VOA慢速英语:马克·吐温《好运气》
Mark Twain
Our story today is called "Luck." It was written by MarkTwain. Here is Shep O’Neal with the story.
I was at a dinner in London given in honor of one of themost celebrated English military men of his time. I donot want to tell you his real name and titles. I will justcall him Lieutenant General Lord Arthur Scoresby.
I cannot describe my excitement when I saw this greatand famous man. There he sat, the man himself, inperson, all covered with medals. I could not take myeyes off him. He seemed to show the true mark ofgreatness. His fame had no effect on him. Thehundreds of eyes watching him, the worship of somany people, did not seem to make any difference tohim.
Next to me sat a clergyman, who was an old friend of mine. He was notalways a clergyman. During the first half of his life he was a teacher in themilitary school at Woolwich. There was a strange look in his eye as he leanedtoward me and whispered – “Privately – he is a complete fool.” He meant, ofcourse, the hero of our dinner.
This came as a shock to me. I looked hard at my friend. I could not have beenmore surprised if he had said the same thing about Napoleon, or Socrates, orSolomon. But I was sure of two things about the clergyman. He always spokethe truth. And, his judgment of men was good. Therefore, I wanted to find outmore about our hero as soon as I could.
Some days later I got a chance to talk with the clergyman, and he told memore. These are his exact words:
About forty years ago, I was an instructor in the military academy at Woolwich,when young Scoresby was given his first examination. I felt extremely sorry forhim. Everybody answered the questions well, intelligently, while he – why,dear me – he did not know anything, so to speak. He was a nice, pleasantyoung man. It was painful to see him stand there and give answers that weremiracles of stupidity.
I knew of course that when examined again he would fail and be thrown out.So, I said to myself, it would be a simple, harmless act to help him as muchas I could.
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Emperor Julius Caesar, in Giulio Cesare hall |
I took him aside and found he knew a little about JuliusCaesar’s history. But, he did not know anything else.So, I went to work and tested him and worked him like aslave. I made him work, over and over again, on a fewquestions about Caesar, which I knew he would beasked.
If you will believe me, he came through very well on theday of the examination. He got high praise too, whileothers who knew a thousand times more than he weresharply criticized. By some strange, lucky accident, he was asked no questions but those I made him study.Such an accident does not happen more than once in ahundred years.
Well, all through his studies, I stood by him, with the feeling a mother has for a disabled child. And healways saved himself by some miracle.
I thought that what in the end would destroy him wouldbe the mathematics examination. I decided to make hisend as painless as possible. So, I pushed facts into hisstupid head for hours. Finally, I let him go to the examination to experience what I was sure would be his dismissal from school. Well, sir, try to imagine theresult. I was shocked out of my mind. He took firstprize! And he got the highest praise.
I felt guilty day and night – what I was doing was not right. But I only wanted tomake his dismissal a little less painful for him. I never dreamed it would lead tosuch strange, laughable results.
I thought that sooner or later one thing was sure to happen: The first real testonce he was through school would ruin him.
Then, the Crimean War broke out. I felt that sad for him that there had to be awar. Peace would have given this donkey a chance to escape from everbeing found out as being so stupid. Nervously, I waited for the worst tohappen. It did. He was appointed an officer. A captain, of all things! Whocould have dreamed that they would place such a responsibility on such weakshoulders as his.
I said to myself that I was responsible to the country for this. I must go with him and protect the nation against him as far as I could. So, I joined up with him. And away we went to the field.
And there – oh dear, it was terrible. Mistakes, fearful mistakes – why, he neverdid anything that was right – nothing but mistakes. But, you see, nobody knewthe secret of how stupid he really was. Everybody misunderstood his actions.They saw his stupid mistakes as works of great intelligence. They did,honestly!
His smallest mistakes made a man in his right mind cry, and shout andscream too – to himself, of course. And what kept me in a continual fear was the fact that every mistake he made increased his glory and fame. I keptsaying to myself that when at last they find out about him, it will be like the sunfalling out of the sky.
He continued to climb up, over the dead bodies of his superiors. Then, in thehottest moment of one battle down went our colonel. My heart jumped into mymouth, for Scoresby was the next in line to take his place. Now, we are in for it, I said…
The battle grew hotter. The English and their allies were steadily retreating allover the field. Our regiment occupied a position that was extremely important.One mistake now would bring total disaster. And what did Scoresby do thistime – he just mistook his left hand for his right hand…that was all. An ordercame for him to fall back and support our right. Instead, he moved forward andwent over the hill to the left. We were over the hill before this insanemovement could be discovered and stopped. And what did we find? A largeand unsuspected Russian army waiting! And what happened – were we allkilled? That is exactly what would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of ahundred. But no – those surprised Russians thought that no one regiment byitself would come around there at such a time.
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Russian Soldiers in Crimean War |
It must be the whole British army, they thought. Theyturned tail, away they went over the hill and down intothe field in wild disorder, and we after them. In no time,there was the greatest turn around you ever saw. Theallies turned defeat into a sweeping and shining victory.
The allied commander looked on, his head spinningwith wonder, surprise and joy. He sent right off forScoresby, and put his arms around him and huggedhim on the field in front of all the armies. Scoresby became famous that dayas a great military leader – honored throughout the world. That honor willnever disappear while history books last.
He is just as nice and pleasant as ever, but he still does not know enough tocome in out of the rain. He is the stupidest man in the universe.
Until now, nobody knew it but Scoresby and myself. He has been followed,day by day, year by year, by a strange luck. He has been a shining soldier inall our wars for years. He has filled his whole military life with mistakes. Everyone of them brought him another honorary title. Look at his chest, flooded withBritish and foreign medals. Well, sir, every one of them is the record of somegreat stupidity or other. They are proof that the best thing that can happen to aman is to be born lucky. I say again, as I did at the dinner, Scoresby’s acomplete fool.
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Words in this story
ally– n. (pl. allies) a country that supports and helps another country in a war
disabled – adj. having a physical or mental disability : unable to perform oneor more natural activities (such as walking or seeing) because of illness,injury, etc.
dismiss – v. to send away; to refuse to consider
dismissal – n. the act of sending a person away (from a position at work or in a school)
join up – (idiom) enlist in the military service
superiors – n. a person of higher rank or status than another
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