双语·《刀锋》 第六章 三

CHAPTER SIX 3
第六章 三

I met Larry by chance. I had asked Isabel about him and she told me that since their return from La Baule they hadseen little of him.She and Gray had by now made a number of friends for themselves, people of their own generation, and they were more often engaged than during the pleasant weeks when the four of us were so much together.One evening I went to the Théatre Fran?ais to see Bérénice.I had read it of course, but had never seen it played, and since it is seldom given I was unwilling to miss the opportunity.It is not one of Racine’s best plays, for the subject is too tenuous to support five acts, but it is moving and contains passages that are justly famous.The story is founded on a brief passage in Tacitus：Titus, who loved Bérénice, Queen of Palestine, with passion and who had even, as was supposed, promised her marriage, for reasons of state sent her away from Rome during the first days of his reign in despite of his desires and in despite of hers.For the Senate and the people of Rome were violently opposed to their Emperor’s alliance with a foreign queen.The play is concerned with the struggle in his breast between love and duty, and when he falters, it is Bérénice who in the end, assured that he loves her, confirms his purpose and separates herself from him for ever.
我和拉里相逢，纯属偶然。我曾经向伊莎贝尔打听过他，伊莎贝尔说自打从拉波勒归来，几乎再也没有见过他的面。她和格雷此时已有了自己的朋友圈，都是同一代的人，经常聚会，比我们四个人时常在一起时的那些快乐日子忙得多。一天傍晚，我去法兰西剧院看《贝蕾妮丝》。这个剧本我当然是读过的，却没看过它在戏台上的表演。由于这是难得一见的盛况，我哪能错过。该剧并非拉辛最优秀的作品，题材太单薄，不足以构成五幕剧，但情节感人肺腑，有几段可以说是脍炙人口。该剧是根据塔西佗短短的一段历史史料虚构的，讲的是提多和巴勒斯坦女王贝蕾妮丝的爱情故事。提多曾情迷贝蕾妮丝，甚至山盟海誓，要娶她为妻，可后来一登基当上皇帝，为了国家的利益，竟然违背自己的心愿，也不顾贝蕾妮丝的感情，将她送出了罗马城。这是因为元老院和罗马的人民都反对自己的皇帝和一个外国女王结合。剧本围绕着提多的心理斗争而展开——他徘徊于爱情和职责之间，难以抉择；贝蕾妮丝知道他爱自己，也理解他的处境，便永远地离开了他。

I suppose only a Frenchman can appreciate to the full the grace and grandeur of Racine and the music of his verse, but even a foreigner, once he has accustomed himself to the periwigged formality of the style, can hardly fail to be moved by his passionate tenderness and by the nobility of his sentiment. Racine knew as few have done how much drama is contained in the human voice.To me at all events the roll of those mellifluous Alexandrines is a sufficient substitute for action, and I find the long speeches, worked up with infinite skill to the expected climax, every bit as thrilling as any hair-raising adventure of the movies.
恐怕只有法国人能够充分欣赏拉辛飞扬的文采和词句里所包含的优美的音律。不过，即便是外国人，一旦熟悉了他那“戴假发”的艺术风格，便不由得会为那种缱绻柔情和高尚情怀所打动。很少有人能像拉辛那样懂得台词里包含着多么感人的戏剧成分。我觉得他的那种流畅的亚历山大体诗句足以弥补情节上的欠缺，剧中人的长篇宏论采用高超的处理手法将剧情推向预期的高潮，和电影里惊险的镜头一样扣人心弦。

There was an interval after the third act and I went out to smoke a cigarette in the foyer over which presides Houdon's Voltaire with his toothless, sardonic grin. Someone touched me on the shoulder.I turned round, perhaps with a slight movement of annoyance, for I wanted to be left with the exaltation with which those sonorous lines had filled me, and saw Larry.As always, I was glad to see him.It was a year since I had set eyes on him, and I suggested that at the end of the play we should meet and have a glass of beer together.Larry said he was hungry, for he had had no dinner, and proposed that we should go to Montmartre.We found one another in due course and stepped out into the open.The Théatre Fran?ais has a musty fug that is peculiar to it.It is impregnated with the body odour of those unnumbered generations of sour-faced, unwashed women called ouvreuses who show you to your seat and domineeringly await their tip.It was a relief to get into the fresh air, and since the night was fine we walked.The arc lamps in the Avenue de I’Opéra glared so defiantly that the stars above, as though too proud to compete, shrouded their brightness in the dark of their infinite distance.As we walked we spoke of the performance we had just seen.Larry was disappointed.He would have liked it to be more natural, the lines spoken as people naturally speak and the gestures less theatrical.I thought his point of view mistaken.It was rhetoric, magnificent rhetoric, and I had a notion that it should be spoken rhetorically.I liked the regular thump of the rhymes；and the stylized gestures, handed down in a long tradition, seemed to me to suit the temper of that formal act.I could not but think that that was how Racine would have wished his play to be played.I had admired the way in which the actors had contrived to be human, passionate, and true within the limitations that confined them.Art is triumphant when it can use convention as an instrument of its own purpose.
第三幕演完后是幕间休息。我走出剧场到大厅里抽烟。那儿耸立着一尊出自于乌东之手的伏尔泰雕像——伏尔泰咧着一张没有牙齿的嘴在讽刺地微笑。突然，有人在我的肩上拍了拍。我转过身去，感到有点气恼，因为我不愿受到打搅，只想独自享受那些精彩的台词给我的心里带来的喜悦。谁知竟是拉里！和往常一样，一见他，我感到由衷的高兴。有一年没见过面了。我提议戏剧散场后去喝上一杯。拉里说自己没吃晚饭，肚子饿了，建议看完戏后去蒙马特高地。剧终，我们俩又见了面，然后一起走到大街上。法兰西剧院有一种特殊的霉味，而这种霉味跟一代又一代女招待员身上的气味混杂在一起。这些女招待员很少洗澡，老是哭丧着脸，把观众领到座位前便赖着不走，硬等着观众给她们小费。从这样的地方走到外边呼吸新鲜的空气，会叫你感到浑身轻松。这是一个美好的夜晚，于是我们漫步走去。歌剧院大街的路灯亮晃晃的，显得傲气十足，天上的群星好像不屑跟它们争奇斗艳，于是便将自身的光华隐匿在了无边无际的黑暗之中。我们一边走，一边谈论着刚才看的戏。拉里感到失望。他倒是希望演戏能演得自然一些，说台词就像平时说话一样，姿势没必要那么过于戏剧化。而我认为他的观点是错误的。该剧以辞藻胜，而且使用华丽的辞藻，所以我觉得说台词就应该拿腔拿调的。我喜欢演员在遇到韵脚时便顿一下加以强调，喜欢他们那格式化的姿势——这种形式有着悠久的历史，是传承下来的传统，似乎很适合于这种偏重形式的艺术格调。我敢说，拉辛一定会愿意让自己的剧本以这种形式加以表演。在重重的限制之下，演员们却能发挥自己的才能，演出了人情味，演出了炽热的感情，真是叫我折服。艺术把传统拿来己用，为的是实现自身的目的——这是艺术之胜利。

