The Best Kind of Love 比较好的爱情
The Best Kind of Love 最好的爱情
◎ Annette Paxman Bowen
I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl.
我的一位朋友正处于热恋期间。她声称天空比以前更蓝了，莫扎特的音乐让她流泪。她体重降了十五磅，看上去就像一个封面女郎。
“I’m young again!” she shouts exuberantly.
“我又年轻啦！”她激动地大喊。
As my friend raves on about her new love, I’ve taken a good look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds. Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows the signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home.
当我的朋友为她的新欢幸福地倾诉时，我对我的旧爱仔细审视了一遍。和我共度了将近二十年的丈夫斯科特，他的体重增了十五磅。从前的马拉松运动员，如今只能在医院的大厅里跑来跑去。他的发际越来越高，头发越来越稀少，他的体形也表明了他在长时间工作，并且糖块吃得太多。但他仍能隔着餐馆的桌子，用眼神对我发出某种暗示，然后我会立即埋单回家。
When my friend asked me “What will make this love last?” I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction, communication. Yet there’s more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday, after slipping the rubber band off the rolled up newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can be a blast. We enjoy simply being together.
当朋友问我“是什么让我们的爱情持续到最后”时，我的脑海里立刻浮现出所有那些显而易见的答案：承诺、共同爱好、无私奉献、身体吸引、有效沟通，还有很多。我们仍然拥有乐趣，那些随意而来的美好时光。昨天，解开捆报纸的橡皮筋后，斯科特开玩笑地用它弹了我一下，随即引发了一场全面“战争”。上周六在商店里，我们分开购物，比赛看谁先买好东西到结账处。即使是洗碗也能开心地闹一下。我们只是享受这种简单的共处。
And there are surprises. One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a “pot of gold” (my cooking kettle) and the “treasure” of a gift package. Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow.
还有其他的惊喜。有一次我回到家，发现前门上贴着一张便条，它把我引向另一张便条，然后是另外一个，一直把我引到家里的壁橱。我打开壁橱门，发现斯科特站在里面，一手拿着一个“金壶”（我的蒸煮锅），一手拿着包装精美的“宝物”。有时我也在镜子上给他留便条，或把小礼物放在他的枕头下。
There is understanding. I understand why he must play basketball with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids——and even him——to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing.
还有理解。我理解他为什么一定要和伙伴们打篮球。他也理解我为什么每年都要找个机会离开家，离开孩子——甚至离开他几天，同我的那帮姐妹没完没了地聊个不停。
There is sharing. Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens——we also share ideas. Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about the book after I’d read it.
还有分享。我们不但分享家务琐事和为人父母的责任，我们还分享彼此的想法。斯科特上月去开会，回到家后送给我一本厚厚的历史小说。虽然他一向更喜欢恐怖和科幻小说，他还是在飞机上将这本小说读完了。当他解释说是希望在我读完后能与我交换心得时，我的心被触动了。
There is forgiveness. When I’m embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, “It’s okay. It’s only money.”
还有宽恕。当我在聚会上尴尬地喊叫和疯狂时，他原谅了我。当他承认在股市赔进去我们的一些积蓄时，我拥抱着他说：“没关系，这只是些钱而已。”
There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with the look that tells me it’s been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year-old woman who’d had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman’s husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.
还有敏感。上个星期他回来的时候，脸上的表情告诉了我他这天过得很不好。他陪孩子们玩了一会儿后，我问他发生了什么事。他对我讲述了一个六十岁老太太的事情，这个老太太得了中风。回想起这位妇人的丈夫站在她床边、抚摸着她的手的情形，他情不自禁地流下了眼泪。他怎么忍心告诉这个与她相伴四十年的丈夫说，他的妻子可能永远不会康复啊！我也不禁落泪。因为那位妇人不治的病情，因为仍有结婚四十年的夫妻，因为经过多年的病房工作，整天面对垂死的病人，我的丈夫仍会感动，仍存怜悯。
There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer’s disease on her father-in-law’s personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, this is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor’s house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night, I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.
还有信仰。上周二，一个朋友到家里来，向我倾诉了她的恐惧，她的丈夫正在渐渐失去与癌症斗争的勇气。周三，我和一个朋友共进午餐——她正烦恼着如何重塑离婚之后的生活。周四，一个邻居与我谈论老年痴呆症在她公公身上有着多么可怕的影响。周五，一个儿时的朋友打长途电话告诉我她的父亲去世了。在我挂了电话之后，想：这个星期真是一个伤心的星期。哭过之后，我有事要出去一下。我注意到鲜艳夺目的橙色剑兰正在我的窗外竟相开放。我听到我的孩子和他的朋友们一起打球的嬉戏声。我看见邻居家正在举行着婚礼。新娘穿着有蕾丝花边的绸缎礼服，将捧花抛向欢呼的朋友。那晚，我告诉我的丈夫发生的这些事情。我们帮助对方找出生活中的快乐，否定那些悲伤。这足够让我们继续前行了。
Finally, there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night; he’ll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head; I’ll lock us out of the house at a regular basis, and I will also eat the last chocolate.
最后，还有相互了解。我知道斯科特会把衣服扔得满地都是，然后晚上又面对满地的东西脸红；约会时他总是迟到，还会把盒子里最后一块巧克力吃掉。他也知道我睡觉时总是喜欢把枕头放在头上；把我们锁在屋外是我的家常便饭，还有我也会吃光盒子里最后一块巧克力。
I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky is not bluer——it’s just a familiar hue. We don’t feel particularly young——we’ve experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories.
我想，我们的爱之所以能延续是因为它很温馨。当然，我的天空并没有变得格外的蓝——它还是我所熟悉的色调。我们也不觉得自己变得特别年轻——我们一起经历了太多。这让我们成熟起来，为我们带来智慧，也在我们的身体上刻下印记，让我们切身感受到日渐衰弱的痛苦，也创造了我们共同的回忆。
I hope we’ve got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride, I had Scott’s wedding band engraved with Robert Browning’s line “Grow old along with me!” We’re following those instructions.
但愿我们都知道是什么让我们的爱保持到最后一刻。当我还是新娘的时候，斯科特给我的结婚戒指上面刻着罗伯特·勃朗宁的名言：“和你一起慢慢变老！”我们一直遵循着这些指导。
“If anything is real, the heart will make it plain.”
“如果任何事情都是真的，心里都会明白的。”
