为什么课外活动让家长感到痛苦?

为什么课外活动让家长感到痛苦?

There are oh-so-many studies and expert opinions evaluating the ways our parenting choices affect our kids and oh-so-few considering how we grown-ups will fare.

有那么多的研究和专家的意见来评估我们的父母的选择是如何影响我们的孩子的，而很少考虑我们成年人的未来。

This is particularly the case when it comes to time management. We're told that children need lots of unstructured time, and it's up to us to cultivate it. But we're also told that children need to be challenged and inspired, and it's up to us to arrange it. So off we go to karate and violin and religious school and soccer and dance, while making sure there is enough time for wandering in the woods or building a treehouse.

在时间管理方面尤其如此。我们被告知，孩子们需要大量非结构化的时间，这取决于我们如何培养。但我们也被告知，孩子们需要接受挑战和启发，这取决于我们如何安排。所以，我们去空手道、小提琴、宗教学校、足球和舞蹈，同时确保有足够的时间漫步在树林里或建造一个树屋。

As a parent of a 5- and a 1-year-old, I'm fairly new to the scheduling trenches. And yet a small voice has emerged, repeating: Where do my needs fit into all this?

作为一个5岁和一个1岁孩子的父母，我对日程安排相当生疏。然而，一个微弱的声音出现了，重复着:我的需求与这一切有什么关系?

How do I want to spend my weekends and evenings? Isn't watching kids play sports or struggle in music class the fun I want?

我想怎样度过周末和晚上?看着孩子们做运动或者在音乐课上挣扎不是我想要的快乐时光吗?

I worry that these thoughts mean I am selfish. Then, I worry about who I will become if I see such thoughts as selfish.

我担心这些想法意味着我很自私。然后，我担心如果我认为这些想法是自私的，我会变成谁。

A few facts from Dell'Antonia's book: Unsupervised and unstructured playtime has decreased for all children since 1981. Parents spend more time driving children to and from activities and organizing and attending activities than they have in previous generations. Twenty-seven percent of all trips taken in 2012 were for the sole purpose of attending an organized sporting event.

戴尔·安东尼亚书中的一些事实:自1981年以来，所有孩子的无监督和无组织的玩耍时间都在减少。与前几代人相比，父母开车接送孩子、组织和参加活动的时间更多。2012年，27%的旅行仅仅是为了参加有组织的体育项目。

And 35% of parents, according to a single survey, say that managing their child's school and extracurricular arrangements is more stressful than taxes. These changes have been more significant for better-educated parents.

一项调查显示，35%的家长表示，管理孩子的学校和课外活动交通安排比纳税更有压力。这些变化对受教育程度较高的父母来说更为显著。

Related, also from Dell'Antonia's book: Parents today are spending less time with their spouses than they did in the past.

与此相关的还有来自戴尔·安东尼娅的书:如今的父母与配偶相处的时间比过去少了。

Saying 'no'

说“不”

There is no universally correct formula for how many extracurriculars a child needs. Some might thrive with none or close to none, and others might live their best lives when studying Mandarin on the way to violin practice and texting with their lacrosse team about tomorrow's big game on the way home. Although there is evidence that some extracurricular activities can benefit our children, benefit them in the long run. If anything, most research on the subject warns parents about the potential downfalls of limiting children's free time.

对于一个孩子需要多少课外活动，没有一个普遍正确的规定。有些人在成长过程中可能没有或几乎课外活动，而另一些人则可能在练习小提琴的同时学习普通话，在回家的路上与长曲棍球队发短信谈论明天的重要比赛，过着最好的生活。虽然有证据表明，一些课外活动可以让我们的孩子受益，从长远来看对他们有好处。如果有什么不同的话，大多数关于这一课题的研究都警告家长们，限制孩子的自由时间可能会带来潜在的负面影响。

Parenthood can feel so intense, so all-consuming, that it is easy to forget that we parents are an important part of the family equation. We'd all be happier -- parents and children -- if we worried a little less about the life we are building and a little more about whether we are building it together.

为人父母的感觉是如此紧张，如此耗费精力，以至于我们很容易忘记我们父母是家庭平衡的重要组成部分。如果我们少担心一点我们正在建设的生活，多担心一点我们是否在一起建设它，我们所有人——父母和孩子——都会更快乐。