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> 在线听力 > 有声读物 > 世界名著 > 译林版·一个陌生女人的来信:茨威格中短篇小说选 >  第9篇

双语·灼人的秘密 撒谎者

所属教程:译林版·一个陌生女人的来信:茨威格中短篇小说选

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2022年04月28日

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Time pressed. No more than a few days remained of the baron’s holiday, and these he wished to use to the full. Open conflict with an obstinate and determined child was unthinkable. The only way out of their dilemma was through flight. An ignominious surrender, undoubtedly, but what other alternative could be found if they were to escape for a couple of hours from the boy’s tyrannical observation?

“Just run along to the post and get this letter registered there’s a dear,” said Frau Blumental affably to her son.

They were standing inside, while the baron was with-out, engaging the services of a cabby.

Edgar took the missive gingerly. His heart misgave him. Could this be another trap? Usually his mother sent the porter on such errands. He hesitated and then asked:

“You’ll wait for me, won’t you? Where shall I find you?”

“Here.”

“Honour bright?”

“Of course.”

“Promise not to start without me.”

This smacked rather of command than of supplication. Fancy his ordering his mother about! Their relationship had certainly altered considerably since the day before yesterday. He scampered off with the letter and collided with Otto as the latter was entering the hotel through the revolving door. For the first time since their estrangement the boy took the initiative and addressed the baron:

“I’m just going to the post. Back in half a tick. Mummy’s waiting for me. Please don’t start before I get back.”

“Naturally we shan’t,” murmured Sternfeldt, squeezing by.

Edgar made for the post office. Here he was held up by having to wait in line for a considerable time. Then the gentleman in front had a dozen or more questions to ask. At last came his turn. He did his business with the utmost dispatch and rushed back to the hotel, the receipt fluttering between his fingers. Just as he arrived, panting, within sight of the front door, he saw his mother and the baron driving off in the cab.

Anger arrested his headlong progress. He felt like throwing stones after the retreating pair. They had eluded his vigilance. How mean! What a beastly lie! He knew that his mother fibbed occasionally. But that she should break her pledged word—that was too much. His trust in her was shattered. Life had become an enigma. Words and promises were no better than soap bubbles; the merest prick annihilated them. The secret must be a terrible one, Edgar thought, if it made two grownups break faith with a child, if it made them lie, steal away as though they were criminals. The books he had read had told him of people who had cheated in order to gain wealth or power or a throne. But what could these two be after? Why did they try to elude him? What were they endeavouring to hide behind this veil of lies? Cudgel his brains as he might, Edgar could discover no solution. And yet he felt dimly that if he could answer the riddle he would find the “Open sesame” out of the realm of childhood and would enter the kingdom of an adult man. His fury at their behaviour made it impossible for him to think clearly, otherwise....

The forest, the dark and silent forest, would furnish an answer to his perplexities. He sought refuge in its cool shade, gave free vent to his sorrow, allowed the tears he had so far restrained to flow.

“liars. Rotters. Traitors. Cads.”

He felt that if he did not let go he would suffocate.

All the anger, the impatience, the inquisitiveness, the helplessness, the treason of the last few days burst through the dam of his childish controls and found relief in tears. But this fit of unrestrained weeping closed the door forever upon his childhood. The flood carried away all the trust, the love, the reliance, and the respect which had so far been the essential constituents of his life.

The boy who later re-entered the hotel was a changed being. He was collected and purposeful. First of all he sought his own room, and washed the traces of tears from eyes and cheeks. Then he made ready for a settlement of accounts as between himself and his two foes. This satisfactorily arranged, he was prepared to wait patiently for their return.

The lounge was full of guests when the culprits alighted from the cab. Two gentlemen were playing chess. A little coterie of ladies were chatting. Various other individuals were reading papers and periodicals. The child, alert, a trifle pale, had taken an armchair among these grownups. His mother and the baron were annoyed at meeting him so soon, and were about to proffer their excuses when Edgar cut them short with:

“Sir, I should like a few words with you.”

The baron was nonplussed. He felt as though he had fallen into a trap.

“Yes, yes,” he said, flustered. “later, a little later.”

But Edgar protested in a high-pitched voice, so that everyone could hear:

“No, I want to have a talk with you now. You’ve behaved like a cad. You told me a lie. You knew very well that my mother had promised to wait for me till I got back from the post. But...”

“Edgar,” cried his mother, rushing towards him.

