言和微笑。

Surely the sky is not that color,
想必天空不是那颜色，

Surely the grass should be rippling.
想必青草正随风摇曳。

All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks,
整天，我用燃烧过的火柴杆黏合我的教堂，

I dream of someone else entirely.
我整个儿梦想另一个人。

And he, for this subversion,
而他，为了颠覆这梦想，

Hurts me, he
伤害我，他

With his armor of fakery,
带着假意之盔甲，

His high cold masks of amnesia.
极其冷酷，遗忘的面罩。

How did I get here?
我如何抵达此地？

Indeterminate criminal,
不确定的罪犯，

I die with variety—
我会有各种死法——

Hung, starved, burned, hooked.
被绞死，被饿死，被烧死，被钩死。

I imagine him
我想象他

Impotent as distant thunder,
仿佛远处的雷声一样虚弱，

In whose shadow I have eaten my ghost ration.
在他的阴影中我吃了小份口粮。

I wish him dead or away.
我希望他已死或远离。

That, it seems, is the impossibility.
那，似乎，是不可能之事。

That being free. What should the dark
那会是自由。没有高烧可吞食

Do without fevers to eat?
黑暗会做什么？

What should the light
没有眼睛似刀穿透

Do without eyes to knife, what would he
光明会做什么？没有我

Do, do, do without me?
他会做，做，做什么？

(1962/10/17. pp.226—227. No. 185)
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