We reached the Avenue de Clichy and went into the Brasserie Graf. It was not long past midnight and the room was crowded, but we found a table and ordered ourselves eggs and bacon.I told Larry I had seen Isabel.
我们到了克利希大街，走进格拉夫餐馆。餐馆里人满为患，不过，我们还是找到了一张桌子，点了鸡蛋和火腿。我告诉拉里，说我见到伊莎贝尔了。

“Gray will be glad to get back to America，”he said.“He's a fish out of water here. He won't be happy till he's at work again.I dare say he'll make a lot of money.”
“能回到美国去，格雷会非常高兴的。”他说道，“在这儿，他就像是鱼儿离开了水。除非能重返职场，否则他不会快活的。我敢说，他一定能挣很多钱。”

“If he does it'll be due to you. You not only cured him in body, but in spirit as well.You restored his confidence in himself.”
“如果他能成功，也都是亏了你。你不但治愈了他的身体，也治愈了他的心灵。你使他恢复了自信。”

“I did very little. I merely showed him how to cure himself.”
“这是雕虫小技。我只不过向他展示一种方法，让他自我救治。”

“How did you learn to do that little?”
“这个雕虫小技你是怎么学来的呢？”

“By accident. It was when I was in India.I'd been suffering from insomnia and happened to mention it to an old Yogi I knew and he said he'd soon settle that.He did just what you saw me do with Gray and that night I slept as I hadn't slept for months.And then, a year later it must have been, I was in the Himalayas with an Indian friend of mineand he sprained his ankle.It was impossible to get a doctor and he was in great pain.I thought I'd try to do what the old Yogi had done, and it worked.You can believe it or not, he was completely relieved of the pain.”Larry laughed.“I can assure you, no one was more surprised than I.There's nothing to it really；it only means putting the idea into the sufferer’s mind.”
“完全得之于偶然。当时我在印度，正遭受失眠之苦。一次，我把此事给自己认识的一个老瑜伽师随便提了一下，谁知他说马上为我治疗。他的治疗方法就跟你看见我给格雷治病的方法是一样的。结果，那天夜里我睡得很好——我已经很长时间没能睡得那么香了。后来，大概是在一年之后吧，我和一位印度朋友爬喜马拉雅山，他把脚给崴了。跟前找不到医生，他疼得要死。我心想不妨照那个老瑜伽师的办法试一试，谁知竟然奏效了。不管你相信不相信，他的疼痛彻底消失了。”说到此处，拉里哈哈大笑，“我可以向你保证，我当时比任何人都感到意外。其实，没有什么神秘的，你只不过把想法输入到病人的脑子里罢了。”

“Easier said than done.”
“说起来容易，做起来难。”

“Would it surprise you if your arm raised itself from the table without any volition of yours?”
“如果你的胳膊不由自主地从桌子上抬起来，你会感到意外吗？”

“Very much.”
“非常意外。”

“It will. My Indian friend told people what I'd done when we got back to civilization and he brought others to see me.I hated doing it, because I couldn't quite understand it, but they insisted.Somehow or other I did them good.I found I was able to relieve people not only of pain but of fear.It's strange how many people suffer from it.I don't mean fear of closed spaces and fear of heights, but fear of death and, what's worse, fear of life.Often they’re people who seem in the best of health, prosperous, without any worry, and yet they’re tortured by it.I’ve sometimes thought it was the most besetting humour of men, and I asked myself at one time if it was due to some deep animal instinct that man has inherited from that primeval some-thing that first felt the thrill of life.”
“情况就是这样。那次回到文明世界后，我的那个印度朋友把我妙手回春的本事告诉了人们，并带了一些病人来。我坚决不愿意出手，因为我压根就不知道那到底是怎么回事，可他们硬缠着我不放。后来，我鬼使神差地竟然把他们全治好了。我发现自己不但能治愈病痛，而且能驱除恐惧。奇怪的是，许多人都患有恐惧症，不是怕幽闭、怕高，而是怕死，更为糟糕的是怕活着。他们往往看上去好像身体健康、事业发达，无忧无虑的，其实深受恐惧症的折磨。有时我心想这恐怕是一种最恼人的心理状况，怀疑它是一种根深蒂固的动物本能，是人类从第一次感到生命战栗的原始生物那儿继承来的。”

I was listening to Larry with expectation, for it was not often that he spoke at any length, and I had an inkling that for once he felt communicative. Perhaps the play we had just seen had released some inhibition and the rhythm of its sonorous cadences, as music will, had overcome his instinctive reserve.Suddenly I realized that something was happening to my hand.I had not given another thought to Larry's half-laughing question.I was conscious that my hand no longer rested on the table, but was raised an inch above it without my willing it.I was taken aback.I looked at it and saw that it trembled slightly.I felt a queer tingling in the nerves of my arm, a little jerk, and my hand and forearm lifted of themselves, I to the best of my belief neither aiding nor resisting, until they were several inches from the table.Then I felt my whole arm being raised from the shoulder.
他很少说这么多的话，我一边听，一边心里暗暗希望他继续说下去。我有一种感觉——他总算把话匣子打开了。也许，方才看的那出戏剧解除了他的部分戒心，剧中人字正腔圆、抑扬顿挫的台词像音乐一般影响了他的情绪，使得他克服了天生的拘谨。突然间，我感到自己的手发生了变化。刚才对拉里那半开玩笑的提问并没有在意，现在我却觉察到自己的手已不再放在桌面上了，而是不由自主地抬起，离开桌面有一英寸的样子。我吃了一惊，瞧了瞧它，发现它微微有点颤抖。我觉得胳膊上的神经有点发麻，感到它抽搐了一下，随后，手和小臂自己就抬了起来。我干脆听之任之，既不帮助也不抑制。它们离桌面有好几英寸，最后，整条胳膊举过了肩头。

