自恋者随着年龄的增长会逐渐失去对自己的爱

自恋者随着年龄的增长会逐渐失去对自己的爱

According to researchers at the University of Illinois, most narcissists figure out by their early 40s that they're not entitled to all the success and attention in the world. They may even start leaving some for the rest of us.

据伊利诺伊大学的研究人员称，大多数自恋者在40岁出头时就意识到，他们没有资格获得世界上所有的成功和关注。他们甚至可能开始为我们剩下的人留下一些。

Only a handful of people in the study remained as narcissistic at 41 as they were at 18. (Photo: marienalien/Shutterstock)

And how do you spot a narcissist? It's not as hard as you might think. For starters, do you know anyone who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance? Or maybe someone who craves constant attention and admiration? In fact, there are nine symptoms psychologists use to diagnose someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A classic narcissist checks all the boxes, while someone with varying degrees of it will typically hit five.

你如何发现一个自恋者?这并不像你想象的那么难。首先，你知道有谁夸大了自己的重要性吗?或者是渴望得到持续关注和赞赏的人?事实上，心理学家用来诊断自恋型人格障碍的症状有9种。一个典型的自恋者会检查所有的选项，而有不同程度自恋的人通常会有5项表现。

For their study, researchers interviewed participants when they were freshman at the University of California, specifically noting levels of vanity, belief in their leadership skills and sense of entitlement.

在他们的研究中，研究人员在参与者刚进入加州大学(University of California)的时候对他们进行了采访，特别指出了他们的虚荣心、对自己领导能力的信心以及优越感的程度。

In other words, they recorded their insufferability score. As time wore on and participants got more acquainted with life's realities, they reported lower scores for narcissism.

换句话说，他们记录了自己的难耐程度。随着时间的推移，参与者对生活现实的了解越来越多，他们的自恋分数也越来越低。

By the time they reached 41, most of them were cured. Or, at least, a lot easier to be around.

到他们41岁时，大多数人都被治愈了。或者，至少，更容易相处。

When you finally learn it's not all about you

当你终于明白并不是所有事都围着你的时候

Narcissistic people are usually focused more on themselves than the people around them. (Photo: Peter Bernik/Shutterstock)

Those in the study who ranked high in a sense of entitlement in their youth also reported more negative life events. Narcissism, it seems, takes a lifelong toll, as the experience wears down even the most devoted self-worshippers.

在这项研究中，那些在年轻时认为自己有权利的人也报告了更多的负面生活事件。自恋似乎会让人付出终生的代价，因为这种经历甚至会让最虔诚的自恋者感到疲惫。

Surprisingly one facet of narcissism — the belief in one's own leadership qualities — also flagged as people got older. It's considered the least pathological element of narcissism and a quality researchers expected to increase over time.

令人惊讶的是，自恋的一个方面——相信自己的领导能力——也会随着年龄的增长而减弱。它被认为是自恋中最不病态的因素，研究人员预计随着时间的推移，这一特质会逐渐增强。

"We know from past research that another component of personality — assertiveness — tends to increase during this time of life," Roberts explains.

罗伯茨解释说:“我们从过去的研究中知道，性格的另一个组成部分——自信——在人生的这段时间里往往会增强。”

"So, I thought it was reasonable to hypothesize a similar increase in the leadership facet. This either means the past research is wrong, or our read of the leadership component of narcissism is wrong — it may actually be more negative than we thought. We have to figure this out in future research."

“所以，我认为假设领导力方面也有类似的增长是合理的。这要么意味着过去的研究是错误的，要么我们对自恋的领导成分的解读是错误的——它实际上可能比我们想象的更消极。我们必须在未来的研究中解决这个问题。”

We may also have to figure out what to do with the people 3% of participants who remained unshakably in love with themselves. A few people even doubled down and got more narcissistic over time.

我们可能还必须弄清楚如何处理3%的参与者，他们仍然坚定地爱着自己。有些人甚至会加倍努力，随着时间的推移变得越来越自恋。

"Some remained just as narcissistic at age 41 as they had been when they were 18 years old," notes study co-author Eunike Wetzel of Germany's Otto-von-Guericke University.

研究报告的撰写者之一、德国奥托-冯-格里克大学的尤尼克•韦策尔说:“有些人在41岁时仍然像18岁时一样自恋。”

Then again, maybe it's not a question of what to do with them so much as how to avoid them.

然而，也许问题不在于如何处理它们，而在于如何避免它们。