老爸老妈的浪漫史第四季22

[00:00.80]In May of 2009, I was on the verge of scoring my first big client as an independent architect.
[00:00.80]2009年5月 我作为一位独立设计的建筑师 马上面临着第一位大客户的首肯
[00:06.00]I was willing to do anything to make it happen.
[00:06.00]我愿意拼尽全力来争取
[00:08.45]Here's what we want,son. It's real simple.
[00:08.45]小子 这就是我们想要的 真的很简单
[00:11.35]We're opening a restaurant called Rib Town and we want it to be shaped like a cowboy hat.
[00:11.35]我们要开一家叫肋骨城的餐厅 希望它的外形像个牛仔帽
[00:18.83]Anything.
[00:18.83]愿意做任何事
[00:20.23]A cowboy hat?
[00:20.23]牛仔帽?
[00:22.02]That's brilliant. I love it!
[00:22.02]太棒了 我爱死这想法了!
[00:24.80]I mean,nothing says delicious like the inside of a cowboy hat,right?
[00:24.80]我是说 在牛仔帽外形的餐厅进餐 再美味不过了 对吧?
[00:28.35]Look,I'm telling you-- I'm your guy.
[00:28.35]瞧 我想说 我就是你们需要的人
[00:30.46]I - I think I was born to design this building. I just...
[00:30.46]我想我是为了设计这个餐厅而生的 我已经...
[00:35.94]I see it.
[00:35.94]看到了蓝图
[00:37.17]I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it.
[00:37.17]我根本啥也看不到 看不到 看不到
[00:41.32]What's so good about it?
[00:41.32]你有啥好开心的?
[00:43.24]Up all night?
[00:43.24]一宿没睡?
[00:44.33]I told these guys I have a vision for this thing.
[00:44.33]我告诉那两家伙 说我已经有了餐厅设计的构思
[00:46.62]They want to see a pitch in a week and I got nothing.
[00:46.62]他们这周内就要看设计图 我却什么也设计不出来
[00:49.30]It's cute.
[00:49.30]挺可爱的嘛
[00:50.62]- Cute? - Yeah.
[00:50.62]- 可爱? - 对啊
[00:51.70]Robin,I could be designing concert halls and bridges.
[00:51.70]Robin 我本该去设计音乐厅和大桥的
[00:55.78]Bridges so beautiful they could be in museums.
[00:55.78]桥梁如此优雅 甚至可以被放进博物馆
[00:59.01]And I could design those museums.
[00:59.01]我甚至也可以设计那些博物馆
[01:01.81]But what am I designing instead? What has my career come to?
[01:01.81]但瞧瞧我在干什么呢? 我事业的前景在哪呢?
[01:04.81]A two-story Stetson with outdoor ding on the brim.
[01:04.81]一座两层的牛仔帽 前门还往两遍凹
[01:09.93]It's a sick cosmic joke.
[01:09.93]真是个有悖宇宙伦理的笑话
[01:12.18]The universe is conspiring against me.
[01:12.18]这个宇宙都在合谋陷害我
[01:14.85]You just need to get out of the house. Take a walk. Get a bagel.
[01:14.85]你需要出去 走走溜溜 买个百吉饼
[01:17.77]Yeah. Yeah,that'll solve everything.
[01:17.77]没错 没错 一切就都解决了
[01:20.58]I haven't slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer.
[01:20.58]我34小时都没合眼了 但一个百吉饼就解决这一切了
[01:23.57]A cinnamon raisin bagel with a little cream cheese.
[01:23.57]一个肉桂葡萄干百吉饼再抹少量乳酪
[01:27.29]Actually,that sounds pretty good-- I'm going to get a bagel.
[01:27.29]事实上 听起来不错 我去买个百吉饼吧
[01:29.68]Oh,uh,bring an umbrella.
[01:29.68]哦 记得带把伞
[01:30.88]It's supposed to rain, according to Galoshes, our weather clown.
[01:30.88]据Galoshes报道说会下雨 他是我们的天气小丑
[01:33.83]Your show has a clown who does the weather?
[01:33.83]你们的节目还有小丑来播报天气?
[01:36.20]That's a little cheesy, don't you think?
[01:36.20]听上去很搞笑 你不觉得吗?
[01:37.62]Yeah,and what's that restaurant you're designing shaped like,Hoss?
[01:37.62]没错没错 牛仔 你设计的餐厅是什么样子的?
[01:43.49]Fine. You want me out of the house, I'll get out of the house.
[01:43.49]好吧 你想我出去 那我就出去好了
[01:47.16]Can't wait to see what the universe has lined up for me out there.
[01:47.16]来不及想瞧瞧花花宇宙在外面又给我准备了什么了
[01:55.44]Kids,I've been telling you the story of how I met your mother.
[01:55.44]孩子们 我一直在讲我如何遇见你们妈妈的故事
[01:58.76]And while there's many things to learn from this story, this may be the biggest.
[01:58.76]在所有的故事里 这一件也许是最重要的
[02:03.04]The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do.
[02:03.04]你们人生的重要时刻 不是因为你们做了什么
[02:06.73]They'll also be the things that happen to you.
[02:06.73]而是你们的际遇
[02:09.52]Now,I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life.
[02:09.52]我并不是说你们对于生活无所作为
[02:13.31]You have to take action, and you will.
