养育孩子的4个关键点

1. 忽略孩子的感受

When you say things like, "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal," you're implying that your child's feelings are wrong - or that they don't matter. Kids need to know that it's okay to feel a wide variety of emotions. And the key to living their best life is about managing emotions (not suppressing them). A healthier message is to say, "I know you feel scared right now, but I also know you're strong enough to face your fears."

“别担心，这没什么大不了，”说这些话时，你的潜台词是孩子的感受是错的——或者它们的感受无关紧要。孩子应该知道，他们可以有各种情绪。而一生都活得精彩的关键在于管理情绪(而非抑制情绪)。更为健康的表达方式为：“我知道你现在很害怕，但我也知道你很坚强，一定可以面对恐惧。”

2. Giving in to misbehavior

2. 妥协于他们的不当行为

It's tempting to give in when your child is whining or throwing a tantrum - especially on the days when you just don't have the time or energy to address the issue. But each time you give them what they want, you teach your child that their misbehavior is an effective way to get their needs met. If you want to raise mentally strong kids, stick to your limits. Teach them that they can cope with their discomfort and learn healthier ways to manage their emotions.

小孩发牢骚或发脾气时，你会很容易妥协——尤其是当你没有时间或精力解决他/她的问题时。但每一次妥协后给予他/她所想要的东西，你就是在告诉他/她：只要无理取闹，他/她的需求就可以得到满足。如果你希望自己的孩子乐观坚强，一定要坚守自己的底线。你要告诉他/她：我知道你不开心，但你可以学会用更健康的方式管理自己的情绪。

3. Overindulging your child

3. 过度溺爱孩子

You might think it's cute to spend exorbitant amounts of money on your child. Or maybe it makes you feel good that you can give your child all of the things you never had growing up. But there's a lot of research that shows just how unhealthy overindulgence is for kids. If they always get everything they want, they miss out on learning valuable life skills - like self-discipline.

也许你觉得为孩子花钱没什么大不了，或许你觉得为孩子提供你未曾享受过的待遇会让你拥有一种优越感。但大量研究表明，过度纵容孩子会带来不良后果。如果孩子总是要什么有什么，他们就会错失一些宝贵的生活技巧——比如自律。

They'll also be more likely to grow up to be materialistic, which is associated with decreased levels of happiness in adulthood. Set limits on what you give your child. Let them know what it's like to experience disappointment, and teach them how to work for things they want to have.

长大后，被过度溺爱的孩子也可能成为唯物主义者，导致成年后幸福感下降。在物质提供方面，一定要设定界限。让他们体验失望并教会他们为自己想要的东西而奋斗。

4. Expecting perfection

4. 过高期望

While high expectations are good for kids, setting the bar too high is likely to backfire. Whether you expect too much from your child on the sports field, or your academic expectations are unreasonable, kids who feel they can't succeed are likely to stop trying. They're also more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues because they'll feel as though they aren't good enough.

虽然高期待有利于孩子发展，但过高的期望却可能适得其反。无论你是期望他能在运动场上有优异的表现还是希望他学业有成，那些感觉自己无法做到的孩子往往会停止尝试。他们也更可能存在自尊心问题，因为他们总觉得自己不够好。