“This is very odd，”I said.
“这真是太奇怪了。”我说道。

Larry laughed. I made the slightest effort of will and my hand fell back on to the table.
拉里哈哈大笑。我稍稍用意志加以控制，那只手便落回到了桌面上。

“It's nothing，”he said.“Don't attach any importance to it.”
“雕虫小技，”他说，“不必当真。”

“Were you taught that by the Yogi you spoke to us about when you first came back from India?”
“你刚从印度回来时曾跟我们提到过一位瑜伽师。这一套是不是他教给你的？”

“Oh no, he had no patience with that kind of thing. I don't know whether he believed that he possessed the powers that some Yogis claim to have, but he would have thought it puerile to exercise them.”
“哦，不是他教的。他才没有耐心理会这种事情呢。一些瑜伽师自称具有神力，我不知他是否也有这种自信心，但有一点是明确的——他觉得这般卖弄是幼稚之举。”

Our eggs and bacon arrived and we ate them with good appetite. We drank our beer.Neither of us spoke.Larry was thinking of I knew not what and I was thinking of him.We finished.I lit a cigarette and he lit a pipe.
说话间，我们点的鸡蛋和火腿送来了。我们狼吞虎咽吃了起来，一边还喝着啤酒，谁都没有再说话。我不知他在想什么，而我的心里则在思索着他的情况。饭后，我点起一根纸烟，他则抽他的烟斗。

“What made you go to India in the first place?”I asked abruptly.
“当初你为什么要去印度？”我冷不丁问道。

“Chance. At least I thought so at the time.Now I'm inclined to think it was the inevitable outcome of my years in Europe.Almost all the people who've had most effect on me I seem to have met by chance, yet looking back it seems as though I couldn't but have met them.It's as if they were waiting there to be called upon when I needed them.I went to India because I wanted a rest.I'd been working very hard and wished to sort out my thoughts.I got a job as a deck hand on one of those pleasure-cruise ships that go around the world.It was going to the East and through the Panama Canal to New York.I hadn’t been to America for five years and I was homesick.I was depressed.You know how ignorant I was when we first met in Chicago all those years ago.I’d read an awful lot in Europe and seen a lot, but I was no nearer than when I started to what I was looking for.”
“上天的安排。至少我当时是这么想的。现在我倒觉得自己在欧洲多年，到那儿去是一种必然结果。对我影响至深的人，似乎只是偶然相遇，而今回想起来，则好像有着很大的必然性。他们仿佛一直在等着我，等着我在必要的时候和他们相逢。我去印度，是因为我的身心需要得到休息——多年来，我孜孜以求，渴望理清自己的思绪。我登上一艘周游世界的豪华游轮，在甲板上当服务生，开往东方，又穿过巴拿马运河驶向纽约。五年未回美国了，思乡情油然而生。多年前你我初次相遇于芝加哥时，你也知道我当时是多么无知。到了欧洲，我读书破万卷，目睹世间千般变化，但离我上下求索的目标仍相去甚远。”

I wanted to ask him what that was, but had a feeling that he'd just laugh, shrug his shoulders, and say it was a matter of no consequence.
我原想问问他究竟是什么目标，却又觉得他肯定会付之一笑，耸耸肩，回说不值得一提。

“But why did you go as a deck hand?”I asked instead.“You had money.”
“你也不缺钱，为什么要到游轮上打工呢？”我转而问道。

“I wanted the experience. Whenever I've got water-logged spiritually, whenever I've absorbed all I can for the time, I've found it useful to do something of that sort.That winter, after Isabel and I broke off our engagement, I worked in a coal-mine near Lens for six months.”
“我想体验一下生活嘛。一旦心里出现饱和状态，想读书也读不进去时，我发现换换环境大有益处。我和伊莎贝尔解除婚约的那年冬天，我曾到兰斯那儿下煤窑，干了有半年的时间。”

It was then that he told me of those incidents that I have narrated in a previous chapter.
他就是在这个时候讲述了那段经历，此事已在前边的一章里做过交代。

“Were you sore when Isabel threw you over?”
“伊莎贝尔跟你分手，你心里难过吗？”

Before he answered he looked at me for some time with those strangely black eyes of his that seemed then to look inwards rather than out.
在回答之前，他打量着我，把我看了一会儿——他的眼睛出奇的黑，似乎不是在看我，而是在看他的内心深处。

“Yes. I was very young.I'd made up my mind that we were going to marry.I'd made plans for the life that we were going to lead together.I expected it to be lovely.”He laughed faintly.“But it takes two to make a marriage just as it takes two to make a quarrel.It had never occurred to me that the life I offered Isabel was a life that filled her with dismay.If I'd had any sense I'd never have suggested it.She was too young and ardent.I couldn't blame her.I couldn’t yield.”
“是的。我那时年轻，太重感情。之前，我一门心思要跟她结婚，曾经做出了规划，要和她共度人生，期望生活美满。”说到这里，他淡然一笑，“吵架是一个巴掌拍不响，结婚也是这个道理，得有两个人参与才行。万万没想到，我给伊莎贝尔提供的生活竟会叫她大失所望。我如果懂得一点人情世故的话，就不应该那样做。她年轻，热爱生活。我不能怪她，但我自己也不愿委曲求全。”

It's just possible that the reader will remember that on his flight from the farm, after that grotesque encounter with the farmer's widowed daughter-in-law, he had gone to Bonn. I was anxious to get him to continue, but knew I must be careful not to ask more direct questions than I could help.
读者可能还记得，他和那个农场主守寡的儿媳发生了不干不净的关系之后，便仓皇逃跑，取道去了波恩。我急于听他说下去，却情知必须当心，尽量不问敏感的问题。

“I've never been to Bonn，”I said.“When I was a boy I spent some time as a student at Heidelberg. It was, I think, the happiest time of my life.”
“我没去过波恩，”我说道，“小的时候，我倒是在海德堡上过学。那恐怕是我一生中最快乐的时候了。”