[02:13.31]你们必须要行动起来 你们也会这样做的
[02:16.60]But never forget that, on any day,
[02:16.60]但别忘了 某一天
[02:18.93]you could step out the front door and your whole life can change forever.
[02:18.93]你们踏出前门 一生就会发生改变
[02:23.24]You see,the universe has a plan,kids, and that plan is always in motion.
[02:23.24]孩子们 你们知道宇宙有自己的定数 它处于不断变化之中
[02:28.84]A butterfly flaps its wings...
[02:28.84]一只蝴蝶扇动翅膀...
[02:31.61]and it starts to rain.
[02:31.61]天就开始下雨
[02:34.10]It's a scary thought. But it's also kind of wonderful.
[02:34.10]听上去有点诡异 却又如此美妙
[02:37.23]All these little parts of the machine constantly working,
[02:37.23]这些就如机器部件不断运转
[02:40.35]making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be,
[02:40.35]确保你能来到对的地方
[02:43.10]exactly when you're supposed to be there.
[02:43.10]能赶上对的时间
[02:45.71]The right place at the right time.
[02:45.71]在对的时间来到对的地方
[03:02.93]How I Met Your Mother Season04 Episode22
[03:02.93]老爸老妈浪漫史 第四季 第22集
[03:05.57]***le that I ended up on that street corner.
[03:05.57]孩子们 如奇迹一般 我来到了街角
[03:08.48]especially when you consider how easy it would have been not to end up there.
[03:08.48]尤其是当你们知道错过这一切是多么的容易
[03:11.97]I mean,for instance, when I first stepped out of the apartment,
[03:11.97]比如 当我刚出门时
[03:14.51]I almost went right instead of left.
[03:14.51]我差点就右拐 而不是左拐
[03:16.72]Why didn't I go right?
[03:16.72]我为何不右拐呢?
[03:18.01]Well,to answer that, we have to go back a few days.
[03:18.01]要回答这个问题 我们要说说前几天发生的事
[03:20.64]As you know,back then, your Aunt Robin hosted a morning show.
[03:20.64]你们知道 那时你们的Robin阿姨主持一档早间节目
[03:23.83]Now Eunice here makes all of these purses herself.
[03:23.83]这些手提包都是Eunice亲手做的
[03:27.28]They're hand embroidered with the world's finest silk.
[03:27.28]它们是用全世界最好的丝绸 手工刺绣而成的
[03:30.04]And each one takes months to make.
[03:30.04]每一个都要花费数月的时间
[03:32.51]I cannot emphasize how much work goes into...
[03:32.51]我都无需强调这其中花费的功夫了...
[03:39.81]Go to weather,you idiot.
[03:39.81]切播天气预报啊 白痴
[03:43.30]Hey,everybody.
[03:43.30]嗨 大家好
[03:44.81]We got a high pressure system coming in from the west and...
[03:44.81]有股高气压将从西面袭来...
[03:50.21]On the plus side, I bought the cutest purse today.
[03:50.21]从好的方面看 我今天买到了最可爱的手提包
[03:54.18]So,wait, why did you throw up?
[03:54.18]那么 慢着 你怎么会呕吐呢?
[03:56.69]- You don't want to know. - Come on. Tell me.
[03:56.69]- 你不会想知道的 - 好啦 说吧
[04:00.33]I'm pregnant.
[04:00.33]我怀孕了
[04:01.96]I will raise this child with you.
[04:01.96]我会和你一起抚养这个孩子的
[04:03.64]You are not alone in this.
[04:03.64]你不是一个人在'战斗"
[04:04.88]We can even get married if you want,but I still want to see other girls,
[04:04.88]如果你愿意我们可以结婚 但我还想和别的女生约会
[04:07.63]so it would have to be one of those kinds of marriages.
[04:07.63]那么这必须得是种特殊的婚姻
[04:08.91]God,stop it. I'm not pregnant. It's food poisoning.God.
[04:08.91]天啊 够啦 我没有怀孕 只是食物中毒 天啊 (骗人^^ 你明明就是怀孕了)
[04:14.27]I ate something from this place and,three hours later, I was spewing like an open hydrant.
[04:14.27]我某个地方吃了早饭 3个钟头后 我就像开闸的消防栓一样呕吐不止
[04:21.06]From where?
[04:21.06]哪儿?
[04:22.07]Well,that's a gross question.
[04:22.07]这个可就是个粗鲁的问题了
[04:23.95]No,where was the food from?
[04:23.95]不是问这个 问你在哪儿吃的?
[04:27.63]- I don't want to tell you. - What?
[04:27.63]- 我不想跟你说 - 什么?
[04:28.93]Ted,Ted,Ted! Go to YouTube.
[04:28.93]Ted Ted Ted! 去YouTube网站看看
[04:30.49]Put in "Robin Scherbatsky morning show vomit" Oh,hey,Robin. Home so soon.
[04:30.49]搜索"Robin Scherbatsky晨间呕吐秀" 哦 嘿 Robin 这么快就回来啦
[04:34.41]Someone already put it on YouTube?
[04:34.41]都有人把这放到YouTube上了?
[04:36.94]Yeah. Someone.
[04:36.94]没错 某人
[04:40.44]So,uh... Why you been throwing up? You pregnant?
[04:40.44]那么... 你怎么会呕吐? 你有了?
[04:42.97]Yeah,Barney. I'm pregnant.
[04:42.97]没错 Barney 我有了
[04:49.71]So,wait,why won't you tell me where you got food poisoning?
