美丽新世界Brave New World 第8章(10)

The moon was behind him; he looked down into theblack shadow of the mesa, into the black shadowof death.

他向下看看石塬漆黑的影子，看看死亡漆黑的影子。

He had only to take one step, one little jump. …

他只要向前一步，轻轻一跳……

He held out his right hand in the moonlight.

他把右手伸进月光里。

From the cut on his wrist the blood was still oozing.

手腕上的伤口还在渗血，

Every few seconds a drop fell, dark, almost colourless in the dead light.

几秒钟滴一滴。

Drop, drop, drop. To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow …

一滴，一滴，又一滴。明天，明天，还有明天……。

He had discovered Tirne and Death and God.

他已经找到了时间、死亡和上帝。

"Alone, always alone," the young man was saying.

“孤独，永远孤独。”小伙子说。

The words awoke a plaintive echo in Bernard's mind. Alone, alone …

那话在伯纳心里引起了一种凄凉的反响。孤独，孤独……

"So am I," he said, on a gush of confidingness. "Terribly alone."

“我也孤独，”他说，情不自禁说了句体已话，“孤独得可怕。”

"Are you?" John looked surprised. "I thought that in the Other Place …"

你也孤独吗?”约翰露出一脸惊讶，“我还以为在那边……”

I mean, Linda always said that nobody was ever alone there.

我是说琳妲总说那边的人从来不会孤独。

Bernard blushed uncomfortably.

伯纳扭泥地涨红了脸。

"You see," he said, mumbling and with averted eyes, I'm rather different from most people, Isuppose. If one happens to be decanted different …

“你看，”他嘟哝说，眼睛望着别处，我估计，我跟我那儿的人很不相同。如果一个人换瓶时就有了不同……

"Yes, that's just it." The young man nodded.

“对，说得正好，”小伙子点点头，

If one's different, one's bound to be lonely. They're beastly to one.

如果有了不同，就必定会孤独。他们对人太凶恶。

Do you know, they shut me out of absolutely everything?

他们把我完全排斥在一切之外，你知道吗?

When the other boys were sent out to spend the night on the mountains–you know, when youhave to dream which your sacred animal is–they wouldn't let me go with the others; theywouldn't tell me any of the secrets.

别的小伙子被打发上山去过夜——那是你必须去梦想出你的神圣动物的时候，你知道他们却不让我跟他们去，什么秘密都不告诉我。

"I did it by myself, though," he added.

“可我自己告诉了我自己，”他说下去，

"Didn't eat anything for five days and then went out one night alone into those mountainsthere." He pointed.

“我五天没有吃东西，然后那天晚上我一个人出去了，进入了那边的山。”他指点着说。

Patronizingly, Bernard smiled. "And did you dream of anything?" he asked.

伯纳居高临下地笑了，“你梦想出了什么吗?”他问。

The other nodded. "But I mustn't tell you what."

对方点点头。“但是我不能告诉你是什么，”

He was silent for a little; then, in a low voice, "Once," he went on, I did something that none ofthe others did:I stood against a rock in the middle of the day, in summer, with my arms out,like Jesus on the Cross.

他停了一会儿低声说，“有一回，”他说下去，我做了一件别人从没有做过的事。夏天的正午，我双手分开靠在一块岩石上，好像十字架上的耶稣。

What on earth for?

为什么?

I wanted to know what it was like being crucified. Hanging there in the sun …

我想知道钉在十字架上是什么滋味。吊在那儿，太阳光里……

But why?

可你是为了什么?

"Why? Well …" He hesitated.

“为了什么?哦……”他犹豫了一下，

Because I felt I ought to. If Jesus could stand it.

因为我觉得，既然耶稣受得了，我也就应该受得了。

And then, if one has done something wrong …

而且，一个人如果做了什么错事……

Besides, I was unhappy; that was another reason.

何况我很不幸;那也是一个理由。

"It seems a funny way of curing your unhappiness," said Bernard.

“用这种办法治疗你的不幸似乎有些好笑。”帕纳说。

But on second thoughts he decided that there was, after all, some sense in it.

可是再想了一下他觉得这样做也有一定的道理，

Better than taking soma …

总比吃唆麻好……。

"I fainted after a time," said the young man.

“过了一会儿我晕了过去，”小伙子说，

Fell down on my face. Do you see the mark where I cut myself?

扑倒在地上。你看见我受伤的地方了吗?

He lifted the thick yellow hair from his forehead.

他从他的额头上捞起了那厚密的黄头发，

The scar showed, pale and puckered, on his right temple.

露出了右太阳穴上的伤疤。一道灰痕。

Bernard looked, and then quickly, with a little shudder, averted his eyes.

伯纳看了一眼，但。心里立即一怔，望到了一边。

His conditioning had made him not so much pitiful as profoundly squeamish.

他的条件设置使他不那么容易产生怜悯，却十分敏感娇气。