他其实没那么喜欢你 第59期:想要结婚的想法

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

这就是为何如此艰难的原因，莉兹

A lot of people think marriage is bullshit.

很多人认为婚姻是瞎扯淡。

A lot of women, men, philosophers, anthropologists,psychologists, feminists, and scientists all think, fordifferent reasons, that marriage is a deeply flawed,outdated institution built for failure.

很多女性、男性、哲学家、人类学家、心理学家、女权主义者和科学家都认为，出于不同的原因，婚姻是一种有严重缺陷的、过时的失败制度构建。

Toss a quarter anywhere and it will hit someone who'll be happy to tell you something badabout marriage.

在任意地点投掷一枚硬币，它都会击中一个乐意告诉你婚姻的不幸之处的人。

So there's all that. But is that what we're really talking about here? I don't think so.

事实就是如此。但是这真的是我们要讨论的东西么?我认为不是这样。

I think that sometimes men want you to think that's what the debate is about.

我觉得有时候男人想让你思考一下这场争论是关于什么的。

But let's be clear. The question at hand is only this: Is he making lame transparent excusesabout marriage to cover for the fact that he really doesn't ever see a future with you?

但让我们把话讲清楚。手头的问题只是这一点：他是否捏造了一个关于婚姻的透明借口以掩盖他其实不曾考虑过与你的未来?

That's the hard question.

这个问题很难。

And women are smart. If they really got quiet and stopped listening to the excuses, orbelieving what they wanted to be true and what they hope he's really saying, and just got allcentered about it, I think women would always know.

女人很聪明。如果他们真的安静下来了，不再听借口，或者不再相信她们渴望成真的东西和希望男人们真正想表达的含义，并且以此为中心，我认为女人总是会明白的。

They'll always know the difference between a man who truly has issues with marriage but isdeeply committed to the relationship and them, and a guy who's just being a weenie.

她们总是能区分一个真正有婚姻问题但是对爱情和对方有所承诺的男人，以及一个怂包。

But this is what's hard about this one. It's very easy to feel stupid about wanting to getmarried, particularly when you're with someone who doesn't.

但是这就是此事的难处所在。想要结婚的想法总感觉很愚蠢，尤其是在对方不想结婚的情况下。

I mean, you two are so happy together—why rock the boat?

我是说，既然你俩在一起很愉快——为什么要去破坏它呢?

It's just like you're married, so what's the big deal?

就像是既然你已经结婚了，有什么大不了的呢?

What do you care what your family thinks—are they living with you?

为什么要在意你家里人的想法呢?——难道他们会跟你住么?

Just because all your friends are getting married, does that mean you have to?

就因为你所有的朋友都结婚了，意味着你一定也得结婚?

Jeez, it sounds like you don't care who you marry. You just want to be married.

天了噜，听起来你都不在意结婚的对象，你只是想把婚结了而已。

These are really good points. And let's face it, marriage hasn't gotten a lot of good press in thepast four decades.

这些都说的很对。让我们面对它，在过去40年里关于婚姻并没有什么好的报道。

And some women, frankly, really don't care who they marry and just want to be married.

一些女人们，坦白来讲，她们真的不在乎结婚的对象，她们只是想结婚而已。

But again, that's not what we're talking about.

但是，这并非我们想要讨论的。

Before you enter into the sociopolitical-anthropological debate about marriage as anantiquated financial contract, blah, blah, blah, ask yourself some very serious questions.

你进入社会政治人类学关于婚姻作为一种古老的财务契约的争论前，等等，等等，等等，问自己一些很严肃的问题。