“I liked Bonn. I spent a year there.I got a room in the house of the widow of one of the professors at the university who took in a couple of boarders.She and her two daughters, both of them middle-aged, did the cooking and the house-work.I found my fellow boarder was a Frenchman and I was disappointed at first because I wanted to speak nothing but German；but he was an Alsatian and he spoke German, if not more fluently, with a better accent than he spoke French.He was dressed like a German pastor and I was surprised to find out after a few days that he was a Benedictine monk.He's been granted leave of absence from his monastery to make researches at the university library.He was a very learned man, but he didn't look it any more than he looked like my idea of a monk.He was a tall, stout fellow, with sandy hair, prominent blue eyes, and a red, round face.He was shy and reserved and didn't seem to want to have anything much to do with me, but he was very polite in a rather elaborate way and always took a civil part in the conversation at table；I only saw him then；as soon as we had finished dinner he went back to work at the library, and after supper, when I sat in the parlour improving my German with whichever of the two daughters wasn't washing up, he retired to his room.
我喜欢波恩，在那儿住了有一年的时间。我是住在波恩大学的一个教授遗孀家里，租赁了他们家的一个房间。他们家平时老住着一两个房客。遗孀有二女，均已步入中年，负责烹饪和操持家务。另有一个房客是法国人。起初我有点失望，因为我只想练德语，不愿说别的语言。不过后来发现他是个阿尔萨斯人，操一口德语——他的德语即便不如他的法语说得流畅，其语音语调也胜于他的法语。他的穿着像个牧师。几天后，我意外地得知他竟然是个本笃会修士。他获得修道院的批准，来波恩大学的图书馆搞研究工作。他是个知识渊博的人，但表面上看和我心目中的修士并无两样。他高个子，体格魁梧，沙色的头发，一双蓝眼睛炯炯有神，脸儿又红又圆。他生性腼腆，有点拘谨，似乎不愿意跟我多说话。不过，他非常懂礼貌，处事周到，一道进餐时总是客客气气的。只有在吃饭时，才能见上他的面。午饭一完，他就回图书馆工作；吃过晚饭，他则一头钻进他自己的房间，而我坐在客厅里跟寡妇的一个女儿聊天（另一个女儿在洗碗），练习说德语。

“I was surprised when one afternoon, after I'd been there at least a month, he asked me if I'd care to take a walk with him. He said he could show me places in the neighbourhood that he didn't think I'd be likely to discover for myself.I'm a pretty good walker, but he could outwalk me any day.We must have covered a good fifteen miles on that first walk.He asked me what I was doing in Bonn, and I said I’d come to learn German and get to know something about German literature.He talked very intelligently.He said he’d be glad to help me in any way he could.After that we went for walks two or three times a week.I discovered that he’d taught philosophy for some years.When I was in Paris I’d read a certain amount, Spinoza and Plato and Descartes, but I hadn’t read any of the great German philosophers and I was only too glad to listen while he talked about them.One day, when we’d made an excursion across the Rhine and were sitting in a beer-garden drinking a glass of beer, he asked me if I was a Protestant.
这样至少过了有一个月，一天下午，他问我愿不愿意和他出去散步，这倒叫我颇感意外。他说可以带我在附近走走，有些地方靠我自己找是找不到的。我是个很能走的人，而他更能走，让我甘拜下风。第一次散步，我们走了足足有十五英里。他问我来波恩干什么，我说来学德文，并且想熟悉一下德国文学。他的谈吐充满了智慧。他说他会尽其所能地帮助我。那以后，我们每星期都要出去散两三次步。我得知他是教哲学的，已有些年头了。在巴黎时，我读过一些哲学著作，斯宾诺莎的，柏拉图的，也有笛卡儿的，而德国那些大哲学家的著作我却一本也没有读过。能听他讲讲德国的哲学家，令我喜出望外。一天，我们到莱茵河对岸去散步，坐在一个酒庄里喝啤酒，他问我是不是新教徒。

“‘I suppose so，'I said.
‘也算是吧。’我回答说。

“He gave me a quick look and I thought I saw in his eyes the glimmer of a smile. He began to talk about Aeschylus；I'd been learning Greek, you know, and he knew the great tragedians as I could never hope to know them.It was inspiring to hear him.I wondered why he'd suddenly asked me that question.My guardian, Uncle Bob Nelson, was an agnostic, but he went to church regularly because his patients expected it of him and sent me to Sunday school for the same reason.Martha, our help, was a rigid Baptist and she used to frighten my childhood by telling me of the hell fire to which the sinner would be condemned to all eternity.She took a real delight in picturing to me the agonies that would be endured by the various people in the village whom for some reason or other she had had it in for.
“他飞快地扫了我一眼，我觉得他的眼睛里闪出一丝笑意。接下来，他便谈论起埃斯库罗斯。你知道我是学过希腊语的，可是他对古希腊悲剧作家的了解之深，是我望尘莫及的。听他谈古论今，叫我茅塞顿开。只是一点令我不解，不知道他为何突然问我是不是新教徒。我的监护人纳尔逊叔叔是个不可知论者，但他照样去做礼拜，因为他的病人期望他这样做。他送我上主日学校，也是出自同样的考虑。我们家的女佣玛莎是一个不折不扣的浸礼会教徒。我小的时候，她老给我讲地狱之火的故事，说罪人将被送进地狱受罚，永无宁日，听得我心惊胆战。她和村里的一些人因为某种原因有了过节，她便诅咒他们，绘声绘色地向我描述那些人在地狱之火里怎样经受痛苦的折磨，从中获得快感。

