双语·《刀锋》 第四章 六

CHAPTER FOUR 6
第四章 六

After that we saw a good deal of Larry. For the next week he came to the apartment every day and for half an hour shut himself up with Gray in the library.It appeared that he wanted to persuade him-that was how he smil-ingly put it-out of having those shattering megrims, and Gray conceived a child-like trust in him.From the little Gray said I got the idea that he was trying besides to restore his broken confidence in himself.About ten days later Gray had another headache, and it so happened that Larry was not to come till the evening.It was not a very bad one, but Gray was so confident now in Larry's odd power that he thought if Larry could be got hold of he could take it away in a few minutes.But neither I, whom Isabel called on the phone, nor they knew where he lived.When Larry at last came and relieved Gray of his pain, Gray asked him for his address so that in case of need he could summon him at once.Larry smiled.
此后，我们和拉里经常见面。在接下来的一个星期里，他天天来公寓找格雷，到书房里把门关上，二人一待就是半个小时。看上去，他在劝说格雷“悬崖勒马”（这是他开玩笑说的），走出沮丧的阴影，而格雷像个乖孩子一样百依百顺。从格雷所说的只言片语中我听得出来，拉里在试图帮助他恢复已经失去的自信心。大约在十天以后，格雷的头痛又发作了，那天碰巧拉里要到傍晚才来。这次的病来势汹汹，而格雷笃信拉里的神力，认为只要把拉里找来，就可以手到病除。可是，他们不知道他的住址，伊莎贝尔打电话问我，我也不知道。最后，拉里终于来了，解除了格雷的病痛。格雷问他住在哪里，以便紧急时可以立刻找到他。他只是笑了笑。

“Call the American Express and leave a message. I'll call them every morning.”
“你打电话给美国运通公司，留下口信就行了。我每天上午都会和他们通话的。”

Isabel asked me later why Larry made a secret of his address. He had done that before and then it had turned out that he lived without any mystery in a third-rate hotel in the Latin Quarter.
伊莎贝尔后来问我拉里为什么对自己的住址讳莫如深。她说他以前也是遮遮掩掩的，结果发现他住在拉丁区的一家三流旅馆里，没什么神秘的。

“I haven't a notion，”I said in answer.“I can only suggest something very fanciful and there's probably nothing in it. It may be that some queer instinct urges him to carry over to his dwelling-place some privacy of his spirit.”
“我不太清楚。”我回答说，“也可能是故作玄虚吧，其实并没有什么大不了的。也许他的精神世界需要隐私，于是产生一种古怪的心理，使得他不愿暴露自己的住址。”

“What in God's name d'you mean by that?”she cried irritably.
“老天，你这都是在说些什么呀？”她有点急躁地说。

“Hasn't it struck you that when he's with us, easy as he is to get on with, friendly and sociable, one's conscious of a sort of detachment in him, as though he weren't giving all of himself, but withheld in some hidden part of his soul something, I don't know what it is-a tension, a secret, an aspiration, a knowledge-that sets him apart?”
“他和咱们大家在一起的时候，显得平易近人、热情友好，但你会觉得他有些超然，仿佛不愿把自己完全暴露出来，而是将某样东西隐藏在了他灵魂深处的一间密室里。这种现象你难道没注意到吗？究竟是什么使他和咱们拉开了距离就不得而知了，不知是紧张的情绪、某种秘密、一种希冀，抑或是对知识的追求在其中产生了影响。”

“I've known Larry all my life，”she said impatiently.”
“我从小就认识拉里，对他是知根知底的。”伊莎贝尔耐不住性子说道。

Sometimes he reminds me of a great actor playing perfectly a part in a trumpery play. Like Eleanora Duse in La Locandiera.”
“有时候，我觉得他就像个优秀的演员，在一出难登大雅的戏里把角色演得无懈可击，就像《女店主》里的爱琳诺拉·杜丝那样。”

Isabel pondered over this for a moment.
伊莎贝尔沉吟片刻，然后说道：

“I suppose I know what you mean. One's having fun, and one thinks he's just like one of us, just like everybody else, and then suddenly you have the feeling that he's escaped you like a smoke ring that you try to catch in your hands.What do you think it can be that makes him so queer?”
“你的意思我想我是知道的。有的时候大家在一起玩得很开心，他跟所有的人一样乐悠悠的。可是，突然你会有一种感觉，觉得他好像变成了一缕青烟飘然而去，你想抓都抓不住。你说是什么原因叫他变得如此古怪呢？”

