收到不喜欢的礼物怎么办

Count on the Thought

收到不喜欢的礼物怎么办

I am a 15-year-old girl with a problem that’s going to make me sound super-spoiled. I get excited for the holidays, especially (and selfishly) about the gifts I’m going to get. But every year, I end up bummed out. Like: “Really, Mom? A bracelet for a 10-year-old?” It happened again this year. I know the holidays aren’t about gifts, but I can’t help feeling as if the people who get me presents don’t even know me. Any advice?

我是个女孩，今年15岁，我的问题听起来会给人一种我被惯坏了的感觉。节日总是让我兴奋，特别是想到我会收到礼物(这个也有点自私)。但是每年我都会失望。比如：“不是吧，妈妈?给10岁的孩子送手镯?”今年也是这样。我知道节日的重点不是礼物，但我总觉得给我送礼物的人好像都不懂我。你有什么建议吗?

Anonymous, Albany

匿名，奥尔巴尼

For one Christmas, we should all be 10-year-old gay boys, circa 1975: old enough to feel vaguely ashamed of being different — not that we should, but remember, this is 1975 — and no chance of telling our parents what we really want. (Hello, Easy-Bake Oven!) So we make up something that a “normal” boy may like, but we never wanted it. That pitiful cycle cured me of gift dissatisfaction for life. I never expect to like gifts; I’m only grateful for the giver’s effort.

大约在1975年的圣诞节，我们都是10岁的快乐孩子：在那个年纪，跟别人不同会让你模糊地感到羞愧——不是说我们应该那样，但是要知道那是 1975年——我们没机会告诉父母我们真正想要的东西(嗨，简易烤箱!)。所以我们会编出一个“正常”男孩可能会喜欢的东西，但我们自己其实从未真的想要它。这个可怜的恶性循环让我一生都不会对礼物失望。我从不期望自己会喜欢礼物，只会感激赠予者的付出。

Try to tamp down your expectations, Sweetie. We all have mysterious hearts, even you — maybe especially you. It’s next to impossible for parents to keep up with quick-change teen tastes. Focus on your mom, instead: driving to the jewelry store and wandering the aisles, somehow walking out with a gift for a little girl. Doesn’t that make you feel better about her lousy bracelet? It should. If not, work hard in school. Then, when you’re a successful adult, you can buy the things you really want for yourself.

宝贝，尽量降低你的期待吧。我们的内心都很神秘，包括你，你的内心甚至可能尤为神秘。父母们几乎不可能把握青少年快速变化的喜好。把重点放在你妈妈身上吧：她开车到珠宝店，在柜台间徘徊，在这里给一个小女孩买了个礼物。这样想想，你对那个讨厌手镯的感觉是不是好了一点?应该会。如果没有，那你就努力学习。这样你长大后事业成功，就能买你真正想要的东西了。

Guest of Horror

受惊的客人

On the afternoon of our holiday party, a friend asked if he could bring a guest. We said yes. When they showed up, his guest (whom we had never met) saw our dog and screamed. She demanded that the dog be “put away.” But we live in an open loft; there was no place to put him. We explained that our dog is old and friendly, but the guest refused to come in and our friend was furious. What should we have done?

在我们举办节日派对的那个下午，一个朋友询问能否带一位客人来。我们同意了。他们现身时，他的客人(我们从未见过)看到我们的狗，尖叫起来。她要求把狗“关起来”。但我们住在一个开放的loft公寓里，没有地方关狗。我们解释说我们的狗年纪大了，很友好，但是这位客人拒绝进来，我们的朋友很生气。我们当时应该怎么做呢?

L.C., New York

L. C. ，纽约

Why is it always the uninvited guests who swan in with the greatest sense of entitlement? You did exactly what you should have: apologize sweetly for the impossibility of acceding to her demands. If you wanted to go the extra mile (not that you should have), you could have offered to put your dog on a leash. But that only raises another question: With you and your partner scurrying around as party hosts, who would hold the other end of it? We’re all entitled to our fears, but that doesn’t give us the right, as guests, to reorder our host’s universe.

