环球英语 — 454：No Baby, No Shame
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Welcome to Spotlight. I’m Liz Waid.
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And I’m Adam Navis. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
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When Betty Apio married her husband many years ago, both their families were full of hope and happiness. Betty lives in the country of Uganda. In Uganda, as in many countries, women are expected to have children. People there believe that women exist to have children. To fail at this, is to fail as a wife and as a woman.
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After Betty was married, her husband prepared their house for children. Then they waited. They tried again and again to have children. But the children never came.
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Today’s Spotlight is on infertility. Infertility is when people are unable to have children after one year of trying. While there are many medical reasons for infertility, today’s Spotlight is on the social attitude surrounding infertility.
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Betty Apio and her husband went to a doctor to find out what was wrong. The doctor removed part of her reproductive system: one of her fallopian tubes. The doctor thought this would help them have children. But the doctor was wrong.
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Betty and her husband were still unable to have children. So she went to a different doctor. He removed her second fallopian tube. She does not know why he did this. But it made it almost impossible for her to have children.
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To make the situation worse, her husband’s family began to make fun of her and call her bad names. In Uganda, a man can have more than one wife. So, his family told him to find another woman, a second wife. This new wife gave him two children. All Betty got was disrespect.
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“People tell me I have no value. They insult me – call me useless. It is horrible. I have to be strong or I will not survive.”
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Infertility affects people all around the world. It does not matter if you have money, education, or power. And it affects both men and women. Between eight and twelve percent of all married couples struggle with infertility. In some places, this number can be as high as twenty percent. That is one out of every five married people who struggle to have children.
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While infertility is common, people do not often talk about this problem. Many people feel great pressure to have children – even if they are successful in other areas of life. And often, women are blamed if a couple cannot have children. To men and women who want to have children but are not able, the pressure can be crushing.
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This can lead women especially to feel shame. They believe that they are alone in their struggle with infertility. They may even avoid talking about children, or attending events where children will be present. They may find it difficult to be happy when children are born to other people.
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While it is difficult to be infertile, the social attitude about infertility only makes the problem worse. As in Betty’s case, the community can make infertile people feel great shame. But people should not feel shame about their infertility. They should not feel alone. In fact, some women are speaking out to encourage other people who may be struggling. By talking together, they are finding hope.
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Betty Apio is one of these women. She has decided to talk about her situation. She still hopes that, with medical help, she may become pregnant. But she is also sharing her story with other women. Whatever happens, she does not want other people to feel like she did.
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“Even if people make fun of me now, I do not care.”
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Betty has found some help from her sister and two brothers. And she visits a support centre in Kampala. At the centre there are groups that help women. These groups explain the medical reasons for infertility. Women can connect with other women. And they can connect with doctors who can help them at a fertility centre.
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Prakesh Patel runs one of the fertility centres in Kampala. He told the Washington Post newspaper that many women struggle to visit him. Women often make excuses before visiting. They do not want anyone to know they are going to a fertility centre. And they share great sadness.
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“I say to them, ‘This is not a disease. There are many like you – you do not have to feel shame.’”
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If you, or someone you know is infertile, the best thing you can do is to find people who support you. Surround yourself with people who will love you and care for you. These people may be in your own family, but they may not. They may be some friends or people from a religious community, like a church.
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If you do not feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, there may be resources in your community. Many fertility centres have support groups. They are a good place to learn about what medical treatments are possible in your area. These treatments are not possible for everyone – they are costly, and they do not always work. But the most important treatment is the support and love to face the challenge of infertility.
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The emotional pain of infertility is very real. This is true even for people who are able to build their family in other ways – through medicine, or through adoption, caring for a child without parents.
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Also, it is not easy to avoid anger and shame if you are infertile. You may wonder why God would let this happen to you. You may want to feel peace and acceptance. But you also may not want to lose the dream of having children.
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Shannon Woodward, a Christian, wrote a book about her struggle to make peace with her infertility. It was not easy for her. Her desire to have her own children never went away. But she was able to see how God can work through her pain. She writes:
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“For years, I hated my broken body parts. I took my worth from what I could or could not produce. I asked God to heal my body. But it turns out he had a better plan. He healed parts of me I did not know were broken. He put new skin on old wounds. He freed me from my pain and self–hatred.”
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Infertility is painful. But facing infertility can bring healing. If you are infertile, look for support. And if you know an infertile person, offer them love and support.