“By winter I'd got to know Father Ensheim very well. I think he was rather a remarkable man.I never saw him vexed.He was good-natured and kindly, far more broad-minded than I would have expected, and wonderfully tolerant.His erudition was prodigious and he must have known how ignorant I was, but he used to talk to me as though I were as learned as he.He was very patient with me.He seemed to want nothing but to be of service to me.One day, I don't know why, I had an attack of lumbago, and Frau Grabau, my landlady, insisted on putting me to bed with hot-water-bottles.Father Ensheim, hearing I was laid up, came into my room to see me, after supper.Except that I was in a good deal of pain I felt perfectly well.You know what bookish people are, they're inquisitive about books, and as I put down the book I was reading when he came in, he took it up and looked at the title.It was a book about Meister Eckhart that I'd found at a bookseller's in the town.He asked me why I was reading it, so I said that I’d been going through a certain amount of mystical literature and told him about Kosti and how he’d aroused my interest in the subject.He surveyed me with his prominent blue eyes and there was a look in them that I can only describe as amused tender-ness.I had the feeling that he found me rather ridiculous, but felt so much loving-kindness towards me that he didn’t like me any the less.Anyhow, I’ve never much minded if people thought me a bit of a fool.
时至冬日，我对恩斯海姆神父已经有了相当深的了解，觉得他是个十分了不起的人。我从未见他跟谁生过气。他总是那样的温和、善良，胸襟之开阔超出我的想象，待人宽容大度。他博学多闻，我是几斤几两他肯定心中有数，但对待我却好像我跟他一样有学问似的。对我，他从不缺乏耐心，似乎别无所图，只求为我效力。一天，不知怎么，我的腰突然疼了起来。女房东格雷博夫人硬要我上床休息，用热水袋暖一暖。恩斯海姆神父听说我卧病在床，晚饭后跑来看我。除了腰疼得厉害，我感觉身体还是挺好的。你也知道，但凡书虫，对于书都有着特别强烈的兴趣。我原来正在看书，见他进来，就把书放下了。他拿起那本书，看了看书名。那是一本介绍迈斯特·埃克纳特的书，是我在城里的一个书摊买来的。他问我为什么看这种书，我说自己曾经涉猎过一些有关神秘主义的著作，并且和他谈到考斯迪以及考斯迪是怎样引起我对神秘主义产生兴趣的。他用那双炯炯有神的蓝眼睛打量着我，眼睛里有一种神情——那种神情只能被解读为温情。他一定觉得我很可笑，竟然看这种书，但还会照样喜欢我的，绝不会因此而减弱他对我的感情。至于别人是不是把我看得有点蠢，我反正历来都是不在乎的。

“‘What are you looking for in these books?'he asked me.
‘看这种书，你想寻找什么呢？’他问我。

“‘If I knew that，'I answered，‘I'd at least be on the way to finding it.'
‘我要是知道的话，’我回答，‘就直接去寻找了。’

“‘Do you remember my asking you if you were a Protestant?You said you supposed so. What did you mean by that?'
‘我曾经问你是不是新教徒，还记得吗？你说你还算是个新教徒，这是什么意思？’

“‘I was brought up as one，'I said.
‘我从小就是被当作新教徒教养的。’我答道。

“‘Do you believe in God?'he asked.
‘你相信上帝吗？’他问。

“I don't like personal questions and my first impulse was to tell him that was no business of his. But there was so much goodness in his aspect that I felt it impossible to affront him.I didn't know what to say；I didn't want to answer yes and I didn't want to answer no.It may have been the pain I was suffering that enabled me to speak or it may have been something in him.Anyhow, I told him about myself.”
“我不喜欢别人问我的私事，所以一冲动，想让他别管闲事。可是见他满脸的和善，我就不忍心顶撞他了。我左右为难，不知是该说相信好，还是说不相信好。后来也可能是腰疼让我忘记了自己的底线，要不然就是因为他身上的某样东西感动了我。反正我开口讲述了我的人生经历。”

Larry hesitated for a moment, and when he went on I knew he wasn't speaking to me but to the Benedictine monk. He had forgotten me.I don't know what there was in the time or the place that enabled him to speak, without my prompting, of what his natural reticence had so long concealed.
说到此处，拉里停顿了一下，当他再次拾起话头时，我感觉他不是在对我讲话，而是在向那个本笃会修士陈述了。他忘记了我在跟前。不知是因为时间的关系还是地点的影响，反正他一吐为快，不用我催促，将一直压在心头的事情讲了出来。

“Uncle Bob Nelson was very democratic and he sent me to the high school at Marvin. It was only because Louisa Bradley nagged him into it that when I was fourteen he let me go to St.Paul's.I wasn't very good at anything, either at work or games, but I fitted in all right.I think I was an entirely normal boy.I was crazy about aviation.Those were the early days of flying and Uncle Bob was as excited about it as I was.He knew some of the airmen, and when I said I wanted to learn to fly he said he'd fix it for me.I was tall for my age and when I was sixteen I could easily pass for eighteen.Uncle Bob made me promise to keep it a secret, because he knew everyone would be down on him like a ton of bricks for letting me go, but as a matter of fact he helped me to get over to Canada and gave me a letter to someone he knew, and the result was that by the time I was seventeen I was flying in France.
鲍勃·纳尔逊叔叔很民主，送我进的是马文中学。后来架不住路易莎·布雷德利伯母的再三劝说，到了我十四岁时，他让我进了圣保罗中学。无论是功课还是体育，我都不怎么行，只是勉强过得去。我觉得自己那时是个十分正常的孩子，对飞行特别着迷。那时候，飞行还处在早期阶段，鲍勃叔叔和我一样，一提起飞行便激动不已。他认识几个飞行员；当我说想要学飞行时，他就说愿意为我想办法。我年纪虽小，个子却长得高，十六岁就完全可以冒充十八岁了。鲍勃叔叔叮嘱我务必保守秘密，因为他明白一旦邻里知道他让我去当飞行员，一定会招来铺天盖地的谴责。其实，是他帮助我跑到加拿大，给我一封介绍信去见他的一位熟人。结果，我十七岁就已经翱翔于法国的蓝天了。

“They were terrible gimcrack planes we flew in then, and you practically took your life in your hands each time you went up. The heights we got to were absurd, judged by present standards, but we didn't know any better and thought it wonderful.I loved flying.I couldn't describe the feeling it gave me, I only knew I felt proud and happy.In the air, way up, I felt that I was part of something very great and very beautiful.I didn't know what it was all about, I only knew that I wasn't alone any more, by myself as I was, two thousand feet up, but that I belonged.I can't help it if it sounds silly.When I was flying above the clouds and they were like an enormous flock of sheep below me I felt that I was at home with infinitude.”
“那时候，我们驾驶的飞机都是些廉价的破烂货，每次飞上天都是玩命。那时的飞行高度，拿现在的标准衡量，简直低得可笑。可我们又不知道这些，只知道那感觉美妙极了。我爱飞行，真不知该如何形容当时的感受，只觉得内心自豪和幸福。在天上，飞得高高的，周围广阔无垠、美不胜收，而自己就是其中的一个部分。不明白是什么原因，反正到了两千英尺的高度，我就感到不再孤独了，不再是一个人独处了，而是有所属了。这话听上去有点蠢，但这的确是我当时的感受。飞翔在高空，脚下有朵朵的白云，那白云就像是一大群绵羊一样。我恬然自得，觉得自己和无限的空间已融为一体。”

Larry paused. He gazed at me from the caverns of his impenetrable eyes, but I did not know whether he saw me.
拉里停了一下，目光从他那深不可测的眼窝里盯着我。真不知他是看我还是看别处。