“Perhaps something so commonplace that one simply doesn't notice it.”
“也许原因平常得不能再平常了，让人都注意不到。”

“Such as?”
“比如说呢？”

“Well, goodness, for instance.”
“比如说天性善良吧。”

Isabel frowned.
伊莎贝尔听了蛾眉紧蹙。

“I wish you wouldn't say things like that. It gives me a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach.”
“希望你别说这种话，让人心里边挺不是滋味的。”

“Or is it a little pain in the depth of your heart?”
“是不是戳得你心窝疼啦？”

Isabel gave me a long look as though she were trying to read my thoughts. She took a cigarette from the table beside her and, lighting it, leant back in her chair.She watched the smoke curl up into the air.
伊莎贝尔狠狠地看了我一眼，好像这一眼要把我的心看穿一样。随后，她从身旁的桌子上取过一根烟点着，抽了口，将身子向后一靠，望着自己吐出的烟袅袅升到空中。

“Do yon want me to go?”I asked.
“你要我走吗？”我问。

“No.”
“不。”

I was silent for a moment, watching her, and I took my pleasure in the contemplation of her shapely nose and the exquisite line of her jaw.
我半天没说话，只顾盯着她看，欣赏着她那漂亮的鼻子和精致的下巴。

“Are you very much in love with Larry?”
“你是不是非常爱拉里？”我末了问道。

“God damn you, I've never loved anyone else in all my life.”
“看你问的，我这一辈子从来都没有爱过别人。”

“Why did you marry Gray?”
“那你为什么嫁给了格雷？”

“I had to marry somebody. He was mad about me and Mamma wanted me to marry him.Everybody told me I was well rid of Larry.I was very fond of Gray；I'm very fond of him still.You don't know how sweet he is.No one in the world could be so kind and so considerate.He looks as though he had an awful temper, doesn't he?With me he's always been angelic.When we had money, he wanted me to want things so that he could have the pleasure of giving them to me.Once I said it would be fun if we could have a yacht and go round the world, and if the crash hadn't come he’d have bought one.”
“男大当婚女大当嫁嘛。格雷爱我爱得发疯，妈妈也想让我嫁给他。那时，人人都说我和拉里分手是明智之举。我喜欢格雷，至今仍不改初衷。你都不知道他有多好。天下谁都不会对我那么温柔，那么体贴。他看上去好像脾气不好，是不是？他对我却总是那么柔情似水。有钱的时候，他为我一掷千金，恨不得把天上的月亮也摘给我。一次，我说要有艘游艇就好了，可以乘游艇周游世界。要不是碰上经济大崩溃，他一定会把游艇给我买来的。”

“He sounds almost too good to be true，”I murmured.
“你把他说得也太好啦。”我低声咕哝了一句。

“We had a grand time. I shall always be grateful to him for that.He made me very happy.”
“我们曾经有过一段美满的岁月。我一直对他心存感激，是他让我生活得十分幸福。”

I looked at her but did not speak.
我看了看她，却没有说话。

“I suppose I didn't really love him, but one can get on all right without love. At the bottom of my heart I hankered for Larry, but as long as I didn't see him it didn't really bother me.D'you remember saying to me that with three thousand miles of ocean between, the pangs of love become quite tolerable?I thought it a cynical remark then, but of course it's true.”
“也许，我对他的感情并非真爱，但没有爱情的生活也是可以过得很好的。在内心深处，我渴望得到的是拉里，不过，既然不得相见，我也觉得没有什么。你曾经说过，情人远隔重洋，中间有三千英里的距离，爱情的痛苦是完全可以忍受的。这话你还记得吗？我当时觉得是无稽之谈，现在则认为这话说得很对。”

“If it's a pain to see Larry, don't you think it would be wiser not to see him?”
“如果见到拉里感到痛苦，比较明智的办法是不是不见他呢？”

“But it's a pain that's heaven. Besides, you know what he is.Any day he may vanish like a shadow when the sun goes in and we may not see him again for years.”
“痛苦是痛苦，但这是幸福的痛苦。再说，你也知道他是怎么一个人。哪天太阳落山的时候，他可能会像一道影子消失得无影无踪，多年间再也见不到他。”

“Have you never thought of divorcing Gray?”
“你考虑过和格雷离婚没有？”

“I've got no reason for divorcing him.”
“我没有理由和他离婚。”