All eyes were now concentrated upon the trio, and the child, feeling that his hour had come continued:

“I say it again so that everyone may hear. You lied, both of you—and that’s a mean thing, a caddish thing to do.”

Baron Otto von Sternfeldt went white under the barrage of eyes. Frau Blumental seized her son by the arm, saying hoarsely:

“Come, come up to your room at once or I’ll spank you in front of all these people....”

Edgar had by now quieted down. A pity, he thought, that his excitement had got the better of him. He felt annoyed with himself, for he had intended to keep more than usually calm while challenging the baron, whereas in actual fact his anger had overmastered him. Avoiding any display of haste, he now turned towards the lift in order to seek his own quarters. His mother, embarrassed by the scrutiny of so many quizzical eyes was stammering:

“Please excuse his execrable behaviour...I’m awfully sorry...After all, he is no more than a child....”

She detested scandal or even the lightest breath of gossip associated with her name, and she knew that the situation needed the utmost tact if she was to come out of it unscathed. To save her face, she was careful not to beat a hasty retreat, but inquired whether there were any letters for her. Then, calmly and deliberately, she made her way to the lift and went to her room. Nevertheless, she was aware of the fact that her withdrawal was accompanied by giggles and malicious whispers.

A serious situation invariably took her unawares and made her anxious. She recognized that in the circumstances she had been remiss, and she dreaded a confrontation with her child. So she loitered on the way. Edgar had donned a new visage since yesterday, a visage which paralysed her. Fear counselled her to have recourse to gentleness when dealing with her son. She realized that, if the issue was forced into the open, Edgar would prove the stronger....

Opening the door quietly, she found the boy sitting in her room. There was no sign of fear in the eyes he raised to the encounter; there was not even inquisitiveness. He appeared to be absolutely sure of himself. Assuming her most motherly manner, she asked:

“Edgar, what could you have been thinking of? You made me blush. A child has no business to behave so outrageously to a grown-up person. You’ll have to ask the baron’s pardon....”

“No,” he answered indifferently, gazing at the trees outside.

This involved her in a quandary. Nevertheless, she continued valiantly:

“What’s up, Edgar? You are so changed I hardly recognize you. You have always been such a sensible and well-mannered boy that it was a pleasure to be with you. And now, all of a sudden, you behave as if you were possessed of the devil. What’s your grievance against Baron von Sternfeldt? You seemed very fond of him, and he has been so kind to you....”

“Yes; but that was merely to get to know you.”

“Nonsense,” she said, much perturbed. “What maggot’s got hold of you?”

“He’s a liar and a cad. Everything he does is calculated beforehand. He is a vulgar beast. He wanted to get to know you and thought that the easiest way was to be civil to me, and to catch me by promising to give me a dog. I don’t know what he has promised you, nor why he is so friendly towards you. But I’m certain that he hopes to get something out of you, Mummy. He’s a rotter, a liar. You need only look at him to know what kind of beast he is. I hate him, yes, I hate him for his lies, his caddishness, his— ”

“But, Edgar, you must not speak like that...” she protested, while her heart told her that the child was right.

“You’ll never make me believe that he is anything but a cad. Can’t you see it for yourself? He’s afraid of me. Why should he be? He tries to hide his real motives from me. Why? Because he knows very well that I see through him, that I know him for what he is—a cad.”

“It’s not fair to say such things; really, it’s not fair.” Her mind had become a blank, and she could only reiterate the words “It’s not fair.”Panic seized her, but whether on the baron’s account or on the boy’s, she would have found it difficult to decide.

Edgar was well aware that he had made an impression.

He was tempted to lure her to his side and thus acquire a comrade to share in his hatred. He went over to where his mother was, put his arms round her, and said gently:

“Mummy darling, can’t you see for yourself that he’s a rotter? He has succeeded in changing you, in making you angry with me, because he wants you for himself alone. I’m sure he means to cheat you. Whatever he may have promised, he won t give—of that I am certain. Don’t trust him, Mummy. He’s cheated me, and he’ll cheat you. He’s a rotter, and no one ought to trust him.”

The child’s voice broke on the last words. It seemed as if she herself were speaking. And yet she felt ashamed to acknowledge that this youngster was right. She tried to maintain her dignity, as so many adults do, by assuming a lofty tone.

“Children are not the best judges in such matters. They don’t understand. This is no business of yours. All you have to do is to behave like a little gentleman...”

The tenderness vanished from Edgar’s countenance. He drew himself up, and said:

“Very well. You can’t say I failed to warn you.”

