双语·《西尔维娅·普拉斯诗集》 生日礼物

A Birthday Present
生日礼物

What is this, behind this veil, is it ugly, is it beautiful?
这是什么，藏在面纱后面，它丑陋吗，它漂亮吗？

It is shimmering, has it breasts, has it edges?
它在闪烁，它有乳房，它有边缘吗？

I am sure it is unique, I am sure it is what I want.
我肯定它是独特的，我肯定它就是我要的。

When I am quiet at my cooking I feel it looking, I feel it thinking
我在安静地烹饪，我感觉它在看，我感觉它在思考

‘Is this the one I am to appear for,
“这就是我要去见的人？

Is this the elect one, the one with black eye-pits and a scar?
这就是挑选的人，有黑眼眶、伤疤的人？

Measuring the flour, cutting off the surplus,
她在称面粉，去掉多余的，

Adhering to rules, to rules, to rules.
遵守规定，守规定，守规定。

Is this the one for the annunciation?
就是要对这个人宣布吗？

My god, what a laugh!’
我的上帝，多么可笑啊！”

But it shimmers, it does not stop, and I think it wants me.
但它在闪烁，它不停止，我想它要我。

I would not mind if it were bones, or a pearl button.
我不会在意它是否是尸骨，或一颗珍珠纽扣。

I do not want much of a present, anyway, this year.
我并不需要许多礼物，至少，今年。

After all, I am alive only by accident.
毕竟，我活着纯属偶然。

I would have killed myself gladly that time any possible way.
那次我原本很乐意自杀了事，什么方法都行。

Now there are these veils, shimmering like curtains,
现在这些面纱，像窗帘在闪烁，

The diaphanous satins of a January window
一月的窗，半透明的绸缎

White as babies’ bedding and glittering with dead breath. O ivory!
洁白如婴儿的被褥，却散发死亡气息。啊，象牙！

It must be a tusk there, a ghost-column.
它定是一根长牙，幽灵般的圆柱。

Can you not see I do not mind what it is.
你不明白，我并不在乎它是什么。

Can you not give it to me?
你不会把它给我吧？

Do not be ashamed—I do not mind if it is small.
不要感到羞愧——我不在意它是否小。

Do not be mean, I am ready for enormity.
不要小气，我乐意它是巨大的。

Let us sit down to it, one on either side, admiring the gleam,
让我俩挨着它坐下，一边一个，欣赏那亮光，

The glaze, the mirrory variety of it.
那光泽，它折射出多样化。

Let us eat our last supper at it, like a hospital plate.
让我俩共享最后的晚餐，它多像医院的餐具。

I know why you will not give it to me,
我知道你为何不把它给我，

You are terrified
你很害怕

The world will go up in a shriek, and your head with it,
这世界会在尖叫声中上升，你会随后，

Bossed, brazen, an antique shield,
浮雕式，黄铜制作，一个古老盾牌，

A marvel to your great-grandchildren.
你曾孙儿女以为是个奇迹。

Do not be afraid, it is not so.
不用担心，并非如此。

I will only take it and go aside quietly.
我只带上它，悄悄地离开。

You will not even hear me opening it, no paper crackle,
你不会听见我打开它，没有纸的沙沙声，

No falling ribbons, no scream at the end.
没有丝带的散落，没有最后的惊呼。

I do not think you credit me with this discretion.
我以为你不会称赞我如此小心翼翼。

If you only knew how the veils were killing my days.
但愿你能了解这些面纱是如何毁掉我的生活。

To you they are only transparencies, clear air.
对你而言，它们只是些透明物体，清爽空气。

But my god, the clouds are like cotton.
可我的上帝，那些云朵像棉花。

Armies of them. They are carbon monoxide.
它们很多很多。它们是一氧化碳。

Sweetly, sweetly I breathe in,
舒服地，舒服地，我吸入，

Filling my veins with invisibles, with the million
成千上万，隐形却注满我的静脉

Probable motes that tick the years off my life.
可能出现的斑点蚕食我生命的岁月。

You are silver-suited for the occasion. O adding machine——
你为此穿着银色。啊，加算器——

Is it impossible for you to let something go and have it go whole?
你怎可能放手，让它完整地离去？

Must you stamp each piece in purple,
你必须在每件物品上盖上紫色章，

Must you kill what you can?
你必须消灭你可以消灭的？

There is this one thing I want today, and only you can give it to me.
今天我只要这一样东西，只有你可以给我。

It stands at my window, big as the sky.
它站在我窗户边，宏大若天空。

It breathes from my sheets, the cold dead center
它在我床单下呼吸，严寒如死亡中心

Where spilt lives congeal and stiffen to history.
溢出的生命变稠、凝固成历史。

Let it not come by the mail, finger by finger.
不让它邮寄过来，一根根手指。

Let it not come by word of mouth, I should be sixty
不让它口头转述，全部转述完

By the time the whole of it was delivered, and too numb to use it.
我将六十岁，太迟钝不能用它了。

Only let down the veil, the veil, the veil.
只有放下那面纱，那面纱，那面纱。

If it were death
倘若它是死亡

I would admire the deep gravity of it, its timeless eyes.
我愿欣赏它的庄重，它恒久的双眼。

I would know you were serious.
我愿了解你是认真的。

There would be a nobility then, there would be a birthday.
那时会有一种崇高，会有一个生日。

And the knife not carve, but enter
那刀不是切开，而是插入

Pure and clean as the cry of a baby,
纯洁干净如婴儿的哭声，

And the universe slide from my side.
于是宇宙从我身边溜走。

(1962/09/30. pp.206—208. No. 173)
* * *