“That doesn't prevent your countrywomen from divorcing their husbands when they have a mind to.”
“你们国家的女子一旦有了离婚的念头，任什么都是阻挡不住的。”

She laughed.
她哈哈笑了。

“Why d'you suppose they do it?”
“依你看，她们为什么要离婚呢？”

“Don't you know?Because American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.”
“你不知道吗？美国女人要求自己的丈夫十全十美，就跟英国女人要求自己的管家完美无瑕一样。”

Isabel gave her head such a haughty toss that I wondered she didn't get a crick in the neck.
伊莎贝尔听了，骄傲地把头向后一甩，我真怕她会把脖子都甩断呢。

“Because Gray isn't articulate you think there's nothing to him.”
“就因为格雷不善于表达感情，你就认为他一无可取之处了。”

“You're wrong there，”I interrupted quickly.“I think there's something rather moving about him. He has a wonderful faculty of love.One has only to glance at his face when he's looking at you to see how deeply, how devotedly he's attached to you.He loves his children much more than you do.”
“你弄错了。”我急忙打断她的话说，“我觉得他身上有一种叫人感动的东西，能够清楚地表达自己的爱。他看你的时候，谁只要瞧瞧他脸上的表情，就知道他对你的爱有多么深、多么真挚了。他爱孩子比你爱得要强烈得多。”

“I suppose you're going to say now that I'm not a good mother.”
“恐怕接下来你会说我是个坏母亲喽。”

“On the contrary I think you're an excellent mother. You see that they're well and happy.You watch over their diet and take care that their bowels act regularly.You teach them to behave nicely and you read to them and make themsay their prayers.If they were sick you'd send for a doctor at once and nurse them with care.But you're not wrapped up in them as Gray is.”
“恰恰相反，我觉得你是个非常出色的母亲。在你的照料下，她们健康和幸福。你关照她们吃得好、大便正常，教导她们懂得礼仪，要求她们做祈祷，她们生病时为她们及时求医，并精心伺候。只不过，你不像格雷那样有十分心思就把十分心思放在她们身上。”

“It's unnecessary that one should be. I'm a human being and I treat them as human beings.A mother only does her children harm if she makes them the only concern of her life.”
“没有必要那样做。我是个人，应该以人之道对待她们。为人之母，假如把子女作为自己生活的唯一目标，只会对子女有害。”

“I think you're quite right.”
“你说的一点不错。”

“And the fact remains that they worship me.”
“事实胜于雄辩——她们崇拜我。”

“I've noticed that. You're their ideal of all that's graceful and beautiful and wonderful.But they're not cosy and at their ease with you as they are with Gray.They worship you, that's true；but they love him.”
“这些我也留意到了。你是她们理想中的形象：典雅、美丽、高贵。但是，她们和你在一起不像和格雷在一起时那样适意和随便。她们崇拜你，这是事实，但她们爱格雷。”

“He's very lovable.”
“格雷是值得爱的。”

I liked her for saying that. One of her most amiable traits was that she was never affronted by the naked truth.
我很喜欢她说话直言不讳。她有个最可爱的优点，那就是直面事实，不愠不怒。

“After the crash Gray went all to pieces. For weeks he worked at the office till midnight.I used to sit at home in an agony of fear, I was afraid he'd blow his brains out, he was so ashamed.You see, they'd been so proud of the firm, his father and Gray, they were proud of their integrity and the sureness of their judgement.It wasn't so much that we'd lost all our money, what he couldn't get over was that all those people who’d trusted him had lost theirs.He felt that he ought to have had more foresight.I couldn’t get him to see that he wasn’t to blame.”
“经济大崩溃之后，格雷一蹶不振。有好多个星期，他在办公室里一直工作到深夜。坐在家里，我吓得胆战心惊，生怕他会寻短见，因为他觉得自己已无地自容。你知道，那些人过去对公司、对他父亲、对格雷都引以为自豪，相信他们正直的人格和准确的判断力。灾难之后，我们倾家荡产这还不算，最叫他过意不去的是，那些对他百般信赖的人们也把投进去的钱损失了个精光。他觉得自己早就应当看出一点苗头。我怎么劝也劝不过来，他老觉得都怪他眼拙。”

Isabel took a lipstick out of her bag and painted her lips.
伊莎贝尔从化妆袋里取出一支口红，涂了涂嘴唇。

