双语·《刀锋》 第二章 七

CHAPTER TWO 7
第二章 七

During the next four weeks I saw little of Elliott and his relations. He did them proud.He took them for a week-end to a grand house in Sussex and for another week-end to an even grander one in Wiltshire.He took them to the royal box at the opera as guests of a minor princess of the House of Windsor.He took them to lunch and dine with the great.Isabel went to several balls.He entertained at Claridge's a series of guests whose names made a fine show in the paper next day.He gave supper parties at Ciro's and the Embassy.In fact he did all the right things and Isabel would have had to be much more sophisticated than she was not to have been a trifle dazzled by the splendour and elegance he provided for her delectation.Elliott could flatter himself that he was taking all this trouble from the purely unselfish motive of distracting Isabel's mind from an unfortunate love affair；but I had a notion he got besides a good deal of satisfaction out of letting his sister see with her own eyes how familiar he was with the illustrious and fashionable.He was an admirable host and he took a delight in displaying his virtuosity.
这以后的四个星期中，我很少见到艾略特和布雷德利夫人母女。他带着她们四处亮相，去苏塞克斯郡的一个大户人家度一个周末，再到威尔特郡一户更气派的人家过上一个周末。他还带她们坐在皇家包厢作为温莎王室一个年轻公主的客人看歌剧；带她们和大人物们一起共进午餐和晚餐。伊莎贝尔参加了好几次舞会。他在克拉里奇酒店款待了一批批的客人，那些人的名字次日便出现在了报纸上显眼的位置。他还在吉罗酒店和使馆大设晚宴招待四方贵宾。事实上，他为了让伊莎贝尔高兴，该做的都做了——如果是一个涉世不太深的女孩，见了这纸醉金迷、高贵典雅的场面，免不了要感到眼花缭乱的。他可以自诩说他没有一点私心，费尽千辛万苦全都是为了伊莎贝尔，想让她忘掉爱情上的不幸。可我觉得他恐怕别有一番用意，是想让姐姐亲眼看看他跟那些地位高贵的人以及炙手可热的人关系是多么熟稔，从中获得巨大的满足感。他在待人接客方面可称可赞，热衷于展现自己的交际手腕。

I went to one or two of his parties myself and now and again I dropped in at Claridge's at six o'clock. I found Isabel surrounded by strapping young men in beautiful clothes who were in the Household Brigade or by elegant young men in less beautiful clothes from the Foreign Office.It was on one of these occasions that she drew me aside.
他举办的宴会我去参加过一两次，也时常在下午六点钟的时候去克拉里奇酒店他们的房间里坐坐。我发现伊莎贝尔身边老围着一群小伙子，有身材魁梧、衣着漂亮的御林军军官，也有文质彬彬、衣着不太漂亮的外交部官员。一次这样的场合，伊莎贝尔把我拉到了一边。

“I want to ask you something，”she said.“Do you remember that evening we went to a drugstore and had an ice-cream soda?”
“我想问你点事。”她说，“你可记得那天傍晚咱们俩去药店喝冰淇淋苏打水的事吗？”

“Perfectly.”
“记得清清楚楚。”

“You were very nice and helpful then. Will you be nice and helpful again?”
“那次你对我很好，对我很有帮助。能不能再帮我一次呢？”

“I'll do my best.”
“愿意效力。”

“I want to talk to you about something. Couldn't we lunch one day?”
“我想和你说点事。咱们哪天一起吃顿午饭好吗？”

“Almost any day you like.”
“你说哪一天都行。”

“Somewhere quiet.”
“找个清静一点的地方。”

“What d'you say to driving down to Hampton Court and lunching there?The gardens should be at their best just now and you could see Queen Elizabeth's bed.”
“乘车到汉普顿宫，在那儿吃午饭怎么样？花园里正是花开得盛的时候，还可以参观一下伊丽莎白女王的寝室。”

The notion suited her and we fixed a day. But when the day came the weather, which had been fine and warm, broke；the sky was grey and a drizzling rain was falling.I called up and asked her if she wouldn't prefer to lunch in town.
我的建议很合乎她的心意，于是我们约定了日期。可是到了那一天，本来晴暖的天气突然变了脸，空中阴云密布，淅淅沥沥下起了小雨。我打电话给她，问她愿意不愿意在城里吃饭。

“We shouldn't be able to sit in the gardens and the pictures will be so dark, we shan't see a thing.”
“这下子，咱们没法坐在花园里聊天了，室内也黑乎乎的，那些画是看不清的。”我说道。

“I've sat in lots of gardens and I'm fed to the teeth with old masters. Let's go anyway.”
“花园我去得多了，大师的名画我也看腻烦了。还是按计划去吧。”

“All right.”
“那好吧。”

