双语·《刀锋》 第一章 十

CHAPTER ONE 10
第一章 十

A couple of days later I went to say good-bye to Mrs. Bradley and Elliott.I found them sitting over a cup of tea.Isabel came in shortly after me.We talked about my approaching journey, I thanked them for their kindness to meduring my stay in Chicago and after a decent interval got up to go.
过了两三天，我去向布雷德利夫人和艾略特辞行，碰到他们正在喝茶。不大一会儿，伊莎贝尔也走了进来。接下来，大家以我的行程为题目交谈了几句。随后，我对他们表示感谢，感谢他们对我在芝加哥逗留期间盛情的招待。就这么坐了不长不短的一段时间，我便起身告辞了。

“I'll walk with you as far as the drugstore，”said Isabel.“I've just remembered there's something I want to get.”
“我陪你走到药店那儿，”伊莎贝尔说，“我刚想起有点东西要买。”

The last words Mrs. Bradley said to me were，“You will give my love to dear Queen Margherita the next time you see her, won't you?”
分别时，布雷德利夫人对我说的最后一句话是：“你下次看见亲爱的玛格丽达王后时，替我向她表示敬意，好吗？”

I had given up disclaiming any acquaintance with that august lady and answered glibly that I would be sure to.
这次，我没有否认自己认识那位高贵的夫人，而是爽快地答应一定做到。

When we got into the street Isabel gave me a sidelong smiling glance.
我和伊莎贝尔来到大街上，她笑吟吟地用眼角的余光看了看我。

“D'you think you could drink an ice-cream soda?”she asked me.
“去喝一杯冰淇淋苏打水，能喝得惯吗？”她问我。

“I could try，”I answered prudently.
“喝喝看吧。”我想了想说。

Isabel did not speak till we reached the drugstore, and I, having nothing to say, said nothing. We went in and sat at a table on chairs with twisted wire backs and twisted wire legs.They were very uncomfortable.I ordered two ice-cream sodas.There were a few people at the counters buying；two or three couples were seated at other tables, but they were busy with their own concerns；and to all intents and purposes we were alone.I lit a cigarette and waited while Isabel with every appearance of satisfaction sucked at a long straw.I had a notion that she was nervous.
一路上，伊莎贝尔再也没说话，我肚子里没有话，也就沉默着。到了药店走进去，我们捡一张桌子坐下，椅背和椅子腿都用铁条扭成，坐着怪不舒服的。我点了两杯冰淇淋苏打水。柜台那儿有几个人在买东西；别的桌子旁坐着两三对客人，但都忙着谈自己的事情。总之，没人注意到我们俩。我点起一支香烟等着伊莎贝尔说话，而她用一根长吸管喝着苏打水，样子不急不忙的。我却有一种感觉——她的内心并不安宁。

“I wanted to talk to you，”she said abruptly.
“我是想跟你谈谈心里话。”她猛然来了这么一句。

“I gathered that，”I smiled.
“我猜到是这回事。”我笑盈盈地说。

For a moment or two she looked at me reflectively.
她若有所思地望着我，有那么一会儿工夫。

“Why did you say that about Larry at the Satterthwaites'the night before last?”
“前天晚上在萨特思韦特家，你为什么那样说拉里？”

“I thought it would interest you. It occurred to me that perhaps you didn't quite know what his idea of loafing was.”
“我觉得你关心他的情况。在我看来，你恐怕没有真正理解他所说的‘逛大街’的含意。”

“Uncle Elliott's a terrible gossip. When he said he was going to the Blackstone to have a chat with you I knew he was going to tell you all about everything.”
“艾略特舅舅的嘴很碎。那天他说要上黑石旅馆找你谈谈，我就知道他要把所有的事情都告诉你的。”

“I've known him a good many years, you know. He gets a lot of fun out of talking about other people's business.”
“你也知道，我认识他许多年了。议论起别人的事情，他就津津有味的。”

“He does，”she smiled. But it was only a gleam.She looked at me steadily and her eyes were serious.“What do you think of Larry?”
“的确如此。”她笑了笑说。但那笑意一闪便消失了。随后，她直直地看着我，目光严肃认真。“你怎么看拉里？”

“I've only seen him three times. He seems a very nice boy.”
“我只见过他三次，觉得他像是个非常不错的小伙子。”

“Is that all?”
“就这么些吗？”

There was a note of distress in her voice.
她的声音流露出一丝忧伤。

“No, not quite. It's hard for me to say；you see, I know him so little.Of course, he's attractive.There's something modest and friendly and gentle in him that is very appealing.He's got a lot of self-possession for so young a man.He isn't quite like any of the other boys I’ve met here.”
“不，不仅仅如此。三言两语很难说得清，也可能是我对他了解太少了。当然，他很讨人喜欢。他身上有一种谦虚、友好、温柔的东西，十分吸引人。他这么年轻，却如此有主见，跟我在这里见到的所有的小伙子都不一样。”