“So you are determined not to apologize?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

They stood facing one another, and the woman felt that her authority was at stake.

“As you will, Edgar. You will have your meal served here. You will eat alone. And I shall not allow you to share our table until you have made suitable excuses. I’ll teach you your manners. You’ll not move from this room until I give you leave. Understand?”

Edgar grinned. This sardonic smile seemed to have become part of him. But he was vexed with himself for having warned her (who was just as flagrant a liar as the baron) against that “Vulgar beast’s”advances.

Meanwhile the lady had slammed the door behind her without a glance in his direction. She was awed by the child’s wrathful eyes. He had become uncanny, he knew too much, far more than it was desirable for him to know and to hear. He seemed to be an embodiment of her own conscience, a reproach and an admonition. Edgar had always been a plaything, an ornament to her life, a sweet and lovable object. Occasionally, it is true, he had proved a bit of a burden and a nuisance, but, taking the rough with the smooth, she had enjoyed his company, and their lives had run placidly side by side. For the first time the child had set up his will in opposition to her own. A breath of hate was now part of their relationship.

Yet even at this moment, as she made her way downstairs, she could hear the boy’s tender voice raised in warning against the man she was about to meet. She was unable to silence the inward monitor. As she passed a mirror on the landing, she stopped and contemplated her reflection. For long she looked at herself, deep, deep into her soul. Then she became aware of a smile playing about her lips, of her lips rounding themselves to pronounce a particular word—in the circumstances a dangerous word. Still the voice sounded within her; but she shrugged her shoulders as if shaking off an incubus, cast a bright glance at the answering image, smoothed her skirt, and marched off to her fate with the determination of a gambler staking his last gold piece upon the hazards of the game.

时间很紧迫。男爵只剩下很少几天可供利用了。他俩感到,去反抗这惹火了的孩子的执拗劲是没有用的,于是他俩只好采取最后的、也是最卑劣的一招:逃。摆脱开他的专横统治,哪怕是一两个钟头也好。

“把这封信送到邮局去寄挂号。”母亲对埃德加说。母子俩人站在前厅里,男爵在外边正和一驾出租马车的车夫谈话。埃德加狐疑地拿着这封信。他想起来,过去都是有个仆役给母亲跑腿的。他们是不是在合谋算计他呢?

他犹豫不决。

“你在哪儿等我?”

“在这里。”

“一定?”

“是的。”

“你可不要走开呀!你在前厅这儿一直等到我回来?”

由于他感到自己占了上风,所以同母亲说话时带着命令式的口吻。从前天起发生了多大的变化啊!

他拿着两封信走了。在门口他和男爵碰了个照面。埃德加同他搭话了。两天来这是第一次。

“我去发两封信。我妈妈在等着我,等到我回来。你们可不要先走掉啊。”

男爵急忙从旁边挤了过去。“好的,好的,我们等你。”

埃德加向邮局奔去。他得等着。他前面的一位先生提了一大堆无聊的问题。埃德加终于办完了他的事,拿着挂号单跑了回来。回来时正赶上看到他母亲和男爵坐着出租马车走了。

他气得发呆了,几乎想弯腰拾起一块石头向他俩掷去。他俩到底把他摆脱掉了,但是撒了一个多么下流、多么卑鄙的谎啊!他母亲说谎,这他昨天就知道了;但她居然能这样不要脸,说话不算数,这就把他对她的最后一点信任也摧毁了。他看到那些言辞只不过是些色彩缤纷的水泡,它们膨胀起来,一碎就化为乌有,而他从这些言辞后面揣摸到了事实真相。从此,他就不再能理解整个生活了。这会是一个什么可怕的秘密,居然使成年人欺骗他这么一个孩子,像罪犯似的偷偷溜走?在他读过的那些书里,人们为了得到金钱或者为了攫取权力和王国而进行谋杀和欺骗。可这儿却是为了什么?这两个人要干什么?为什么他俩要躲避他?他俩撒了上百个谎究竟想遮掩什么呀?他绞尽脑汁,穷思苦想。他隐约地感觉到,这项秘密就是童年的一把门闩,获得了这项秘密就意味着长成一个大人,长成一个男子汉了。噢,一定得掌握这个秘密!但他没法进一步清晰地去思考。他俩摆脱了他,这事燃起了他的愤怒,给他清澈的目光蒙上一层烟雾。

