友谊日：如何成为一个更好的朋友

友谊日：如何成为一个更好的朋友

Hallmark established Friendship Day in 1919 as the first Sunday in August. It was probably an attempt to sell more greeting cards, but there is real societal value in celebrating friends -- especially during these partisan times when we seem to be finding more enemies.

贺曼公司于1919年将友谊日定为8月的第一个星期日。这可能是为了销售更多贺卡，但庆祝朋友有真正的社会价值——尤其是在这个党派纷争的时代，我们似乎发现了更多的敌人。

"Friends are there to offer us the support we need when we feel the world's against us. Also to celebrate with us when things are going well," said Suzanne Degges-White, chairwoman of the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.

“当我们感到全世界都在反对我们时，朋友会在那里给予我们所需的支持。也是为了和我们一起庆祝一切顺利，”北伊利诺伊大学咨询和高等教育系主任苏珊娜·德格斯-怀特(Suzanne Degges-White)说。

"If you have one person you can talk to and be yourself with, that will give you all the health benefits that you had if you talk with 12 people every day," Degges-White said.

戴格斯-怀特说:“如果你有一个人可以和你聊天，做你自己，那将会给你带来你每天和12个人聊天所带来的所有健康益处。”

You may have 3,000 friends on Facebook, but you'll be relieved to learn that it's impossible to actually be friends with all of them. Degges-White says the research shows that three to five good friends are about all we can manage in our lives.

你可能在Facebook上有3000个好友，但当你知道不可能和所有人都成为好友时，你会松一口气。戴格斯-怀特说，研究表明，在我们的生活中，只有三到五个好朋友是我们所能掌控的。

"There's only so much energy we can invest in a relationship, because we are not bottomless pits of compassion."

“我们在一段关系中只能投入这么多精力，因为我们并不是没有同情心的深渊。”

What is a friend?

什么是朋友?

Friendships are formed with those we have a sense of belonging with, people who mirror who we are. That may mean shared activities, shared interests and proximity -- someone "we can express ourselves to safely," Degges-White said.

友谊是与我们有归属感的人建立的，他们反映出我们是谁。这可能意味着共同的活动、共同的兴趣和亲近度——“我们可以安全地向某人表达自己，”德吉斯-怀特说。

Psychologists speak about different levels of friendships: best friends, close friends, casual friends and acquaintances (we can have a million of the latter, Degges-White says).

心理学家谈论不同层次的友谊:最好的朋友、亲密的朋友、普通的朋友和熟人(德吉斯-怀特说，我们可以有100万个熟人)。

5 things you can do to be a better friend

Be authentic: This is hard for a lot of people, because in order to be yourself around someone, you have to trust others. "Be willing to engage in self-disclosure. If you can't bring your whole authentic self to a relationship, the relationship will be built on misleading false presentations," she said.

做真实的自己:这对很多人来说很难，因为要在别人面前做真实的自己，你必须信任别人。“愿意进行自我表露。如果你不能在一段关系中展现真实的自我，那么这段关系就会建立在误导性的虚假陈述之上。”

Be reciprocal: Don't ask something of your friend that you would not do for them. "If you're not going to answer their call at 2 a.m., don't expect them to," Degges-White said.

互惠:不要问你的朋友一些你不会为他们做的事情。如果你不打算在凌晨2点接他们的电话，不要期望他们回这样做。德格斯-怀特说。

Be consoling, but also celebrate wins: Being a good friend means being willing to celebrate when your friend wins the lottery. Some friends just love hearing when you're miserable, she says. Part of that is jealousy, of course. You want to be a friend people call when they're excited and things are going right.

安慰自己，但也要庆祝胜利:做一个好朋友意味着当你的朋友中了彩票时，你愿意去庆祝。她说，有些朋友就是喜欢在你难过的时候听你倾诉。当然，部分原因是嫉妒。你想成为一个当他们兴奋和事情进展顺利时会打电话给你的朋友。

Don't hoard your friends: Don't be afraid to introduce your friends to each other. It's a common problem. "They're scared other friends might become better friends with them." Many of us bring insecurity to relationships, which is tied up in feeling that we're not enough. We need to learn to love ourselves and get over it. Life is meant to be a party, Degges-White said.

不要囤积你的朋友:不要害怕互相介绍你的朋友。这是一个普遍的问题。“他们害怕其他朋友可能会和他们成为更好的朋友。”我们中的许多人给人际关系带来不安全感，这种不安全感与我们觉得自己不够紧密相连。我们需要学会爱自己并克服它。德格斯-怀特说，生活就是一场派对。

Be OK with disagreement: Our friends don't have to think exactly like we think. It's how you deal with the disagreement that really matters. Be willing to talk about it when something is bothering you. "Don't let things go on too long." Degges-White suggests that we shouldn't be too hard on the people who are there for us and have proved that they are, time and again.

接受不同意见:我们的朋友不必和我们想的完全一样。真正重要的是你如何处理分歧。当有事情困扰你的时候，愿意谈论它。“不要让事情发展得太久。”戴格斯-怀特建议，我们不应该对那些支持我们的人太苛刻，他们已经一次又一次地证明了这一点。

Health benefits of friendship
友谊对健康的益处

Studies show a connection between good health and strong relationships. Our bodies produce more oxytocin -- a hormone that can create a feeling of calmness -- when we get a hug, Degges-White said.

研究表明，健康的身体和牢固的人际关系之间存在联系。Degges-White说，当我们拥抱时，我们的身体会产生更多的催产素——一种能产生平静感觉的荷尔蒙。