I fetched her and we drove down. I knew a small hotel where one ate tolerably and we went straight there.On the way Isabel talked with her usual vivacity of the parties she had been to and the people she had met.She had been enjoying herself, but her comments on various acquaintances she had made suggested to me that she had shrewdness and a quick eye for the absurd.The bad weather kept visitors away and we were the only occupants of the dining-room.The hotel specialized in homely English fare and we had a cut off a leg of excellent lamb with green peas and new potatoes and a deep-dish apple pie with Devonshire cream to follow.With a tankard of pale ale it made an excellent lunch.When we had finished I suggested that we should go into the empty coffee-room where there were armchairs in which we could sit in comfort.It was chilly in there, but the fire was laid, so I put a match to it.The flames made the dingy room more companionable.
我去接她，然后我们就乘汽车走了。我知道一家小旅馆，里边提供的饭菜还可以，于是我们便直接去了那里。路上，伊莎贝尔跟平时一样健谈，讲述着她所参加过的宴会以及所遇到的人。她玩得很开心。可是，她对自己所结交的形形色色的人却缺乏好评，认为他们荒唐可笑，这让我觉得她有主见、眼光独到。下雨天，餐厅里没人，只有我们两个吃客。这家旅馆以家常的英国菜最拿手，所以我们点了一块好羊腿，配菜是绿豌豆和新马铃薯，还有用深盘子烘焙的苹果馅饼，上面抹一些德文郡奶油。我们还喝了一大杯啤酒，叫这顿午餐颇显丰盛。饭后，我建议去空咖啡室坐坐，那儿有扶手椅，比较舒服。咖啡室里寒气袭人，不过壁炉里有煤和木柴，于是我擦一根火柴将其点着。火焰让这个阴冷的房间有了宜人的生气。

“That's that，”I said.“Now tell me what you want to talk to me about.”
“言归正传吧，”我说，“把你想对我说的话讲一讲吧。”

“It's the same as last time，”she chuckled.“Larry.”
“要说的跟上次一样，”她笑嘻嘻地说，“还是拉里。”

“So I guessed.”
“我猜就是这样的。”

“You know that we've broken off our engagement.”
“你一定也知道我们解除了婚约。”

“Elliott told me.”
“艾略特跟我讲了。”

“Mamma's relieved and he's delighted.”
“妈妈松了口气，而舅舅十分开心。”

She hesitated for a moment and then embarked upon the account of her talk with Larry of which I have done my best faithfully to inform the reader. It may surprise the reader that she should have chosen to tell so much to someone whom she knew so little.I don't suppose I had seen her a dozen times and, except for that one occasion at the drugstore, never alone.It did not surprise me.For one thing, as any writer will tell you, people do tell a writer things that they don't tell others.I don't know why, unless it is that having read one or two of his books they feel on peculiarly intimate terms with him；or it may be that they dramatize themselves and, seeing themselves as it were as characters in a novel, are ready to be as open with him as they imagine the characters of his invention are.And I think that Isabel felt that I liked Larry and her, and that their youth touched me, and that I was sympathetic to their distresses.She could not expect to find a friendly listener in Elliott who was disinclined to trouble himself with a young man who had spurned the best chance a young man ever had of getting to society.Nor could her mother help her.Mrs.Bradley had high principles and common sense.Her common sense assured her that if you wanted to get on in this world you must accept its conventions, and not to do what everybody else did clearly pointed to instability.Her high principles led her to believe that a man's duty was to go to work in a business where by energy and initiative he had a chance of earning enough money to keep his wife and family in accordance with the standards of his station, give his sons such an education as would enable them on reaching man's estate to make an honest living, and on his death leave his widow adequately provided for.
说到这里，她犹豫了一下，然后就切入正题，把她和拉里的那场谈话讲述了一遍。关于那场谈话，我已向读者进行了如实的陈述。读者也许会感到奇怪：她为什么会向一个自己了解不深的人倾吐心事呢？我见她也只不过有十来次，除了药店的那次接触，我们从未单独交谈过。其实，我对此并不感到意外。就这一点而论，恐怕所有的作家都有体会——人们不愿随便吐露心事，却愿意向作家敞开心扉。原因不得而知。也许是他们看了某个作家的一两本书，便觉得跟他亲密无间了，要不就是他们将自己戏剧化了，自认为是小说里的主人公，因此愿意像他杜撰的那些人物一样对他推心置腹。还有，我觉得伊莎贝尔认为我喜欢拉里和她，认为他们的青春令我动了恻隐之心，同情他们不幸的境况。她不能指望艾略特有耐心听她倾诉。拉里有过步入社会的绝佳机会，却被他白白放弃了——对于这样的一个年轻人，艾略特是不愿浪费自己的时间的。她母亲也帮助不了她。布雷德利夫人有着自己的处世原则和做事标准。根据她的做事标准，一个人要想在这个世界站住脚跟，就应该按常规行事，而非拒绝听别人的劝告，去做一些不牢靠的事情。她的处世原则使她坚信：一个男人有责任去一家公司工作，靠自身的聪明才智积累一笔财富，按照符合自己地位的生活标准养家糊口，使儿子们受到适当教育，让他们长大后能体面地生活，自己死后能叫妻子过上衣食无忧的日子。

Isabel had a good memory and the various turns of the long discussion had engraved themselves upon it. I listened in silence till she had finished.She only interrupted herself once to ask me a question.
伊莎贝尔记性好，把那次长谈中的许多细节都记得一清二楚。我默默地听她娓娓道来，一直听到最后。中间，她仅仅中断了一次，问了我一个问题。

“Who was Ruysdael?”
“勒伊斯达尔是什么人？”

“Ruysdael?He was a Dutch landscape painter. Why?”
“勒伊斯达尔？他是荷兰的一个风景画家。怎么啦？”

She told me that Larry had mentioned him. He had said that Ruysdael at least had found an answer to the questions he was asking, and she repeated to me his flippant reply when she had inquired who he was.
她说拉里在谈话中提到了此人。根据拉里的说法，勒伊斯达尔至少对他关心的问题找到了一个答案。当时，伊莎贝尔曾问此人是谁，拉里的回答却轻描淡写。伊莎贝尔把拉里的回答对我重复了一遍。

