Although close relationships are often wellsprings of health-enhancing support, accumulating evidence indicates that persistent domestic conflict deals a blow to the body—and especially the heart. In one of the latest studies, researchers found that British adults who were in adverse close relationships were 34 percent more likely to suffer coronary problems, ranging from chest pain to deadly heart attacks, than those who weren't. Numerous American studies have produced similar findings. Last year, for example, a long-term analysis of more than 1,000 marriages found that strained matrimonies take a clear toll on physical health over time, hitting the elderly the hardest.
Negativity-plagued relationships are toxic in part because of the effects of chronic stress, says Sheldon Cohen, a Carnegie Mellon University psychologist. In addition to damaging the heart, ongoing stress can deplete the immune system—creating openings for colds, cancers, and other maladies—and also lead to depression and risky coping behaviors like excessive drinking.
People who endure persistent interpersonal problems are more at risk than those reeling from an isolated blowup, Cohen says. But spouses aren't the only potential source of unrelenting trouble. In the recent British study, 20 percent of adults identified someone other than a romantic partner as the object of their closest relationship, according to the report in the October 8 issue of Archives of Internal Medicine.
Fortunately, strategies for minimizing feuds within the family are similar to those that can resolve conflicts with in-laws, coworkers, neighbors, and others, says Redford Williams, a behavioral scientist at Duke University. One technique he recommends is this: Before lashing someone with a sharp-tongued comment, step back and evaluate a brewing dispute. Say it's your turn to host the annual holiday family feast. Frazzled, juggling food prep for 20 people with a maniacal effort to scrub everything clean, you finally feel pleased by your home's facelift. Then the doorbell rings. In strides your 84-year-old aunt, craning her neck to eyeball the surroundings. “Well, you certainly don't pay much attention to keeping your house tidy,” she barks, flinging her coat over your outstretched arms. “If we did what came naturally, we'd either explode or keep fuming for the rest of the day,” Williams says. Instead, he suggests, ask yourself four questions: Is this situation important?
After years studying the strain hostility and anger place on the heart, he and his wife, also a doctor, have developed a system called Williams LifeSkills. A 2005 study found that when people with heart disease used Williams's techniques, their anger levels, average blood pressure, and blood pressure elevation when angry all went down; their depression and anxiety diminished; and they reported being more satisfied with family and friends.
Nevertheless, the holidays tend to strap everyone with a little extra stress, so make an effort to be on your best behavior, especially if you're prone to conflict, says Williams. But if family fighting's become an annual theme, there might be something wrong.
Not all conflict is bad, according to Harvard University lecturer Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the new book Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. “Negativity is normal, as long as it's outweighed by positivity,” he says. “No negativity at all is actually a bad sign” that people may be avoiding serious issues.
1. From the first paragraph, it can be inferred that _____.
[A] close relationship between matrimonies is a double-edged sword
[B] adverse close relationship leads to high risk of coronary problems
[C] strained relationship within family will cut short one's normal span of life
[D] numerous studies have proved the devastating effect of close relationship
2. Negative close relationship may lead to the following diseases except _____.
[A] coronary problems
[B] immune system disorder
[C] psychosis
[D] depression and anxiety
3. By the technique recommended by Redford Williams, the author implies that _____.
[A] one should be reasonable so as to keep good relationship with intimate partners
[B] one should divert oneself from the furious state so as to minimize family conflicts
[C] it is not so difficult to lessen the conflicts within the family
[D] you'd better think the other way when potential conflict is under your nose
4. The strategy for minimizing conflicts in the family suggested by Redford Williams is that _____.
[A] people should undertake housework on one's own
[B] people should choose a brewing dispute rather than a sharp-tongued comment
[C] people should weigh if it is worth of having a feud
[D] people should learn to hold their anger when something unpleasant happens
5. Which one of the following statements is TRUE of Tal Ben-Shahar's opinions on family conflict?
[A] Family conflict is necessary for maintaining the positivity in close relationship.
[B] Lack of family conflict will make people void of serious issues.
[C] Negativity in close relationship can indeed improve the relationship positively.
[D] Modest family conflict will do little harm to close relationship.