他跑进树林,恰好来得及躲入暗处,使别人都看不到他。这时他哭了起来,泪如泉涌。“撒谎、狗东西、骗子、流氓!”——他必须大声地把这些话喊出来,否则他会憋死的。愤怒、焦急、恼恨、好奇、一筹莫展和他俩这些天来的背叛都被压制在孩子气的斗争里,被禁锢在他把自己想象成大人的幻觉之中,现在一齐迸出胸膛,化成了泪水。这是他童年时代的最后一次哭泣,最后一次号啕大哭,他最后一次像女人一样,哭一阵就感到痛快些。他在这不能自制的愤怒时刻,把所有一切都一股脑儿哭了出来:信任、热爱、虔诚、尊敬——他的整个童年。

男孩回到旅馆之后,已经变成另一个人了。他十分冷静,办事谨慎而周密。他先回到自己的房间,把脸和眼睛细心地擦洗干净,不让他俩看到他有泪痕,不让他们享受胜利的喜悦。随后他就准备进行清算。他耐心地等候着,毫无不安的感觉。

当马车载着这两个逃亡者返回旅馆时,前厅里有很多的人。有几位先生在下棋,另一些人在看报纸,女人们在闲谈。在这群人中间,孩子一动不动地坐着,他面色显得有些苍白,目光颤抖。现在,他母亲和男爵进门突然看到了他,感到有些尴尬。男爵正要结结巴巴地讲他事先编好的谎话时,孩子挺直身子安详地朝他俩走去,挑衅地说道:“男爵先生,我有话同您谈。”

这使男爵感到不快。他有一种像被抓住了的感觉。“好的,好的。以后再说,以后吧!”

但是埃德加提高了嗓门,声音响亮而严峻,周围的人都听得清:“可是我想现在同您谈。您做得太卑鄙下流了。您骗了我。您是知道的,妈妈在等我,可您……”

“埃德加!”母亲喊了起来,向他扑过去,所有人的目光都朝她望去。

但是孩子现在却突然刺耳地叫了起来,因为他看到她要把他的话压下去:

“我当着大家的面再对您说一遍:你无耻地撒了谎,这是卑鄙的,这是下流的。”

男爵站在那里,面色苍白,人们都望着他,有几个人窃窃地笑了起来。

母亲抓住了激动得发抖的孩子:“马上到你房间里去,要不我就在众人面前揍你一顿。”她声音沙哑、结结巴巴地说道。

但是埃德加站在那里又恢复了平静。刚才这样冲动,他觉得遗憾。他不满意自己,因为本来他是想冷静地向男爵挑战的,只是到最后一刻,愤怒竟比他的意志更为厉害。他安详地从容不迫地向楼梯走去。

“请您原谅,男爵先生,原谅他的粗野。您知道,他是一个神经质的孩子。”她还在结结巴巴地说,周围的人都盯着她,目光里流露出有点幸灾乐祸的神情,这使她惶惑不安。世界上再没有比丑闻更使她感到可怕的了,她知道她必须保持镇定。她不是立刻就溜走,而是先到门房那里问问有没有她的信件以及说几句无关紧要的小事,随后才快步走上楼去,仿佛什么事情都没有发生似的。但是在她身后是一片窃窃私语和压低的笑声。

半路上她放慢了脚步。面对这种严重的处境她一点办法也没有,同时对这场争吵感到恐惧。她无法否认这是自己的过错。还有,她怕孩子的目光,害怕孩子这种新的、陌生和奇怪的目光,这目光使她瘫痪和惶恐不安。由于畏惧,她决定用温柔的办法来试一试。她知道,在这样一场斗争中这个被激怒了的孩子是强者。

她轻轻地拉开门。孩子在那里坐着,平静而冷淡,他望着她,眼里毫无惧色,也没露出任何好奇的神情。他显得泰然自若。

“埃德加,”她尽可能亲昵地开始说,“你怎么啦?我为你感到害臊啊。你怎么这样粗野,还是一个孩子就这样对待大人!你得马上去向男爵先生道歉。”

埃德加望着窗外。这个“不”字,他像是对着树木说的。他那镇定的神情使她感到惊奇、陌生。

“埃德加,你这是怎么啦?你怎么变得和往常大不一样了?我简直都认不出你来了。往日你是个聪明的乖孩子,人们都喜欢你。可你一下子变成这个样子,像是让魔鬼缠住了似的。你为什么那样恨男爵?以前你是非常喜欢他的。他对你一直是那么好啊。”

“是呀,因为他想认识你。”

她感到很不是味儿。“胡说!你想到哪去了。你怎么能这样想呢?”