“What d'you suppose he meant?”
“你觉得他是什么意思呢？”

I had an inspiration.
我忽然若有所悟。

“Are you sure he didn't say Ruysbroek?”
“你看他会不会说的是鲁斯布鲁克？”

“He might have. Who was he?”
“也许是吧。他是什么人？”

“He was a Flemish mystic who lived in the fourteenth century.”
“是一个生活在十四世纪的佛兰芒神秘主义者。”

“Oh，”she said with disappointment.
“噢，原来如此。”伊莎贝尔有点失望地说。

It meant nothing to her. But it meant something to me.That was the first indication I had of the turn Larry's reflection was taking, and while she went on with her story, though still listening attentively, part of my mind busied itself with the possibilities that reference of his had suggested.I did not want to make too much of it, for it might be that he had only mentioned the name of the Ecstatic Teacher to make an argumentative point；it might also have a significance that had escaped Isabel.When he answered her question by saying Ruysbroek was just a guy he hadn't known in college he evidently meant to throw her off the scent.
这一细节对伊莎贝尔倒没有什么，对我却有所启示。我总算找到了一点线索，有益于把握拉里的思想脉络。我一边注意听她讲述，一边琢磨着拉里提及此人究竟意味着什么。我不愿过度解读此事，因为拉里当时提到那位狂热的精神导师，很可能仅仅是借他以引证自己的观点。也许其中自有深意，伊莎贝尔没听出来罢了。拉里回答她的提问时，说鲁斯布鲁克是学校里的一个人，他并不认识，这显然是不想叫伊莎贝尔再追问下去。

“What do you make of it all?”she asked when she had come to an end.
“此事你怎么看？”伊莎贝尔讲述完之后问我。

I paused before replying.
我想了想，然后才说道：

“D'you remember his saying that he was just going to loaf?If what he tells you is true his loafing seems to involve some very strenuous work.”
“你还记得他说过自己要逛大街吗？假如告诉你的那些话属实，那么，这种‘逛大街’就是漫长而艰苦的过程了。”

“I'm sure it's true. But don't you see that if he'd worked as hard at any productive form of work he'd be earning a decent income?”
“我敢肯定他说的是实话。但你不觉得他如果把这么大的精力都花在有意义的工作上，就能有可观的收入吗？”

“There are people who are strangely constituted. There are criminals who'll work like beavers to contrive schemes that land them in prison and they no sooner get out than they start all over again and again land in prison.If they put as much industry, as much cleverness, resource, and patience into honest practices they could make a handsome living and occupy important positions.But they're just made that way.They like crime.”
“有些人生性就是那样古怪。一些罪犯苦心经营，机关算尽，结果锒铛入狱，可一出来他们又故态复萌，到头来还是吃牢饭。以他们的勤奋、聪明、意志和耐心，如果干正当的营生，完全可以招财进宝，在社会上占据重要的位置。可是，江山易改，本性难移。他们就喜欢作奸犯科。”

“Poor Larry，”she giggled.“You're not going to suggest that he's learning Greek to cook up a bank robbery.”
“可怜的拉里。”她咯咯笑了起来，“你不是在说他学习希腊语，目的是为了抢银行吧？”

I laughed too.
我也笑了。

“No, I'm not. What I'm trying to tell you is that there are men who are possessed by an urge so strong to do some particular thing that they can't help themselves, they've got to do it.They're prepared to sacrifice everything to satisfy their yearning.”
“不，我不是这个意思。我是想说有些人做事像走火入魔，不能够自已，不达目的誓不罢休。为了满足内心的渴望，他们什么都可以牺牲。”

“Even the people who love them?”
“连爱他们的人都可以拿来作为牺牲品？”

“Oh, yes.”
“哦，是这么回事。”

“Is that anything more than plain selfishness?”
“这不明明是自私的表现嘛。除此之外，还会是什么呢？”

“I wouldn't know，”I smiled.
“我也弄不清。”我笑笑说。

“What can be the possible use of Larry's learning dead languages?”
“拉里学习僵死的语言能有什么用处？”

“Some people have a disinterested desire for knowledge. It's not an ignoble desire.”
“有些人追求知识没有功利目的。说来这种欲望也没什么可指责的。”

“What's the good of knowledge if you're not going to do anything with it?”
“学了知识却不打算利用，那有什么意义呢？”

“Perhaps he is. Perhaps it will be sufficient satisfaction merely to know, as it's a sufficient satisfaction to an artist to produce a work of art.And perhaps it's only a step towards something further.”
“他的情况也许就是这样的。学习知识也许仅仅是为了心理上的满足，就跟艺术家能创造一件艺术品而感到心里充实一样。或者将其视为阶梯，以后谋求长足的发展。”

“If he wanted knowledge why couldn't he go to college when he came back from the war?It's what Dr. Nelson and Mamma wanted him to do.”
“如果他渴望追求知识，那他从战场归来时，为什么不上大学呢？纳尔逊医生和我妈妈就是这样劝他的。”