[04:49.71]等等 你为啥不能告诉我你在哪食物中毒的?
[04:51.99]You love this place. If I tell you, it'll just ruin it.
[04:51.99]你喜欢那家店 一旦我告诉你 就毁了它的美好形象了
[04:55.78]- Okay,that makes sense. - Yeah.
[04:55.78]- 好吧 也有道理 - 很好
[04:58.79]Don't tell me.
[04:58.79]别告诉我
[05:00.69]Is it that Indian place where the cat jumps on all the tables?
[05:00.69]是那家猫咪满桌滚的印度餐厅吗?
[05:03.17]I'm not saying.
[05:03.17]我不会说的
[05:04.07]That Spanish place with the baby's crib in the middle of the restaurant?
[05:04.07]是那家店中央有张婴儿床的 西班牙餐厅吗?
[05:06.02]I'm not saying.
[05:06.02]我不会说的
[05:08.61]Oh,God,no. No,no,no. Is it this place?
[05:08.61]哦 天啊 不 不 不 是这里吗?
[05:13.04]- Tell me,damn you! - Fine. You really want to know?
[05:13.04]- 告诉我 该死的! - 好吧 你真想知道?
[05:15.02]Yes!
[05:15.02]想!
[05:17.00]- It's Schlegel's Bagels. - No! Why did you tell me that?
[05:17.00]- 是在Schlegel的百吉饼店 - 不! 你干嘛要告诉我啊?
[05:21.47]Schlegel's? Thanks a lot,Robin.
[05:21.47]Schlegel的店? 多谢你了 Robin
[05:24.56]Now I'm going to have to try to find another place in New York That serves bagels.
[05:24.56]这下我要在纽约城重新找一家百吉饼店了
[05:30.44]So,you see,kids,if I had gone to Schlegel's Bagels as usual, I would have taken a right.
[05:30.44]所以孩子们你们看 如果我像平常一样 去买Schlegel的百吉饼 我就会右拐了
[05:36.10]I would have gotten a bagel...
[05:36.10]我会买上一个百吉饼...
[05:37.95]gone home, worked on the old hat building, and you kids might never have been born.
[05:37.95]回家去 继续设计那帽子餐厅 就不会你们了
[05:43.13]But I turned left instead, to go to my second-favorite bagel place and the rest is history.
[05:43.13]但我左拐 去我第二喜欢的百吉饼店 余下发生的事才是历史
[05:49.19]Of course,I stopped at that magazine stand on the way.
[05:49.19]当然 我半路在报刊亭停了一下
[05:52.64]Why did I stop there? Here's why.
[05:52.64]我为何会停下? 这就是原因
[05:55.66]Yes. Yes...
[05:55.66]好 好!
[06:01.05]Bro's Lifemagazine.
[06:01.05]看这本"男人终生的杂志"
[06:03.42]Page 83. Check it.
[06:03.42]第83页 看看
[06:07.08]"What Your Paintball Gun Says About Your Personality"?
[06:07.08]"从漆弹枪选择看你的个性"?
[06:09.97]Below that.
[06:09.97]下面那行
[06:11.30]"That Last Five Pounds: How to Get Her to Lose Them."
[06:11.30]"最后5磅: 教她如何减重"
[06:14.20]Above that.
[06:14.20]上面那句
[06:16.14]Petra Petrova.
[06:16.14]Petra Petrova
[06:17.91]Petra Petrova.
[06:17.91]Petra Petrova
[06:19.83]Bro's Lifemagazine's Girl of the Year for May.
[06:19.83]"男人终生的杂志"年度女孩的5月之花
[06:23.92]A delicate flower in stiletto pumps and leopard panties, straddling an ATV.
[06:23.92]穿着细高跟和豹纹内裤的性感妞儿 横扫整个亚视
[06:28.46]These magazines are so lame. I mean,she's probably airbrushed and enhanced.
[06:28.46]这本杂志真无趣 她也许不过炒作和包装出来的
[06:31.59]I have a date with her.
[06:31.59]我和她有个约会
[06:32.58]You are my hero! Are you serious? How do you have a date with her?
[06:32.58]你简直是我的英雄! 当真? 你怎么能泡到她的?
[06:36.07]Not part of the story.
[06:36.07]这不是故事的重点
[06:37.49]Ted,I have been waiting a long time to say this.
[06:37.49]Ted 为了说这个 我等了很久
[06:41.34]This girl is the one.
[06:41.34]这是我要的女孩
[06:43.57]Of course she's the one. You have to marry those. Her.
[06:43.57]当然啦 你应该跟这些女孩结婚 这个女孩
[06:48.09]Marry? No.
[06:48.09]结婚? 才不
[06:51.17]I have something much,much more special in mind.
[06:51.17]我有更好的主意
[06:55.20]Petra here,if all goes well, will be my-- wait for it-- two hundredth.
[06:55.20]这个Petra 如果一切顺利 将会是我的--等等-- 第200个妞儿
[06:59.90]Sorry,I couldn't wait. It's all too exciting.
[06:59.90]抱歉 我心急了 太令人兴奋了
[07:01.87]Your two hundredth, as in "sex with"?
[07:01.87]你的第200个 "上床对象"?
[07:04.86]As in "sex with." I request the highest of fives.
[07:04.86]"上床对象" 我想来个最高的击掌
[07:09.85]Not if I was wearing a HazMat suit.