“I'd known that men had been killed by the hundred thousand, but I hadn't seen them killed. It didn't mean very much to me.Then I saw a dead man with my own eyes.The sight filled me with shame.”
“我知道有成千上万的人死于非命，但我没有亲眼所见，故而对我影响不大。后来亲眼见一个人战死，我心里感到非常惋惜。”

“Shame?”I exclaimed involuntarily.
“惋惜？”我情不自禁地脱口而出。

“Shame, because that boy, he was only three or four years older than me, who'd had such energy and daring, who a moment before had had so much vitality, who'd been so good, was now just mangled flesh that looked as if it had neverbeen alive.”
“说惋惜，那是因为他是个小伙子，比我才大上三四岁，生龙活虎的，天不怕地不怕。转眼间，一个精力充沛、心地善良的人就变成了一具血肉模糊的躯体，看上去好像从未有过生命似的。”

I didn't say anything. I had seen dead men when I was a medical student and I had seen many more during the war.What had dismayed me was how trifling they looked.There was no dignity in them.Marionettes that the show-man had thrown into the discard.
我没有说什么。我学过医，死人见多了，战争中见的更是多得不计其数。令我沮丧的是，人一死就一钱不值了，没有一丁点人的尊严，就像废弃不用的木偶。

“I didn't sleep that night. I cried.I wasn't frightened for myself；I was indignant；it was the wickedness of it that broke me.The war came to an end and I went home.I'd always been keen on mechanics, and if there was nothing doing in aviation, I'd intended to get into an automobile factory.I'd been wounded and had to take it easy for a while.Then they wanted me to go to work.I couldn’t do the sort of work they wanted me to do.It seemed futile.I’d had a lot of time to think.I kept on asking myself what life was for.After all it was only by luck that I was alive；I wanted to make something of my life, but I didn’t know what.I’d never thought much about God.I began to think about Him now.I couldn’t understand why there was evil in the world.I knew I was very ignorant；I didn’t know anyone I could turn to and I wanted to learn, so I began to read at haphazard.
那天夜里我睡不着觉，暗暗地流着眼泪。我并不是为自身的安全感到恐惧，而是觉得气愤，为战争的罪恶感到痛心。战争结束后，我回到了家乡。我一直都很喜欢机械，如果不能再飞行了，我打算进汽车厂工作。我受过伤，所以工作的事不便操之过急。后来，他们要我就业，而我不愿接受他们为我选择的职业。他们的努力无果而终。我曾经花费过大量时间思考问题，不断地问自己，人活着究竟是为了什么？从战争的硝烟中我侥幸活了下来，一心想让自己的人生有意义，但又不知道怎么才能有意义。以前我不太考虑上帝这类问题，而此时我开始苦苦思索。我不明白世界上为什么会有罪恶。我知道自己非常无知，又苦于找不到能够请教的人。我渴望寻找到答案，于是便一头钻进了书堆里。

“When I told Father Ensheim all this he asked me：‘Then you've been reading for four years?Where have you got?'
当我把这些心事讲给恩斯海姆神父听时，他便问我：‘你读书读了有四年了吧？那么你找到答案了吗？’

“‘Nowhere，'I said.
‘没有找到。’我回答说。

“He looked at me with such an air of radiant benignity that I was confused. I didn't know what I'd done to arouse so much feeling in him.He softly drummed his fingers on the table as though he were turning a notion over in his mind.
他望着我，神情和蔼、慈祥。我都糊涂了，不知道自己做了什么，竟值得他如此器重。他用手指在桌子上轻轻敲打着，仿佛在考虑着一项决策。

“‘Our wise old Church，'he said then，‘has discovered that if you will act as if you believed belief will be granted to you；if you pray with doubt, but pray with sincerity, your doubt will be dispelled；if you will surrender yourself to the beauty of that liturgy the power of which over the human spirit has been proved by the experience of the ages, peace will descend upon you. I am returning to my monastery in a little while.Why don't you come and spend a few weeks with us?You can work in the fields with our lay brothers；you can read in our library.It will be an experience no less interesting than working in a coal mine or on a German farm.'
‘我们大智大慧的教会认为，’他启口说道，‘假如你信其有，那才可能成真；假如你祈祷时心存疑虑，但态度虔诚，疑虑便会烟消云散。经许多个世纪的实践证明，礼拜仪式对人的精神影响很大，如果你愿意参加这种仪式，内心一定会感到安宁。我不久就要回修道院去了。何不跟我一起走，在那儿待上几个星期？你可以和修士们一道下地干活，也可以在我们的图书馆里看书。这样的体验恐怕比你下煤窑或者在一个德国农场上务工更有意义。’

“‘Why do you suggest it?'I asked.
‘你为什么提这样的建议？’我问。

“‘I've been observing you for three months，'he said.‘Perhaps I know you better than you know yourself. The distance that separates you from faith is no greater than the thickness of a cigarette paper.'
‘我观察你已有三个月了，’他说，‘也许，我比你自己更了解你。你和你的信仰之间仅隔着一层纸，一捅就破。’

“I didn't say anything to that. It gave me a funny sort of feeling, as though someone had got hold of my heartstrings and were giving them a tug.At last I said I'd think about it.He dropped the subject.For the rest of Father Ensheim's stay in Bonn we never spoke of anything connected with religion again, but as he was leaving he gave me the address of his monastery and told me if I made up my mind to come I had only to write him a line and he'd make arrangements.I missed him more than I expected.The year wore on and it was midsummer.I liked it well enough in Bonn.I read Goethe and Schiller and Heine.I read H?lderlin and Rilke.Still I wasn’t getting any-where.I thought a lot of what Father Ensheim had said, and at last I decided to accept his offer.
我对他的建议未置可否。我有一种奇怪的感觉，就好像有人拨弄了一下我的心弦。末了，我说我会考虑的。此话题他搁下不再提起。此后，恩斯海姆神父在波恩又待了一段时间，我们再没有谈及与宗教有关的事情。可是，他临离开波恩时，给我留下了修道院的地址，说如果我打定主意要去，不妨给他写信告知，他将为我做出安排。他走后，我没想到自己会那么思念他。日子一天天过去，转眼便到了仲夏时节。我喜欢在波恩消夏，读了很多人的著作，有歌德的、席勒的、海涅的、荷尔德林的以及里尔克的。可是，从他们的书中，我没有找到答案。期间，我经常考虑恩斯海姆神父的建议。最后，我决定接受他的邀请。

