幸福感取决于跟谁在一起

According to Moran Cerf, a neuroscientist at Northwestern University who has been studying decision-making for over a decade, the surest way to maximise happiness has nothing to do with experiences, material goods, or personal philosophy.

如何最大程度地提升幸福感?靠体验?靠物质?靠人生哲学?都不是。十几年来，美国西北大学的神经学家Moran Cerf一直在研究决策。

It's all about who you decide to spend time with. But "it's not just advice to choose your friends carefully," Cerf told Business Insider.

他告诉我们，提升幸福感的关键在于你决定和哪些人共度时光。

There are two premises that lead Cerf to believe personal company is the most important factor for long-term satisfaction.

他认为，人际陪伴是长期幸福感的最重要因素，这点存在两个前提原因。

The first is that decision-making is tiring. A great deal of research has found that humans have a limited amount of mental energy to devote to making choices.

第一，决策很耗神。大量研究表明，人类用于决策的心理资源有限

Picking our clothes, where to eat, what to eat when we get there, what music to listen to, whether it should actually be a podcast, and what to do in our free time all demand our brains to exert that energy on a daily basis.

穿什么、吃什么、去哪里吃、听哪首歌、周末干什么……我们的大脑每天都需要耗费资源思考这些问题。

The second premise is that humans falsely believe they are in full control of their happiness by making those choices. So long as we make the right choices, the thinking goes, we'll put ourselves on a path toward life satisfaction.

第二，人们错误地认为，他们能够通过做决策来掌控自己的幸福感——只要我们作出正确的决策，就会变得越来越幸福。

Cerf rejects that idea. The truth is, decision-making is fraught with biases that cloud our judgment. People misremember bad experiences as good, and vice versa; they let their emotions turn a rational choice into an irrational one; and they use social cues, even subconsciously, to make choices they'd otherwise avoid.

然而，人们的决策充满了偏见，人们的记忆存在偏差，会混淆美好的体验和糟糕的体验。人们会任由情绪将理性决策转变为非理性决策。人们会无意识地借助社会线索作出决策。

But as Cerf tells his students, that last factor can be harnessed for good.

Cerf表示，我们可以巧妙地利用最后一个因素。

His neuroscience research has found that when two people are in each other's company, their brain waves will begin to look nearly identical. One study of moviegoers, for instance, found the most engaging trailers all produced similar patterns in people's brains.

许多神经学研究发现：当两个人待在一起时，他们的脑波会变得近似同步。举例而言，引人入胜的电影预告片会在人们的大脑里激起类似的脑波模式。

"This means the people you hang out with actually have an impact on your engagement with reality beyond what you can explain. And one of the effects is you become alike."

这意味着，经常相处的对象会影响你对现实的感知——尽管你无法解释其中的原因。久而久之，你们会变得彼此相似。

It's apparent in people's behaviour, too. Buzzkills bring people's moods down; fast-talkers cause the pace of conversation to pick up; comedians get people feeling light, or funny.

这点很明显地反映在人们的行为中——扫兴者拉低你的情绪，滔滔不绝者会加快谈话速度，风趣者使你觉得轻松愉快。

From those two premises, Cerf's conclusion is that if people want to maximise happiness and minimise stress, they should build a life that requires fewer decisions by surrounding themselves with people who embody the traits they prefer.

综上所述，Cerf认为，若想最大程度地提升幸福感和减少压力，就应该多和自己欣赏的人相处，同时减少决策数量。

Over time, they will naturally pick up those desirable attitudes and behaviours. At the same time, they can avoid the mentally taxing low-level decisions that sap the energy needed for higher-stakes decisions.

久而久之，你会自然而然地采取自己所欣赏的态度和行为。与此同时，你可以减少不必要的低级决策，节约认知资源，留给高级决策。

Following Cerf's restaurant policy, he said he also likes to avoid picking the restaurant. Instead, he prefers to make one decision — who to eat with — and pick someone whom he trusts. Chances are that person will pick a place Cerf enjoys, which means the second special option is also more likely to leave him feeling satisfied.

erf甚至会避免挑选餐厅，他只做一个决策——和谁吃饭。他会挑选一个自己信任的人，任由对方决定去哪家餐厅。通常，对方选择的餐厅也令他满意。

In other words, he avoids making two smaller decisions by making one larger one.

此外，他规定自己每次吃饭都点菜单上的第二道菜，以节约决策资源。

The same can apply for people who want to exercise more, watch less TV, take up a musical instrument, or become more sociable. In all cases, Cerf said, the most important decision is who you surround yourself with.

想健身?想少看电视?想学习乐器?想变得擅长社交?道理同上。Cerf表示，最重要的决策是选择和谁在一起。