[07:09.85]我只有穿着防护服才敢接掌
[07:13.22]200 is too many.
[07:13.22]200个也太多了
[07:15.05]Oh,right,'cause there can be too many of something wonderful.
[07:15.05]哦没错 也许爽的东西太多了
[07:18.90]"Hey,Babe Ruth, easy,big fella.
[07:18.90]"嘿 Babe Ruth 悠着点 大块头 (美国棒坛传奇人物)
[07:21.43]Let's not hit too many homers."
[07:21.43]咱别击出太多本垒打啦"
[07:22.83]"Hey, "Steve Guttenberg, "maybe just make three Police Academymovies.
[07:22.83]"嘿 斯蒂芬.斯皮尔伯格 只拍三部警匪片就够了
[07:26.85]America's laughed enough."
[07:26.85]美国人笑够了"
[07:28.66]Who are these girls?
[07:28.66]她们都是谁?
[07:30.56]That was rhetorical. Don't show me the list.
[07:30.56]我是在讽刺你 别给我看名单啊
[07:32.52]199 satisfied customers.
[07:32.52]199位满意客户
[07:35.87]Anyway,the big night is Thursday.
[07:35.87]周四才是大日子
[07:38.37]I'm having a celebratory soiree beforehand at MacLaren's.
[07:38.37]我要在MacLaren酒吧 预先举办一个庆祝派对
[07:41.89]Prepare a toast.
[07:41.89]准备祝酒词
[07:43.26]Black tie optional, but preferred.
[07:43.26]黑领结可选戴 但最好都戴
[07:45.05]Gifts are, look,I would say unnecessary, but follow your heart.
[07:45.05]至于礼物 瞧 我会说不需要 但你们尽可随意
[07:48.40]Barney,200's too many.
[07:48.40]Barney 200个太多了
[07:50.12]- It's not too many. - It's too many!
[07:50.12]- 一点都不多 - 太多了!
[07:52.20]- It's not too many. - Thank you.
[07:52.20]- 并不算太多 - 谢谢
[07:54.27]Oh,no,don't get me wrong.
[07:54.27]哦 别误解我的意思
[07:55.58]You're disgusting,and the cops should probably clamp a boot on your genitals,
[07:55.58]你个混蛋 警察早该给你的小JJ钳个枷锁
[07:59.55]but that number should be higher.
[07:59.55]但这个数目应该更高才对
[08:01.82]After Barney told me about all this, I crunched the numbers and,well...
[08:01.82]自从Barney告诉我这些之后 我分析了下这些数字 然后...
[08:06.08]I had some charts made up.
[08:06.08]我做了些图表
[08:09.50]Barney here hits on roughly 20 girls a week.
[08:09.50]这里显示 '粗'率估算Barney每周泡20个妞儿
[08:12.18]Whoa,it's way more than 20.
[08:12.18]哦 多于20个
[08:13.99]And B. Smooth don't do nothing roughly.
[08:13.99]还有 是温柔的 不是'粗'的
[08:16.91]Let's say 20.
[08:16.91]那我们就算是20个吧
[08:18.33]So,20 girls a week means 1,040 girls a year.
[08:18.33]那么一周20妞儿就意味着一年1,040个
[08:22.16]In Barney's 16 years of sexual activity,
[08:22.16]在Barney长达16年的性生活中
[08:25.07]that means he's hit on 16,640 girls.
[08:25.07]也就意味着他泡过16,640个妞儿
[08:29.39]Now,if he's bedded 199 of them, that is a success rate of...
[08:29.39]那么 如果他只上过其中的199个 那么成功率只是...
[08:36.01]a little over one percent.
[08:36.01]比1%多一点
[08:39.95]That's a batting average of 12, eight times worse
[08:39.95]这比击中一个安打的几率还差8倍
[08:43.58]than the career batting average of one-handed pitcher--
[08:43.58]是跟职业的独臂投手的安打率相比哦
[08:47.32]that's right,pitcher-- Jim Abbott.
[08:47.32]没错 投手--Jim Abbott (右手残疾的棒球运动员)
[08:53.34]Jealous. Jealous. Hero.
[08:53.34]眼红者 眼红者 英雄
[08:57.02]Suspiciously quiet during this conversation about number of sex partners, hero.
[08:57.02]在此性伴侣数目的讨论中非常可疑沉默的女人 英雄
[09:02.38]It's the grand total. That's the only number that matters.
[09:02.38]这是个总计 总数才是关键
[09:05.16]Says who?
[09:05.16]谁说的?
[09:06.26]Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond Middle School.
[09:06.26]Matthew Panning Richmond港口中学的学生
[09:11.11]Stinson,you're such a dweeb-o.
[09:11.11]Stinson 你真是个孬种
[09:13.41]I bet you never even done it with a girl.
[09:13.41]我敢打赌你从没干过一个妞儿
[09:15.37]Neither have you.
[09:15.37]你不也是
[09:16.86]How many times do I have to explain this?
[09:16.86]我还要强调多少回?
[09:19.29]I've done it with 100 girls.
[09:19.29]我都上过100个妞儿了
[09:20.91]They're seventh graders at my cousin's school on Long Island.
[09:20.91]她们在长岛上七年级 我的表哥的同学
[09:23.53]Well,you know what,Matthew?
[09:23.53]好吧 你知道嘛 Matthew
[09:25.13]Someday, I'm gonna do it with 200.