While I was thus fumblingly trying to put into words an impression that was not distinct in my own mind, Isabel looked at me intently. When I had finished she gave a little sigh, as if of relief, and then flashed a charming, almost roguish smile at me.
我搜索枯肠，找着字眼想把心中并不怎么清晰的印象讲出来，而伊莎贝尔看着我，目光专注。待我讲完，她轻轻舒了口气，仿佛是吊在嗓子眼的心落了地，然后抛给我一个微笑，迷人，还带点顽皮。

“Uncle Elliott says he's often been surprised at your power of observation. He says nothing much escapes you, but that your great asset as a writer is your common sense.”
“艾略特舅舅说他时常对你的观察力感到诧异。他说什么都逃不过你的眼睛，但你作为一个作家，最大的长处则是你的判断力。”

“I can think of a quality that would be more valuable，”I answered dryly.“Talent, for instance.”
“我看还有比这更为珍贵的呢，”我干巴巴地说，“例如才气就是其中的一种。”

“You know, I have no one to talk this over with. Mamma can only see things from her own point of view.She wants my future to be assured.”
“你知道我的情况——苦于找不到人商量此事。妈妈只从她自己的角度看问题。她只想让我将来过上衣食无忧的日子。”

“That's natural, isn't it?”
“这很自然，可怜天下父母心。”

“And Uncle Elliott only looks at it from the social side. My own friends, those of my generation, I mean, think Larry's a washout.It hurts terribly.”
“艾略特舅舅只看社会地位。我自己的朋友——那些和我年龄相仿的人，认为拉里没有出息。这使我很难受。”

“Of course.”
“当然的喽。”

“It's not that they're not nice to him. One can't help being nice to Larry.But they look upon him as a joke.They josh him a lot and it exasperates them that he doesn't seem to care.He only laughs.You know how things are at present?”
“并不是说他们待他不好。谁也不可能对拉里不好。可是，他们看不起他，拿他当笑柄，老是取笑他。他却不愠不恼，只是付之一笑，让那些人感到老大没趣。事情的现状你知道吗？”

“I only know what Elliott has told me.”
“只是听艾略特说了些。”

“May I tell you exactly what happened when we went down to Marvin?”
“我们那天去了一趟马文。我把当天发生的事情讲给你听好吗？”

“Of course.”
“当然好了。”

I have reconstructed Isabel's account partly from my recollection of what she then said to me and partly with the help of my imagination. But it was a long talk that she and Larry had, and I have no doubt that they said a great deal more than I now propose to relate.I suspect that as people do on these occasions they not only said much that was irrelevant, but said the same things over and over again.
我对那天的情况做如下描述，一部分根据的是对伊莎贝尔说话内容的回忆，一部分则是我想象出来的。不过，她和拉里的谈话是一次长谈，内容肯定要比我在此处陈述的丰富得多。依我看，遇到这种事情，谈话人不仅会扯些风马牛不相及的话头，还会把一些话重复来重复去的……

When Isabel awoke and saw that it was a fine day she gave Larry a ring and, telling him that her mother wanted her to go to Marvin to do something for her, asked him to drive her down. She took the precaution to add a thermos of martinis to the thermos of coffee her mother had told Eugene to put in the basket.Larry's roadster was a recent acquisition and he was proud of it.He was a fast driver and the speed at which he went exhilarated them both.When they arrived, Isabel, with Larry to write down the figures, measured the curtains that were to be replaced.Then they set out the luncheon on the stoop.It was sheltered from any wind there was and the sun of the Indian summer was good to bask in.The house, on a dirt road, had none of the elegance of the old frame houses of New England, and the best you could say of it was that it was roomy and comfortable, but from the stoop you had a pleasing view of a great red barn with a black roof, a clump of old trees, and beyond them, as far as the eye could reach, brown fields.It was a dull landscape, but the sunshine and the glowing tints of the waning year gave it that day an intimate loveliness.There was an exhilaration in the great space that was spread before you.Cold, bleak, and dreary as it must have been in winter, dry, sunbaked, and oppressive as it may have been in the dog days, just then it was strangely exciting, for the vastness of the view invited the soul to adventure.
话说伊莎贝尔那天早晨醒来，见天气晴好，便打电话给拉里，说她母亲有点事情要她到马文去一趟，求他开汽车送她去。除了她母亲关照尤金准备的一热水瓶咖啡外，她还特地把一瓶马丁尼酒放进了野餐篮子。拉里的车是辆跑车，是才买来的，他颇为此而感到自豪。他开车风驰电掣，那速度叫二人都觉得痛快极了。抵达了目的地，伊莎贝尔给需要调换的窗帘量了尺寸，拉里用笔记了下来。随后，他俩来到门廊，将午餐摆上。这儿避风，任何一个方向的风都吹不到此处，却沐浴着小阳春的阳光，令人感到舒服惬意。这幢房子位于一条土路边，跟新英格兰那些古香古色的木屋比起来，缺乏的是雅致，顶多只能说得上宽敞舒适，可是从门廊上望出去的景色却还悦目——一座红色的大谷仓，黑屋顶；一丛老树；再过去是一片一眼望不到头的褐色田野。景色是单调的，可是，阳光和深秋的温暖色调在那一天却给眼前的景色平添一种亲切和温馨的气氛。展现在面前的那片寥廓里，洋溢着欢乐。冬天这里一定寒冷荒凉，夏天可能炎热蒸人，然而在这个季节却使人感到异常兴奋，因为开阔的景色撩人，使人内心里产生出冲动。