“But that's not what I wanted to tell you. The one thing we had left was the plantation and I felt that the only chance for Gray was to get away, so we parked the children with Mamma and went down there.He'd always liked it, but we'd never been there by ourselves；we'd taken a crowd with us and had a grand time.Gray's a good shot, but he hadn’t the heart to shoot then.He used to take a boat and go out on the marsh by himself for hours at a time and watch the birds.He’d wander up and down the canals with the pale rushes on each side of him and only the blue sky above.On some days the canals are as blue as the Mediterranean.He used not to say much when he came back.He’d say it was swell.But I could see what he felt.I knew that his heart was moved by the beauty and the vastness and the stillness.There’s a moment just before sunset when the light on the marsh is lovely.He used to stand and look at it and it filled him with bliss.He took long rides in those solitary, mysterious woods；they’re like the woods in a play of Maeterlinck’s, so grey, so silent, it’s almost uncanny；and there’s a moment in spring-it hardly lasts more than a fortnight-when the dogwood bursts into flower, and the gum trees burst into leaf, and their young fresh green against the grey Spanish moss is like a song of joy；the ground is carpeted with great white lilies and wild azalea.Gray couldn’t say what it meant to him, but it meant the world.He was drunk with the loveliness of it.Oh, I know I don’t put it well, but I can’t tell you how moving it was to see that great hulk of a man uplifted by an emotion so pure and so beautiful that it made me want to cry.If there is a God in heaven Gray was very near Him then.”
“不过，我想说的并不是这些。当时，我们一无所有，只剩下那片农场。我觉得格雷唯有走出是非之地才是出路。于是，把孩子交给妈妈照料，我们俩去了农场。他一直都很喜欢农场，但我们俩从未单独去过，每次去都拖家带口，在一起大家玩得很开心。格雷的枪法好，可是却没有心思打猎。他常常划一条小船，独自一人到沼泽那儿去，一待就是几个小时，在那儿观察野鸟。他划着船在运河上游荡，两边是郁郁葱葱的灯芯草，头顶上只看见一片蓝天。有些日子，运河里的水跟地中海的海水一样湛蓝湛蓝。他回家后，话却很少，只说风景很美。不过，不用他说我也能看出他心里的感受。我知道他的一颗心被那儿的美丽、辽阔和宁静震撼了。太阳落山之前，有短短的一会儿，沼泽地上洒满夕阳的余晖，美不胜收。他常常站在那儿眺望，心里充满了喜悦。他时常骑马到那些荒凉、神秘的林子里跑得老远。那些树林就像梅特林克一出戏剧里的树林一样，灰暗、沉寂，简直有点叫人毛骨悚然。春天里有一段时间（顶多只有半个月），山茱萸鲜花盛开，橡胶树长出了新叶，鲜嫩鲜嫩的绿叶和灰色的西班牙苔藓相映成趣，奏响了一曲欢乐之歌；地上开遍百合花，又大又白，野生的杜鹃花也争奇斗艳。格雷形容不出内心的感受，但他所受到的影响却是深远的。大自然的美丽让他陶然若醉。啊，真不知怎么才能表达那份心境。我只能告诉你，看见那么大一条汉子竟然有那么纯洁和美好的感情，那么如痴如醉，不能不叫人感动，感动得我差点没哭出声。如果天界有上帝的话，格雷已和他近在咫尺。”

Isabel had grown a trifle emotional while she told me this and taking a tiny handkerchief she carefully wiped away a tear that glistened at the corner of each eye.
伊莎贝尔追溯往事时，情绪有点激动，掏出一块小手绢，小心地把眼角两边晶莹的泪花揩掉。

“Aren't you romanticizing?”I said, smiling.“I have a notion that you're ascribing to Gray thoughts and emotions that you would have expected him to have.”
“你未免太浪漫了吧？”我笑着说，“我有一种感觉，你是希望格雷有那种思想和感情，于是就把它们硬套在了他的头上。”

“How should I have seen them if they hadn't been there?You know what I am. I'm never really happy unless I feel the cement of a sidewalk under my feet and there are large plateglass windows all along the street with hats to look at and fur coats and diamond bracelets and gold-mounted dressing cases.”
“如果他没有那种情感，难道我能瞎编吗？我是什么样的人你该知道。除非走在混凝土人行道上，沿街浏览商店的大橱窗，欣赏橱窗里的帽子、皮大衣、钻石手镯和镶金的化妆盒，否则我就不会真正地感到幸福。”