为什么总是那些不速之客觉得自己最需要照顾?你做得很对：温和地为不能答应她的要求道歉。如果你想多付出一点(不是说你必须这样做)，你可以提出给狗拴上绳子。但是那会引发另一个问题：你和伴侣作为派对主人四处奔走时，谁来牵狗呢?我们都有权利恐惧，但是作为客人，我们无权重新安排主人的世界。

Leaving a Paper Trail

手写感谢卡

I am a new law school grad and looking for a job. I have been interviewing with partners at law firms and others. Typically, I follow up with thank-you emails within 24 hours and handwritten notes a few days after that. But my adviser thinks that handwritten notes are unnecessary these days, and my husband thinks they make me look like a schoolgirl. What about you?

我是个刚毕业的法学院学生，正在找工作。我参加了一些法律事务所合伙人主持的面试。我一般会在面试结束后24小时内发去电子感谢信，几天后再发去手写的感谢卡。但我的指导老师认为如今没必要发手写卡片，我丈夫认为那会让我看起来像个女学生。你怎么看呢?

Katrina Robinson, New York

卡特里娜·罗宾逊(Katrina Robinson)，纽约

Naturally, I disagree. (But that’s what makes a horse race.) I see no downside in taking a second crack at reminding hiring people of your existence. If that makes us “schoolgirls,” in your husband’s view, sign me up for a pinafore — and our new employer’s dental plan. One caveat: do more in the handwritten notes than repeat the contents of your initial emails. Hunt around for articles your interviewers have written or cases they won, and mention them. (Flattery is one of life’s best lubricants.)

我肯定是不同意他们的看法(不过每个人都有自己的理由)。我觉得让招聘人员再次想到你，没有任何负面影响。如果就像你丈夫说的，那让我们看起来像 “女学生”，那我也报名要一条学生款连衣裙——以及我们新雇主的牙科护理计划。还有一个建议：在手写卡上多花些工夫，不要重复你最初电子邮件中的内容。搜索一下面试官们发表的文章或打赢的官司，在感谢卡中提一下(恭维是人生最好的润滑剂)。

Still, remember the wisdom of the ’80s pop star Karla Bonoff and pretend she was referring to the limits of thank-you notes when she sort of sang: You can mail it in, you can phone it in, you send it in by your closest kin — but you’re only getting that second interview if they liked you personally, yeah, personally.

不过，别忘了80年代流行歌星卡拉·博诺夫(Karla Bonoff)的智慧，不妨把她唱的那首歌理解成是在讲感谢信的局限：你可以把它寄去，也可以打电话表示感谢，还可以通过近亲转交——但只有在他们喜欢你这个人的时候，你才会得到第二次面试机会。

Driving You Mad

把人逼疯

A couple I know hosts an annual gumbo party for New Year’s. Three years ago, I scraped the side of another guest’s car as I was leaving. I thought it was shrubbery, but the next morning, I saw what had happened. I called the host immediately and covered the other guest’s damage. Trouble is, this other guest continues to rib me about the accident every year. I want to move on from it. But I only see these folks at the party, and I don’t feel like having a heart-to-heart. Any suggestions?

我认识的一对夫妇每年都举办新年派对。三年前，我离开派对时刮花了另一位客人的车的侧面。我以为自己刮上了灌木丛，第二天早上才明白发生了什么。当时我马上给主人打电话，为那位客人支付了修车费。问题是，那位客人每年都拿这事嘲弄我。我不想再提这事了。但我只在这个派对上看到这些人，我不想对他们推心置腹地说这件事。你有什么建议吗?

Anonymous

匿名

Other than a hearing test? (Does metal scraping metal really sound like the brush of privet to you?) No, the reason this guy keeps ribbing you is precisely because he sees you only once a year. To him, your sideswipe is the most memorable thing about you. If you want the teasing to stop, get to know each other better at the party (so he has some competing information) or invite him to your place during the year. Two more thoughts: A sassy quip guarantees that your lousy driving will be etched in acid on this guy’s brain. And don’t forget your side mirrors.

你是说除了听力测试之外的建议?(金属刮擦听起来真的像刮上了灌木丛?)这个人一直嘲弄你是因为他一年只见你一次。你刮花他的车是他对你最深刻的印象。如果你不想让他再嘲弄你，那就在派对上更多地相互了解(这样他对你就有别的印象了)或者在一年的其他时候邀请他去你家。还有两点提醒你：对他还以无礼的嘲弄一定会让你糟糕的驾驶技术更深刻地印在他脑海里。还有，不要忘了看后视镜。