[09:25.13]总有一天 我要上200个
[09:28.74]Yeah. Call me whenthathappens.
[09:28.74]好啊 到时记得通知我
[09:32.56]And call him I will.
[09:32.56]我会打给他的
[09:35.90]I think he's gonna say it again really slow.
[09:35.90]我猜他会慢慢地再说一次的
[09:38.77]Call him...
[09:38.77]我一定会...
[09:41.41]I will.
[09:41.41]打给他的
[09:43.63]Hey,you listed Gaby Allan twice, as 78 and 162.
[09:43.63]嘿 你名单上写了2次Gaby Allan 第78条和第162条
[09:48.14]What? Let me see.
[09:48.14]什么? 让我看看
[09:50.22]Seventy... Once. Oh,my God.
[09:50.22]70... 一次 天啊
[09:54.08]Wait a... I counted the same girl twice?
[09:54.08]等下...同一个妞我算了2次?
[09:56.33]That means I'm only at one 198?
[09:56.33]就是说只有198个?
[09:58.86]Well,that only means that you're half a percent less gross than we thought.
[09:58.86]说明你的猥琐度降低0.5个百分点
[10:03.15]I'm seducing a Czech supermodel in two hours.
[10:03.15]2小时后我要去勾搭捷克超模
[10:06.09]I can't squander that on 199. Nooo!
[10:06.09]我不要她成为第199个 不!
[10:10.15]Petra has to be 200.
[10:10.15]Petra得是第200个
[10:12.57]Well,what are you going to do?
[10:12.57]你打算咋办?
[10:13.80]I mean,it's not like you're going to find someone new to have sex with in the next two hours.
[10:13.80]我是说 要在接下来2小时内 找个妞上床简直难于上青天
[10:18.07]Barney Stinson, millionaire astronaut.
[10:18.07]Barney Stinson 富豪宇航员
[10:19.37]Want to come back to my place and see some moon shells?
[10:19.37]想去我家看些玉螺不?
[10:20.90]Go away.
[10:20.90]走开
[10:22.18]I just got back from my wife's grave.
[10:22.18]我刚从妻子的墓地回来
[10:23.44]Put her in the ground a year ago today. Man,I miss her.
[10:23.44]去年的今天埋她入土 天哪 我好想她
[10:25.88]I sure could use some comfort.
[10:25.88]让我寻找些慰藉吧
[10:27.15]You're creepy.
[10:27.15]你真变态
[10:28.73]Man,aren't you sick of all the games?
[10:28.73]天哪 你还不厌倦红尘么?
[10:30.41]I just want to settle down and have a gaggle of rug rats,like,right now.
[10:30.41]我只想安定下来 生一群小崽子 现在就想
[10:33.66]I have Mace, and I enjoy using it.
[10:33.66]我有防狼器 我很喜欢使用它
[10:39.14]Marshall?
[10:39.14]Marshall?
[10:40.38]knowing how important this is to me do you think Lily would even consider--
[10:40.38]现在对我来说千钧一发 你觉得Lily会不会愿意
[10:43.27]And by the way,I would do all the work...
[10:43.27]我愿意付出一切代价...
[10:44.78]- I will end your life. - Right.
[10:44.78]- 我会结果了你 - 好吧
[10:52.63]Where'd Barney go? It's been over an hour.
[10:52.63]Barney去哪啦? 都一个多小时了
[10:54.83]You know,looking over the names on this list, I'm not sensing a lot of ethnic diversity.
[10:54.83]瞅着名单上的名字 我觉得没多大种族差异性
[10:59.79]He should really look at that in himself.
[10:59.79]他真该仔细看看
[11:03.54]Okay. All done. 199 down,one more to go.
[11:03.54]好 完成 第199个搞定 还剩一个
[11:08.71]Hey,you done with your drink?
[11:08.71]嘿 你喝完了不?
[11:12.95]There's the stuff.
[11:12.95]真舒服
[11:16.24]What the hell happened to you?
[11:16.24]你到底咋回事?
[11:18.14]So,there's this girl at my gym-- Pauline--
[11:18.14]我的健身房里有个女孩 Pauline
[11:21.71]she's been after me for some time.
[11:21.71]她追了我很久
[11:23.46]Why'd you wait until now?
[11:23.46]那你为啥等到现在?
[11:24.77]She's not exactly my type.
[11:24.77]她绝不是我喜欢的那型
[11:26.95]Looking good,Pauline.
[11:26.95]看上去不错 Pauline
[11:29.13]You are gonna rip it up at the Women's Pumping Iron Classic in Sarasota this fall.
[11:29.13]看来要在今秋的Sarasota 铁人三项比赛中搏击金牌哈
[11:38.53]So,um,I was thinking about you and me
[11:38.53]我在考虑我俩的事
[11:43.12]and if you're still interested,um...
[11:43.12]要你对我还有感觉...
[11:46.54]Okay,blondie, time for Mama's cardio!
[11:46.54]好的 小黄毛 投入妈妈的怀抱吧!
[11:48.86]Aw,geez! Mommy!
[11:48.86]天哪! 老妈!
[11:50.87]Every inch of her tasted like roast beef and creatine.
[11:50.87]她的肌肤舔起来尽是 烤牛肉味 还有肌酸味
[11:56.45]But I did it.
[11:56.45]但我做到了
[11:58.00]I did it and I still have 30 minutes before I'm supposed to meet Petra.
