Quora精选：两难的选择

Q: Due to my circumstances, I have to pick between my girlfriend, whom I absolutely love, and my dream job, which pays 5 times as much as I currently make. What do I do?

出于一些个人原因，我必须在女友和工作之间做出选择，我真的很爱我的女友，但这份工作是我梦寐以求的，工资是现在的5倍。我该怎么做才好？

Essentially, I have to pick between love and an incredible career due to relocation etc. I absolutely cannot have both.

大体上来说，因为工作地点的变更，我必须在爱情和一份极其理想的工作等之间做出选择，两者不能兼得。

Answered by Justin Cremer

Justin Cremer的回复：

I had this choice once. I chose the girl.

我也有过这种抉择，我当时选了爱情。

It is the only regret I have in my life.

而这是我一生中唯一的遗憾。

The job was on a NASCAR pit crew.

我本来可以在全国运动汽车竞技协会（NASCAR）当后勤维修人员。

The girl is long-gone. As was the NASCAR opportunity by the time that was sorted out.

现在女友早就离开我了，NASCAR的工作机会也更是在我们分手之前就不复存在了。

The most important thing that stands out to me from here, now, is "why did I perceive these to be mutually exclusive choices?" That was a false problem. If she really loved me, the job wouldn't have stood in the way. We could have worked it out together.

现在，我觉得最重要的一点是：“为什么当初我会把这看成是一个两难的抉择呢？”不应该有这样的问题啊。如果她真的爱我，工作绝不会是我们之间的阻碍。我和她完全可以一起想办法来解决。

Love always finds a way.

爱不是总能穿云破雾吗？

No, what's clear to me now is that I created a false dilemma because I didn't believe I was worthy to do what I really dreamed of doing.

不，不是的，我现在才很清楚的知道，我当初是自找烦恼。因为我不相信自己的价值，而放弃去做自己真正想做的事（注1）。

I created a false problem and it was an excuse to avoid my fear of being exposed as a below-average engineer. NOW - today - I know that I'm not below average. Back then, I wasn't sure. NOW I know I'm great. And that has nothing to do with anyone else - or the averages of those anyone else's.

我捏造了一个问题，也正好给了自己一个借口，我害怕自己只是一个资质平平的工程师。现如今，我知道我并不比别人差，但以前，我并不确信。现在我知道我很优秀，这与他人无关——或者说与其他人的平均水平无关。

I threw away my life's dream because I was scared.

曾经，因为胆怯，我放弃了自己毕生的梦想。

So I'll pose the same question to you: why do you perceive these to be mutually exclusive? Are they really?

现在我要对你提出同样的问题：为什么你会认为爱情和工作不可调节，必须二选其一？事实真的如此吗？

Choose the career and the relationship becomes difficult not impossible. Choose to pass on the career choice and that career choice is now impossible, not difficult.

选择工作的话，维系你们的关系会有点困难，但并不是不可能。而如果你放弃这个工作机会，这个机会将马上溜走，一点也不困难。

My advice is to get real with yourself. Keep asking why you want what you want and why to that answer and why to the answer of that until you land on "real."

我的建议是直面自己。多问问你到底想要什么，为什么你要这么选择，为什么你选这个而不选那个，直到你认识到“真我”。

You know what you want. It's in there. You owe it to yourself to be real. Then you can have a fair conversation with her about what you want, what she wants, and how it might work. You owe it to her too.

你知道你要的是什么。答案就在你心中。你应该诚实面对自己，然后你才能公平地和她谈你想要什么，而她又希望得到什么，怎样才能两全其美。这也是你应该为她做的。

Answered by Susie Johnson

Susie Johnson的回复：

My old psychology lecturer taught me this one.

我以前的心理学讲师教过我一个窍门。

Flip a coin. But do not focus on whether it comes up heads or tails.

抛一枚硬币。不要关注它掉下来后是正面朝上还是反面朝上。

Instead, focus on the moment the coin went into the air. What were you hoping would happen? Were you hoping it would be tails and that the universe is telling you to stay with your beautiful partner? Or were you hoping it would be heads, to take a risk on that new job venture? Believe me, you already know what you want. Bring the answer into your consciousness!

注意体会抛硬币的那一瞬。你希望会发生什么？你是希望硬币反面朝上，这样就表示老天注定你要选择你漂亮的女友？或者是你希望硬币正面朝上，然后你大可去冒险尝试新职业？相信我，你其实已经知道你想要什么了。认真思考一下你的答案吧。

Good luck. :)

祝你好运。:)