“I talked to him about that in Chicago. A degree would be of no use to him.I have an inkling that he had a definite idea of what he wanted and felt he couldn't get it at a university.You know, in learning there's the lone wolf as well as the wolf who runs in the pack.I think Larry is one of those persons who can go no other way than their own.”
“我在芝加哥时跟他谈过。学位对他没有用处。我有一种感觉，认为他对自己的目标是胸有成竹的，他觉得上大学实现不了自己的目标。要知道，在求知的道路上，有独行者，也有结伴而行的人。我认为拉里这种人宁愿走自己的独木桥，也不愿走别人的阳光道。”

“I remember once asking him if he wanted to write. He laughed and said he had nothing to write about.”
“记得有一次我问他想不想写作。他付之一笑，说他没有素材可写。”

“That's the most inconclusive reason for not writing that I've ever heard，”I smiled.
“若论不情愿写作，那是我所听到过的最站不住脚的理由。”我笑了笑说。

Isabel made a gesture of impatience. She was in no mood even for the mildest jest.
伊莎贝尔动了动身子，显得有点不耐烦。她没心听我说笑，哪怕是最轻松的调侃也不愿听。

“What I can't make out is why he should have turned out like this. Before the war he was just like everybody else.You wouldn't think it, but he plays a very good game of tennis and he's quite a decent golfer.He used to do all the things the rest of us did.He was a perfectly normal boy and there was no reason to suppose he wouldn't become a perfectly normal man.After all you're a novelist, you ought to be able to explain it.”
“他成了今天这种样子，实在叫人费解。战争爆发前，他跟别的人是没有什么两样的。说出来你也不会相信——他网球打得很好，打高尔夫球也是一把好手。大家干什么，他也干什么，完全是个很正常的孩子。那样的孩子将来不可能不成长为一个正正常常的男子汉。你是个小说家嘛，应该能够解释得清楚。”

“Who am I to explain the infinite complexities of human nature?”
“人性极其复杂，我才疏学浅，怎么能解释得清呢？”

“That's why I wanted to talk to you today，”she added, taking no notice of what I said.
“今天我约你来，就是想听听你的见解。”她没理会我的话，自顾自地说道。

“Are you unhappy?”
“你是不是感到不开心？”

“No, not exactly unhappy. When Larry isn't there I'm all right；it's when I'm with him that I feel so weak.Now it's just a sort of ache, like the stiffness you get after a long ride when you haven’t been on a horse for months；it’s not pain, it’s not at all unbearable, but you’re conscious of it.I shall get over it all right.I hate the idea of Larry making such a mess of his life.”
“不，不能说是不开心。拉里不在跟前，我也挺好的。和他在一起，我老觉得自己很软弱。现在我只感到有些不舒服，就好像数月没骑马，这次却骑马跑了很远的路，浑身发硬。这不是那种疼痛感，也并非忍受不了，但是却在折磨着你。我终究会挺过去的。我所无法容忍的是，拉里把他的生活搞得一团糟。”

“Perhaps he won't. It's a long, arduous road he's starting to travel, but it may be that at the end of it he'll find what he's seeking.”
“也许并非如此。他踏上了一条漫长、艰辛的道路，踽踽而行，但最终他会找到自己所追求的东西的。”

“What's that?”
“那是什么呢？”

“Hasn't it occurred to you?It seems to me that in what he said to you he indicated it pretty plainly. God.”
“你难道没有想到过？从他告诉你的那些话看来，他的意思已经很明显了。他要找的是上帝。”

“God！”she cried. But it was an exclamation of incredulous surprise.Our use of the same word, but in such a different sense, had a comic effect, so that we were obliged to laugh.But Isabel immediately grew serious again and I felt in her whole attitude something like fear.“What on earth makes you think that?”
“上帝！”她叫出了声。可是，她这一句是惊叹语，表达的是意外和难以相信的心情。我们用了同一字眼，但是，意义却完全两样，因此而产生了一种喜剧效果，使得我们都笑了起来。但是，伊莎贝尔立刻又严肃起来。我觉得她的整个表情里带有一种恐惧。“你怎么会想到这个？”

“I'm only guessing. But you asked me to tell you what I thought as a novelist.Unfortunately you don't know whatexperience he had in the war that so profoundly moved him.I think it was some sudden shock for which he was unprepared.I suggest to you that whatever it was that happened to Larry filled him with a sense of the transiency of life, and an anguish to be sure that there was a compensation for the sin and sorrow of the world.”
“我只是猜想罢了。你不是要我谈谈自己作为一个小说家的看法嘛。可惜你并不了解，在战争中究竟是什么样的经历深深触动了他。我认为他是突然经受了某种打击，一种出乎他意料之外的打击。依我看，不管他发生了什么事情，反正他因此而感到人生无常，也因此而感到痛苦。他相信总会有一种救世良方，使这个世界摆脱罪恶和痛苦。”

I could see that Isabel didn't like the turn I had given the conversation. It made her feel shy and awkward.
我看得出伊莎贝尔不喜欢我把话头转到这上面，这使得她忐忑不安。

“Isn't all that awfully morbid?One has to take the world as it comes. If we're here, it's surely to make the most of life.”
“这恐怕有点太不正常了吧？应该以现实的眼光看待问题才对。既然来到这个世上，就应该想着把日子过好。”

“You're probably right.”
“也许你是对的。”

“I don't pretend to be anything but a perfectly normal, ordinary girl. I want to have fun.”
“老实说，我只是一个普通女孩，一个再普通不过的女孩。我只想把日子过得开心一些。”