I laughed and we were silent for a moment. Then she went back to what we had been talking of before.
我笑了。有那么一会儿，双方都没有开口。后来，她回到了我们先前谈的话题上。

“I'd never divorce Gray. We've been through too much together.And he's absolutely dependent upon me.It's rather flattering, you know, and it gives you a sense of responsibility.And besides……”
“我决不会和格雷离婚的。我们风风雨雨经历得太多了。他是绝对离不开我的。要知道，这叫人感到自己很伟大，于是就有了一份责任心。再说……”

“Besides what?”
“再说什么？”

She gave me a sidelong glance and there was a roguish twinkle in her eyes. I had a notion she didn't quite know how I would take what she had in mind to say.
她斜睨了我一眼，眼睛里闪出一种调皮的神情。我觉得她很可能想说什么，却吃不准我会怎么看待她。

“He's wonderful in bed. We've been married for ten years and he's as passionate a lover as he was at the beginning.Didn't you say in a play once that no man wants the same woman longer than five years?Well, you didn't know what you were talking about.Gray wants me as much as when we were first married.He’s made me very happy in that way.Although you wouldn’t think it to look at me, I’m a very sensual woman.”
“他床上的功夫很棒。我们结婚已有十载，而他仍热情似火，跟新婚之夜一般。你在你的一个剧本里不是说过，一个男子爱一个女子，时间不会超过五年么？哦，你这话未免有些武断。格雷爱我，一如初婚一般。在这方面，他使我很快乐。你光看我的样子，不会想到我有这要求。其实，我是个肉欲很强的女人。”

“You're quite wrong, I would think it.”
“这你就大错特错了。看看你，我会这么想的。”

“Well, it's not an unattractive trait, is it?”
“哦，这不是什么坏德行吧？”

“On the contrary.”I gave her a searching look.“Do you regret you didn't marry Larry ten years ago?”
“恰恰相反。”我说着，仔细看了她一眼，“十年前你没有嫁给拉里，现在后悔吗？”

“No. It would have been madness.But of course if I'd known then what I know now I'd have gone away and lived with him for three months, and then I'd have got him out of my system for good and all.”
“不后悔。那时嫁给他，才是发疯呢。不过，当然喽，假如那时我和现在一样了解风情，那我会跟他远走高飞，和他姘居三个月，然后就离开他，和他永绝情缘。”

“I think it's lucky for you you didn't make the experiment；you might have found yourself bound to him by bonds you couldn't break.”
“恐怕值得庆幸的是你没有做那样的实验。否则，你也许会发现你和他绑在了一起，连接你们的链条你想斩也斩不断。”

“I don't think so. it was merely a physical attraction.You know, often the best way to overcome desire is to satisfy it.”
“此话我不能苟同。这只不过是肉体上的吸引力罢了。要知道，克服肉欲的最好办法往往就是让它得到满足。”

“Has it ever struck you that you're a very possessive woman?you've told me that Gray has a deep strain of poetic feeling and you've told me that he's an ardent lover；and I can well believe that both mean a lot to you；but you haven't told me what means much more to you than both of them put together-your feeling that you hold him in the hollow of that beautiful but not so small hand of yours. Larry would always have escaped you.D’you remember that Ode of Keats’s?‘Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, though winning near the goal.’”
“你是个占有欲很强的人，这你想过没有？你告诉过我，说格雷的感情极具诗意，还说他对你激情似火，我完全相信这两点对你有着重大意义。但你没有说过，把他攥在你那美丽但并不太小的手心里，那种感觉比这两点加在一起还要重要得多。而拉里是永远也抓不住的。记得济慈的《希腊古瓮颂》里的一句诗吗？‘大胆的情人，你永远，永远得不到一吻，虽然已接近目标。’”

“You often think you know a great deal more than you do，”she said, a trifle acidly.“There's only one way a woman holds a man and you know it. And let me tell you this：it's not the first time she goes to bed with him that counts, it's the second.If she holds him then she holds him for good.”
“你老是以为自己懂得很多，其实远非如此。”她语气有点尖刻地说，“掌控男人，女人有自己的绝招，这你也知道。让我再告诉你一点吧——控制一个男人，决定性因素不在于第一次跟他上床，而在于第二次。一旦将他抓在手里，便可一劳永逸。”

“You do pick up the most extraordinary bits of information.”
“你掌握的情况真是非同一般哟。”

“I get around and I keep my eyes and ears open.”
“我靠的是交游广，眼观六路，耳听八方。”

