他其实没那么喜欢你 第29期:不想要"类似约会"

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

这就是这件事难以办到的原因，莉兹

I hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking aboutmy "relationship."

我讨厌谈论我的感情。我讨厌谈我的“恋情”。

I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be allemotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one bit.

我知道我是个姑娘，姑娘应该会感情用事，但我不是，我一点儿都不喜欢这样。

I particularly don't like asking a guy where therelationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew.

我尤其不喜欢问男人我们的感情进展的怎么样，或是他对我怎么看。恶...

It should be natural and easy and obvious.

它应该自然，简单明了。

So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find outwhat kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good a situation. Shit.

所以我猜如果我必须开始考虑，计划和设想各种方式来求证自己所处的境地，我可能就不会处于一个好的境况了。该死的。

But wait. Starting a new relationship is terrifying.

但是等等，开展一段新恋情太恐怖了。

We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed the triage of broken romance.

我们都年长到足以经历或见证过破碎恋情的分流。

We know that if there has been a beginning to a relationship, there has been, if we are still outthere dating, always an end to the relationship.

我们知道如果开始了一段恋情，假使继续发展的话，迟早会结束的。

And the endings always suck.

而且结束往往很烂。

So of course people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions anddistractions to try to not notice that we might in fact be getting into a relationship.

所以人们，包括女人，会制造各种假象、娱乐和消遣来试着不去注意自己可能陷入恋情的事实。

That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature.

那貌似是人性狡猾和可以理解的一方面。

So what if in the beginning or awhile into it, it's a little vague?

所以如果一开始或者一段时间后喜欢上了呢，会有一些模糊么?

Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute shemeets a guy?

谁会愿意跟一个才刚见面就想了解确切进展的疯女孩儿在一起呢?

You want to be the cool girl—the girl who knows how to hang out and not be all demanding.

你想做一个酷女孩儿——知道怎么玩儿，要求不高。

That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I always was.

这就是我一直以来想要成为的人。我也的确是这样的。

The thing about that cool girl is that she still gets her feelings hurt.

问题在于这个酷女孩儿依旧受到了感情伤害。

She still has reactions to how she's being treated.

她依然对自己遭受的对待有反应。

She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again, and if he's excited aboutbeing with her.

她依然希望他会给她打电话，好奇什么时候能再见面，他跟她在一起会不会感到兴奋。

I hate that.

我讨厌那样。

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older.

也许只有我是这样的，因为随着年长我优先考虑的事改变了。

But now I don't want to be “sort of dating” someone.

但是现在我不想再“类似的约会”某人了。

I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone.

我也不想和某人“类似玩儿”。

I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved.

我不想花费大量的精力来压抑我的感情来表现的不相关。

I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they'vealready demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable—and into me.

我想参与进去。我想跟我知道自己会再见面的人睡觉，因为他们已经向我证明了他们值得信赖，可敬而又喜欢我。

Sure, in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious about how much you give away.

当然，在开始时你必须稍微谨慎于自己付出了多少。

But that caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because youknow that you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful anddiscerning about who gets your affection.

但是为了让他们感觉舒适这种谨慎是不应该存在的;存在是因为你知道自己首要是一个雅致的，有价值的生物，应该小心考虑接受你感情的人。

That's what I'm doing now. And it's not going so badly.

那就是我正在做的事。而且进展的并不坏。