They enjoyed their lunch like the healthy young things they were and they were happy to be together. Isabel poured out the coffee and Larry lit his pipe.
他们俩跟所有青年男女一样，在一块儿吃饭吃得很开心。二人能够单独相处，不胜欢喜。伊莎贝尔把咖啡斟好，拉里点上了烟斗。

“Now go right ahead, darling，”he said, with an amused smile in his eyes.
“现在你可以打开天窗说亮话了，亲爱的。”拉里说道，眼睛里带着一丝开心的笑意。

Isabel was taken aback.
伊莎贝尔被说得一愣。

“Go right ahead about what?”she asked with as innocent a look as she could assume.
“说什么亮话呀？”她问道，故作一副不明就里的样子。

He chuckled.
拉里呵呵笑了。

“Do you take me for a perfect fool, honey?If your mother didn't know perfectly well the measurements of the living-room windows I'll eat my hat. That isn't why you asked me to drive you down here.”
“亲爱的，你难道把我当作大傻瓜不成？你母亲要是不知道客厅里窗帘的尺寸，我就把脑袋输给你。你要我开车子送你来这里，恐怕另有他因。”

Recovering her self-assurance, she gave him a brilliant smile.
伊莎贝尔恢复了镇静，给了他一个千娇百媚的微笑。

“It might be that I thought it would be nice if we spent a day together by ourselves.”
“原因嘛，是我觉得咱俩在一起待上一天比什么都强。”

“It might be, but I don't think, it is. My guess is that Uncle Elliott has told you that I've turned down Henry Maturin's offer.”
“话可以这么说，但我觉得事实并非如此。依我看，是艾略特舅舅把实情告诉了你——我谢绝了亨利·马图林的好意，不愿接受他给我的工作。”

He spoke gaily and lightly and she found it convenient to continue in the same tone.
他说话时语调轻松愉快，伊莎贝尔觉得用这种口吻谈下去倒也有利于交流看法。

“Gray must be terribly disappointed. He thought it would be grand to have you in the office.You must get down to work some time, and the longer you leave it the harder it'll be.”
“格雷一定会大失所望的。能跟你在一个办公室上班，在他看来是天大的一件美事。你总有一天要找个工作做的，时间拖得越久，就越难找。”

He puffed at his pipe and looked at her, tenderly smiling, so that she could not tell if he was serious or not.
他抽了一口烟斗，望着她，温情地笑着。她摸不着头脑，不知他葫芦里卖的是什么药。

“Do you know, I've got an idea that I want to do more with my life than sell bonds.”
“我有一种想法——此生想有所作为，而不仅仅局限于经营股票生意。”

“All right then. Go into a law office or study medicine.”
“那么好吧。那你进律师事务所工作，或者去学医。”

“No, I don't want to do that either.”
“不，这两件事我都不想做。”

“What do you want to do then?”
“那么，你想做什么呢？”

“Loaf，”he replied calmly.
“逛大街。”他一本正经地回答。

“Oh, Larry, don't be funny. This is desperately serious.”
“天呀，拉里，别说俏皮话了。这是件严肃认真的事情。”

Her voice quivered and her eyes filled with tears.
她声音颤抖，眼睛泪水汪汪。

“Don't cry, darling. I don't want to make you miserable.”
“别哭呀，亲爱的。我可不想惹你难过。”

He went and sat down beside her and put his arm round her. There was a tenderness in his voice that broke her andshe could no longer hold back her tears.But she dried her eyes and forced a smile to her lips.
他走过来，挨着她坐下，用胳臂搂住她。他的声音里有一种柔情，深深打动了她，于是泪水似决堤般滚滚而下。可她马上又擦干眼泪，破涕为笑，让一丝笑意浮现在嘴角。

“It's all very fine to say you don't want to make me miserable. You are making me miserable.You see, I love you.”
“不想惹我难过，那是漂亮话。其实你已经在让我难过了。你知道，我是爱你的。”

“I love you too, Isabel.”
“我也爱你，伊莎贝尔。”

She sighed deeply. Then she disengaged herself from his arm and drew away from him.
她发出深深的一声叹息，然后从他怀里挣脱出来，把身子挪开了一些。

“Let's be sensible. A man must work, Larry.It's a matter of self-respect.This is a young country, and it's a man's duty to take part in its activities.Henry Maturin was saying only the other day that we were beginning an era that would make the achievements of the past look like two bits.He said he could see no limit to our progress and he's convinced that by 1930 we shall be the richest and greatest country in the world.Don’t you think that’s terribly exciting?”
“识时务者为俊杰。人生在世，总得干活呀，拉里。这是一个有关于自尊的问题。咱们的国家很年轻，需要每个人都参加它的建设活动。亨利·马图林那天说，咱们正在进入一个新纪元，将会取得辉煌的成就，让人类以前所有的作为都相形见绌。他说咱们国家的成就将会是无可估量的。他坚信到了一九三〇年，我国将成为世界上最富强、最伟大的国家。你不觉得这非常振奋人心吗？”