“May I inquire how you acquired that one?”
“能否告诉我，你这一锦囊妙计是从何处学来的？”

She gave me her most teasing smile.
她冲我笑了笑，笑容里含着嘲讽。

“From a woman I made friends with at a dress show. The vendeuse told me she was the smartest kept woman in Paris, so I made up my mind I'd get to know her.Adrienne de Troye.Ever heard of her?”
“在一次服装展览会上，我交了个女友，就是从她那儿学来的。女店员告诉我，说她是巴黎最出名的被人包养的女人。我当时就下定决心要和她结识。她叫阿迪安妮·德·特洛耶。听说过没有？”

“Never.”
“没听说过。”

“How your education has been neglected！She's forty-five and not even pretty, but she looks much more distinguished than any of Uncle Elliott's duchesses. I sat down beside her and put on my impulsive little-American-girl act.I told her I had to speak to her because I'd never seen anyone more ravishing in my life.I told her she had the perfection of a Greek cameo.”
“你可真是疏于学业呀！她四十五岁，虽无花容月貌，但论风度却远远胜过艾略特舅舅的那些公爵夫人。我一屁股坐到她身旁，拿出我的那种美国小女孩的任性劲，说我必须跟她说几句话，因为我有生以来从未见过她这样典雅的人，简直就像是希腊浮雕画里的女神一样完美无瑕。”

“The nerve you've got.”
“你的胆子真够大的。”

“She was rather stiff at first and stand-offish, but I ran on in my simple na?ve way and she thawed.Then we had quite a nice little chat.When the show was over I asked her if she wouldn’t come to lunch with me at the Ritz one day.I told her I’d always admired her wonderful chic.”
“起初，她非常冷淡，而我滔滔不绝说个没完，一副天真无邪的样子，最后说得她软了下来。接下来，我俩推心置腹聊了一通。展览会结束时，我提出想请她哪一天去里兹饭店共进午餐。我告诉她，说我一直都很羡慕她那绰约的风姿。”

“Had you ever seen her before?”
“你以前见过她？”

“Never. She wouldn't lunch with me, she said they had such malicious tongues in Paris, it would compromise me, but she was pleased that I'd asked her, and when she saw my mouth quiver with disappointment she asked me if I wouldn't come and lunch with her in her house.She patted my hand when she saw I was simply overwhelmed by her affability.”
“没见过。她不肯去赴宴，说巴黎人喜欢造谣生事、飞短流长，害怕殃及我，不过，对于我的邀请，她还是很高兴的。后来，她见我嘴唇发抖，一脸失望的表情，便提出请我到她家去和她共进午餐。我显出一副受宠若惊的神情，她看在眼里，在我的手背上拍了拍。”

“And did you go?”
“你去了吗？”

“Of course I went. She has a dear little house off the Avenue Foch and we were waited on by a butler who's the very image of George Washington.I stayed till four o'clock.We took our hair down and our stays off, and had a thorough girls'gossip.I learnt enough that afternoon to write a book.”
“当然去了。她住在福煦大街旁一幢精致的小房子里，伺候我们的是一个长相酷似乔治·华盛顿的管家。我在那儿一直待到下午四点钟。我们让头发散开，脱掉胸衣，说了一大堆关于女人的秘事。那天下午学到的知识，能够用来写一本书。”

“Why don't you?It's just the sort of thing to suit the Ladies'Home Journal.”
“那你为什么不写？这类稿件适合登在《女士之家杂志》上。”

“You fool，”she laughed.
“你真傻。”她哈哈笑了。

I was silent for a moment. I pursued my thoughts.
我沉默了一会儿，心里翻江倒海般思索着。

“I wonder if Larry was ever really in love with you，”I said presently.
“真不知拉里是不是真的爱过你。”我最后说道。

She sat up. Her expression lost its amenity.Her eyes were angry.
她不听则已，一听蹭地坐直了身子，脸色大变，一双美眸怒气冲冲。

“What are you talking about?Of course he was in love with me. D'you think a girl doesn't know when a man's in love with her?”
“你这说的是什么鬼话？他当然爱我。你以为一个女孩子连别人爱她，她都不知道？”

