伍迪单口相声精选 第15期:军队The Army

And I was not in the army, in case you werewondering. I was in the canine corps.

不知道你们是不是想知道，我没当过兵，但我加入过狗兵团。

Strange story, when I was young, I wanted a dog,and we had no money, we were very...my father atthat time was a caddie at a miniature golf course inBrooklyn, y'know.

很奇怪的故事。在我年轻的时候，我很想得到一条狗，但我们家没钱，我们非常?我父亲那时是布鲁克林一家微型高尔夫球场的球童。

I couldn't get a dog, 'cause it was too much, and they finally opened up in my neighbourhood,in Flatbush, a damaged pet shop.

我不能养狗，因为它太贵了。后来有人在我家附近、在弗拉特布什大街上开了家残疾宠物店。

They sold damaged pets at discount, y'know, you could get a bent pussycat if you wanted, astraight camel, y'know.

他们打折出售有毛病的宠物。如果你想要，你可以买到驼背的猫，直背的骆驼。

I got a dog that stuttered.

我买了条结巴的狗。

When the cats would give him a hard time, he would go "B-b-b-b-bow wow", y'know.

当猫咪们捉弄它时，他会发出“喔?喔?喔?喔?汪汪”的声音。

He'd turn all red, y'know. We wanted to send him into the army, but the papers got crossed up,and they got me instead of him.

它的脸憋得通红。我们想把他送到部队里去，但是文件被弄混淆了，他们没让它去而是让我去了。

I was in the canine corps for two weeks. Me and eleven dogs was the outfit. Taught me how toheel.

我在狗兵团里待了两周，我和11条狗组成一队。教我如何像狗那样尾随。

Sergent was a little mexican hairless, y'know.

军士长是一条小的墨西哥无毛犬。

I was not in the regular army. I was classified '4P' by the draft board, we went to war, I'm ahostage.

我没参加过正规的军队，我被征兵局划入了“4P”(按美国的义务兵役制(Selective Service System)，被划入“1A”的可以参加任何兵种，而“4F”则因身体、精神、或品格上的原因不能入伍。伍迪在这里虚构了个“4P”等级显然是想说明自己倒霉到家了。)一类，如果爆发战争，我能充当人质。