故园风雨后（1981） 第一季 第五集 Part6

我不理解 你在那么多方面
I don't understand how you could have been so nice
都很好
in so many ways
怎么会做出这么残忍的事
and then do something so wantonly cruel.
我不理解 我们这么喜欢你
I don't understand how we all liked you so much.
你一直都恨我们吗
Did you hate us all the time?
我不理解 我们怎么就要遭受这样的对待
I don't understand how we deserved it.
再见
Good-bye.
我无动于衷
I remained unmoved.
我内心没有一丝一毫
There was no part of me
被她的悲伤打动
remotely touched by her distress.
这和我经常想象的 被学校开除的场景很像
It was as I had often imagined being expelled from school.
我几乎以为会听到她说
I almost expected to hear her say,
“我已经写信通知了你不幸的父亲”
"I have already written to inform your unhappy father."
但是 我坐车走了
But, as I drove away,
我觉得 我把自己的一部分也留在了这里
I felt that I was leaving part of myself behind,
不论我之后去向哪里
and that wherever I went afterwards,
都会感受到它的缺失
I should feel the lack of it
并绝望地搜寻
and search for it hopelessly,
就像鬼魂那样
as ghosts are said to do.
“我永远不会回来了” 我对自己说
"I shall never go back," I said to myself.
一扇门关上了
A door had shut,
我在牛津寻找
the low door in the wall
并找到的 围墙上的那扇矮门
I had sought and found at Oxford.
打开之后 我没有找到什么魔力花园
Open it now, and I should find no enchanted garden.
在暗无天日的珊瑚宫殿和
I had come to the surface
随波飘荡的海底森林 被囚禁了太久
into the light of common day after a long captivity
我终于浮上水面 重新回到平凡生活
in the sunless coral palaces and waving forests
的阳光下
of the ocean bed.
“我把幻想留下了”我对自己说
"I have left behind illusion," I said to myself.
“今后 我就生活在一个三维的世界中
"Henceforth, I live in a world of three dimensions
在我五种感官的帮助下”
with the aid of my five senses."
后来我才知道 没有那样的一个世界
I have since learned that there is no such world.
但当时 随着汽车拐了个弯 房子在视线中消失
But then, as the car turned out of sight of the house,
我以为 这不需要去找
I thought it took no finding
就在大路尽头 我的四周
but lay all about me at the end of the avenue.