“Terribly.”
“的确非常振奋人心。”

“There's never been such a chance for a young man. I should have thought you'd be proud to take part in the work that lies before us.It's such a wonderful adventure.”
“对一个年轻人而言，这是个千载难逢的好机会。依我看来，你一定会为能够参加这项事业而感到自豪的。这可是一项改天换地的事业。”

He laughed lightly.
他听了淡然一笑。

“I dare say you're right. The Armours and the Swifts will pack more and better meat, the McCormicks will make more and better harvesters, and Henry Ford will turn out more and better cars.And everyone'll get richer and richer.”
“我敢说你是对的。阿穆尔-斯威夫特公司将会做出更多更好的肉罐头，麦考密克公司将会造出更多更好的收割机，亨利·福特将会造出更多更好的汽车。每个人的钱包都会变得越来越鼓。”

“And why not?”
“这不挺好吗？”

“As you say, and why not?Money just doesn't happen to interest me.”
“正如你所言，这是挺好的，只是我对钱不感兴趣。”

Isabel giggled.
伊莎贝尔咯咯咯地笑了。

“Darling, don't talk like a fool. One can't live without money.”
“亲爱的，别说傻话。没有钱是活不下去的。”

“I have a little. That's what gives me the chance to do what I want.”
“我手里是有一点钱的。这点本钱能让我按自己的意愿去行事。”

“Loaf?”
“逛大街吗？”

“Yes，”he answered, smiling.
“是的。”他笑嘻嘻地说。

“You're making it so difficult for me, Larry，”she sighed.
“你这是叫我为难呀，拉里。”她叹了口气说。

“I'm sorry. I wouldn't if I could help it.”
“很抱歉。要是有办法，我也是不愿叫你为难的。”

“You can help it.”
“你应该是有办法的。”

He shook his head. He was silent for a while, lost in thought.When at last he spoke it was to say something that startled her.
他摇了摇头，由于想心事，半天没吱声。等到他最后开口时，说出的话吓了伊莎贝尔一大跳：

“The dead look so terribly dead when they're dead.”
“人死如灯灭。死了，一了百了。”

“What do you mean exactly?”she asked, troubled.
“你这话究竟是什么意思？”她不无担忧地问。

“Just that.”He gave her a rueful smile.“You have a lot of time to think when you're up in the air by yourself. You get odd ideas.”
“就是这个意思。”他冲着她苦笑了一下说，“当你独自在天上飞行时，会有许多的时间思考人生，会产生一些离奇古怪的想法。”

“What sort of ideas?”
“什么样的想法？”

“Vague，”he said, smiling.“Incoherent. Confused.”
“模糊、杂乱、不连贯的想法。”他笑了笑说。

Isabel thought this over for a while.
伊莎贝尔想了想，然后说道：

“Don't you think if you took a job they might sort themselves out and you'd know where you were?”
“先找个工作干，也许就能理清头绪，从而使心情安定下来，你不觉得这是上策吗？”

“I've thought of that. I had a notion that I might go to work with a carpenter or in a garage.”
“对于何去何从，我也做过一番思考。我想到过去当木匠或者汽车修理工。”

“Oh, Larry, people would think you were crazy.”
“天呀，拉里，人家会以为你疯了呢。”

“Would that matter?”
“别人怎么说，有什么关系呢？”

“To me, yes.”
“对我而言是有关系的。”

Once more silence fell upon them. It was she who broke it.She sighed.
说到这里，二人又沉默了下来。后来，伊莎贝尔打破了沉默。只听她叹了口气说：

“You're so different from what you were before you went out to France.”
“跟去法国参战之前相比，你像是变了个人似的。”

“That's not strange. A lot happened to me then, you know.”
“这并不奇怪。要知道，我在那儿经历了许多的事情。”

“Such as?”
“什么事？”

“Oh, just the ordinary casual run of events. My greatest friend in the air corps was killed saving my life.I didn't find that easy to get over.”
“哎，说起来也只是些战场上经常发生的事情。我在空军有个最好的朋友，为了救我，他壮烈牺牲了。此事叫我怎么也难以忘怀。”

“Tell me, Larry.”
“给我讲讲，拉里。”

He looked at her with deep distress in his eyes.
他看了看她，露出十分痛苦的眼神。

“I'd rather not talk about it. After all, it was only a trivial incident.”
“还是不讲的好。说到底，这在战场上只是件小事。”

Emotional by nature, Isabel's eyes again filled with tears.
伊莎贝尔本来就容易动感情，此时早已泪水涟涟。

“Are you unhappy, darling?”
“你为此而感到纠结了吧，亲爱的？”