“It looks as though there were complete incompatibility of temper between you. It's much better that you should have found it out before marriage.”
“看来你们俩在性情上完全不般配。在结婚之前能发现这一点是非常好的。”

“I want to marry and have children and live—”
“我想结婚生孩子，生活得……”

“In that state of life in which a merciful Providence has been pleased to place you，”I interrupted, smiling.
“仁慈的上帝很高兴为你安排这样的生活。”我打断她的话，笑着说道。

“Well, there's no harm in that, is there?It's a very pleasant state and I'm quite satisfied with it.”
“哦，这样的生活没有什么不好的，是不是？这是一种愉快的生活，叫我心满意足。”

“You're like two friends who want to take their holiday together, but one of them wants to climb Greenland's icy mountains while the other wants to fish off India's coral strand. Obviously it's not going to work.”
“你们就像两个朋友要一起去度假期，可是，一个要爬格陵兰的雪山，另一个要到印度的珊瑚礁上去钓鱼。这显然是行不通的。”

“Anyway, I might get a sealskin coat off Greenland's icy mountains, and I think it's very doubtful if there are any fish off India's coral strand.”
“不管怎么说，我去格陵兰爬雪山，说不定能获得一件海豹皮大衣，至于在印度的珊瑚礁上能不能钓到鱼，恐怕就很值得怀疑了。”

“That remains to be seen.”
“那得等着看了。”

“Why d'you say that?”she asked, frowning a little.“All the time you seem to be making some sort of mental reservation. Of course I know that I'm not playing the star part in this.Larry's got that.He's the idealist, he's the dreamer of a beautiful dream, and even if the dream doesn’t come true, it’s rather thrilling to have dreamt it.I’m cast for the hard, mercenary, practical part.Common sense is never very sympathetic, is it?But what you forget is that it’s I who’d have to pay.Larry would sweep along, trailing clouds of glory, and all there’d be left for me would be to tag along and make both ends meet.I want to live.”
“你为什么这样说呢？”她微微皱了皱眉头问道，“一直以来，你好像说话喜欢留半句。我当然心里有数，知道自己并非唱主角的。唱主角的是拉里。他是个理想主义者，怀揣最美丽的梦想，即便是空梦一场，也会叫追梦人心旷神怡。我的角色是个唯利是图、庸俗不堪的小人。人们一般是不会同情这种人的，对不对？但请别忘了，吃亏的是我。拉里会昂首前行，梦游彩云间，让我跟在后边苦熬岁月。我所需要的是正常的生活。”

“I don't forget that at all. Years ago, when I was young, I knew a man who was a doctor, and not a bad one either, but he didn't practise.He spent years burrowing away in the library of the British Museum and at long intervals produced a huge pseudo-scientific, pseudo-philosophical book that nobody read and that he had to publish at his own expense.He wrote four or five of them before he died and they were absolutely worthless.He had a son who wanted to go into the army, but there was no money to send him to Sandhurst, so he had to enlist.He was killed in the war.He had a daughter too.She was very pretty and I was rather taken with her.She went on the stage, but she had no talent and she traipsed around the provinces playing small parts in second-rate companies at a miserable salary.His wife, after years of dreary, sordid drudgery, broke down in health and the girl had to come home and nurse her and take on the drudgery her mother no longer had the strength for.Wasted, thwarted lives and all to no purpose.It's a toss-up when you decide to leave the beaten track.Many are called but few are chosen.”
“我哪能忘了呢。多年前，当我还年轻的时候，我认识一个医生，医术不错，但他并不开业行医，却经年泡在大英博物馆的图书馆里，隔上一段时间就写出一本厚书来，既不像科学书也不像哲学书，由于没人看，只好自费印刷。离开人世之前，他写了四五本这样的书，没有任何价值。他有个儿子想进军界，可他没有钱送儿子进桑赫斯特军事学院学习，那孩子只好报名入伍，后来战死于疆场。他还有个女儿，长得很漂亮，叫我很是着迷。她是个演戏的，却没有演戏的天赋，只好跟着二流剧团跑江湖，在戏里边演演配角，挣的钱少得可怜。他的妻子操劳多年，干的是牛马活，身体完全崩溃了，女儿只好回家照料她，代替她做她已无力支撑的繁重的家务活。这样的日子苦难接连不断，浪费了大好光阴，最后一无所得。当你决定偏离众人所走的道路，另辟蹊径时，就等于是一场赌博。标新立异者为数不少，成功者寥寥无几。”

“Mother and Uncle Elliott approve of what I've done. Do you approve too?”
“我的决定，妈妈和艾略特舅舅是赞成的。你呢？”

“My dear, what can that matter to you?I'm almost a stranger to you.”
“亲爱的，我怎么看对你有什么关系呢？我对你几乎可以说是个陌生的人。”

“I look upon you as a disinterested observer，”she said, with a pleasant smile.“I should like to have your approval. You do think I've done right, don't you?”
“我把你看作是一个不偏不倚的观察者。”她嫣然一笑说，“我还是想得到你的认可的。你觉得我这样做对不对？”

“I think you've done right for you，”I said, fairly confident that she would not catch the slight distinction I made in my reply.
“为了你自己，你算是做对了。”我回答时，深信她不会听出我话中有话。

“Then why have I a bad conscience?”
“那我为什么总觉得良心不安呢？”

“Have you?”
“是吗？”

