双语·当呼吸化为空气 那一年 我算是见证了很多死亡

那一年，我算是见证了很多死亡。有时候是站在角落窥视，有时候则和死神在病房里狭路相逢，感觉非常尴尬。下面是一些我亲眼看着死去的病人：
In that first year, I would glimpse my share of death. I sometimes saw it while peeking around corners, other times while feeling embarrassed to be caught in the same room. Here were a few of the people I saw die:

1．一个酗酒的人。他的血液再也凝结不起来了，血一直流进他的关节和皮下，直到他慢慢走向死亡。每天，淤血的范围都会扩散。陷入神志昏迷之前，他抬头看着我说：“这不公平——我喝的酒都是加水稀释过的。”
1. An alcoholic, his blood no longer able to clot, who bled to death into his joints and under his skin. Every day, the bruises would spread. Before he became delirious, he looked up at me and said, “It’s not fair—I’ve been diluting my drinks with water.”

2．一位病理医师，患了肺炎，病入膏肓，临终时哮喘不断，最后被送去尸检——这是她最后一次去病理实验室，而她曾在这里度过了很多岁月。
2. A pathologist, dying of pneumonia, wheezing her death rattle before heading down to be autopsied—her final trip to the pathology lab, where she had spent so many years of her life.

3．一个男人，做了个神经外科的小手术，治疗常常突如其来的面部惊痛。医生在有“嫌疑”的神经上放了一小滴胶液，免得它被血管压迫。一周后，他遭遇了剧烈的头痛。什么检查都做过了，但无法做出任何诊断。
3. A man who’d had a minor neurosurgical procedure to treat lightning bolts of pain that were shooting through his face: a tiny drop of liquid cement had been placed on the suspected nerve to keep a vein from pressing on it. A week later, he developed massive headaches. Nearly every test was run, but no diagnosis was ever identified.

4．头部创伤的很多病例：自杀、枪击、酒吧斗殴、摩托车事故、撞车，还有被麋鹿攻击。
4. Dozens of cases of head trauma: suicides, gunshots, bar fights, motorcycle accidents, car crashes. A moose attack.

有时候，这种沉重感非常明显。压力与沮丧弥漫在空气中。一般情况下你都注意不到，只是将这愁云惨雾呼吸进去。但在某些时候，比如闷热潮湿的日子里，它本身的力量就能让你窒息。有些日子，我在医院的感觉，就像酷暑之中被困在没有尽头的丛林，大汗淋漓，浑身湿透，死者家属们的眼泪就像大雨，倾盆而下。
At moments, the weight of it all became palpable. It was in the air, the stress and misery. Normally, you breathed it in, without noticing it. But some days, like a humid muggy day, it had a suffocating weight of its own. Some days, this is how it felt when I was in the hospital: trapped in an endless jungle summer, wet with sweat, the rain of tears of the families of the dying pouring down.

到了培训的第二年，突发事件时你必须第一个到场。有的病人你救不了，有的却可以妙手回春：当我第一次将昏迷不醒的病人从急诊室带到手术室，从他头颅中抽出积血，看着他醒过来，跟他的家人谈话，抱怨他头上的切口时，我突然陷入一阵愉悦的眩晕。凌晨两点的时候，我步履轻快地在医院里漫步，直到不知自己身处何方，花了整整四十五分钟才找到出去的路。
In the second year of training, you’re the first to arrive in an emergency. Some patients you can’t save. Others you can: the first time I rushed a comatose patient from the ER to the OR, drained the blood from his skull, and then watched him wake up, start talking to his family, and complain about the incision on his head, I got lost in a euphoric daze, promenading around the hospital at two a. m. until I had no sense of where I was. It took me forty-five minutes to find my way back out.