“No，”he answered, smiling.“The only thing that makes me unhappy is that I'm making you unhappy.”He took her hand and there was something so friendly in the feel of his strong firm hand against hers, something so intimately affectionate, that she had to bite her lips to prevent herself from crying.“I don't think I shall ever find peace till I make up my mind about things，”he said gravely. He hesitated.“It's very difficult to put into words.The moment you try to you feel embarrassed.You say to yourself：‘Who am I that I should bother my head about this, that, and the other?Perhaps it's only because I'm a conceited prig.Wouldn’t it be better to follow the beaten track and let what’s coming to you come?’And then you think of a fellow who an hour before was full of life and fun, and he’s lying dead；it’s all so cruel and so meaningless.It’s hard not to ask yourself what life is all about and whether there’s any sense to it or whether it’s all a tragic blunder of blind fate.”
“没什么。”他笑吟吟地回答道，“要是惹你不高兴，这才会叫我纠结呢。”他拉起她的手——他那坚实有力的手使她感受到了友谊和亲密无间的感情。她咬紧嘴唇，不让自己哭出声来。“除非找到了生活的目标，否则我的一颗心恐怕永无宁日。”他表情沉重地说。之后，他停了停，才又说道：“这种心情很难用语言表达，想说也说不出口。我会在心里自责，千不该万不该，不该为过去的事情而痛苦，从而殃及别人。也许，怪只怪我自己是个顽固不化的人。我会问自己：走别人所走的路，随遇而安，是不是更好些呢？就在这时，我的脑海里会出现一个人，刚刚还生机勃勃，转眼便命赴阴间。生活就是如此残酷，如此缺乏意义。你不禁要问：人生的意义在哪里？人生的价值在哪里？难道人生是一种愚蠢的、盲目的、悲惨的过程吗？”

It was impossible not to be moved when Larry, with that wonderfully melodious voice of his, spoke, haltingly as though he forced himself to say what he would sooner have left unsaid and yet with such an anguished sincerity；and for a while Isabel did not trust herself to speak.
讲述时，拉里的声音异常悦耳，说说停停的，就好像是在强迫自己说出本不愿吐露的心事，然而样子是那般沉痛真挚，使人听了不能不受感动。伊莎贝尔动情得半天都说不出话来，最后才问道：

“Would it help you if you went away for a bit?”
“你出去待一阵子，会不会好一些呢？”

She put the question with a sinking heart. He took a long time to answer.
话一出口，她的心便沉了下来。拉里沉吟良久方才回答：

“I think so. You try to be indifferent to public opinion, but it's not easy.When it's antagonistic it arouses antagonism in you and that disturbs you.”
“我想是的。不理睬社会舆论，着实不易。当社会舆论向你压来时，会激发你的逆反之心。你的心情也会因而得不到安宁。”

“Why don't you go then?”
“那你为什么不一走了之？”

“Well, on account of you.”
“唔，是为了你呗。”

“Let's be frank with one another, darling. There's no place for me in your life just now.”
“咱们不妨把话说得直白些，亲爱的。就目前而言，你的生活中恐怕没有我的一席之地。”

“Does that mean you don't want to be engaged to me any more?”
“这是不是说，你不想和我保持订婚的关系了？”

She forced a smile to her trembling lips.
伊莎贝尔芳唇直抖，挤出了一个笑容。

“No, foolish, it means I'm prepared to wait.”
“不，别说蠢话。我的意思是等你归来。”

“It may be a year. It may be two.”
“也许要等一年，或者两年呢。”

“That's all right. It may be less.Where'd you want to go?”
“这没有关系。也许等不了那么长时间。你打算上哪儿去呢？”

He looked at her intently as though he were trying to see into her innermost heart. She smiled lightly to hide her deep distress.
他望着她，目光专注，仿佛想要看到她内心深处似的。她微微一笑，以此掩饰自己内心的悲苦。

“Well, I thought I'd start by going to Paris. I know no one there.There'd be no one to interfere with me.I went to Paris several times on leave.I don't know why, but I've got it into my head that there everything that's muddled in my mind would grow clear.It’s a funny picture, it gives you the feeling that there you can think out your thoughts to the end without let or hindrance.I think there I may be able to see my way before me.”
“哦，我想先去巴黎。那边我一个人不认识。不会有人干涉我的生活的。战时休假，我去过几趟巴黎。不知怎么的，我有一种感觉：一到了那里，浑浊的大脑就会变得清晰。那是一个奇妙的地方，叫你觉得一切问题都会迎刃而解，胸中的块垒会消失得无影无踪。我想到了那里也许就能看清前进的方向了。”

“And what's to happen if you don't?”
“假如不能如愿，你又该如何？”

He chuckled.
他嘻嘻嘻地笑了笑。

“Then I shall fall back on my good American horse sense, give it up as a bad job and come back to Chicago and take any work I can get.”
“那样我就改弦更张，重拾我的美国人生观，痛改前非，回到芝加哥来，有什么工作就干什么工作。”