With a smile still on her lips, but a slightly rueful smile now, she nodded.
她点点头。她嘴边仍挂着微笑，但那微笑中含着几分悲伤。

“I know it's only horse sense. I know that every reasonable person would agree that I've done the only possible thing.I know that from every practical standpoint, from the standpoint of worldly wisdom, from the standpoint ofcommon decency, from the standpoint of what's right and wrong, I've done what I ought to do.And yet at the bottom of my heart I've got an uneasy feeling that if I were better, if I were more disinterested, more unselfish, nobler, I’d marry Larry and lead his life.If I only loved him enough I’d think the world well lost.”
“我知道这是合乎常理的。任何有理性的人，都会认为这是我唯一可行的路。不管是从实际情况的角度看，从人情世故的角度看，从道德规范的角度看，抑或是以是非的标准衡量，我的决定都是理所应当的。然而，在我的内心深处，我却有一种惴惴不安的感觉，觉得我如果对拉里好一些，少几分斤斤计较，少几分自私，多一些高尚，我就会和他结婚，过他的那种生活。如果我真的爱他，就会淡视世俗利益。”

“You might put it the other way about. If he loved you enough he wouldn't have hesitated to do what you want.”
“也可以把话倒过来说——如果他真的爱你，他就会毫不犹豫地按你的意思行事了。”

“I've said that to myself too. But it doesn't help.I suppose it's more in woman's nature to sacrifice herself than in a man's.”She chuckled.“Ruth and the alien corn and all that sort of thing.”
“我也这么想过。可这是行不通的。我觉得与男性相比，女性天生更富于自我牺牲的精神。”她说完嘻嘻一笑，“就像路得到异乡谋生时那样。”

“Why don't you risk it?”
“那你为什么不试一下呢？”

We had been talking quite lightly, almost as if we were having a casual conversation about people we both knew but in whose affairs we were not intimately concerned, and even when she narrated to me her talk with Larry, Isabel had spoken with a sort of breezy gaiety, enlivening it with humour, as if she did not want me to take what she said too seriously. But now she went pale.
我们的谈话一直是在很轻松的气氛中进行的，语气随随便便的，仿佛在谈论一个双方都认识的熟人，却对那个熟人并不是特别关心在意。伊莎贝尔甚至在向我陈述她跟拉里的那次谈话时，也显得乐呵呵的，时不时还加一些幽默的话语进去，就好像并不想让我把她的话太当真似的。可是现在听我这么一问，她的脸色变了。

“I'm afraid.”
“我怕呀。”

For a while we were silent. A chill went down my spine as it strangely does when I am confronted with deep and genuine human emotion.I find it terrible and rather awe-inspiring.
我们俩沉默了一会儿，谁都没有吱声。我的脊梁骨起了一阵凉意——每当遇到深刻、真实的感情问题时，我都会有这种奇怪的反应。我觉得这是一个可怕的时刻，一个震撼灵魂的时刻。

“Do you love him very much?”I asked at last.
“你非常爱他吗？”末了，我问了她这么一句。

“I don't know. I'm impatient with him.I'm exasperated with him.I keep longing for him.”
“我不知道。我对他很不耐烦，生他的气，但是却渴望和他在一起。”

Silence again fell upon us. I didn't know what to say.The coffee-room in which we sat was small, and heavy lace curtains over the window shut out the light.On the walls, covered with yellow marbled paper, were old sporting prints.With its mahogany furniture, its shabby leather chairs, and its musty smell, it was strangely reminiscent of a coffee-room in a Dickens novel.I poked the fire and put more coal on it.Isabel suddenly began to speak.
说到这里，我们又沉默了下来。我真不知道再说什么好。我们坐的咖啡室面积很小，厚厚的花边窗帘遮住了外面的光线。墙上糊着黄颜色的大理石花纹壁纸，挂着几幅陈旧的游猎图。再加上几件红木家具、寒碜的皮椅和一股霉味，会叫人莫名其妙地联想到狄更斯小说里的咖啡室。我用拨火棍拨了拨壁炉里的火，又添了些煤。这时，伊莎贝尔突然开了口。

“You see, I thought when it came to a showdown he'd knuckle under. I knew he was weak.”
“当时，我以为向他摊了牌，他就会服输，因为我知道他是很软弱的。”

“Weak?”I cried.“What made you think that?A man who for a year withstood the disapproval of all his friends and associates because he was determined to go his own way.”
“软弱？”我叫出了声，“你怎么会有这种想法？他这种人一旦决定走自己的路，就会义无反顾，根本不理会亲友的反对之声。”

“I could always do anything I wanted with him. I could turn him round my little finger.He was never a leader in the things we did.He just tagged along with the crowd.”
“过去只要我叫他做什么，他就做什么。我能够轻而易举地指挥他。不管干什么事情，他都屈居别人之下，跟在别人的后边转。”

I had lit a cigarette and watched the smoke ring I had made. It grew larger and larger and then faded away into the air.
我点着一根烟，吐了个烟圈，看着那烟圈越变越大，最后消失在空气里。

“Mamma and Elliott thought it very wrong of me to go about with him afterwards as though nothing had happened, but I didn't take it very seriously. I kept on thinking up to the end that he'd yield.I couldn't believe that when he'd got it into his thick head that I meant what I said he wouldn't give in.”She hesitated and gave me a smile of roguish, playful malice.“Will you be awfully shocked if I tell you something?”
“妈妈和艾略特舅舅认为我绝对不该在解除婚约后还跟着他到处乱跑，像没事人似的。而我觉得这并没有什么大不了的。我一直心怀希望，指望着拉里最终会服输。我不相信，当他那死脑袋瓜意识到我讲的话算数时，他会不让步。”说到此处，她停顿了一下，然后冲我一笑，样子又顽皮又狡黠，“我告诉你一件事情，你不会感到吃惊吧？”