[11:58.00]而且离Petra的约会还剩30分钟呢
[12:01.39]Robin,do you have any concealer handy?
[12:01.39]Robin 你有遮瑕膏吗?
[12:03.15]I'd really like to cover up some bruises and razor burn.
[12:03.15]我想把淤青 灼伤统统遮掉
[12:06.23]Uh,Barney,I hate to break this to you, but,um...
[12:06.23]Barney 我不想打击你 可是...
[12:10.72]What?
[12:10.72]啥?
[12:11.86]Well,you did count Gaby Allan twice,
[12:11.86]你的确把Gaby Allan算了2次
[12:14.94]but,um,you also went from 138 to 138.
[12:14.94]可列表上138后仍是138
[12:19.10]You used the same number twice.
[12:19.10]同一个数字你写了2次
[12:21.17]Wait,so,that means Pauline wasn't 199 Pauline was 200?
[12:21.17]等下 就是说Pauline不是第199个 而是第200个?
[12:26.07]Congratulations!
[12:26.07]恭喜你!
[12:28.37]No,I-- That was supposed to be Petra!
[12:28.37]不 那位子是Petra的!
[12:30.81]Petra was supposed to be 200!
[12:30.81]Petra才是第200个!
[12:32.70]Gorgeous,feminine, "Doesn't wear a weight belt in bed," Petra!
[12:32.70]美丽 娇柔 "床上不带配重腰带"的Petra!
[12:36.35]Hey,come on. You made it to 200.
[12:36.35]嘿 拜托 你搞定200个了
[12:39.21]You should be proud.
[12:39.21]你该自豪才对
[12:40.97]You should be tested but you should be proud.
[12:40.97]你该去检查检查 但引以为豪先
[12:44.17]Who cares if Pauline doesn't pose for bikini pictures in magazines?
[12:44.17]Pauline的比基尼杂志照不摆姿势 也没人在乎
[12:47.52]Actually,she does.
[12:47.52]问题是她肯定会摆
[12:48.81]She's gonna be in next week's issue ofMuscle Sexxy.
[12:48.81]她将成为下周的性感肌肉女郎
[12:51.83]And like many of the ladies in that magazine, Sexxy has two X's and one Y.
[12:51.83]和那本杂志里众多女人一样 有两条X和一条Y染色体
[12:59.21]And so,on my way to get a bagel, I stopped at a newsstand for a full minute
[12:59.21]所以在买百吉饼的路上 我在报亭前停留了一会
[13:03.25]to check out a picture of Barney's 200th.
[13:03.25]瞅瞅Barney第200个妞的照片
[13:06.14]Oh,Barney...
[13:06.14]Barney...
[13:07.46]If I hadn't done that, I would've walked right by the newsstand,
[13:07.46]要是不这么做 我就会直接经过报亭
[13:10.49]cut down 77th and gotten to that corner a minute early.
[13:10.49]穿过第77街 早一分钟到达那转角
[13:13.98]I would've gotten the bagel,done some work, and you kids might never have been born.
[13:13.98]买百吉饼 然后干些活 要是这样 你们就不会来到这世上
[13:19.23]Now,why did I cut down 77th, and give a dollar to the homeless guy?
[13:19.23]为啥过第77街后 我会给流浪汉一块钱呢?
[13:22.82]Here's why.
[13:22.82]是这样的
[13:24.08]Back when Marshall first started working at Goliath National Bank...
[13:24.08]Marshall刚进歌利亚国家银行那会儿...
[13:28.38]Um,Fran, I don't mean to bother you but I have a big presentation tomorrow
[13:28.38]Fran 抱歉打扰下 我明天要做个报告
[13:32.23]and it would really help if I could get like some charts and graphs made up.
[13:32.23]要是我做些图表 报告会就会更出彩
[13:35.87]Could you help me with that?
[13:35.87]你能帮帮我吗?
[13:37.06]Honey,this is the graphics department.
[13:37.06]亲爱的 这里是制图部
[13:38.97]We can make as many graphs, as many charts in as many colors on as many kinds of paper as you want.
[13:38.97]随你用何种颜色 何种纸质 想怎么制图表 就能怎么制
[13:45.45]Oh,Fran.
[13:45.45]Fran
[13:47.39]Oh,Frannie,Frannie,Fran.
[13:47.39]Frannie Frannie Fran
[13:50.77]We are gonna have some fun.
[13:50.77]我们来点有趣的玩玩
[13:52.97]I've ranked the Presidents in order of how dirty their names sound.
[13:52.97]按照名字读音的猥琐程度 我把总统名如下排序
[13:56.78]One: Johnson.
[13:56.78]第一名 Johnson(男性生殖器)
[13:58.76]Two: Bush.
[13:58.76]第二名 Bush(阴毛)
[14:00.70]Three: Harding.
[14:00.70]第三名 Harding(变硬)
[14:02.45]Four: Polk.
[14:02.45]第四名 Polk(波尔卡舞)
[14:05.55]This circle represents "People Who Are Breaking My Heart..."
[14:05.55]这个圈代表"伤透我心的人"
[14:10.05]and this circle represents "People Who Are Shaking My Confidence Daily."
[14:10.05]这个圈代表"每天打击我自信的人"
[14:15.69]And where they overlap: Cecilia.
[14:15.69]相交起来就是Cecilia
[14:21.98]This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars.
[14:21.98]这是饼图代表着我最爱去的酒吧
[14:28.01]And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.