“He met me at the station. The monastery was in Alsace and the country was pretty.Father Ensheim presented me to the abbot and then showed me to the cell that had been assigned to me.It had a narrow iron bed, a crucifix on the wall, and by way of furniture only the barest necessities.The dinner bell rang and I made my way to the refectory.It was a huge vaulted chamber.The abbot stood at the door with two monks, one of whom held a basin and the other a towel, and the abbot sprinkled a few drops of water on the hands of the guests by way of washing them and dried them with the towel one of the two monks handed him.There were three guests besides myself, two priests who were passing that way and had stopped off for dinner and an elderly, grouchy Frenchman who was making a retreat.
恩斯海姆神父前往车站接我。修道院位于阿尔萨斯的乡间，风光旖旎。他把我介绍给了院长，然后领我去那个拨给我住的小房间。里面有一架狭窄的铁床，墙上挂着耶稣受难像，陈设简陋，只有些生活必需的东西。吃饭铃响时，我向食堂走去。那是一个有着圆顶的大厅。院长率两个修士候在门口，一个修士端一盆水，另一修士手拿一条毛巾。院长在来宾手上洒几滴水，算是洗了手，然后用一位修士递过来的毛巾为之擦干。除了我，另外还有三个来宾——有两个是路过的牧师，留下来吃顿饭，还有一个满腹牢骚的法国老人，是来修道院过隐居生活的。

“The abbot and the two priors, senior and junior, sat at the head of the room, each at his separate table；the fathers along two sides of the walls, while the novices, the lay brothers, and the guests sat at tables in the middle. Grace was said and we ate.A novice took up his position near the refectory door and in a monotonous voice read from an edifying work.When we had finished grace was said again.The abbot, Father Ensheim, the guests, and the monk in charge of them went into a small room where we had coffee and talked of casual things.Then I went back to my cell.
院长和两个助手，一正一副，在餐厅的上首就座，各自占一张桌子；修士们在沿墙的两边坐，见习修士和勤杂人员以及客人们则坐在餐厅正中。做了感恩祷告之后，大家就吃了起来。一个见习修士在餐厅进口处站定，以一种单调的声音诵读一册训导书。吃完饭，大家又做感恩祷告。院长、恩斯海姆神父、来宾以及负责接待来宾的修士，进入一个小房间喝咖啡，谈了些日常事务。然后，我回到了自己的房间。

“I stayed there three months. I was very happy.The life exactly suited me.The library was good and I read a great deal.None of the fathers tried in any way to influence me, but they were glad to talk to me.I was deeply impressed by their learning, their piety, and their unworldliness.You mustn't think it was an idle life they led.They were constantly occupied.They farmed their own land and worked it themselves and they were glad to have my help.I enjoyed the splendour of the services, but the one I liked best of all was Matins.It was at four in the morning.It was wonderfully moving to sit in the church with the night all around you while the monks, mysterious in their habits, their cowls drawn over their heads, sang with their strong male voices the plain-song of the liturgy.There was something reassuring in the regularity of the daily round, and notwithstanding all the energy that was displayed, notwithstanding the activity of thought, you had an abiding sense of repose.”
“我在那儿住了三个月，日子过得快快活活的。那种生活很适合我。修道院的图书馆很棒，我看了不少书。修士们没有一个企图以任何方法影响我，但是，很高兴和我交谈。他们的学识、虔诚的态度以及超凡脱俗的气质，给我留下了深刻的印象。你不要以为他们过的是一种无所事事的生活。其实，他们时时都在忙碌。他们自耕自种，我偶尔下田相助，叫他们感到由衷的高兴。我喜欢做祈祷时的那种壮观场面，最喜欢的则是晨祷。晨祷是在清晨四点钟进行的。坐在教堂里，周围漆黑一团，修士们身穿神秘的晨祷服，头巾遮在头上，用铿锵的男音唱着礼拜仪式的歌曲，真是动人心弦。修道院的日常生活规律性很强，能起到安神定心的作用。尽管你充满了活力，尽管你的思想一刻也不停止，但你的心里一片静谧。”

Larry smiled a trifle ruefully.
说到这里，拉里苦笑了一下。

“Like Rolla, I've come too late into a world too old. I should have been born in the Middle Ages when faith was a matter of course；then my way would have been clear to me and I'd have sought to enter the order.I couldn't believe.I wanted to believe, but I couldn't believe in a God who wasn't better than the ordinary decent man.The monks told me that God had created the world for his glorification.That didn’t seem to me a very worthy object.Did Beethoven create his symphonies for his glorification?I don’t believe it.I believe he created them because the music in his soul demanded expression and then all he tried to do was to make them as perfect as he knew how.
跟罗拉一样，我可真是生不逢时呀。要是出生在中世纪就好了，因为那时候宗教信仰是铁定的事，我会觉得自己的人生之路清清楚楚，只要加入教会就可以了。现在让我信教便难了。我渴望信仰上帝，但做不到，因为上帝比普通的正人君子强不到哪里去。修士们告诉我，说上帝创造世界是为了彰显自身的荣耀。这在我看来并不是什么值得称道的目标。贝多芬创作交响乐难道是为了彰显自身的荣耀吗？我相信不是的。我认为他创作是因为他内心回荡着音乐，需要他表现出来，而他竭尽其能，努力把这些音乐表现得尽善尽美。

“I used to listen to the monks repeating the Lord's Prayer；I wondered how they could continue to pray without misgiving to their heavenly father to give them their daily bread. Do children beseech their earthly father to give them sustenance?They expect him to do it, they neither feel nor need to feel gratitude to him for doing it, and we have only blame for a man who brings children into the world that he can't or won't provide for.It seemed to me that if an omnipotent creator was not prepared to provide his creatures with the necessities of existence, material and spiritual, he'd have done better not to create them.”
“我常听修士们一遍遍地念主祷文，就不明白他们为什么要苦苦地祈求天父赐给他们每日的口粮呢。难道孩子们还需要祈求他们尘世的父亲给他们提供食物吗？孩子们指望着父亲供养，不会因此而感激他，也没必要那样做。对于一个只生孩子不养孩子的父亲，我们只会加以谴责。在我看来，如果万能的造物主无心给自己创造的众生提供他们赖以生存的物质粮食和精神粮食，那还不如不创造得好。”