“I think it very unlikely.”
“我想不会的。”

“When we decided to come to London I called Larry and asked him if we couldn't spend my last evening in Paris together. When I told them, Uncle Elliott said it was most improper and Mamma said she thought it unnecessary.When Mamma says something is unnecessary it means she thoroughly disapproves.Uncle Elliott asked me what the idea was and I said we were going to dine somewhere and then make a tour of the night clubs.He told Mamma she ought to forbid me to go.Mamma said，‘Will you pay any attention if I forbid you to go?'‘No, darling，'I said，‘none.'Then she said，‘That is what I imagined.In that case there doesn't seem to be much point in my forbidding it.’”
“在我们决定来伦敦之后，我去见了拉里，请他和我一道度过在巴黎的最后一个晚上。当我把此事告诉家里人时，艾略特舅舅说这非常不得体，妈妈则说没这个必要，意思就是她完全不赞成。艾略特舅舅问我究竟想干什么，我说只不过和拉里在一起吃顿饭，然后去夜总会看看。他建议妈妈禁止我去。于是妈妈对我说：‘如果我禁止你去，你会听吗？’我回答说：‘亲爱的妈妈，我不会听的。’她接下来说：‘我猜着你就不会听。既然如此，我禁止你去，好像意义就不大了。’”

“Your mother appears to be a woman of enormous sense.”
“你母亲像是个很有头脑的人。”

“I don't believe she misses much. When Larry called for me I went into her room to say good night to her.I'd made up a bit；you know, you have to in Paris or else you look so naked, and when she saw the dress I had on, I had an uneasy suspicion from the way she took me in from top to toe that she had a pretty shrewd idea what I was after.But she didn't say anything.She just kissed me and said she hoped I'd have a good time.”
“我敢说很少有事情能逃过她的眼睛。拉里来接我时，我到她房间里跟她说再见。当时，我稍微打扮了一下。你知道，在巴黎非得如此不可，不然的话看上去就像光着身子。她看见我身上穿的那身衣服时，把我从头到脚扫了几眼，弄得我局促不安。我怀疑她有一双慧眼，看穿了我的心思。不过，她什么也没有说，只是吻了我一下，说她希望我玩得开心。”

“What were you after?”
“你有什么心思？”

Isabel looked at me doubtfully, as though she couldn't quite decide how frank she was prepared to be.
伊莎贝尔迟疑地望着我，好像决定不了是不是对我应该再坦诚一些。

“I didn't think I was looking too bad and it was my last chance. Larry had reserved a table at Maxim's.We had lovely things to eat, all the things I particularly liked, and we had champagne.We talked our heads off, at least I did, and I made Larry laugh.One of the things I've liked about him is that I can always amuse him.We danced.When we'd had enough of that we went on to the Chateau de Madrid.We found some people we knew and joined them and we had more champagne.Then we all went to the Acacia.Larry dances quite well, and we fit.The heat and the music and the wine-I was getting a bit light-headed.I felt absolutely reckless.I danced with my face against Larry’s and I knew he wanted me.God knows I wanted him.I had an idea.I suppose it had been at the back of my mind all the time.I thought I’d get him to come home with me and once I’d got him there, well, it was almost inevitable that the inevitable should happen.”
“我当时感到自己看上去还是挺不错的，觉得那是我的最后一次机会了。拉里在马克西姆饭店预订了一张桌子。我们大快朵颐，吃了很多美味，都是我特别喜欢吃的，还喝了香槟酒。我们海阔天空地谈着——至少我是这样的，引得拉里哈哈大笑。我就喜欢他这一点——一听我说话，他就开心得不得了。然后，我们俩就跳舞，跳够了便跑到马德里堡玩。在那儿碰见几个熟人，大家一起碰杯把盏，喝了些香槟酒。后来，我们又去了金合欢歌舞厅。拉里的舞跳得很棒，我们俩配合默契。大厅里很热，再加上音乐声和酒劲，我感到晕晕乎乎的，心里有些躁动不安。跳舞时，我和拉里脸贴着脸。我知道他想得到我。老天爷清楚，我也想得到他。我心生一计。其实那种想法早就藏在我的心里了。我觉得应该带他回酒店。到了那里，就不可避免地会出现一些插曲。”

“Upon my word you couldn't put it more delicately.”
“我敢肯定，你这样说是很含蓄的了。”