[14:28.01]这个柱状图代表着我最爱吃的派 （pie和bar的互文）
[14:38.95]What's going on?
[14:38.95]咋回事?
[14:40.14]Enough with the charts.
[14:40.14]别再玩图表
[14:41.65]And the graphs.
[14:41.65]还有曲线图
[14:43.22]Really any visual representation of data.
[14:43.22]还有任何把数据形象化的统计法
[14:47.58]I'm not an idiot.
[14:47.58]我不是白痴
[14:49.13]Okay,uh,I know how you guys feel about my charts and my graphs.
[14:49.13]好吧 我知道你们对我的图表有意见
[14:54.37]As a matter of fact, I've made a chart of your reaction to my charts. Let's take a look.
[14:54.37]事实上 我拿你们对图标的看法 制成了图表 来瞧瞧吧
[14:58.20]Yes,it is true, since Cecelia,your interest in my charts has been steadily dropping.
[14:58.20]的确 自从Cecelia图表之后 你们对图表的兴趣稳步下跌
[15:04.01]But based on recent trends, I have also made...
[15:04.01]但是基于最近的走势 我又制了份...
[15:08.35]A projection chart!
[15:08.35]投影图!
[15:10.11]And look... huge spike in interest coming!
[15:10.11]瞧瞧...即将带来巨大的回潮!
[15:12.86]And this isn't just some dead cat bounce.
[15:12.86]这可不是回光返照
[15:15.35]This is big sustainable growth over the long term.
[15:15.35]是长期的大幅度稳固增长
[15:18.83]You're a big sustainable growth.
[15:18.83]去你的大幅度稳固增长
[15:23.07]Okay,so,I have prepared a few charts to,uh,
[15:23.07]我制了些图表来
[15:27.69]demonstrate how setting up a shell corporation in Bermuda
[15:27.69]阐述如何在百慕大开空头公司
[15:30.73]could help minimize our second quarter losses.
[15:30.73]它能帮我们把第二季度的损失 降到最低
[15:34.47]And save you all some jail time.
[15:34.47]还能免除你们的牢狱之灾
[15:37.75]To begin with...
[15:37.75]首先...
[15:44.32]Could you just please excuse me?
[15:44.32]能稍等一会儿不?
[15:51.28]Mosbius Designs.
[15:51.28]Mosbius设计公司
[15:52.47]What the hell happened to my charts?
[15:52.47]我的图表哪去了?
[15:53.98]- We threw them away. - What?
[15:53.98]- 我们扔了 - 啥?
[15:56.04]That's how an intervention works,Marshall.
[15:56.04]这么干预才有效嘛 Marshall
[15:57.80]You wouldn't stop using, so,we flushed your stash.
[15:57.80]你老是没完没了 我们只得斩草除根
[16:00.58]Come on,Ted! I need my charts,man!
[16:00.58]拜托 Ted! 图表要派用场 伙计!
[16:03.25]Just for today and then I promise I will never ever use charts again.
[16:03.25]就今天 我保证以后再也不用图表了
[16:05.85]I'm under at lot of pressure here. I need my charts,Jack!
[16:05.85]我快崩溃了 还我图表 蠢蛋!
[16:09.97]Oh,my God,you're doing charts at work?
[16:09.97]我的天 你上班时间还在制图表?
[16:11.96]They're for work,you idiot!
[16:11.96]派工作用场 蠢蛋!
[16:14.06]I'm giving a big presentation right now and if I don't have those charts I'm gonna get fired!
[16:14.06]我正在做报告 要是没那些图表 我就会被炒鱿鱼!
[16:17.43]Oh,crap. Um,okay,uh,stay right there. I'll bring them to you.
[16:17.43]真要命 好的 等着 我马上送来
[16:21.14]Hurry up! I'll try to think of a way to stall them.
[16:21.14]快点 我得想办法拖延时间
[16:25.37]Hi,okay,um...
[16:25.37]嗨 好的...
[16:27.22]I'm sorry but there's been a little delay with the charts.
[16:27.22]抱歉图表会晚点到
[16:29.37]But we will get started in just a minute.
[16:29.37]我们马上开始吧
[16:38.73]Fish are weird,right?
[16:38.73]鱼很怪异 对吧?
[16:41.11]I mean,uh,what's up with fish?
[16:41.11]我是说 鱼哪怪了?
[16:49.56]Charts! Get your charts here!
[16:49.56]图表! 看看图表吧!
[16:53.85]Oh,uh,excuse me,Milt?
[16:53.85]打扰下 Milt?
[16:56.05]Um,I think those are my charts.
[16:56.05]我想那些图表是我的
[16:58.63]- These charts? - Yeah.
[16:58.63]- 这些图表? - 嗯
[16:59.80]On my blanket?
[16:59.80]毯子上的呢?
[17:01.17]Uh,that's also my blanket. We'll get to that later.
[17:01.17]其实毯子也是我的 那些我们慢点说
[17:03.82]But I really need these charts.
[17:03.82]我现在就要这些图标
[17:05.39]Oh,good,'cause they're for sale.
[17:05.39]好 我正在卖呢
[17:07.72]Fine,how much?
[17:07.72]好吧 多少钱?
[17:09.54]Uh,one million dollars.
[17:09.54]一百万
[17:12.60]I'll give you five bucks.
[17:12.60]我给你5块
[17:13.77]A million dollars.
