结了婚，就跟变了个人似的

Marriage can be a wonderful life-long partnership between two people that often results in raising children, shared experiences, better health, and, ultimately, happiness. It can also fall apart, leading to divorce, lifelong trauma for you and the kids, as well as loneliness, which has all the hallmarks of a nationwide epidemic. 47% of Americans do not have meaningful interactions with friends or family on a daily basis, says a 2018 survey by the nationwide insurer Cigna.

美好的婚姻可以成就一段美妙的终身伴侣关系。你会养育你们的小孩儿，分享彼此的经历 ，一起活地更快乐，并且最重要的是你们感到幸福与快乐。但倘若是一段不幸的婚姻，你最终可能会离婚，给孩子和自己都留下无法抹去的伤痛，孤独和忧愁都会围绕着你，这些症状就像全国性的流行病一样缠绕着你。世界最大保险医疗金融公司之一信诺，在2018年做了一项调查，结果显示47% 的美国人都没有与朋友或家人进行有意义的互动。

Making marriage last requires both work and an understanding of the ebbs and flows that are a part of any relationship. According to a recent study "Personality Change Among Newlyweds" by the researchers from the University of Georgia and the University of California, achieving marital satisfaction also calls for understanding how the personalities of the partners inevitably change over time. The scientists found that personality changes begin right from the onset of a marriage, as partners adjust to their new roles. The most significant difference that takes place is that husbands and wives become less agreeable.

激情退却、矛盾涌现是每一段感情中都会碰到的问题，而维持一段良好的婚姻必不可少的一点就是学会理解，你也得为关系中出现的这些摩擦做出改变，付出努力。根据格鲁吉亚大学和加利福尼亚大学的研究人员最近的一项"新婚夫妇的性格变化"的研究表明，婚姻中也需要理解，理解伴侣的性格变化，因为这些变化是随着时间的流逝不可避免的，这样你才能获得足够的满意度。科学家们发现，性格的改变从婚姻开始之时就开始了，因为双方都在适应他们的新角色。同结婚前最显著的区别在于，丈夫和妻子都变得不那么好相处了，总有矛盾和分歧存在。

By studying 169 newlywed heterosexual couples for 18 months after marriage, the researchers identified some clear and measurable changes. Husbands, it turned out, became more conscientious, while wives became less anxious and depressed, exhibiting less "neuroticism". For husbands, the changes resulted from working harder and trying to become more responsible. The wives were less prone to emotional swings due to feeling more secure with stable attachments.

实验研究了169对结婚18个月的新婚夫妇，他们发现了一些明确、可衡量的变化：丈夫会变得更加认真，而妻子变得不那么焦虑和沮丧，也不会那么"神经质"了。 丈夫的改变是因为会更努力地工作，也更努力地去承担责任;至于妻子，则是因为感到更安全，内心有了寄托。

On the flip side, husbands became less extroverted, spending more time at home. And both husbands and wives became less patient with each other and more disagreeable. One explanation for this - once the courtship period is over, old habits can come back.

但另一方面，丈夫也没有以前那么外向了，更多的时候都是宅在家里。两个人对彼此也没有从前的耐心了，相处也没有以前和谐了。对于这种现象，其中一种可能的解释是，一旦求爱期结束，两人的旧习惯又冒出来了。

According to a theory by the best-selling relationship self-help guru, Harville Hendrix in the book "Getting the Love You Want," there are stages to marriage. Romantic Love, the first stage, has couples bringing out the best in each other. After that sweetest of periods, a Power Struggle follows. During that difficult stage, life is much more worrisome and couples bring out the worst in each other, explains the theory David Woodfellow, Ph.D, a couples therapy expert.

畅销的自助大师哈维尔 · 亨德里克斯在《得到你想要的爱》一书中写道，婚姻是有阶段性的。“浪漫的爱情”是第一阶段，情侣们会向彼此展现出最好的一面;在那最甜蜜的时期之后，一场权力斗争随之而来。夫妻关系专家大卫 · 伍德菲尔德解释道: 在这个困难的阶段，生活让人更加心烦，夫妻之间也会暴露出自己最糟糕的一面。

The goal of a good marriage is then to move past the inevitable power struggle towards Real Love. If you're wondering, the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce in the U.S. is eight years. As the new study shows, figuring out how to deal with the changes while not getting mired in a power struggle may be the direction that can keep a marriage going.

而一段美满的婚姻，就是越过权利争斗的这一段时光，进而迈入“真爱期”。美国以离婚告终的婚姻平均持续时间为8年。据一份新的研究显示，倘若你学会了如何在权利斗争期妥善处理你们之间出现的变化，你们的婚姻生活就会越来越顺利地向前进。