“My room was quite a way from Uncle Elliott's and Mamma's, so I knew there was no risk. When we were back in America I thought I'd write and say I was going to have a baby.He'd be obliged to come back and marry me, and when I'd got him home I didn’t believe it would be hard to keep him there, especially with Mamma ill.‘What a fool I am not to have thought of that before，’I said to myself.‘Of course that’ll settle everything.’When the music stopped I just stayed there in his arms.Then I said it was getting late and we had to take the train at noon, so we’d better go.We got into a taxi.I nestled close to him and he put his arms around me and kissed me.He kissed me, he kissed me-oh, it was heaven.It hardly seemed a moment before the taxi stopped at the door.Larry paid it. “‘I shall walk home，'he said. “The taxi rattled off and I put my arms round his neck. “‘Won't you come up and have one last drink?'I said. “‘Yes, if you like，'he said. “He'd rung the bell and the door swung open. He switched on the light as we stepped in.I looked into his eyes.They were so trusting, so honest, so-so guileless;he so obviously hadn't the smallest idea that I was laying a trap for him;I felt I couldn't play him such a dirty trick.It was like taking candy off a child.D'you know what I did?I said，‘Oh well, perhaps you'd better not.Mamma’s not very well tonight and if she’s fallen asleep I don’t want to wake her up.Good night.’I put my face up for him to kiss and pushed him out of the door.That was the end of that.”
“我的房间距离艾略特舅舅的房间以及妈妈的房间都隔着一段路，因此我认为没有危险。等我们回到美国之后，我想我可以写信告诉拉里，就说我怀孕了。那时他就只好回去和我结婚了。我敢说把他留在美国并不难，特别是有妈妈患病在身这个理由。我当时心里嘀咕：‘我真蠢，怎么以前没想到这一计。这样一来，所有的问题都会迎刃而解的。’在歌舞厅里，音乐停下来时，我仍依偎在他的怀里。后来我说时间晚了，明天中午我们还要赶火车呢，最好回去吧。我们坐进了一辆出租车。我紧靠在他身上，他用胳膊搂紧我，吻了吻我。他吻了又吻，吻了又吻——啊，那感觉真好。好像没多大一会儿，出租车就停在了酒店门前。拉里付了车费。这时只听他说：‘等会儿我走路回去。’汽车绝尘而去，我伸出胳膊搂紧他的脖子说：‘进去再喝一杯怎么样？’他回答说：‘恭敬不如从命。’他揿了门铃，大门打开了。待我们进了大厅，他把电灯扭亮。我看看他的眼睛——那双眼睛充满了信任，那样诚实，那样天真无邪。显而易见，他丝毫没有觉察到我为他设了个圈套。我觉得自己不能对他玩如此卑鄙的花招，这就像用糖果欺骗一个小孩一样。你猜我后来是怎么处理的？我对他说：‘哦，也许你还是别上去了的好。妈妈今晚不太舒服。如果她睡着了，我不愿把她吵醒。晚安！’我仰起脸让他吻了吻，然后把他推出了门。这就是结局。”

“Are you sorry?”I asked.
“你感到遗憾吗？”我问。

“I'm neither pleased nor sorry. I just couldn't help myself.It wasn't me that did what I did.It was just an impulse that took possession of me and acted for me.”She grinned.“I suppose you'd call it my better nature.”
“既不高兴，也不遗憾。我只是身不由己罢了。我那样做，并非出自我的意愿，而是有一种力量左右了我，驱使着我行事。”她莞尔一笑，“也许你会称之为良心发现吧。”

“I suppose you would.”
“我想你可以这样说。”

“Then my better nature must take the consequences. I trust in the future it'll be more careful.”
“那么，我的良心就只好自食其果了。我相信，它以后会倍加小心的。”

That was in effect the end of our talk. It may be that it was some consolation to Isabel to have been able to speak to someone with entire freedom, but that was all the good I had been able to do her.Feeling I had been inadequate, I tried to say at least some small thing that would give her comfort.
我们的谈话实际上就这样结束了。能敞开心扉跟人交谈，这对伊莎贝尔多少是一种安慰。而我帮不上忙，只能听她讲讲而已。我觉得自己有愧于她的信任，想找几句话安慰安慰她。

“You know, when one's in love，”I said，“and things go all wrong, one's terribly unhappy and one thinks one won't ever get over it. But you'll be astounded to learn what the sea will do.”
“要知道，一旦坠入爱河，”我说道，“你会觉得不可自拔，陷入深深的苦恼之中，好像永无摆脱之日。可是，看看大海，你就会心有所悟的。”

“What do you mean?”she smiled.
“此话怎讲？”她笑着问。

“Well, love isn't a good sailor and it languishes on a sea voyage. You'll be surprised when you have the Atlantic between you and Larry to find how slight the pang is that before you sailed seemed intolerable.”
“哦，爱情就像一个很差劲的水手，一旦航行，它便痛苦不堪。可是，如果你抵达大西洋彼岸，跟拉里隔海相望，你会意外地发现启航前那种无法忍受的痛苦突然变得微不足道了。”

“Do you speak from experience?”
“这是你的经验之谈吗？”

“From the experience of a stormy past. When I suffered from the pangs of unrequited love I immediately got on an ocean liner.”
“这是一个历尽沧桑的人的经验之谈。一旦情场失意，陷入痛苦之中时，我就立刻乘船远航。”

The rain showed no sign of letting up, so we decided that Isabel could survive without seeing the noble pile of Hampton Court or even Queen Elizabeth's bed, and drove back to London. I saw her two or three times after that, but only when other people were present, and then, having had enough of London for a while, I set off for the Tyrol.
雨仍在淅淅沥沥下个不停。我们觉得就是不去参观汉普顿宫的那些皇家宫殿，甚至不去看伊丽莎白女王的寝室，伊莎贝尔照样能够活下去，于是我们乘车返回了伦敦城。这以后，我又见过伊莎贝尔两三次面，但都有他人在场。等到在伦敦住了一段时间后，我便启程到蒂罗尔去了。