[17:13.77]一百万
[17:15.45]No one's gonna pay a million dollars for these charts!
[17:15.45]鬼才会花一百万买这些图表!
[17:19.11]One million dollars.
[17:19.11]一百万
[17:20.79]Okay,Milt,you win.
[17:20.79]好吧 败给你了
[17:23.48]I'm gonna give you one million dollars.
[17:23.48]我会付一百万
[17:26.57]Urinating...
[17:26.57]嘘嘘...
[17:28.28]The problem is,the ATM...
[17:28.28]问题是ATM机...
[17:30.04]The alien time machine.
[17:30.04]外星时空机
[17:32.13]The alien time machine has a withdrawal limit.
[17:32.13]外星时空机有提款限制
[17:35.56]So,here's what I'm gonna do.
[17:35.56]所以我想这么做
[17:36.80]I'm gonna give you one dollar a day for a million days.
[17:36.80]我每天给你一块直至一百万天
[17:43.36]That's,uh...
[17:43.36]要...
[17:45.16]- That's 2700 years. - Yeah.
[17:45.16]- 要2700年 - 嗯
[17:48.21]Deal!
[17:48.21]成交!
[17:52.26]Sucker.
[17:52.26]蠢蛋
[17:54.34]I'm sorry,is there a land bass I don't know about?
[17:54.34]不好意思 还有哪种鲈鱼我不知道?
[18:01.59]Let's get started.
[18:01.59]我们开始吧
[18:02.69]And so,if I hadn't bought those charts back for Marshall,
[18:02.69]要是我不把图表送还给Marshall
[18:05.46]I wouldn't have had to cut down 77th to give Milt his daily dollar and well,you know the rest.
[18:05.46]露过第77街后就不会 给Milt一块钱 结果可想而知
[18:11.30]So,there you have it,kids.
[18:11.30]你们现在知道了吧 孩子们
[18:13.02]There's a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen.
[18:13.02]很多微不足道的小事 促成了人生的重大节点
[18:16.23]If I had known then where all those little things were leading me,
[18:16.23]要是那时我知道这些小事会促成
[18:18.97]and how grateful I'd be to get there, well,I probably would've done something like this.
[18:18.97]我现在的幸福生活 我会满怀感激地这么做
[18:25.33]* Hey,glad girls only wanna get you high
[18:32.68]* Hey,glad girls only wanna get you high
[18:39.93]* Hey,glad girls Only wanna get you high
[18:48.48]* And they're all right
[18:50.42]* And they're all right
[18:52.17]* And they're all right
[18:54.01]* And they're all right
[18:55.41]* Glad girls only wanna get you high
[19:01.42]* And they're all right
[19:05.05]'Cause somehow,I ended up in the right place at the right time.
[19:05.05]因为冥冥之中 我处于 对的时间 对的地点
[19:08.89]And,as a result, my life would never be the same.
[19:08.89]此后我的生活不再平淡
[19:28.17]A few days later,Uncle Barney finally confronted Matthew Panning,
[19:28.17]第二天Barney叔叔终于见到Matthew Panning
[19:31.14]the stud of Port Richmond Middle School.
[19:31.14]利治蒙港中学的小霸王
[19:33.33]So,Barney,great to hear from you after all this time.
[19:33.33]Barney 真高兴接到你电话
[19:36.27]What's been going on?
[19:36.27]过得咋样?
[19:37.37]I've had sex with 200 women.
[19:37.37]我和200个妞上过床了
[19:41.33]Oh,God! That's way too many.
[19:41.33]我的天! 太多了吧
[19:44.56]I mean,that's just gross.
[19:44.56]我是说 有点恶心
[19:46.89]Have you sought counseling for sex addiction?
[19:46.89]你去咨询过性上瘾症吗?
[19:48.75]Because you're a prime candidate.
[19:48.75]你这样可不妙
[19:50.30]Uh,have you sought counseling for I win you lose?
[19:50.30]你去咨询过我赢你输不?
[19:53.35]Yeah,suddenly those 100 girls you nailed in the seventh grade aren't so impressive.
[19:53.35]嗯 你初一就泡到100妞也不怎么厉害
[19:58.52]100 girls? Is that what this is about?
[19:58.52]100个妞? 就为这破事?
[20:01.29]Barney,I lied.
[20:01.29]Barney 我骗你的
[20:02.97]Sure you did.
[20:02.97]你确实干了
[20:04.30]I was 12-- of course I was lying.
[20:04.30]我才12岁 撒谎的年纪
[20:06.97]I didn't have a pet Ewok either.
[20:06.97]我也没有养Ewok(见电影星球大战)
[20:09.09]Sure you didn't.
[20:09.09]你确实没有
[20:11.07]Your whole adult life has been built around something I lied about when I was 12?
[20:11.07]你的全部生活都围绕着 我12岁时说的谎话?
[20:17.29]Jealous?
[20:17.29]嫉妒了?
[20:18.84]Look,I gotta go pick my kids up at school.
[20:18.84]听着 我得去接孩子回家
[20:21.53]It sounds like you got a lot of problems.
[20:21.53]貌似你病得不轻
[20:24.09]Good luck,I guess.
[20:24.09]祝你好运
[20:27.93]I'm awesome.
[20:27.93]我真牛逼
[20:30.74]Okay,200.
[20:30.74]好吧 200
[20:34.94]Now what?
[20:34.94]然后呢?