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双语·当呼吸化为空气 尖叫当然停不下来

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2022年06月23日

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尖叫当然停不下来,很快血和其他不明液体也随着尖叫一起喷薄而出。清晰整齐的医学图表完全无法表现自然的天性,不仅尖牙利爪会见血,生命的诞生也是一样。(这可不是安妮·哥蒂斯的照片。)我已经清楚地意识到,在病房里真刀真枪地学做医生,和在教室里做医学生,受到的是完全不同的教育。读书和做选择题,完全不像身负重任采取行动。你也许很明白,自己要头脑清醒,往外拉孩子的头,好让肩膀一起出来,但真正干起来又是另一回事了。万一我拉得太狠了呢?(我脑子里响起一声咆哮:那会造成无可挽回的神经损伤!)产妇每使劲一次,宝宝的头就出现一点,但歇口气的间隙,又缩回去了。每次往外三步,缩回两步。我等待着。人类的大脑承担了这个生物体最基础的任务,而生育实在是一件危险的事。就是这样的大脑,想出了阵痛和分娩部门、子宫分娩和心率监测、硬脊膜外麻醉和紧急剖腹产这样的主意;同时,也是因为这样的大脑,以上这些都有必要进行。
The screaming didn’t stop, and was soon accompanied by a gush of blood and other fluids. The neatness of medical diagrams did nothing to represent Nature, red not only in tooth and claw but in birth as well. (An Anne Geddes photo this was not.) It was becoming clear that learning to be a doctor in practice was going to be a very different education from being a medical student in the classroom. Reading books and answering multiple-choice questions bore little resemblance to taking action, with its concomitant responsibility. Knowing you need to be judicious when pulling on the head to facilitate delivery of the shoulder is not the same as doing it. What if I pulled too hard? (Irreversible nerve injury, my brain shouted.) The head appeared with each push and then retracted with each break, three steps forward, two steps back. I waited. The human brain has rendered the organism’s most basic task, reproduction, a treacherous affair. That same brain made things like labor and delivery units, cardiotocometers, epidurals, and emergent C-sections both possible and necessary.

我一动不动地站着,不确定该干些什么。主治医生口头指导我,伸手抓住露出的头,接着产妇再次使劲时,我轻轻扶住宝宝慢慢钻出来的肩膀。是个个头挺大的女孩,胖乎乎的,浑身湿透了,至少是昨天晚上那两个小鸟一样的宝宝的三倍大。梅丽莎夹住脐带,我伸手剪断。宝宝睁开眼睛,张嘴哇哇大哭。我又抱了她一会儿,感觉到她实实在在的存在,接着把她抱给护士。护士把她抱到妈妈身边。
I stood still, unsure when to act or what to do. The attending’s voice guided my hands to the emerging head, and on the next push, I gently guided the baby’s shoulders as she came out. She was large, plump, and wet, easily three times the size of the birdlike creatures from the previous night. Melissa clamped the cord, and I cut it. The child’s eyes opened and she began to cry. I held the baby a moment longer, feeling her weight and substance, then passed her to the nurse, who brought her to the mother.

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