新编大学英语第三册unit2 Text C: Who Pays the Check?
UNIT 2 AFTER-CLASS READING 2; New College English (III)
Who Pays the Check?
1 On their first date, Maureen and Dennis ate at one of the most popular Italian restaurants in town. The two, who had met at a fitness club, enjoyed each other's company at dinner, but when the waiter later placed the check between them, the relaxed mood of the evening seemed to vanish. Who would pay the check? Dennis had asked Maureen out, but she had been the one to suggest dinner and at this particular restaurant. He seemed to hesitate, then reached for the bill. "Oh, no, he wanted me to offer," Maureen thought. "Is it too late now how much should I pay?"
2 The days when men were the only ones to ask for dates, and women had their evenings paid for, seem to be on the wane, but there are no rules about who pays for what when couples go out. Instead, many women and men tend to play it by ear, often trying to second-guess each other. For instance, a woman may wonder: "Should I pay for half for the sake of equality and to avoid any notion that I owe him anything?" A man may wonder: "Should I pick up the tab on the first date and hope she'll get it the next time?"
3 Who pays for a date can establish or reflect the roles of each person in the relationship. Dr Catherine Gildner, a Toronto psychologist, says money gives a person a measure of power. If a man asks a woman out and picks up the entire tab, it casts the couple into traditional roles, which some women and men now find unsuitable. In some cases, a woman resents a date if he feels that, by paying, he has more power e.g., to choose the restaurant and meal or he mistakenly assumes that she is obliged to him in some way. Or a man may resent a date who automatically expects him to be entirely responsible for the bill.
4 Splitting the check on the first few dates can help start the relationship as one between two equals, Dr Gildner suggests. It also allows you to evaluate each other more objectively. For instance, it helps to prevent any notion that you're obliged to your date in some way merely because he picked up the tab for an expensive evening. And it may reassure him that you're dating him to spend time with him not to eat for free. It may also mean the two of you can afford to go out more often.
5 When possible, it is best to deal with dating expenses in the beginning, according to Bruce Barnes, a Toronto psychotherapist. For example, suppose that you like to pay your way on a first date and a man invites you to dinner at his favorite restaurant, which you know is pricey. You might reply, "I'd love to go out with you, but that restaurant is too expensive for me." Then, you could suggest another place. This way, "you can both sit back and enjoy the meal without any hidden expectations or assumptions," Barnes says.
6 Sharing dating expenses needn't involve using a calculator to tabulate who drank more wine or who had dessert. If you want to split the check, 50-50 is probably best, despite who ate what. Barnes says that other egalitarian methods of dating, such as paying on alternate dates or reciprocating with home-cooked meals, can also help you maintain an equal balance in a relationship. For example, some women and men feel that the person who initiated the date regardless of whether it was the man or the woman should pick up the tab the first time, then the other person can reciprocate next time.
7 Barnes says some men who are insecure feel that their masculinity is threatened when a woman picks up the tab. If your date always insists on paying the entire bill and you prefer to share the cost at least sometimes, you might say, "I wouldn't have accepted your invitation unless I wanted to go out with you and pay for half."
8 On the other hand, some women who insist on paying 50 percent of everything on every date may be revealing their own insecurity: they may be unsure of their independence and need to prove it all the time, according to Dr Gildner. She says that the 50-50 arrangement need not be a rule "for all times and forever." As you become more secure in a relationship and see each other more often, you can work out arrangements that suit each of you.
9 Indeed, splitting the bill 50-50 is sometimes unfair. For example, Barnes suggests that you assume your date is picking up the check if he asks you out, then chooses a restaurant without consulting you, and orders an expensive entree and a bottle of wine to match, while you're modest in your meal selection. In this situation, if your date looks at the check and says, "Your half comes to...," he's not a liberated man who is treating you as an equal he's just plain cheap, says Barnes.