The scene had affected Isabel too much for her to be able to tell it to me without getting somewhat emotional, and when she finished she looked at me pitifully.
这次深谈对伊莎贝尔触动很大。她对我讲述时，免不了有些激动。待把话说完，她望了望我，表情惹人哀怜。

“Do you think I did right?”
“你觉得我做得对吗？”

“I think you did the only thing you could do, but what's more I think you've been wonderfully kind, generous, and understanding.”
“我觉得你做了自己力所能及的事情。另外，我还觉得你有一副菩萨心肠，待人仁厚，善解人意。”

“I love him and I want him to be happy. And you know, in a way I'm not sorry he should go.I want him to be out of this hostile atmosphere, and that not only for his sake, but for mine too.I can't blame people when they say he'll never amount to anything；I hate them for it, and yet all the time deep down in me I have an awful fear that they're right.But don't say I’m understanding.I don’t begin to understand what he’s after.”
“我爱他，希望他能够生活幸福。要知道，从某些方面来说，他离开家乡，我并不感到遗憾。我想让他摆脱这种充满敌意的环境，不仅是为了他，也是为了我自己。我不能怪那些人说他不会有什么出息；我恨他们，然而我的内心深处总有一种忧虑，觉得他们说得有道理。不过，请别说我善解人意。对于他在追求什么，我还是理解不透的。”

“Perhaps you understand with your heart rather than with your reason，”I smiled.“Why don't you marry him right away and go off to Paris with him?'
“也许你的心能理解，但从理智上却理解不透。”我笑笑说，“为什么你不立刻和他结婚，跟他一起到巴黎去？”

The shadow of a smile came into her eyes.
她的眼睛里微微露出了一丝笑意。

“There's nothing I'd like to do more. But I couldn't.And you know, though I hate to acknowledge it, I do really think he's better off without me.If Dr.Nelson is right and he's suffering from delayed shock surely new surroundings and new interests will cure him, and when he’s got his balance again he’ll come back to Chicago and go into business like everybody else.I wouldn’t want to marry an idler.”
“我巴不得这样做，可是我不能。要知道，虽然我不愿承认，但我内心真实地觉得，没有我，他的境况会更好一些。如果纳尔逊医生的话说得对，他的病是一种慢性惊恐症。换换环境，接触新的事物，会使他康复如初。等到内心恢复了平静，他就会回到芝加哥来，像周围的人一样工作和生活。我可不愿嫁给一个闲汉。”

Isabel had been brought up in a certain way and she accepted the principles that had been instilled into her. She did not think of money, because she had never known what it was not to have all she needed, but she was instinctively aware of its importance.It meant power, influence, and social consequence.It was the natural and obvious thing that a man should earn it.That was his plain life's work.
伊莎贝尔从小受环境的影响，已经接受了大人给她灌输的原则。对于金钱，她并不多加考虑，因为她从小到大从未尝过缺钱的滋味。不过，出于本能，她可以感觉到钱的重要性——钱意味着权势和社会地位。作为一个男人，挣钱是天经地义的事。这也是他一生的事业。

“It doesn't surprise me that you don't understand Larry，”I said，“because I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand himself. If he's reticent about his aims it may be that it’s because they’re obscure to him.Mind you, I hardly know him and this is only guesswork：isn’t it possible that he’s looking for something, but what it is he doesn’t know, and perhaps he isn’t even sure it’s there?Perhaps whatever it is that happened to him during the war has left him with a restlessness that won’t let him be.Don’t you think he may be pursuing an ideal that is hidden in a cloud of unknowing-like an astronomer looking for a star that only a mathematical calculation tells him exists?”
“要说你理解不透拉里，我并不感到奇怪。”我说，“我敢肯定，连他本人也理解不透自己。他只字不提自己的人生目标，那是因为他的人生目标是模糊不清的。实不相瞒，我跟他并无深交，此处所言仅仅是猜测——他是不是在寻找某样东西，某样他并不了解甚至都不知道是否存在的东西呢？也许，他在战争中不知经历了什么事情，才使得他躁动不安，得不到安宁。依你看，他是不是在追求一种虚无缥缈的理想——就像天文学家在寻找一颗只有数学计算说明其存在的星体一样？”

“I feel that something's troubling him.”
“我觉得有种什么东西在搅扰着他。”

“His soul?It may be that he's a little frightened of himself. It may be that he has no confidence in the authenticity of the vision that he dimly perceives in his mind's eye.”
“你指的是他的灵魂吗？也许，他所害怕的是他自己吧。也许，他隐隐约约看到了某种景象——至于这种景象是否真实，他并无把握。”

“He gives me such an odd impression sometimes；he gives me the impression of a sleep-walker who's suddenly wakened in a strange place and can't think where he is. He was so normal before the war.One of the nice things about him was his enormous zest for life.He was so scatter-brained and gay, it was wonderful to be with him；he was so sweet and ridiculous.What can have happened to change him so much?”
“他有时候叫我觉得他行为古怪，给我一种印象——他像是个梦游者，在一个陌生的地方突然醒过来，摸不清自己身在何处。参战之前，他是很正常的。那时，他最可爱的地方是对生活的热爱。他悠闲潇洒，乐乐呵呵的，跟他在一起十分开心。那时的他甜蜜可人，说话妙语连珠。到底发生了什么事情，才令他与以前相比判若两人了呢？”