“Oh, I dare say he was in love with you after a fashion. He didn't know any girl so intimately as he knew you.You'd played around together since you were children.He expected himself to be in love with you.He had the normal sexual instinct.It seemed such a natural thing that you should marry.There wouldn't have been any particular difference in your relations except that you lived under the same roof and went to bed together.'
“这个嘛，也可以说他在某种程度上是爱你的。他认识的女孩子，你和他是关系最密切的一个。你们青梅竹马，两小无猜嘛。他指望着自己一定会爱上你的。他有着正常的性欲本能。你们结婚成家似乎是顺理成章的事情。结婚后，你们一同生活，同床共枕，除此之外，与别的夫妻相比，并无什么特殊之处。”

Isabel, to some extent mollified, waited for me to go on and, knowing that women are always glad to listen when you discourse upon love, I went on.
怒气稍微平息了些，伊莎贝尔等着我继续说下去。我知道女人家总喜欢听别人谈爱情，于是便又说道：

“Moralists try to persuade us that the sexual instinct hasn't got so very much to do with love. They're apt to speak of it as if it were an epiphenomenon.”
“道德家们有一种观点，认为性欲的本能与爱情关系不大。依照他们的说法，性欲的本能似乎仅仅是偶然的冲动。”

“What in God's name is that?”
“这是什么荒唐理论呀？”

“Well there are psychologists who think that consciousness accompanies brain processes and is determined by them, but doesn't itself exert any influence on them. Something like the reflection of a tree in water；it couldn't exist without the tree, but it doesn't in any way affect the tree.I think it's all stuff and nonsense to say that there can be love without passion；when people say love can endure after passion is dead they're talking of something else, affection, kindliness, community of taste and interest, and habit.Especially habit.Two people can go on having sexual intercourse from habit in just the same way as they grow hungry at the hour they’re accustomed to have their meals.Of course there can be desire without love.Desire isn’t passion.Desire is the natural consequence of the sexual instinct and it isn’t of any more importance than any other function of the human animal.That’s why women are foolish to make a song and dance if their husbands have an occasional flutter when the time and the place are propitious.”
“有些心理学家认为，人的意识伴随着大脑的活动而出现，依赖于大脑的活动，而它本身对大脑不施加任何影响。人的意识犹如水中树影，离开树不能存在，但是对树丝毫没有影响。有人说，没有情也可以有爱，我认为是胡说；他们说即便情消失了，爱仍旧可以存在。其实，他们所谓的情，只是好感、善心、共同的品味、共同的兴趣和共同的习惯。尤其指的是习惯。出于习惯，男女双方可以一直保持性关系，就像一到吃饭时间就感到肚子饿一样。当然，没有爱情，也是可以有肉欲的。肉欲并非激情，而是性欲本能的自然产物，与人的其他动物功能相比并无出众之处。所以说，有些做丈夫的在时间和地点适合时偶尔放纵一下，他们的妻子那样大惊小怪，实在愚蠢。”

“Does that apply only to men?”
“光男人可以放纵吗？”

I smiled.
我笑了。

“If you insist I'll admit that what is sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose. The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of that sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.”
“如果你硬要问，那我就得承认，男人可以放纵，女人也是可以潇洒一下的。唯一不同的是，对于男人，露水关系并无感情可言，对于女人就不一样了。”

“It depends on the woman.”
“那要看是什么样的女人了。”

I wasn't going to let myself be interrupted.
我不想让自己的话被打断，于是继续说了下去。

“Unless love is passion, it's not love, but something else；and passion thrives not on satisfaction, but on impediment. What d'you suppose Keats meant when he told the lover on his Grecian urn not to grieve?‘Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair！'Why?Because she was unattainable, and however madly the lover pursued she still eluded him.For they were both imprisoned in the marble of what I suspect was an indifferent work of art.Your love for Larry and his for you were as simple and natural as the love of Paolo and Francesca or Romeo and Juliet.Fortunately for you it didn't come to a bad end.You made a rich marriage and Larry roamed the world to find out what song the Sirens sang.Passion didn't enter into it.”
“爱是有情欲的，否则就不是爱，而是别的东西。这种情欲不是因为得到满足，而是由于遭到阻挠，会变得愈加炽热。济慈曾经对着雕刻在希腊古瓮上的恋人画像，让她不要伤心，你以为他是什么意思？‘你永远在爱着，她永远美丽动人。’为什么？因为她是得不到手的。不管她的情人怎样疯狂地追求，都追不到手。因为二者都被囚禁在了我称之为冷漠艺术品的大理石石面上。你对拉里的爱，以及拉里对你的爱，和保罗与弗兰切斯卡、罗密欧与朱丽叶之间的爱一样，都是那般单纯和自然。幸好你们俩的结局并不悲惨。你嫁入一个富人之家，拉里则浪迹天涯去探寻海妖歌声的秘密。你们之间没有情欲作祟。”

