GRE写作满分范文四十九

"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them.  It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them." 

The above quotation a concrete example of a major problem in our society today. While probably stated with good intentions, the quotation misses the mark on the path education needs to follow.  As our society changes, so do our educational needs, and thus our educational curriculum needs to change also. 

I find fault  with the quotation on two fronts.  First, the quotation does not acknowledge that curriculum must change.  It seems to say the educator should decide when to change the curriculum.  This does not lead to optimal learning conditions, ask anyone who studied high school history out of outdated textbooks.  One can also infer some students won't be taught up-to-date informationin a wide variety of areas.  This can become ideologically dangerous.   What happens when students are not given full teachings of such vital movements as the Equal Rights Amendment or the Constitution of their country?  An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope.  Curriculum must change, and should not be left to input from a single voice. 

The second argument answers who should make curriculum adjustments.  Obviously the educator still plays alarge role in this matter.  The students also need to be part of the decision process.  The two groups need a give and take relationship when deciding topics for the classroom.  If the students could benefit from learning material that is presently not taught in the classroom, it should be entered.  Sex education and AIDS education classes needed to be part of the curriculum to inform young people.  Those classes were added and have worked well. 

A third party that has a role in curriculum development is private business, including research labs, goods and service providers, and financial businesses.  By hiring employees with certain capabilities they have indirectly influenced curriculum for years. As time passes they will have more input by demanding subpar schools raise the level of student test scores in certain areas, either by stating so or by not hiring unqualified students 

The quotation echoes of a time when school learning consisted of the three "R"'s and little else.

better or worse our society is much more complex now than then.

   For our schools to keep pace with our society we need to adjust our curriclum to what it should be, what we want it to be, and what it needs to be. The above quotation a concrete example of a major problem in our society today. While probably stated with good intentions, the quotation misses the mark on the path education needs to follow.  As our society changes, so do our educational needs, and thus our educational curriculum needs to change also. 

I find fault  with the quotation on two fronts.  First, the quotation does not acknowledge that curriculum must change.  It seems to say the educator should decide when to change the curriculum.  This does not lead to optimal learning conditions, ask anyone who studied high school history out of outdated textbooks.  One can also infer some students won't be taught up-to-date informationin a wide variety of areas.  This can become ideologically dangerous.   What happens when students are not given full teachings of such vital movements as the Equal Rights Amendment or the Constitution of their country?  An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope.  Curriculum must change, and should not be left to input from a single voice.

The second argument answers who should make curriculum adjustments.  Obviously the educator still plays alarge role in this matter.  The students also need to be part of the decision process.  The two groups need a give and take relationship when deciding topics for the classroom.  If the students could benefit from learning material that is presently not taught in the classroom, it should be entered.  Sex education and AIDS education classes needed to be part of the curriculum to inform young people.  Those classes were added and have worked well.  

A third party that has a role in curriculum development is private business, including research labs, goods and service providers, and financial businesses.  By hiring employees with certain capabilities they have indirectly influenced curriculum for years. As time passes they will have more input by demanding subpar schools raise the level of student test scores in certain areas, either by stating so or by not hiring unqualified students 

The quotation echoes of a time when school learning consisted of the three "R"'s and little else.  For better or worse our society is much more complex now than then.   For our schools to keep pace with our society we need to adjust our curriclum to what it should be, what we want it to be, and what it needs to be. 

COMMENTARY 

This essay presents a competent discussion of the issue.  The essay's argument -- that curriculum should be determined by many voices, including that of private business -- is clearly expressed and adequately developed.  The writer supports this position with relevant reasons, including an analysis of the need for private business to become involved in education.  Examples are clearly relevant (e.g., sex education and AIDS education are cited as examples of how schools are offering new classes to meet the contemporary needs), and the writer uses details to help develop and illustrate important points.  While the essay presents several ideas that are thought provoking --  e.g., "An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope" -- those ideas are not expressed precisely or persuasively enough to merit a score of 5. 

The conclusion is appropriate; it reinforces the main idea of the essay, that schools need to keep pace with society and adjust curricula to meet the needs of both students and employers. 

The essay consistently displays adequate control over the conventions of academic writing.  Sentence structure is generally adequate, although many of the sentences would benefit from restructuring and the use of transitions to more effectively communicate the writer's ideas. 

For all of these reasons -- competent analysis and adequate control of the elements of writing -- this essay received a score of 4.