“I wouldn't know. Sometimes a very small thing will have an effect on you out of all proportion to the event.It depends on the circumstances and your mood at the time.I remember going to mass on All Saints'Day, which the French called the Day of the Dead, in a village church that the Germans had knocked about a bit on their first advance into France.It was filled with soldiers and with women in black.In the graveyard were rows of little wooden crosses and as the sad, solemn service went on, and women wept and men too, I had a feeling that perhaps those men who lay under the little crosses were better off than we who lived.I told a friend what I felt and he asked me what I meant.I couldn't explain and I saw that he thought me a perfect damned fool.And I remember after a battle seeing a pile of dead French soldiers heaped upon one another.They looked like the marionettes in a bankrupt puppet show that had been cast pell-mell into a dusty corner because they were of no use any more.I thought then just what Larry said to you：the dead look so awfully dead.”
“这种情况我也说不清。有时候，一件小事情对一个人就会有很大的影响，那要取决于他当时的处境和心情。记得有一次过全圣节（法国人称之为亡人节），我到一个村庄的教堂去做弥撒——德军最初一攻入法国，那座村庄就遭到了军队的蹂躏。教堂里挤满了军人和穿着丧服的女人；教堂墓园里看得到一排排木制的小十字架。弥撒庄严、悲伤，女人们泪流满面，男人们也伤心落泪。我当时有个感觉，认为长眠于那些小十字架下面的死人可能比活着的人还要好受些。我把自己的感受讲给一个朋友听，他问我那是什么意思，我却难以解释得清。看得出，他认为我是个十足的傻瓜。我还记得，在一次战斗之后，阵亡法军士兵的尸体被堆放在一起，像小山一样，看上去就像一堆提线木偶，被破了产的木偶剧团胡乱丢在肮脏角落里，因为它们再也派不上用场了。当时我想到的就是拉里告诉你的那句话：‘人死如灯灭。死了，一了百了。’”

I do not want the reader to think I am making a mystery of whatever it was that happened to Larry during the war that so profoundly affected him, a mystery that I shall disclose at a convenient moment. I don't think he ever told anybody.He did, however, many years later tell a woman, Suzanne Rouvier, whom Larry and I both knew, about the young airman who had met his death saving his life.She repeated it to me and so I can only relate it at second hand.I have translated it from her French.Larry had apparently struck up a great friendship with another boy in his squadron.Suzanne knew him only by the ironical nickname by which Larry spoke of him.
我可不想让读者觉得我在故弄玄虚，给深深影响了拉里的那段战争经历蒙上一层神秘的色彩，非得等到最后才揭开谜底。对于那段经历，他恐怕给任何人都没有讲过。过去了许多年之后，他才对我们俩都认识的一个叫苏姗娜·鲁维埃的女子讲述了那段如烟的往事，说一位年轻的飞行员为了救他而牺牲了自己的生命。苏姗娜·鲁维埃把他的话转述给我，而我只能根据二手材料进行复述，而且是从她的法语翻译过来的。拉里显然跟飞行队里的另一个小伙子结下了很深的友谊。苏姗娜不知道那个小伙子的名姓，只知道他的一个很滑稽的绰号——那是拉里讲到他时提到的。

“He was a little chap with red hair, an Irishman. We used to call him Patsy，”Larry said，“and he had more vitalitythan anyone I've ever known.Gosh, he was a live wire.He had a funny face and a funny grin, so that it made you laugh just to look at him.He was a harum-scarum devil and he'd do the craziest things；he was always getting hell from the higher-ups.He was absolutely without fear and when he'd escaped death by a hair's breadth he'd grin all over his face as if it was the best joke in the world.But he was a natural-born flyer and up in the air he was cool and wary.He taught me a lot.He was a bit older than me and he took me under his wing；it was rather comic really, because I was a good six inches taller than he was and if it had come to a scrap I could have knocked him out cold.Once in Paris when he was drunk and I was afraid he was going to get into trouble I did.
“他是个红头发的小个子，爱尔兰人，我们都叫他‘捣蛋鬼’。”拉里这样告诉苏姗娜，在我认识的人里面，他最具活力，简直可以说是生龙活虎。他长了一张滑稽的脸，脸上挂着一副滑稽的笑容，见了他，你禁不住就会发笑。他是个闯祸精，什么荒唐事都干得出来，总是挨上司的骂。他完全是个天不怕地不怕的主儿，战场上九死一生捡回一条命，他也会一脸笑嘻嘻的样子，就好像出生入死是天下最好玩的事情一样。不过，他天生就是个当飞行员的料，一上蓝天就变得冷静、机警。他教给我不少东西。他比我年纪大一点，因此将我置于他的保护伞之下。这实在具有喜剧效果——我比他要高出六英寸，论打架，我可以轻松地把他放倒。一次在巴黎，他喝得酩酊大醉，我怕他惹是生非，果真把他放倒过。