“How d'you know?”
“你怎么知道呢？”

“Passion doesn't count the cost. Pascal said that the heart has its reasons that reason takes no account of.If he meant what I think, he meant that when passion seizes the heart it invents reasons that seem not only plausible but conclusive to prove that the world is well lost for love.It convinces you that honour is well sacrificed and that shame is a cheap price to pay.Passion is destructive.It destroyed Antony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, Parnell and Kitty O'shea.And if it doesn't destroy it dies.It may be then that one is faced with the desolation of knowing that one has wasted the years of one's life, that one's brought disgrace upon oneself, endured the frightful pang of jealousy, swallowed every bitter mortification, that one’s expended all one’s tenderness, poured out all the riches of one’s soul ona poor drab, a fool, a peg on which one hung one’s dreams, who wasn’t worth a stick of chewing gum.”
“情欲是不计代价的。帕斯卡曾经说：人之心讲究理智，而理智却有失控的时候。如果我没理解错的话，他的意思是，情欲一旦控制了人心，就会编出理由来，不仅冠冕堂皇，而且好像真实可信，让人们觉得为了爱可以不管天塌地陷。你会觉得，牺牲掉荣誉是值得的，而耻辱仅是很小的代价。情欲是毁灭性的。它毁掉了安东尼与克莉奥佩特拉，毁掉了特里斯坦和伊索尔德，也毁掉了帕内尔和基蒂·奥谢。只要情欲存在，就会有毁人的事情发生。梦醒时，你才发现自己荒废了一生中的大好年华，忍辱负重，经受着嫉妒的痛苦折磨，将所有的苦水一滴滴吞下肚，献给对方的是缱绻温情和灵魂中最宝贵的财富，而对方只不过是个可怜虫、蠢蛋，一个浪费了你许多春梦的饭桶，论价值还不如一块橡皮糖。”

Before I finished this harangue I knew very well that Isabel wasn't paying any attention to me, but was occupied with her own reflections. But her next remark surprised me.
这番议论还未说完，我便发现伊莎贝尔压根就没有听，而是在想自己的心事。而后，她便语出惊人。

“Do you think Larry is a virgin?”
“你看拉里是否仍是处男呢？”

“My dear, he's thirty-two.”
“亲爱的，他已经三十二岁了。”

“I'm certain he is.”
“我敢肯定他还是个处男。”

“How can you be?”
“何以见得？”

“That's the kind of thing a woman knows instinctively.”
“这种事情，女人凭本能可以感觉得到。”

“I knew a young man who had a very prosperous career for some years by convincing one beautiful creature after another that he'd never had a woman. He said it worked like a charm.”
“我认识一个年轻人，此人在情场上如鱼得水，声称自己是处男，将漂亮的女孩子们一个个骗得晕头转向。据他说，这一招像施魔咒一样灵。”

“I don't care what you say. I believe in my intuition.”
“不管你怎么说，反正我是相信自己的直觉的。”

It was growing late, Gray and Isabel were dining with friends, and she had to dress. I had nothing to do, so I walked in the pleasant spring evening up the Boulevard Raspail.I have never believed very much in women's intuition；it fits in too neatly with what they want to believe to persuade me that it is trustworthy；and as I thought of the end of my long talk with Isabel I couldn't help but laugh.It put me in mind of Suzanne Rouvier and it occurred to me that I hadn't seen her for several days.I wondered if she was doing anything.If not, she might like to dine with me and go to a movie.I stopped a prowling taxi and gave the address of her apartment.
天色渐晚，格雷和伊莎贝尔要出去和朋友们吃饭，伊莎贝尔得换衣服。我无事可做，于是步上拉斯帕埃大街，踏着秋天迷人的暮色向前走去。对于女人的直觉我历来都不太相信，认为她们所谓的直觉只是主观的想法，是不可信的。想到和伊莎贝尔这番长谈，自己在末尾说的那段话，我不禁哑然失笑。这使我想起苏姗娜·鲁维埃来，发现自己已有多日未见她了，不知她在做什么事情。如果她闲着没事，也许愿意陪我吃顿饭、看场电影呢。我叫住一辆在街上转悠的出租车，把她公寓的地址告诉了司机。