人生不设限·我的出生没有带来欢庆喜悦

我花了很长的时间才明白我的境遇对我到底有什么好处。我妈妈怀我的时候是25岁，我是她第一个小孩。她曾经当过助产士和小儿科护士，在产房照顾过好几百个产妇和小婴儿，所以知道怀孕时该做些什么。她很注意饮食，小心用药，不喝含酒精的饮料，连止痛药都不服用。她去看最好的医生，然后大家都跟她说一切会很顺利。

It took me a long time to see the benefits of the circumstances I was born into. My mum was twenty-five years old when she became pregnant with me, her first child. She'd been a midwife and worked as a pediatric nurse in charge in the delivery room where she provided care for hundreds of mothers and their babies. She knew what she had to do while she was pregnant, watching her diet, being cautious about medications, and not consuming alcohol, aspirin, or any other painkillers. She went to the best doctors and they assured her everything was proceeding smoothly. 

不过，我妈妈还是一直担心。当预产期临近时，她跟我爸爸提了好几次：“我希望这个小宝贝真的没事。”

Even still, her apprehension persisted. As her due date approached, my mum shared her concerns with my father several times, saying, "I hope that everything's okay with the baby." 

怀孕期间的两次超声波产检，医生都没发现异状。他们告诉我父母是个男孩，但提都没提没手没脚这回事。然后到了1982年12月4日，我出生了。妈妈一开始没看到我，她开口问医生的第一个问题是：“这小宝贝还好吧？”但现场一片沉默。过了好一会儿，他们还是没敢把新生儿带去给妈妈看，她愈来愈觉得事情不对劲。当时，医护人员没把我抱去给妈妈，反而找来一位小儿科医生，大队人马移动到产房的另一头，看着我，然后面面相觑。当妈妈听到一声健康婴儿的哭喊声时，终于放下心来。然而，在生产过程中早就注意到我少了一只手臂的爸爸，却略感不安，接着被医护人员带出了产房。

When two ultrasounds were performed during her pregnancy, the doctors detected nothing unusual. They told my parents that the baby was a boy but not a word about missing limbs! At my delivery on December 4, 1982, my mother could not see me at first, and the first question she asked the doctor was "Is the baby all right?" There was silence. As the seconds ticked by and they were still not bringing the baby for her to see, she sensed even more that something was wrong. Instead of giving me to my mother to hold, they summoned a pediatrician and moved off to the opposite corner, examining me and conferring with each other. When my mum heard a big healthy baby scream, she was relieved. But my dad, who had noticed I was missing an arm during the delivery, felt queasy and was escorted out of the room. 

医护人员看到我时，完全呆掉了，很快把我整个人包了起来。

Shocked at the sight of me, the nurses and doctors quickly wrapped me up. 

不过，我妈妈可不会被骗，看到医护人员苦恼的表情，她知道情况非常糟。

My mother, who'd participated in hundreds of deliveries as a nurse, wasn't fooled. She read the distress on the faces of her medical team, and she knew something was very wrong. 

“怎么回事？我的宝宝怎么了？”她问。

"What is it? What's wrong with my baby?" she demanded. 

起先，她的医生不愿回答，但是当我妈妈坚持一定要他给个说法时，医生不得不用一个医学名词来回应：“你的宝宝有海豹肢症。”

Her doctor would not answer at first, but when she insisted on a response, he could offer my mother only a specialized medical term. 

"Phocamelia," he said. 

妈妈当过护士，知道这个名词意味着孩子出生时四肢畸形或四肢不全，她只是无法接受这个事实。

Because of her nursing background, my mother recognized the term as the condition babies have when they are born with malformed or missing limbs. She simply couldn't accept that this was true. 

同一时间，我那早已吓呆的爸爸还待在产房外，一直想知道他所看见的到底是不是他想的那样。当小儿科医生出来跟他说话时，他大叫着：“我儿子，他没有手臂？”“事实上，”那位小儿科医生小心翼翼地说，“你的儿子是没有手臂也没有腿。”

In the meantime, my stunned dad was outside, wondering whether he had seen what he thought he saw. When the pediatrician came out to speak to him, he cried out, "My son, he has no arm!" 

“什么？”我爸爸完全无法相信。

"Actually," the pediatrician said as sensitively as possible, "your son has neither arms nor legs." 

在极度的震惊与痛苦中，他有一阵子呆坐不能言语，之后保护妻儿的本能涌现，他冲进产房，想赶在妈妈看到我之前先让她知道我的状况。不过他很惊愕地发现，自己的妻子正呆滞地躺在床上哭泣着。原来，医护人员已经告诉她这个消息，还把我带到她面前，要她抱抱我，但是妈妈拒绝了，要他们把我带走。

My father went weak with shock and anguish. 

He sat stunned, momentarily unable to speak before his protective instincts kicked in. He rushed in to tell my mother before she saw me, but to his dismay he found her lying in bed, crying. The staff had already told her the news. They had offered to bring me to her but she refused to hold me and told them to take me away. 

护士哭了，助产士哭了，当然，我也哭了！最后，他们把我放在妈妈身旁，包得好好的。我妈妈就是无法忍受她所见到的：她的孩子没有四肢。

The nurses were crying. The midwife was crying. And of course, I was crying! Finally they put me next to her, still covered, and my mum just couldn't bear what she was seeing: her child without limbs. 

“把他带走，”她说，“我不想碰他或看到他。”

"Take him away," she said. "I don't want to touch him or see him." 

直到今天，对于当初医护人员没有给爸爸时间，让他帮助我妈妈准备好面对一切，爸爸还是觉得很不高兴。过了一会儿，妈妈睡了，爸爸到育婴室看我，然后回去跟妈妈说：“他很好看呢。”他问妈妈要不要去看一下，她说不要，因为她还处于震惊的状态。爸爸充分理解，也尊重她的感受。

To this day my father regrets that the medical staff did not give him time to prepare my mother properly. Later, as she slept, he visited me in the nursery. He came back and told Mum, "He looks beautiful." He asked her if she wanted to see me at that point, but she declined, still too shaken. He understood and respected her feelings. 

我的出生没有带来欢庆喜悦，父母和整个教会反而悲哀以对。“如果上帝是个有爱的上帝，”他们不解，“他怎么会让这种事发生？”

Instead of celebrating my birth, my parents and their whole church mourned. "If God is a God of love," they wondered, "why would He let something like this happen?"