他其实没那么喜欢你 第74期:不愿面对不爱的事实

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显而易见

The reason it's so painful when someone disappearsis you have to face the fact that the person you lovedhad probably left you a long time before he grabbedhis coat and scrammed.

一个人的消失之所以会带给你痛苦，是因为你不得不去面对这个事实：你爱的人，早在他抓起外套一走了之以前，可能就已经抛弃你了。

The hard part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment ofvanishing.

难就难在于承认在某种程度上他在消失之前就开始对你撒谎了。

Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently.

别质问自己哪里做错了，或你本可以怎样改变。

Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did, orthinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was a lie.

别浪费你珍贵的心力脑力去尝试理解他这么做的原因，或回忆他说过的每一个字，纠结孰真孰假。

The only thing you need to know is that it's really good news: He's gone. Hallelujah. See ya inthe funny papers, yellow-belly!

你只需要知道这是一个好消息：他走了。哈利路亚!永别了，胆小鬼!

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

这就是为什么这很难-莉兹

Oh, for Pete's sake. This one is impossible. He disappeared.

噢，我的上帝，这个人简直不可理喻。他消失了。

He just stopped calling you or writing you or seeing you out of the blue.

他突然不再给你打电话、不再写信，也不再见你，毫无预兆。

You were in what you considered some sort of "relationship."

你以为你曾处于一段“恋爱关系”中。

You felt that whatever you had together warranted even the tiniest explanation if one of youdecided to call it quits.

你以为，你俩的曾经值得那个决定结束关系的人对此作出哪怕只有一丁点儿的解释。

But instead, there's silence. No explanation, no good-bye. Just a vanishing.

恰恰相反，只有一片沉默。没有解释，没有再见。就这样凭空消失了。

There's nothing worse, in dating terms, nothing worse, than that sick feeling you get in the pitof your stomach when it looks like the guy you were seeing or getting to know has decided tobail on you instead of talking to you about it. Nothing worse.

拿约会来说，没有什么能比这更惨了：当你意识到那个正和你约会的人，或是那个刚和你熟络的人决定弃你而去，甚至都没跟你说起过，你会感到一阵恶心从胃底涌上来。这是最糟糕的。

So first you feel hurt. But then you feel helpless, completely and totally helpless.

首先你会感到伤心。接着，你会觉得无助，彻彻底底地无助。

He just disappeared, making you feel like you had absolutely no value or meaning to himwhatsoever.

他就这样消失了，让你觉得自己在他心里微不足道，毫无意义。

And you might be shocked, too. He might not have ever behaved this way before.

同时你也许会感到震惊。他可能从未做出过这样的举动。

So now you're also unbelievably disappointed. "Really? Now I have to not like him? Now I haveto think he's a jerk?

然后你感到难以置信地失望。“真的吗?现在我必须不喜欢他了?现在我得相信他是个混蛋?

That's what this relationship added up to? There's got to be some kind of reasonableexplanation."

这段关系就落得如此收场?总得有一种合理解释。

So then you start giving this great guy a big heap of your time and energy, making up excusesfor why he's disappeared (he's busy, he's busy...and maybe he's busy) , still hoping that he willcome to his senses and at least drop you an e-mail.

然后你开始花费大量时间和精力在这个家伙身上，为他的消失找借口(他很忙，他很忙……也许他很忙)，还抱着希望，希望他会恢复理智，至少会给你写封邮件。

You then start going through everything you said, did, or wrote that might have driven himaway.

接着，你开始回忆，在你说过的每一句话、做过的每一件事、写过的每一个字里，有什么可能会把他赶走。

What was the thing you said that was so inappropriate or needy, that he had no otherrecourse than to head for the hills?

究竟你说了什么如此无礼，或是太粘人了，逼得他远走高飞?

You blame yourself for some perceived strategic misstep.

你的战略失误而深深自责。