如何把孩子培养成人?

如何把孩子培养成人?

I can safely declare that I'm not going to end up on any list of media dirtbags. Like most men I know, I have managed to have a professional career and personal relationships free of assault, harassment or even run-of-the-mill jerkiness.

我可以很有把握地宣布，我不会被列入任何一份媒体垃圾名单。和我认识的大多数男人一样，我的职业生涯和人际关系都很顺利，没有受到攻击、骚扰，甚至没有一般的不稳定。

I feel confident in saying that because all the recent news coverage of indefensible -- and in many cases criminal -- male behavior has caused many men like myself to do some personal, sober mental accounting. A lot of guys I've talked to have been auditing their past actions, which is great, although it's largely for others to judge our behavior as we may have blind spots in the rear-view mirror.

我有信心这么说，因为最近所有关于不可辩解的——在很多情况下是犯罪的——男性行为的新闻报道，已经导致许多像我这样的男人做了一些个人的、清醒的心理分析。我和很多人交谈过，他们一直在审查自己过去的行为，这很好，尽管我们的行为在很大程度上是由别人来评判的，因为我们可能在后视镜上有盲点。

I tie my self-awareness on this front directly to being raised by my strong and supportive single mother.

在这方面，我把自己的自我意识直接与我坚强、支持我的单身母亲抚养成人联系在一起。

For nearly 16 years growing up, it was just the two of us. She raised an only son, with no money for vacations and brand-name sneakers, much less paid childcare. In fact, when I was a kid, she worked primarily as a nanny, so she'd be home for me after school when I was young, and that meant she helped raise other kids as well.

在将近16年的成长过程中，只有我们两个人。她养大了唯一的儿子，没有钱去度假，也没有钱买名牌运动鞋，更不用说支付育儿费用了。事实上，当我还是个孩子的时候，她主要是做保姆的，所以当我小的时候，放学后她会在家陪我，这意味着她也帮助抚养其他孩子。

I recently asked her whether she consciously thought about raising a good male and whether she had any guiding philosophies or values that informed how she brought me up.

最近我问她，她是否有意识地想要培养一个优秀的男性，她是否有指导我成长的哲学或价值观。

"Yes," she told me. "I wanted you to be the kind of person other people would like and admire, because I wouldn't always be around, and you'd need other people to help you. So it was for your safety and also for the world."

“是的，”她告诉我。“我想让你成为那种别人会喜欢和钦佩的人，因为我不会一直在你身边，你需要别人的帮助。所以这是为了你们的安全，也是为了全世界。”

And so, here is my mom's guide to raising good men.

所以，这是我妈妈关于培养好男人的指南。

Promote kindness and empathy

促进友善和同理心

Throughout my childhood, she imparted what it meant to be a gentleman: being attuned to others' needs and meeting them without being asked. I still think about those discussions. Her guiding virtues included being sensitive, compassionate, empathetic and self-disciplined. And she also wanted to pass on "the best qualities of a spiritual life, if not any particular religion: kindness, being charitable."

在我的整个童年，她教给我什么是绅士的含义:迎合别人的需要，不需要别人要求就能满足他们。我仍然在思考那些讨论。她的指导美德包括敏感、富有同情心、体恤他人和自律。她还想把“精神生活中最好的品质，传递下去:善良，慈善，如果那不是任何特定的宗教。”

Let them know words matter

让他们知道语言很重要

My mother also has a zero tolerance policy for derogatory language.I'll never forget the day I swore at her in a fit of rage.""She growled, inches from my face.I haven't done it since.

我妈妈对贬义语言也采取零容忍政策。我永远不会忘记我在勃然大怒之下骂她脏话的那一天。”她在离我的脸只有几英寸远的地方咆哮道。从那以后，我再也没有这样做过。

Build up self-worth

建立自我价值

"I also wanted you to feel secure and have a high sense of self-worth," my mom told me. She often encouraged me to engage with the wider world, even strangers, rather than retreat from it to build up that self-confidence.

“我也想让你感到安全，有高度的自我价值感，”妈妈告诉我。她经常鼓励我去接触更广阔的世界，甚至是陌生人，而不是逃避去建立自信。

She said she sees how I now help cultivate this same sense with my daughters. My wife and I reckon their strong-willed and forthright personalities are strengths that will serve them well their entire lives (especially if they come up against men to whom these kinds of lessons were not imparted).

她说她看到我现在如何帮助我的女儿们培养同样的意识。我和妻子认为，她们坚强和直率的性格是她们终生受益的优势(尤其是当她们遇到没有接受过这类教育的男人时)。