暮光之城•暮色 第107期:第七章 梦魇(16)

That had always been my way, though. Making decisions was the painful part for me, the part I agonized over. But once the decision was made, I simply followed through — usually with relief that the choice was made. Sometimes the relief was taintedby despair, like my decision to come to Forks. But it was still better than wrestling with the alternatives.

不过，这通常是我的风格。做决定对我来说是一个痛苦的过程，一个让我饱受煎熬的过程。不过一旦我作出了决定，我就只会坚持到底——通常还会因为已经做出了选择而倍感宽慰。有时这种宽慰会被失望所破坏，正如我来福克斯的决定。但这仍比为作出选择而苦苦斟酌要好得多。

This decision was ridiculously easy to live with. Dangerously easy.

现在带着这个决定住下来要容易多了，荒谬可笑的容易。危机重重的容易。

And so the day was quiet, productive — I finished my paper before eight. Charlie came home with a large catch, and I made a mental note to pick up a book of recipes for fish while I was in Seattle next week. The chills that flashed up my spine whenever I thought of that trip were no different than the ones I'd felt before I'd taken my walk with Jacob Black. They should be different, I thought. I should be afraid — I knew I should be, but I couldn't feel the right kind of fear.

这一天就这样平静地过去了，而且效率很高——我在八点前就把论文写完了。查理到家的时候简直就是大丰收。我做了一个备忘录，提醒自己下周到西雅图去的时候记得买一本烹鱼食谱。无论何时我一想到这趟旅程，一阵寒意就会飞快地掠过我的脊柱。但这和我跟雅克布·布莱克散步以前所感到过的寒意没什么不同。我想，它们本来应该有所不同的。我本来应该觉得害怕——我知道我应该这样做的，但我确实感觉不到这种正确的恐惧感。

I slept dreamlessly that night, exhausted from beginning my day so early, and sleeping so poorly the night before. I woke, for the second time since arriving in Forks, to the bright yellow light of a sunny day. I skipped to the window, stunned to see that there was hardly a cloud in the sky, and those there were just fleecy little white puffs that couldn't possibly be carrying any rain. I opened the window — surprised when it opened silently, without sticking, not having opened it in who knows how many years — and sucked in the relatively dry air. It was nearly warm and hardly windy at all. My blood was electric in my veins.

那天夜里我一夜无梦，睡得很好。因为那一天我起得太早，前一天晚上又睡得太少，耗尽了我的精力。这是我到福克斯以后的第二次，在一个晴朗的早上，在明黄色的光线中醒来。我跳到窗前，惊奇地发现天空里甚至没有半点云影，只有几片小小的羊毛般纯白蓬松的云彩，它们根本不可能带来任何雨水。我推开窗子，惊讶地发现当它打开的时候相当安静，完全没有卡住，一点儿也不像谁知道多少年没开过的样子。我深吸了一口相对比较干爽的空气。外面很暖和，一丝风也没有。我的血液在血管里沸腾着。

Charlie was finishing breakfast when I came downstairs, and he picked up on my mood immediately.

当我下楼的时候，查理已经吃完早餐了，他立刻领会到了我的心情。

"Nice day out," he commented.

“适合外出的好天气。”他评价道。

"Yes," I agreed with a grin.

“是的。”我露齿一笑，赞同道。

He smiled back, his brown eyes crinkling around the edges. When Charlie smiled, it was easier to see why he and my mother had jumped too quickly into an early marriage. Most of the youngromantic he'd been in those days had faded before I'd known him, as the curly brown hair — the same color, if not the same texture, as mine — had dwindled, slowly revealing more and more of the shiny skin of his forehead. But when he smiled I could see a little of the man who had run away with Renée when she was just two years older than I was now.

他冲我一笑，棕色的眼睛弯成了两道弧线。当查理微笑的时候，很容易就能看出来为什么当初他和我妈会闪电般地早婚。那段日子里他曾有过的年轻人的浪漫，大部分在我记事以前就消失殆尽了。正如他卷曲的棕发——和我一样的颜色，即使质地有所不同——已经开始减少了，渐渐显露出越来越多的前额上发亮的肌肤。但当他微笑的时候，我依然可以看到那个和蕾妮一起私奔的男人的影子，那时候她只比我现在大两岁。

I ate breakfast cheerily, watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in the back window. Charlie called out a goodbye, and I heard the cruiser pull away from the house. I hesitated on my way out the door, hand on my rain jacket. It would be tempting fate to leave it home. With a sigh, I folded it over my arm and stepped out into the brightest light I'd seen in months.

我兴高采烈地吃着早餐，看着点点纤尘在从后窗射入的阳光里轻舞飞扬。查理喊了一声再见，然后我听到了巡逻车开走的声音。出门的时候我拿着我的防水夹克，犹豫了一下。把它留在家里是个诱人却关乎命运的举措。我叹了口气，把它搭在手臂上，走进了数月以来我见过的最明媚的阳光里。