这下孩子可光火了。

“他是撒谎的人,一个伪君子。他所做的都是为了自己,是卑鄙的。他想要认识你,才对我表示亲热,还答应送给我一只狗。我不知道他答应了你什么,为什么对你那么亲热,但是他也要从你身上得点什么,妈妈,这是肯定的。要不他不会这样客气友好的。他是一个坏人。他撒谎。你只要瞧一瞧他那样子,有多虚伪。啊,我恨他,恨这个卑鄙的骗子,这个流氓……”

“埃德加,你怎么能说这话呢?”她不知所措,也不知该怎么回答。她心里激起了一种感情,觉得孩子是对的。

“真的,他是个流氓,这我是不会看错的。你自己一定也会看出来的。他为什么怕我?他为什么躲避我?因为他知道我看透他了,我认识他,这个流氓!”

“你怎么能说这话呢,你怎么能说这话呢?”她脑海里已经枯竭了,只是用毫无血色的嘴唇结结巴巴地一再重复这两句话。现在她蓦地感到害怕了,但是并不知道是怕男爵呢,还是怕孩子。

埃德加看出他的告诫起了作用。把她拉到自己这一边,成为仇恨男爵、反对男爵的一个同志,这个思想在引诱着他。他温和地走到母亲身边,拥抱她。他的声调由于激动变得像在讨好似的。

“妈妈,”他说,“你一定会自己看出,他不会干什么好事的。他都把你变成另一个人了。不是我,而是你变了。他怂恿你来反对我,只是为了独个跟你好。他肯定会欺骗你的。我不知道他答应给你什么,可我知道他不会遵守诺言。你应当提防他。谁骗了一个人,那他也会骗另一个人。他是一个恶人,你不应该信任他。”

这声音充满感情,几乎是声泪俱下,像是出自她本人的心胸。她心里已经产生了一种不愉快的感觉,这种感觉告诉她的与孩子所说的一样恳切、中肯。但是她不好意思向自己的孩子承认他是对的。她像许多人一样,常用一种粗暴的方式来拯救自己,使自己摆脱由于强烈感情的冲击所造成的狼狈处境。她愠怒地挺了挺身子。

“小孩子懂得什么!这些事不用你来多嘴。你应当有礼貌。就这些。”

埃德加的脸上又泛起一片冷意。“随你好了,”他生硬地说,“反正我警告过你了。”

“那么说你是不准备去道歉了?”

“不。”

他俩面对面站着,满脸怒气。她觉得这关系到她的威望。

“那你就在楼上用餐。一个人。在你没有道歉之前,不准到我们桌上来。我要教你懂得规矩。不得到我的许可,不准你离开房间,听懂了吗?”

埃德加微微一笑。这种不怀好意的微笑,像是与他的嘴唇长在一起的。在内心他却对自己发火。他多愚蠢,竟然又一次泄露了他的衷曲,而且还对她,这个撒谎的女人发出警告呢。

母亲快步走了出去,连一眼也没看他。她惧怕这双犀利的眼睛。自从感觉到孩子已经看出了一切,并告诉她这件她不想知道、也不想听到的事情后,这孩子就使她感到讨厌了。使她感到惊愕的是,她仿佛听到一个声音,她的良知离开了她的躯体,乔装成孩子,乔装成她亲生的孩子在她身旁走来走去,在警告她、嘲弄她。直到现在,这个孩子一直生活在她身边,是一件装饰品,一个玩物,是一种爱和信赖,有时也是一个累赘,但不论是什么,都总是同她生活在同一激流中、合着她生活的节拍。这孩子今天第一次放肆起来,反抗她的意志。现在在她对自己孩子的回忆中,总是夹着某种类似仇恨的东西。

不仅如此,现在当她稍感倦意地走下楼梯时,从她自己的心胸中响起了孩子的声音:“你应当提防他。”——这个警告总是不肯缄默。这时她从一面闪亮的镜子前面走过,她询问般地向里望去,越望越深,越望越深,直到镜子里的嘴唇泛起一丝微笑,并围成圆形,像是要吐出一个危险的字眼似的,从她的内心深处还响着这种声音。但是她高高地耸耸肩膀,犹如要把所有这些看不见的思虑全都抖落下来似的,朝镜子里快乐地看了一眼,扯了扯衣服,带着一个赌棍把最后一枚金币叮当一声抛到赌台上去的那种果断的神态走下楼去。

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