“I felt a bit out of it when I joined the squadron and I was afraid I wouldn't make good, but he just joshed me into having confidence in myself. He was funny about the war, he had no feeling of hatred for the Jerries；he loved a scrap and to fight them tickled him to death.He simply couldn't look upon bringing down one of their planes as anything but a practical joke.He was impudent and wild and irresponsible, but there was something so genuine about him that you couldn't help liking him.He'd give you his last penny as freely as he'd take yours.And if you were lonely or homesick or scared, and I was sometimes, he’d see it and with his ugly little face puckered up with laughter he’d say just the right thing to make you feel all right again.”
“加入飞行队时，我觉得有些跟不上趟，生怕自己干不好。他百般勉励我，让我树立自信心。他对战争的看法离奇古怪，对德国人没有丝毫敌意，只是因为爱打架，才乐颠颠地喜欢和德国人交锋。每击落一架敌机，他只是觉得好玩而已。他是个无法无天的人，行为粗野，无拘无束。但他身上有一种诚恳的素质，叫你不由得会喜欢上他。他会把你的钱拿去花，而为了你，他也愿意倾尽钱囊。如果你觉得孤独，或者想家，或者害怕，像我有时候那样，他就会看出来，让他那张丑陋的小脸上堆满笑容，然后说一些贴心的话，使你的心情恢复正常。”

Larry puffed at his pipe and Suzanne waited for him to go on.
说到这里，拉里抽了一口烟斗，苏姗在等着他继续说下去。

“We used to wangle it so that we could get our leave together, and when we were in Paris he went wild. We had a grand time.We were due for a spot of leave early in March, in'eighteen that was, and we made our plans beforehand.There wasn't a thing we weren't going to do.The day before we were to go we were sent up to fly over the enemy lines and bring back reports of what we saw.Suddenly we came bang up against some German planes, and before we knew where we were we were in the middle of a dogfight.One of them came after me, but I got in first.I took a look to see if he was going to crash and then out of the corner of my eye I saw another plane on my tail.I dived to get away from him, but he was on to me like a flash and I thought I was done for；then I saw Patsy come down on him like a streak of lightning and give him all he'd got.They'd had enough and sheered off and we made for home.My machine had got pretty well knocked about and I only just made it.Patsy got in before me.When I got out of my plane they’d just got him out of his.He was lying on the ground and they were waiting for the ambulance to come up.When he saw me he grinned.
我们经常编造出一些事由，以便我俩一起出去度假。每次去巴黎，他就狂放不羁。那段时间，我们玩得真开心。一九一八年的三月，我们又准备出去度假，并提前做出了安排。我们的计划满满的，有许多事情要做。就在临行前一天，我们奉命飞越敌军防线侦察，把侦察到的情况带回来。突然，我们与几架敌机遭遇。没等我们反应过来，双方已经进入了激战。一架敌机追过来，但我先下手将其击中，然后转过脸去看它会不会坠落。就在这时，我从眼角看过去，发现又有一架敌机盯上了我。我向下俯冲想躲开它，可它一转眼就追上了我，我想这一下可完了。却看见‘捣蛋鬼’闪电般冲过来，把雨点般的子弹泼在它身上。敌机战不过我们，夹着尾巴逃跑了，我们也返回了基地。我的飞机给打得遍体鳞伤，算是挣扎着着陆了。而‘捣蛋鬼’先我一步着陆。我下飞机时，他们刚把他抬出驾驶舱。他躺在地上，在等救护车来。他看见我，咧开嘴笑了。

“‘I got that blighter who was on your tail，'he said.
‘那狗日的盯住你不放，我把他打下来了。’他说道。

“‘What's the matter, Patsy?'I asked.
“你怎么啦，”捣蛋鬼？我问他。

“‘Oh, it's nothing. He winged me.'
‘哦，没什么，他打中了我的胳臂。’

“He was looking deathly white. Suddenly a strange look came over his face.It had just come to him that he was dying, and the possibility of death had never so much as crossed his mind.Before they could stop him he sat up and gave a laugh. “‘Well, I'm jiggered，'he said. “He fell back dead. He was twenty-two.He was going to marry a girl in Ireland after the war.”
“只见他脸色惨白。突然间，他的脸上浮现出一种古怪的神情。他此时才醒悟到自己快要死了。在这之前，他心里从没想到过自己竟然还会死去。没等周围的人反应过来，他一挺身坐了起来，哈哈大笑道：‘他妈的，我死啦！’说完，他就倒下去死了，年仅二十二岁。他原本打算在战争结束后回爱尔兰，跟一个爱尔兰姑娘结婚呢。”

The day after my talk with Isabel I left Chicago for San Francisco, where I was to take ship for the Far East.
和伊莎贝尔长谈后的第二天，我就离开芝加哥去了旧金山，准备从那儿乘船前往远东。