“Dear Larry，”I said，“I think it's just as well you weren't born in the Middle Ages. You'd undoubtedly have perished at the stake.”
“亲爱的拉里，”我说道，“幸好你没有出生在中世纪，否则，你毫无疑问会被处死的。”

He smiled.
他听后笑了。

“You've had a great deal of success，”he went on.“Do you want to be praised to your face?”
“你取得了辉煌的成就，”他继续说道，“难道你愿意让别人当面颂扬你吗？”

“It only embarrasses me.”
“那只会叫我尴尬。”

“That's what I should have thought. I couldn't believe that God wanted it either.We didn't think much in the air corps of a fellow who wangled a cushy job out of his CO by buttering him up.It was hard for me to believe that God thought much of a man who tried to wangle salvation by fulsome flattery.I should have thought the worship most pleasing to him was to do your best according to your lights.
这一点上咱们是英雄所见略同。上帝恐怕也不愿意听奉承话。想当初在空军里服役时，有个家伙对上司溜须拍马，弄上个肥差，结果遭到大家的鄙视。假如靠着阿谀谄媚以求获得‘拯救’，那么，也会遭到上帝鄙视的。依我看来，尽自己的一份力量积德行善最合上帝的心意。

“But that wasn't the chief thing that bothered me：I couldn't reconcile myself with that preoccupation with sin which, so far as I could tell, was never entirely absent from the monks'thoughts. I'd known a lot of fellows in the air corps.Of course they got drunk when they got a chance, and had a girl whenever they could, and used foul language；we had one or two bad hats：one fellow was arrested for passing rubber cheques and was sent to prison for six months；it wasn't altogether his fault；he’d never had any money before, and when he got more than he’d ever dreamt of having, it went to his head.I’d known bad men in Paris, and when I got back to Chicago I knew more, but for the most part their badness was due to heredity, which they couldn’t help, or to their environment, which they didn’t choose：I’m not sure that society wasn’t more responsible for their crimes than they were.If I’d been God I couldn’t have brought myself to condemn one of them, not even the worst, to eternal damnation.Father Ensheim was broad-minded；he thought that hell was the deprivation of God’s presence, but if that is such an intoler-able punishment that it can justly be called hell, can one conceive that a good God can inflict it?After all, He created men：if He so created them that it was possible for them to sin, it was because He willed it.If I trained a dog to fly at the throat of any stranger who came into my back yard, it wouldn’t be fair to beat him when he did so.
不过，最叫我想不通的还不是这个。对于什么是罪恶有着种种偏见，据我所知，那些修士们就多少带有偏见，而我对他们的看法不能苟同。我在空军里结识了许多人，有的一喝酒就喝个烂醉，有的玩女人，有的满嘴脏话；飞行员里也有害群之马——一个家伙因开空头支票被抓住，判了六个月的刑。也不能全怪那个‘害群之马’——他以前囊空如洗，做梦都想不到能弄到那么多钱，一下子便冲昏了头脑。在巴黎，我遇到过一些坏人，回芝加哥时见到的就更多了。一般来说，他们的劣根性来自于遗传，他们也是身不由己呀；有的则是受到环境的影响而变坏的，这一点上他们是没有选择的——对此，社会恐怕得负更大的责任。如果我是上帝，对于这些坏人，哪怕是罪大恶极的，也不会不分青红皂白地加以惩罚，把他们打入十八层地狱。恩斯海姆神父胸襟开阔，认为所谓的地狱就是失去了上帝护佑的地方。话又说回来，假如下地狱是一种令人难以忍受的惩罚，那么你想想，仁慈的上帝会加以施行吗？归根结底，人类可是他一手创造的。如果说他创造的人类有可能去犯罪，那么，他就难辞其咎。如果有陌生人进我家的后院，我驯养的狗扑上去咬他，而我将狗打一顿，那便有失公允了。

“If an all-good and all-powerful God created the world, why did He create evil?The monks said, so that man byconquering the wickedness in him, by resisting temptation, by accepting pain and sorrow and misfortune as the trials sent by God to purify him, might at long last be made worthy to receive His grace. It seemed to me like sending a fellow with a message to some place and just to make it harder for him you constructed a maze that he had to get through, then dug a moat that he had to swim, and finally built a wall that he had to scale.I wasn't prepared to believe in an all-wise God who hadn't common sense.I didn't see why you shouldn't believe in a God who hadn't created the world, but had to make the best of the bad job he’d found, a being enormously better, wiser, and greater than man, who strove with the evil he hadn’t made and who you hoped might in the end overcome it.But on the other hand, I didn’t see why you should.
如果说是大慈大悲、无所不能的上帝创造了这个世界，那他何必又要创造出罪恶来呢？按照修士们的说法，一个人只有克服内心的邪念，抵御诱惑，接受上帝的考验，经历痛苦、悲伤和灾难，使自己变得纯洁，才有资格接受上帝的恩典。这就像是派个人去送信，却在路上布一个迷宫，让他难以通过，再挖一条壕沟，逼他泅水而过，最后筑一道高墙，逼他攀爬。我不相信一个大智大慧的上帝会出如此下策。依我之见，还不如信仰一个普通的上帝——这个上帝不是致力于创造世界，而是致力于改善现状；与人类相比，他无比善良、智慧和伟大，和那些并非他创造的罪恶不懈地斗争，最终取得胜利。不过，话又说回来，世人究竟为何信仰现在的这个上帝，我心里也是一本糊涂账。

“Those good fathers had no answers that satisfied either my head or my heart to the questions that perplexed me. My place was not with them.When I went to say good-bye to Father Ensheim he didn't ask me whether I had profited by the experience in the way he had been so sure I would.He looked at me with inexpressible kindness.
无论是在理智上还是在感情上，这些问题让我十分纠结，而那些好心的修士却无法为我解答。我和他们显然不是一条道上跑的车。我向恩斯海姆神父辞别时，他满脸慈祥地望着我。他一定认为我在修道院获益匪浅，想问一声，却没有问出口。

“‘I'm afraid I've been a disappointment to you, Father，'I said.
‘恐怕我让你失望了，恩斯海姆神父。’我说道。

“‘No，'he answered.‘You are a deeply religious man who doesn't believe in God. God will seek you out.You'll come back.Whether here or elsewhere only God can tell.'”
“‘哪里的话。’他回答，‘你是个宗教修养很深的人，目前不信上帝，而上帝以后会把你挑选出来的。你一定会回来的。至于回到这儿来，还是到别的修道院去，只有上帝能够决断。’”